Monster Mayhem; Mega-Mouth Munched - Meet Chad and Brad, the Brothers Bad.


Dedicated to the survival of the human race.

Part six

Hello, to anyone left. America is biting the big one. Since our government allowed Monsanto to try shoving its genetically engineered seeds down the planet's throat, monsters roam unchecked.

Moral Monitors and militia are the government's answer to protecting the workers left in cities. FEMA Camps and Re-education sub centers are their answer to unemployment and "social unrest." Millions have been wiped out.

Millions more are slaves of the state under the guise of being helped in the camps. Latest rumors say Martial law now has the Moral Monitors demanding papers from everyone. If you don't have them, your as good as gone.

Take care of your own. Help when you can.

Stay free.

God bless what's left, America,

Jonathan Simon

She makes Jaws look like a guppy.


Blog Post: Out of California 3-30-17

Re: Shark shredded San Francisco

By: Chad and Brad Bedford

A Surfer's Side of Psychotic Super Sharks.

Shark Shake and Bake of the Golden Gate.

Chad Bedford here, at your service, Americans. My brother, Brad, and I have been in California since a few weeks after Mega-Mouth ate the British Royal Navy's HDS Darling. I was a pro surfer. Brad is a professional photographer. We are adrenaline junkies. It's been that way since we were kids growing up in Florida. We're hooked on sky diving, para-sailing and were almost done getting our pilot's licenses. We’ve always been a team. We’re twins.

We were fools.

Brad paid the price.

We’ve been touring together for the past three years. I surf and he shoots the shots that sell. We were well on the way to both being famous. That was before Monsanto went and humped the pooch with their gnarly seeds.

We were in Hawaii for the big tournament. Mega-mouth had just hit that morning. She wasn’t near Hawaii when it happened, so all of us surfers took a vote and decided tournament on. We didn't stop to think she might not be the only one. The waves were ripping. That doesn’t happen every day. It’s what we live for. We weren’t about to give it up.

Idiots. Freaking selfish idiots, that’s what we were.

Being one with the wave. There's nothing like it.

I want my waves back.  Sharks got to go.
I want my waves back. Sharks got to go. | Source

It was a surfer's wet dream.

I had just got in the zone. It was the perfect tube, the stuff surfer dreams are made of. Brad was hanging off the side of a helicopter above filming. If we did our jobs well, we would be set. Something was pushing that wave but I didn’t know it. Damn Great White bigger than Jaws was right behind me. I had no idea. When I’m in the wave, that’s all I’m thinking about.

Brad wasn’t so focused on the wave. He saw the shark coming right for me. He started screaming and banging on the side of the copter trying to distract the shark. It worked. Instead of coming for me, that shark jumped at least 30 feet straight out of the water. It caught the copter in mid air like it was a seal for snacking on.

I do not own, nor did I create the video above. It is an original song entitled "Wipe Out" recorded by the Surfaris. It was uploaded to by RoverTCB.

Wipe out.

The resulting landing took me out and the copter with it. Brad and I both washed ashore floating on the wave. I was alive with only a few fractured ribs and a serious concussion. Brad was alive, but no longer had his legs from the hips down. We lost Josh, our pilot and long time friend.

I never believed in miracles. I never believed in God. I do now. I accepted Christ as my savior on my hands and knees and thank him every second we are alive. We should both be dead. Brad is a miracle again.

He's my inspiration.

Brad hasn’t let this stop him. He was determined from the start to thank the Lord for his life and dedicate it to living for him. He told me we have a mission. He wants to get as much footage as he can to send to scientists around the world. Brad hopes what they learn from it might lead to something that can help save us. He wants a little something more too.


He wants to kill the monster sharks.

He swore that he just knew in his gut if the mutants were no longer a factor, the other sharks would go back to normal. I was pumped to see him in a positive vibe and trying to adjust after the attack. I didn’t get how serious he was at first.

He's like a dog with a bone when he wants something.

Before I knew it, he had designed a special harness for the copter to account for his lack of legs. It would hold him in place easily. He put a hand operated eject on this one. If there had been something like that on the day of the attack, it’s possible he could have escaped unscathed. Before I knew it, he had some buds get him a really good solar power chair. It will even stand him up and hold him there. It cost a small fortune but was worth every dime. Having a plan and moving towards it was great.

But, I had a gnarly question I was scared to put to him. I didn’t want to slow his roll, put a damper on anything.

Dodging is dicey but this is dangerous.

Yea, we can fly by, if we stay up high where the super sharks can’t reach us. He can use zoom lenses to make up the distance. But how the hell were we going to take out something bigger than an 18 wheeler? When I finally just spit it out there to him, he smiled. He said he got the idea from watching creature features. Specifically, he got the idea from the movies in the “Tremors” series. Basically, we needed the right bait and something to go big badda boom!


There's some things they just don't teach in school.

I didn’t know much about making things go boom and neither did he. When Brad sinks his teeth into something, you can bet he will get it down to an art-form. He began gathering information on the web like a fish goes to water. He got the formula down using things we can actually get our hands on. The garage is rubble thanks to one of his early experiments, but who cares. He’s fine. His eyebrows will grow back in, eventually.

Uncle Sam needs... Us!

We have a helicopter we bought thinking we would fly it special when we finished getting our licenses. Considering the state of the nation, we’re jumping the gun, the process and the paperwork. We got everything up and off the ground a few days back. I Insisted we start smaller and work our way up to be sure the ratios were right. What a bitching ride that was!

What's your fave?

What kind of surfer are you?

  • Couch, most definitely.
  • Shallow water. I'm a body board baby.
  • The and turf kind. I'll take my fish fried over fresh in my face.
  • Dedicated. Give me some tasty waves and I'm out.
See results without voting

Whoa, baby! What a rush.

On day one, we’re flying out over the bay, a good ways up to be safe. Brad spots what he estimates to be 30 footer. Game on! I let loose the six foot diameter balloon Brad designed complete with much smaller remote control helicopter stabilized inside to propel the unit in any direction. He bought 1000 of the remote control toy helicopters on eBay for $15.99 a piece. It was a great deal. Better than that, he attached mp3 players emitting a blaring sound. It’s not on a frequency humans hear, but sharks sure as hell do. It draws them like surfers are drawn to chicks in bikinis with beer.

Can you believe the mouth on this bitch?

We got something for you.
We got something for you. | Source

We're still a team.

Brad rigged the controller up on the side of the camera that’s like an extension of his arm anyway. He’s never without a camera. So, I fly and drop. He films and directs the unit.

He sent it sideways slanted at the shark until the monster went for it. Then, he directed the balloon away from us and sped it up knowing the fish was on the chase. The transmitter has a really good range in terms of distance...

But, leave it to a no good, spawn of Monsanto, mutant shark to go mess up a perfectly good plan.

Bite and blow, babe.

You got to see this.  It's great!  Brad is brilliant.
You got to see this. It's great! Brad is brilliant.

Steroid shark was speeding!

That shark was way faster than we thought. Franken-fish leaped for the bait before it was far enough away. Brad hit the switch the second it took the bait. The resounding shock waves made keeping us in the air dicey, not to mention sent mutant shark gore for hundreds of feet in every direction. We managed, but not before some pretty scary aerobatics. God was with us. I know he was because I don’t fly that well. No one flies that well.

Killer cannibal creatures. Creepy.

You didn't know? Oh, yea. Big time. We learned that day lesson number one in our new found venture is blow and go! All that blood draws many more than we can handle at one time. We're working on that.

Talk about a dream job.

This is what we do now. It’s more of a rush than surfing ever was. Taking out them bastards is the best high I ever got and I’m getting it daily, dudes. Life is good even when it’s bad. And then it gets worse.

She was some Betty in her day, yesterday.

Now she is toothpicks floating in the bay.
Now she is toothpicks floating in the bay. | Source

Along comes Mega-Mouth.

We were over by the Golden Gate Bridge, early this morning, after just taking off. Brad was so freaked and stuttered so bad, he had to repeat himself three times before I could make out what he was saying over the headset. He spotted Mega-Mouth herself, the mother of these damn mutant sharks. That’s Brad’s theory anyway.

I shot us straight up. That bitch's spawn took my brothers legs. She ain’t getting no more. Brad said we didn’t have enough power in the homemade bombs we were carrying even if she took them all. All being a whopping two. It's all we have room for in one trip. There was no way we could take her out…this time. We stayed long enough for Brad to get the only existing footage in the world of the destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge.

The Golden Gate is gone.

She tore it down like a kid knocks down Lincoln Logs.

Mega-Mouth started ramming the supports. She hit it and then hit it again. When the post was toast, she moved to the next one. It’s like she was methodical about it, like she was thinking about it, like she had a goal in mind. The Golden Gate Bridge is burnt toast, as in breakfast... Hers!

Let the games begin.

We’re safe, thanks be to God. Brad is behind locked doors doing the math to come up with enough of a boom to take out the Mega-Mouthed bitch. He says he thinks she’s grown a lot since she ate the HDS Darlin. He estimates about 475 feet of monster shark with attitude. He’s been cursing himself for a fool for not having predicted it. I tried to tell him, you are a photographer, not some bookworm. But, if I know Brad, it’s going to be one heck of a show!

Keep your head down. I know it sucks. Do it to survive.

If you can't produce papers, they are going to haul you away... or make you wish they had... if you can still wish for anything.
If you can't produce papers, they are going to haul you away... or make you wish they had... if you can still wish for anything.

Problem? How to manage Moral Monitors? Papers peeps?

The Moral Monitors aren’t too much of a problem for us. We have money and we keep to ourselves. We only go out to work which we do for ourselves. You don’t see many of them flying around over the ocean. We have seen a few drones. Brad has his press pass so, we’re pretty well covered.

It’s the people who aren’t I feel sorry for. We’ve seen them dragging people away. San Fran now has zero tolerance for “vagrants.” Ironic, what means vagrant these days meant victim not long ago. It used to be cops harassing us surfer types would stop us and demand ID. Moral Monitors demand proof of employment. Go figure.

If you’re in or around the San Francisco area and want to help out, drop us a line.

We are looking to expand. We can’t pay much, barely minimum wage. All our money has to go for more supplies, cameras, and copters. We need pilots, co-pilots, photographers and someone with real knowledge of explosives would be way cool. If nothing else, we can supply you with papers saying you have a job to keep you from being hauled off by the Moral Monitors. We can also offer a few domestic positions, like for a house keeper and cook. We don’t really need those services, but we can give you the papers and so far, our place is relatively safe. We have some room. You’re welcome with us.

God bless you America. Never give up. Through Jesus Christ all things are possible,

Chad and Brad

i do not own, nor did I create the video above. It was uploaded to by Montgomery Blakeys.

Post script:

@ Jonathan – Thanks for staring this blog. We know it can’t be easy. God bless you and your son and that smelly dog. And, thanks for the tip off about the Moral morons. We suspected, but confirmation is appreciated. Be safe in Texas.

@ Becka – We don’t know much about Insulin or how to get it. I used to date a nurse. I'll try to get a hold of her, assuming she's still alive. I haven't heard from Brits since the world went to shit. We could, maybe, fly some to you. Get back to us if you have any ideas.

@ Geek Sleek - Not cool to leave us hanging. Inquiring minds want to know. Bang on buddy, blessings and get back soon.

@ Mooshoo – Bitching! This is the top of the wave. A talking gorilla, who would have been able to dream up such a thing? It’s really a privilege to get to meet you. Here’s some surfer sounds special for you from Brad and Chad.

Will Chad and Brad break bad?

Will the boy banger be back?

Will Mega-Mouth meet her match?

Stay tuned.

Savory shark cinema.

Greetings, fellow surfers. Vix here. This edition of Monster Mayhem Creature Features goes fishing. When thinking of shark stuffs, I had to go with a classic this round, the one that kicked off shark mania, the most terrifying, the best plot having, best "oh shit" face having, best beginner of a sub genre ever made, "Jaws."

OK. Fine. I know they got progressively worse as they went along, with number four being almost laughable at times. But still, this is where it all began.

Scope on some scary shark, while snacking on fish sticks I always say.

Bonn Appetite!

Award winner for the best "Oh, shit!" face ever!

I do not own, nor did I create the video above. It is an excerpt from the blockbuster movie "Jaws."

All images were obtained at unless otherwise attributed.

All dividers, acrostic artwork and textual art were made by Vix at


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Comments 12 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

In this genre you are as good a writer as there is on HP. Reading this series is like the best of Saturday Night Live and 60 Minutes all rolled up into one show. Well done my friend. Keep them coming.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

This was freaking awesome! This is a whole lot better than the crap that I see on the Sci-Fi channel. I only watch that crap when I need to laugh, because the production and editing of those shows (especially ones on Megladon) are nothing but jokes. But THIS is amazing work! I love it! Can't wait to read more! Voted up awesome and interesting!

poetvix profile image

poetvix 3 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Bill ~ Oh, my. Your making me blush. Thank you! I loved SNL back in the day. i haven't watched it in forever and a day but back when Bill Murray and Dan and Gilda and the gang were on, it was a must see. I don't watch 60 Minutes near as much as I should for it tends to tick me off. I'm what one would call opinionated on a vast array of topics. That's the PC way of saying I have a big mouth and run it too much. Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. It's very much appreciated. God bless you and yours.

poetvix profile image

poetvix 3 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Writinglover ~ Thank you so much! Oh my, this is my night for kind comments. I'm right there with you on the Sci-fi channel. I love creature features. Loving the book "Meg" so much made me even more disappointed with the movies Sci-fi cranked out. I'm OK with campy humor and less than Oscar winning acting in my scary movies. It's part of what we have come to know and love. But DON'T cheese out on the monsters. The effects have not been very good. Thank you so much for all of your kind words. God bless and happiest of hubbing.

SubRon7 profile image

SubRon7 3 years ago from eastern North Dakota

This is getting way too real, Vix. I always wonder, should I be confronted out of the clear blue by the "law" asking me for my "papers." What the hell are your "papers" anyway? Then they would ask a question, I'd answer to the best of my ability, and then they would ask another and another and another...........

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

The series have taken a life of its own Poetvix.. damn what an explosive follow.. chad, brad brothers bad!!!!!!

poetvix profile image

poetvix 3 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

SubRon7 - Good morning! Papers are scary, aren't they. To me, the idea is worse than the monsters, but it's coming and that's not the fiction part.

On a strangely related note, check out bit coins and Cypress. You may find it very interesting. I find it alarming in the extreme. Just one more step towards a cashless society. Can we all say hello Armageddon? God bless and keep you, my friend.

poetvix profile image

poetvix 3 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Frank - Strange you say that. You may be right. I was up at 5:30 this morning finishing the next installment when I should have been writing boring sales ads for money. This is so much more fun. Great to see you. Take care. God bless and happy hubbing!

FitnezzJim profile image

FitnezzJim 3 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

I don't know why, but I'm cheering for mighty Mooshoo. May Mega Mouth munch moldy milkweed.

poetvix profile image

poetvix 3 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

FitnezzJim ~ Me too for Mooshoo! Sharks suck but gorillas are cute so, it's no contest for me. Thanks bunches for the read and the awesome comment. God bless and happiest of hubbing.

epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

Oh god I love the title in this one and if I am not 'shite-ing' my pants from being scared then I am 'wee-weeing' my pants laughing ....

You have everything in this series from the surreal to the real and it just blows my 'freaking' mind - love the last 6 days of reading your masterpiece Miss Rhonda.

And as a subtext back in 1978 I saw both the dress rehearsal and live show in NYC of NBC's Saturday Night Live and met all of the people backstage when Lorne Michaels , the producer, walked by and I stepped out of line for the dress rehearsal and he invited me back with a free pass for the live show and I met Gilda, Danny, John Belushi, Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield and some of the staff writers. It was one of the greatest nights in my life.

I also enjoy your descriptions of your stormy Texas' nights and that heavenly peacan pie.

Hugs from Tiffy and Gabriel to Elwood and a big Canadian high five from Colin at lake erie time 9:12am

poetvix profile image

poetvix 3 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Dearest Epi ~ You have me busting a gut at your description of yourself while reading. Your comments are as much gems as your poems.

I sit in utter awe and dumbfounded amazement. I can't imagine being in the presence of such great comedic minds. Every person you mentioned is a timeless treasure. Just look at Dan. Talk about range. To be able to go from his serious performance in "Driving Miss Daisy" to the all out whacky comedy of "Evolution" shows talent and staying power. Speaking of staying power, Bill was stellar in "Zombie Land." Gilda, John and Rodney will always be missed, yet never forgotten. God rest them.

Elwood and I send you our best wishes, with only one piece of pie left in the house. It's a weird night in Texas, cold and blustery. Certainly, such is not the norm for April but it beats the hundred degree heat that is soon to be upon us if history is any indication.

God bless, my friend and may all of your hubbing be happy.

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