Moons in the Pond - Haiku

Source

I



All the starless night

Frogs singing a roundelay

Dawn. Moons in the pond.




Il


Ice pink petals

of a Japanese Plum melt

into the last snow.






Author's note

I've re-written these poems since they were originally published. Unfortunately, in doing this I've accidently lost the original poems, but I think I like these better.

Comments 58 comments

Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

Nice work - you got a good ride and didn't ding your board.. so you can keep puddling confidently and seek the next wave. Thanks for sharing your talent.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Well I am riding high now Pearldiver, thank you very much for your great metaphorical comment.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

You are most welcome.. keep your board well waxed.. it's the power that you get out of a well executed bottom turn that gives you the ability to stay 'high'


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

A surfer pearldiver, wow. I will attempt to "wax" poetic. So far enjoying the ride.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

The Buddha

It was the full moon

She was in labor pain

Siddhartha was born

It was the full moon

He sat meditating

The Nirvana

It was the full moon

He waited

The Great demise.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you Vinaya Ghimire.


Ali-Mostofizadeh 5 years ago

Nice Haiku! I never understood them but always enjoy..By the way, many many years ago means how many?!


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Lovely Haiku snakelane. I believe Sweet Dawn might be my favorite, though all perfect. Have you written Haiku before?


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 5 years ago from Arizona

Beautiful Haiku snakeslane, I enjoyed reading.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you Ali, Haiku is fairly simple to look at but there's a few rules to follow (or not). I'm not going to tell how many Ali. How about too many (more than 25, less than a hundred!)


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Aww thank you Hyphenbird. I wrote the first two when I was studying creative writing (1981!) The last one (I really like too) I wrote last night taking lines from a longer poem and re-working a bit.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you April Reynolds, really appreciate you stopping by.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Snakeslane, I thought I had overcome my Haiku urge but I think you have cause it to come back full force. sigh


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hello Hyphenbird, what a sweet comment. Have a happy Haiku day (days). You make me smile, not so easy to do!


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 5 years ago

Beautiful--your word choice is excellent and it sets me on a dreamy path--one of sublimal bliss. Totally brilliant and rating it up.


Senoritaa profile image

Senoritaa 5 years ago

Beautiful! Specially enjoyed "Last Snow"


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Your lovely comments give me subliminal bliss anglnwu!

And yours too Senoritaa, thanks for reading my poems.


jhamann profile image

jhamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

You have tackled many different forms of poetry and you have been able to fit your words brilliantly in all of them. Keep it up! (Maybe so I can read them.) Voted up!


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi snakeslane, Sweet Dawn is my favourite, lovely haiku poetry, you've inspired me to have a go, thank you.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you jhamann. Sure nice of you to visit my Hubs today and leave encouraging words.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

I hope you catch the Haiku wave Movie Master. Thanks for visit.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

good work, snakes. I enjoyed your Haiku!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Nice PDXKaraokeGuy, thank you for saying so.


pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 5 years ago from New Zealand

Sweet, delicate and serene come to mind when I read your verses. Very beautiful.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you pennyofheaven, Haiku simplicity is rewarding.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK

Lovely Haiku - Thanks.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you Lady_E.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

I see you caught the bug too

All are lovely, I think I like Sweet Dawn best.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks Rosemay!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

you're quite welcome. Credit where credit is due


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks for visit PDX you got me reading them again, just when I was doubting my Haikuability, they are really nice aren't they (smiling smugly).


lilyfly profile image

lilyfly 5 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

Now, this is ADMIRABLE! I LOVE to be able to say that, with no reservations! I am following you for this, and I can imagine much more for you, talented soul! Lily


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you thank you lilyfly! What a joy to read your comment!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

lol. they are. Glad I could be some help to you!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Really beautiful work. My favorite was Last Snow---


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you AudreyHowitt, the 'Last Snow' Haiku was a gift. I was living on the top floor of an old Victorian house with lovely tall cherry trees all in pink bloom under my window. Then one morning I woke up to snow, it was magic, the cherry blossoms were dropping through the air as it snowed,an awesome sight.


Derdriu 4 years ago

Snakeslane, What generous, genial, gentle images are contained in your three concise, compact, succinct poems! In particular, I like the impacts of the preponderance of "p" in the second poem and of "f" in the third.

Thank you for sharing, etc.,

Derdriu


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

So nice to see you here, and read your lovely comments Derdriu, thank you very much.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Der does leave fantastic comments!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

No kidding, I am overwhelmed. (In a good way)


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

These were incredibly beautiful, Snakeslane. Wow. Such imagery. I felt the wisp of wings in the light of the moon amid frog song.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks for visit to my frog pond Peg...each of these blessed moments really did happen to me, but finding the essence of that in words was a long process. Anyone who thinks making Haiku is simple is misinformed. I'm still working on the froggy night poem. I want to use the word 'rondelay', but haven't been able to find its precise meaning. I just like the sound of it, and how it fits. Thank you for your lovely comment.


Scarface1300 profile image

Scarface1300 4 years ago

Three delightful pieces. I am new to Haiku and have only recently published two and I find that it is a lovely way to express something. Voted Up and Awesome....Chris


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks Chris. Really appreciate the up and awesome.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

Very nice. Enjoyed your Haiku. Voted up.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hello moonlake, thank you very much.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Fragrance falls heavy

from a flower light as wings

through sky night has fled...

ahh.. Haiku is like a new flavours on our mental tastebuds each one an experience of excitement and experience, memory and magic. I love the way your words flow and conjure up an image, an emotion. I recently did some for Valentine's day and put them up in my hubs- Yours are true to the original spirit of Haiku - seasons& nature through well rendered snapshots. Awesome, indeed!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you Docmo, I've always enjoyed reading traditional haiku poems, the apparent simplicity, conveying a moment in time, in nature with so few words. I am pleased you appreciate my efforts.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

Magic little moments, each delicate and complete and providing instant imagery pleasure - just love 'Moons in the pond' and the 'japanese plum melt'!! Beautiful haiku, Snakeslane, my votes and best wishes and sharing.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Ms Annie, thank you very much. I am reading these again with a critical eye. I can see a comma is missing in the first poem (after Dawn).

And what if the second line is changed to Frogs singing a rondelay? The 'roundelay' may be more technically correct, I'm not sure.

Then the next two poems are missing that aha moment of surprise, and I'm not sure how to make that happen. A haiku looks so simple, but it's maddening! I don't know if one is allowed to change a poem once it's been 'published', maybe not fair to you, dear reader, so I take my own critique under advisement, and try to do better next time. So nice to see you, and I am happy you enjoyed!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Hello my friend, Lovely in every way..Dawn surely is my favorite time of day..

Love,

Sunnie


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Good morning Sunnie, so nice to see you. Thank you very much.


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Nicely done, Snakeslane! I especially enjoyed Last Snow.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

I think you have captured more aha than you give yourself credit for, Snakeslane. Each of these haiku holds a piece of magic that is released upon reading and as Docmo has pointed out they are written in true Haiku spirit, something I am yet to master. I agree, it does look simple, oh but if only. I admire your skill with each these, they work their magic beautifully!!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you cat on a soapbox (love that name). Appreciate you reading and commenting.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Fennelseed, thanks for coming back. You are so good for my morale! I won't change a thing, I promise.


IntegrityYes 4 years ago

Rock out hard tonight! That is totally awesome. COO! HEH-HEH! I voted up.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you Integrity Yes, Coo! to you too.

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