Mrs DeGreek and Garlic

Mrs. De Greek
Mrs. De Greek

Garlic. You love it or hate it and my wife loves it. It is a habit she acquired in her hay days as a university lecturer in law and as a practicing lawyer defending those you read about in your morning paper who have slaughtered thirteen.

Because she looks like a Goddess-in-Human-Shape and next to her, Claudia Schiffer looks plain; she had a lot of problems with colleagues and judges invading her personal space. During discussions on points of law, they would sidle up to her far too close for her personal comfort, so she thought that garlic was the answer.

Even though she is otherwise a kind and tender woman, she felt that for those who felt overly daring and amorous, the traditional legal phrase of “May God Have Mercy on Their Souls” was the only appropriate position to take.

She later told me that though she became addicted to the product in the end, she stopped using it from the very first day we met when I walked into her office as a client, as that is the day she knew that I was going to marry her. How she knew this I have not yet understood but I put it down to female intuition.

It was a short romance. I had just received the official divorce documents from my first wife but had been enjoying the life of a bachelor for only a few months and I liked my new found freedom, so I had no intention of ever getting married again. The details are not quite clear in my mind, and even if you interrogated me under Guantanamo conditions I would be unable to clarify the point but the fact is that I found myself to be unexpectedly happily married again to the surprise not only of myself, but to that of my nearest and dearest.

Once we were married she began to introduce garlic into our lives in ways and means which at the time could only have been described as seditious, were I but able at that time to understand what was going on. All I knew at the time was that a strange odour began to permeate what undoubtedly was our loving home and I began to have words with the supervisor of the building about his drains.

For some reason my mother-in-law left her husband alone and came to live with us for the first month after the honeymoon. I later found out that because my wife does not cook it was thought wise not to advertise the fact at a delicate time of our life together and the mother-in-law came to do the cooking so that questions would not be raised in an untimely manner.

The well known celebrity cooks who infest our television screens on a daily basis could very well benefit by taking my mother-in-law’s correspondence course on cooking. She is a queen amongst cooks and had my father-in-law not been a slave to his stomach and had he been a more sporting and understanding man she would still be living with us today. But that is another story.

Suffice it to say that Mom can cook and not only does she cook, she loves her daughter to death and cooks according to her daughter’s wishes. By the time I realised that garlic is like a strong opiate, it was too late. All our dishes gradually became more and more soaked in garlic and I ended up with a feeling of distress whenever we ate out at restaurants which were not inducted into ranks of those who buy garlic at wholesale and take deliveries of the stuff in truck loads.

Eventually Mom realised that she was likely to loose her husband to any gust of strong wind, as he had lost what appeared to be half his body weight during the month Mom had stayed with us, and consequently she moved back into her own nest.

That was the time I found out that my wife does not cook. It is a matter of principle with her, but one she did not want to brag about before we were married.

As a successful lawyer, she did not feel that cooking was a necessary skill she should devote any serious time to and her brave efforts to satisfy my more traditional approach to the matter did not bear the fruit that she was hoping for. Especially when her efforts were compared to those of Queen Mom.

Many a tear was quietly shed during this period, but manly pride kept me from any public display of weakness. She on the other hand laughed it off with a gayety which I thought at the time inappropriate and disproportionate to the doubtful success of her cooking. That was the time that the animal survival instincts of the De Greeks kicked in and I realised that it was time to set aside the centuries old traditions of the De Greeks and to learn how to cook.

I now surf the Internet for imaginative recipes with garlic as its main ingredient and our home has reverted to its previous peaceful and loving state when Mom was living with us.

One has to remember though that, while “Awake Beloved!” is our morning call to each other on a daily basis, Longfellow did not write “The Song of Hiawatha” with my wife in mind. You will remember that it goes

" Awake, beloved!
Thou the wild-flower of the forest!


Sweet thy breath is as the fragrance
Of the wild-flowers in the morning,
As their fragrance is at evening......”

..... and so on. You know what I mean.

People tend to give us a wide berth when we are amongst the masses.

Whenever I invite people to our house that my wife is not particularly fond of, the dinner somehow ends up being more garlicky than my meticulous measurements would justify. If I did not know better, I would suspect that my wife is trying to help me in the kitchen by contributing to the general desire for a good dinner according to the best traditions binding one to being a good host.


Dimitris Mita

De Greek

More by this Author


Comments 56 comments

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

Why does this hub sound familiar? Are you serving up leftovers with an additional dose of garlic? :D


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Garlic has many beneficial benefits. I have to say that I share a few things with your wife.

I love garlic.

I never learned how to cook until I moved away from the Philippines.

For my ex husband, I even took cooking classes and bought cookbooks.

I love that your memory of getting married again was hazy..that is sooooo romantic. Like I tell my friends, women friends, only the men who love their wives so much could make fun of them with others, right there and then. This is true.

I loved the hub, as usual. It is always delightful to read what you write.


Ginn Navarre profile image

Ginn Navarre 6 years ago

Enjoyed this read. We Cajun's here in Louisiana have a saying---"If it doesn't have garlic in it--do not put it in your mouth." thanks.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ - FP, this is a modified old hub which was removed quite a long time ago. Your memory serves you well. There is something Iwish to try :-))

@ - Melinda, my love, you are always ready with the kind word, thank you :-))

@ - Gin, now you have ruined my day with wondering!!! Is it possible? Could such a thing possibly be happening in Cajun land? The mind plays trocks on me :-)))


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

I too love garlick and always worried that I smell but on the other hand I keep most poeple, which I don't want anyway, away hahaha


Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 6 years ago from trailer in the country

You are blessed to have married a beautiful garlicky girl...blessings on your love and good health. I rate this up for useful...though is it useful because it makes me want garlic?...or because I realize the benefits of garlic in keeping people at a distance? Or because it makes me like De Greek even more because he talks so fondly of his wife? hmmm?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

In your honor, De Greek, here are my two favorite garlic quotes (I love garlic in my food, too):

"What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art." - Augustus Saint-Gaudens.

"You can never have enough garlic. With enough garlic, you can eat the New York Times." - Morley Safer. How true! BTW, excellent hub.


suny51 profile image

suny51 6 years ago

De Greec-Studies have shown that garlic - especially aged garlic - can have a powerful antioxidant effect. Antioxidants can help to protect the body against damaging "free radicals".Mrs De Greec is a wise lady.


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

If you are using garlic - yet again - to keep us away, you failed


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Hi De Greek and a belated Happy Birthday. (correct me if I am mistaken). I enjoyed this hub even if I did get a heavy dose of deja vu. One can never get enough garlic, or read too many garlicy hubs. If I don't cook with it, I use the to-die-for Indian garlic relish as a condiment. You should try it!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

Like so many other commentators, I,too, love garlic. I don't put it in desserts, but I season almost everything else with it.

Your wife sounds charming!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

I love garlic as well, and add it to almost everything. I just saw a show on television about a town in California that has a garlic festival, celebrating all things garlic, particularly heavily garlicy food, including garlic ice cream. Perhaps you and your wife would like to join me at the next festival? Of course, you are probably busy, so your wife may have to come without you. He,he! There's no such thing as too many lawyers in this land of litigation! Or people who smell of garlic!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

I have been away for a long time and I wanted to see if you guys still remember me, because I have a favour to ask of you. :-)))

The reason I have been away is because I have been "encouraged" (in other words I begged to be told that I can actually write) - I have been encouraged to write a novel.

I have written the plot structure and I have also written a couple of chapters. I shall put those two chaptrs up in a few days time, in the hope that you guys will do me the great favour to read them and give me your honest opinion as to whether I should continue, or find another, way to occupy my time. Gardening and knitting spring to mind. :-)))

So, this was a test run to see if you still remember me and it is my hope that you will take the trouble to come back again when the De Greek Novel introduction is published.

And Christoph Reiley, if you think that I shall be crazy enough to send my wife anywhere near a randy sot like you, you are insane....:-))))

Thank you everyone for your kindness and forgive me for not mentioning everyone by name individually :-)


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

De Greek, Good to read that you are writing a novel. When you are famous remember me as part of the group that encouraged you to write your best seller!. :)

I love garlic, but nowadays thankfully no one has to be stinky with the chewy capsules (Breath Azure) that are sold that gets rid not of only oral but body odours. We sell it on our site as we sell detox products. Guess this won't fit into your novel. hehe.

Your wife sounds fun, not your traditional female which seems a perfect complement to De Geek.


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Ahhh,garlic the incense of romance;;))


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Yes shades of hub past,the enjoyable nectar of the gods or should I say Italians, Greeks and all the species of the Mediteranean. I will kill if Garlic is not in my pantry, I rarely cook without it.

Garlic is a reason for living as long as you are not shot by the mob for breathing to close to them forgetaboutit. Although I would prefer my sleeping partner to eat it with me if we intend to get romantic and frisky under the covers:0)


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

It is nice that garlic is good for you as it is obviously in your diet forever. Best of luck with your new book.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Hehe, Dimitris, give my warm regards to your wife.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ - Brother Mentalist, you cannot imagine how happy I feel when I see you smile :-))

@ - Ken & Pamela, you are fellow peasants I see and I am happy for it :-)

@ - Tatjana, you understood! :-)) I hope you will also take the trouble to read the part of my proposed book for which I need your input :-))

THANK YOU ALL FOR PASSING BY AND HONORING ME WITH YOUR COMMENTS! :-)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

I'm not a big garlic fan, but your wife is gorgeous. I can see why you dropped your plans for being forever single. Good call.

As usual, another fine story in the inimitable De Greek voice. It's funny, I my first reaction when you said that Mom-in-law was coming to stay with you was that she was going to keep an eye on you given the seeming whirlwind nature of the romance and your rascally nature!. :P


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Was it your birthday yesterday? Many happy returns and all that!

Great garlic hub - tell your wife she has good taste :)


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

Ah yes - happy birthday - I noticed on facebook that you were adding more garlic years to yourself!

Lucky man that you did not see the marriage coming - it sounds like one that will last though as you understand the give and take necessary!

Now as to the garlic....as others have mentioned above, it is very good for you - and it is good for many health reasons. It also will ward off evil from you - so take to wearing at least a couple of big hunks around your neck.

Seriously, very entertaining as always and makes me laugh and laugh at your verbiage. Back in my religious cafe days, we seemed to use as you said truckloads of garlic for some odd reason. I guess being around everyone else who ate the same things, it didn't seem to bother me but on a visit back to see my mom, we were standing in the bank and she started to sniff and sniff, wrinkling her nose something awful and then burst out with 'what in the blazes is that SMELL?' Of course, I was thoroughly embarrassed as she discovered the source - ME....and pronounced this at the top of her voice in said bank much to my delight..."oh my GOD - it's YOU".

I have cut down on my garlic consumption and putting 15 cloves into everything I cook simply because the older Bob and I have become, the less we can tolerate it - heartburn is not one of our favorite things and it interacts with the beer!

Again - happy birthday!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

John, Shalini, Audrey, many thanks for your visit. I hope that you will come back and criticize my attempted "novel" to pieces :-))

And thank you for your birthday wishes. Very much appreciated :-)


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

As Christop Reilly mentioned, there is a town here in California that has a garlic festival each year-Gilroy, Ca. I am a huge fan and travel to Gilroy often.

Your wife is indeed a goddess-send her my very impressed regards! :) I look forward to your book-thanks for sharing it here on HP.

PS: I didn't know it was your Birthday, dang it, but accept my belated wishes anyway, Okay?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Lorie you are such a pleasure to have around. Thank you for your good wishes :-))


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Well both a happy birthday and good luck with the novel. You are an excellent writer so thanks for sharing with us your wit and wisdom.

Oh, I hate garlic...how's that for an Italian!!!!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Thanks, MPG and we won't hold it against you about garlic :-))


LeanMan profile image

LeanMan 6 years ago from At the Gemba

I think maybe my wife and I also eat too much garlic, I don't even notice the smell.. but i do notice if it's not in my food!

Mr De Greek, please clarify one small point from your writing above, when you walked into your wife to be's office that first time as a client was it as the first mentioned killer of 13, or as a poor penniless almost divorcee, or maybe something even more sinister?


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Love garlic, love the hub. Both are delicious.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

- LeanMan, I had just murdered someone outside her door and it was just convenient to walk in :-))

- Breakfastpop, glad you like it, thanks :-))


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Oh my, this is one of the things I love and adore about my boyfriend, he's a fantastic cook and serves up a fantastic assortment of veggies... We don't do the garlic thing much... I have a friend who's family does and I do know what you mean. It's a good thing you love this woman so!!! Peace and much happiness. :)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi Katiem, good to see you and thank you. I see that you chose well in your boyfried, in taht he can cook. Clever :-))


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

I love garlic, too! We have a saying down here: "If whipped cream doesn't make it better, garlic and onions will." No fear of any vampires around our house!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Been away at the ranch and missed the debut of the second phase of this excellent garlic hub. I love the idea that Natali used garlic as personal protection - hehe. The great thing about it is that there's nothing inherently unkind about it, either. It's not injurious like pepper spray or mace. It's like lavendar is to chiggers for those who are repelled by it - and they certainly aren't required to endure it, and won't if they stay where they belong and behave the way they should - not hitting on Natali! They only suffer if they choose to do otherwise.

On the other hand, for those who love it - it could be like a magnet. Maybe at least they'd be drawn in & distracted by the garlic, and hopefully less amorous, though to those who love garlic, it's like a pheromone, too! Take you, for instance. That just may have been that undefineable "something" you couldn't define, much less resist about Natali, though you were deep into your new freedom and had no intention of abandoning it or of settling down. But between her Goddess gorgeous looks, her brilliance and the pervasive garlic "perfume", well - you simply couldn't resist!

You've really spiffed up the telling of the story, DG. I love the parts about her Mom and the super-garlic cuisine, which sounds delicious to me! Cute that Natali may be spiking your own cuisine with more garlic when she deems it advantageous, too. hehe

And I'm excited about your seriously writing for publication!!! I'm one of the army of folks who've been encouraging that all along!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

-@ - Habee! I don't love you any more! :-))) You have not asked for a blazer badge! :-)))) Thank you for passing by Kid :-) - Oh, the wife is going on holiday tomorrow with my son FOR WHOLE MONTH (!!!) and I shall be all alone. Any chance your Hubby will let you fly over for the duration to show me how to cook??? I am looooooooooonely :-( ......... already :-)))

-@ - Hi Nellieanna, good to see you again :-) - The thing is that Natali stopped taking garlic after we first met. I used to hate the stuff and could not be near someone who ate it. Even now, if I have not partaken, I cannot stand the smell in other :-))) - The introduction to garlic came AFTER we were married :-)))

I am glad you remember your encouragement for writing a novel. I hope that you will not regret your rush girlish instincts after you see what I have done :-)))


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Of course I remember my encouragement about your writing seriously & it wasn't rash girlish instincts! If I could've gotten in on the almost guaranteed royalties, my instincts about it would've been purely practical!

;-> LOL.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

One must remember that what separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize...a ring of fresh garlic worn with that favorite little black dress might just appeal to the jury and flush out that lecherous old judge as his eyes water with the aroma. Good read...great humor. Thanksl for sharing! WB


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

- @ - Nellieanna, here is your chance. The story is up for criticism and awaits comments which I hope will be as judgemental as possible :-)

- @ - Wayne, thank you for your kind words, man :-)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, I can totally understand about the garlic going all around the house, I love garlic bread and everytime someone comes over, they say they can always tell when I am at home because of the smell coming through the windows! thank goodness it is not just me then! lol cheers nell


Daena B. profile image

Daena B. 6 years ago from Wenatchee, WA

Ha ha, I love your ending quotation.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

-@- Hi Nell, good to see and glad to see that you are a fellow garlic sufferer :-))

=@- Rather appropriate Daena, right? :-)


Daena B. profile image

Daena B. 6 years ago from Wenatchee, WA

Absolutely.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Life without garlic would be like HubPages without De Greek - totally dull and flavourless! Thanks for sharing this interesting insight into the flavour of your life! I really enjoyed it as I did the wonderful garlic bread my wife bought the other day (wish to God she would guy some more of it!).

I'm working on the comment on your novel - but I crave your patience, I've got a lot on my plate right now.

Love and peace

Tony


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

We Great Authors are born to entertain and elevate our public :-)))

Thank you for taking the trouble to read my rubbish, Tony. Take your time :-))


mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 6 years ago

Further evidence that your wife is a woman of good taste. I love garlic!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi Mulberry, thank you for passing by :-)


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

...you are a lovely writer full of the great things in life: with a keen wit, astute observations, a very captivating easy going style, an interesting subject (in this case - garlic) and a beautiful intelligent wife.

Man you've got it made!!!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

I know I've got it made! Isn't it wonderful? :-)))


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

This is a first-rate personal prose, De Greek. Thanks for the garlic.

On board ship, my Greek officers always ask for freshly cleaned garlic as part of their appetizers (garlic sauce, etc.)

My Greek chef taught me how to eat it raw; that he said is good for the heart.

Two thumbs up, filo (Sir or friend?)!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

travel_man1971, thanks for passing by :-))


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Isn't it an aphrodisiac?


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

It sure is that's why like chocolate I eat so much of it:0))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

.

- Raye!!!! What a mind you have have Kid :-)))))

- Ken, you have just answered Gypsy's question :-))))


FloBe profile image

FloBe 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Absolutely hilarious! I needed a good laugh once again :) About garlic...I've had an onion allergy for years and substitute garlic (no, it's not of the onion family!) in all my dishes. It took a while for my husband to get used to this but now wonders what's missing when I don't put any into a recipe :)


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

Your pride and love for your wife show De Greek. I might suggest adding curry and hot peppers (jalepeno, Habenero maybe) to these fiery breath dishes!

Nastrovia.

Ben


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

-- Hi Flo, I get so much pleasure when someone tells me that a story of mine made them laugh, so thank you :-))

-- Ben, I have tried curry, but it was a failure. :-)

Thank you for passing by :-)

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