More Stars Appeared

The heat was intense,

that much he could feel,

the roof caved in.

it made a rusty squeal,

at seventy two he had no movement left,

so he just stayed on the floor,

as the flames pushed through the closed door,

his mouth was dry,

but he'd rather much die of thirst,

as the smoke hit him in the lungs first,

there was so much fear,

a feeling of pure physical panic

filled the air,

the ceiling above was a vault of blackness,

it was death in minutes at best,

as the smoke kept shoving the breath

from his chest,

for a long moment,

he let his eyes roam the skies,

as he let deep gulps of night air

fill his chest,

fire fighters saved his life,

but he feared they couldn't save his wife,

but she was beside him,

he'd never seen anything so beautiful in his scope,

The God of Heaven who watched the world,

gave him hope.

© 2015 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 34 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 18 months ago from Olympia, WA

Terrifying and hopeful all at the same time. A neat trick performed flawlessly by you. Well done, Frank!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

The writing portrays the panic of the story very well. That is talent.


whonunuwho profile image

whonunuwho 18 months ago from United States

Nicely done my friend. whonu


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you billybuc, mckbirdbks and whonunuwho for visiting my stars


Jodah profile image

Jodah 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

A surprise but beautiful ending Frank...a little different for you. Nice dramatic poem...there's that fire theme again that lends itself to exactly that. Voted up.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thanks Jodah so much


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 18 months ago from New York

I was so afraid for him, and then his wife. You totally surprised me by the ending. I don't know what else to say but, damn you're good!

Voted up, awesome, beautiful, and interesting.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much til for reading my stars :)


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 18 months ago from southern USA

Hello my darling and dearest virtual friend Frank,

As always your titles are brilliant in tempting the reader to read on without regret! You're so right, for this is certainly dramatic poetry at its best, yet beautiful at the same time.

A most dramatic line that paints the picture in one's mind so well is, "as the smoke kept shoving the breath from his chest" ...

And that ending, divine ...made my heart leap reading it.

Up ++++ tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing of course : )

Please forgive my late arrival to this fine piece of poetry, but I did vote on my phone yesterday, but was not able to get here last night to share and vote up ...

Big hugs from southern USA from me to you.

God bless you always dearest Frank


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 18 months ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Great poem Frank with surprise ending, and filled with suspense. Your writing voice impresses me. I don't remember reading one of your poems, and you use very descriptive language. Pinning to my writing skills board. Blessings, Audrey


clivewilliams profile image

clivewilliams 18 months ago from Nibiru

Sounds like true story frank...hope not. Love your writings ma boy.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 18 months ago from The Beautiful South

Great poetry and thanks for the happy ending. Those are always my favorite and just as exciting! ^+


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 18 months ago

Oh how suspenseful and delightful Frank. I knew he would be saved somehow but I did not know that there was anyone else in there with him. I voted it up+++, shared it, pinned and Tweeted it.

Kevin


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

Faith my ole faithful thank you for sharing my stars :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Brakel and clive for stopping by..:)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you Jackie and the examiner for visiting my stars


MsDora profile image

MsDora 18 months ago from The Caribbean

Hope in such a grim situation must be a blessing! You just know how to engage our minds and our emotions. Good job!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Msdora


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 18 months ago from USA

What a writer! Frank, there is no one like you.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you flourish..hmm I think LOL


annart profile image

annart 18 months ago from SW England

Superb use of words here, Frank. You certainly know how to create atmosphere. Hope pulls through...

Ann


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Ann for your constant visits bless you


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 18 months ago from USA

Yes, it's a compliment! You are amazing.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

nope, you are amazing :)


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 18 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

In just a very few words you brought me right into the scene. Wow you transported me in seconds. And then you left me with a peaceful easy feeling. Thanks


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you Eric for reading my stars :)


Genna East profile image

Genna East 17 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

It takes talent to shape the images into words in such a powerful way, Frank. You are a master. Voted way up ++.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Genna East


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 16 months ago from LOS ANGELES

Chilling and, Awesome. A tragic tale with a beautiful twist in the end. I loved the ending. How he saw hope in the end. Hope- a four letter word, with a lot of meaning. Beautiful work.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 16 months ago from Shelton Author

Dana thanks for the visit and thank you


Missy Smith profile image

Missy Smith 16 months ago from Florida

When I hear of someone dying in a fire, I often wonder what they must be feeling, or if it's just sheer panic and shock. And then, when you hear that a fire fighter was able to save someone it's a great feeling even if you don't know that person. You expressed all of this in your poem, and I really enjoyed it. I enjoy all of your poems and stories. :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 16 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you Missy :)


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 14 months ago from Australia

Great work as always :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 14 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you strictly

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