My Comma Fantasy

A Daydream Yet Unfilled

I’ve never been arrested. Being somewhat of a romantic, I always imagined that if I were, it would be for protesting the deforestation of some inconsequential trees. These days, I have another kind of fantasy. In this one, I’m driving down the road at night – the time when it’s too late for anyone to care about speed limits and I'm too tired to notice I just missed my exit. Unfortunately, the next place to turn around is a long 18-miles away and with the gas prices rising and my gas meter falling, I’m despairing of ever getting back with money and machine intact. That’s when I see it: a blissful little entry where I can cross the median and turn the caboose around. The problem? The enormous, bright sign glaring out at me: No U Turn.

In my fantasy, I immediately fall into a moral dilemma. Surely, I must always aspire to be a good driver and uphold the laws of traffic? Is that not my sacred duty as a citizen? Yet my eyes are far too droopy and my wallet far too empty to make the 36-mile trek back to where I need to be. Reluctantly, I pull into the place directly in front of the “No U Turn Sign.” By this point in time, my conscience is scalding me like fire and the dilemma is enough to make hyperactive children tired. I am burdened by my possible wrongdoing.

Just then, a solution alights in my mind. Pulling into the median, I step swiftly around to the back seat and grab my can of black spray paint. Walking confidently to the odious sign, I hastily assuage my conscience. Then, stepping back to admire my work for just a moment, I rush back to the car. Home soon and warm covers await, I think. Completing my now perfectly legal action of U-turning, I nevertheless see bright lights follow behind me just moments after I enter into the other, desirable strip of highway.

Cops. Just what I need. I hastily push the can of spray paint under my driver’s seat. Moments later, a cop comes to my window. “Ma’am,” the cop begins, his voice flat, no doubt dulled from a long, eventless night. “Are you aware that you committed an illegal U-Turn?”

I frown innocently at the cop. He seems like a nice man. “According to the sign, it wasn’t illegal,” I reply.

The cop gives me a blank stare but turns when I point out the sign. Not so much as batting an eye, he turns back. “I see I am in error. Have a safe night.”

“You too,” I reply. Then, on impulse, I call out, “Do you want to go first?”

The cop shrugs me off. “No, you first,” he says.

By the time I am back to driving down the highway, I am languishing in the fantasy of having been apprehended. But I suppose that isn’t likely when I go around with my trusty comma. Nothing like a comma to get the job done. Driving off into the night, I smile, wondering how many others would now be able to break the law. How long would it be before they erased my little, seemingly inconsequential addition?


The Color of My Dream

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Comments 4 comments

Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 6 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

This is freaking hilarious! I didn't reconcile the title and the story until the picture at the end, which makes it even better!

LOL@those moral quandaries! I was weighing. . . ."traffic violation? never a second thought!" against "vandalism of state property." . . . .although I've had THAT charge before. . . .I do advise against it!

Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 6 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

Mein Gott, Frauline! You're score has hit 97!!!!! I used to outscore you by some, but I've never bested 96. Looks like the magic God of hubscore finally gave you your due! Congrats :-;

kookoo88 profile image

kookoo88 6 years ago from Cripple Creek

*grin* I love this. I've been at that point at night. I didn't really worry too much about crossing over the median. I just went for it. ;)

Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 6 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain Author

Thanks, Todd. Yeah, I think the "vandalism of state property" is for sure another no, no...but in my fantasy, it's perfectly legit. Ha!

As for hubscore, idk how that is determined entirely, but if the hub gods are grinning on me, I'll be content to purr like a cat.

Kookoo...I always cross over the meridian! But it galls me every time. If only I could place a comma at a certain point! :)

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