The Pain Body


I tried to rip this thing out of my being today
but it held on fast, determined to stay
I held it in the light, and it was clear to see
but this hideous thing, snapped back into me

It isn't I, yet speaks and acts through me
Stunting the growth of my personality
Some days it so full of pain; such agony
I'm caught in its grip; unable to break free

Swollen from hungers, rejections and loss
it gnawed away, at my chances at love
Exposed to the light, its clear to see
It feeds on self doubt and vulnerability

Its already eaten the child within
and all that's left is the outer skin
It tears away at will .... and swallows integrity
Even when I'm strong , it' will never leave me be

Its a cowardly thing, full of infantile greed
mushrooming in the darkness of unfullfilled need
An ugly monster, that robs me of a self
pushing away loved ones, and everything else

I tried to kill this thing in my being today...
I accepted it, and loved it, and it drifted away


Writers note: Written for anyone who can identify with the 'pain body' ~ whether they be in pain from an abusive childhood, a loss, or neglect. This is just artistic interpretation; there is always hope where there is life, and there is always the possibility for change.

As a therapist, I hope I can shed light on the agony that is oftentimes within us ~ anything dark we bring to the 'light' has a chance at metamorphosis .

I highly recommend reading Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, or A New Earth - the message in these books will set you free.

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Comments 29 comments

Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

I like the symbolism. I admire your good intentions. Well done.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

WONDERFUL :]

I have been struggling with that monster for about 5 years now.

Daily, weekly, monthly struggle between my caring, honest, loving, trusting self, and this thing that turns me into an emotionless beast, without remorse.

at times I feel like I have so much to offer, and at times I feel like I should be locked up.

Great work. I love it, and many of your writings


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Robwrite ~ thanks very much, I appreciate your kind comments!

Ben, I was inspired to write this piece by you! Something about your honesty and raw emotions resonates with something in a lot of us.

We all have duality but its a bummer when the duality is extreme ~ and extremely self-destructive and painful.

I think self-acceptance may be the key. Its okay to be who you are; 'warts and all!'

There are many folk (many are artists) who can identify with the "bi-polar(ness)" of life.

Being artistic can mean you are raw and open to indelible scars from an early age. Season that with 'impressionable' 'volatile' and 'desperate to please' and voila, you have the recipe for exactly how you have described yourself above - either very loving and available to extreme and feeling perhaps (taken for granted) - or isolated, wounded and needy ~ taking time out to re-energize and lick your wounds.

Good to know you're not the only one, eh!! You are young and have the world at your feet (on those days when you are up for it).

With love and light :-)

Helen


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

I am thrilled that I have inspired other poetry in such fine writers

I was indeed open to everything when I was younger, and was impacted FAR more greatly by things, due to my sensitivity and how emotional and spiritual I am.

It has been a very turbulent time lately.

Thanks for understanding, and just so you know, I am doing much better than I was a year ago


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

You are welcome Ben, and can contact me if you need to.


Ashantina profile image

Ashantina 5 years ago

Hi brightforyou. I really like this.. We all have 'stuff' to deal with, and I like the way you referred to 'it' in the third person.. although within but in essence without.. this is the battle.. but to win the war is to overcome the biggest baddest monster.. and that is ourSelves.

Thanks for sharing.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Brilliant hub and I know that you are there for each and every one of us.


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Ashantina, (nice name!). I've changed the poem slightly. I do that soemtimes. Its now called The Insatiable Grub!! (maybe different later)...

I figured that title went better with the metaphor for metamorphosis. But it is still a monster and you are right the war between our base and higher selves is always raging.

The shadow side in all of us can sometimes lead us to believe we are 'monsters' but it is only shadow material.

When a person has been badly abused or neglected as a child, it is far harder to 'shake off' the beast later (its hard not to identify with it, when there hasn't been successful mirroring or parenting)!

Thank you for your comments and for stopping by! :-) Helen


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi acetnna, thank you for your kind comments - and what can I do for you today? Hope all is well with you and yours.. :-) Helen


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA

I really loved your piece and thank you very much for the link to mine!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Beautiful brightforyou! Just like you - beautiful. God bless you dear heart.


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi spryte, I'm so glad your liked it; I think it links so well with your lovely butterfly piece - thank you! :-) Helen

Hello again Micky Dee, thank you for your continued support and kind comments - God bless you too! :-) Helen


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

Loved the poem :)

I have also been struggling with my "IT" and many a times I feel I have banished this adjective from within me but, it comes back to me under some circumstances.

I guess Awareness is the key to help flushing out this "IT".


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Ruchira, thanks for stopping by. I think we all struggle with our "it" from time to time (some more than others). Awareness is definitely helpful as is gratitude and forgiveness. Thanks again! Helen :-)


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

A clever mind at work. I love it... your final thought is just perfect.

rated up/awesome


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Well, thank you Fay! I wanted to end on a positive note because we can all transform the negative aspects of ourselves with insight and work ~ I appreciate you stopping by. I look forward to reading your hubs :-) Helen


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland

I absolutely related to every line, and think that its beautiful. I remember having these feelings when they were raw - when I first started counseling, and you are right, about the metamorphosis. Thanks so much for writing this piece, and for sharing it and yourself with us. Namaste.


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Erin LeFey (I LOVE your name). Thank you so much for your comments and for your honesty. I'm glad you went through counseling and came out the other side "able to fly" ~ its such a liberating experience, to face and conquer the Monster! Namaste Erin :-)


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 5 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

well done brightforyou, it think we can all relate with situations in our lives from time to time. excellent metaphor


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Fossillady, thank you for commenting - yes, we can all identify from time to time - thanks again, :-) Helen


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Thanks for sharing. We get to develop, discover our best "monstercide!" to eradicate our challenges.

Flag up!


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

hi dallas93444 thanks for commenting - yes, I agree, which is why I mentioned metamorphosis - I like the term "monstercide!" Thanks again, :-) Helen


IN2Deep 5 years ago

I really loved reading this. And i also loved all the comments and your responses-Great Job-Glad I stopped in. :)


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi In2deep, thank you for stopping in - I am so pleased you liked it! :-) Helen


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland

Nice imagery and thanks for sharing your poem.


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Erin ~ thank you for your kind comments!


Donna Suthard profile image

Donna Suthard 5 years ago

beautiful poem! Well written...


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...profound and moving - and yes, it moves the epi-man terribly so ......as I feel that we all have a 'monster within' ........ and some of us deal with it - and some of us never do - and some of us can write about it - and you have done that here - and so very very well with deep emotion and intellectual depth! Bravo!!!!


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hello epigramman, thank you so much for stopping by and for your comments. You are always so kind and generous in your remarks! I hope all is well for you? :-) Helen

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