My Final "Good Bye"

A Final Note

My Dearest Sweet One,

Even though you were not born to me, I fell in love with you the second I looked into your sky blue eyes. Your face was framed by blonde curly locks of hair, framing your joyful grin. Your tiny fingers gripped around my thumb in a tight embrace. Your skin was that of an angel’s – soft, delicate, pink and glowing. I will never forget how you gazed into my eyes, trusting, believing, and already loving me unconditionally. We fell in love with each other.

When you came home, you were bundled up in a soft, blue sateen blanket. Your eyes were closed as you slept soundly. Your brothers and sister were ecstatic when we opened the door and brought you home. I was sure all the noise and excitement would wake you. I asked them all to be quiet, to slow down, and to be careful but they were children too, and how could they? They were beyond excited when their baby brother came home. It was a joyous occasion and we all celebrated.

Finally, you woke, not because of the noise, but because you were hungry. Everyone was mesmerized by your beautiful eyes, your curls swaying this way and that as were you held by each of them. You were surrounded by love.

Time passes so quickly. You learned to recognize each of your loved ones faces, answer to each of their voices and laugh when they played and tickled you. You reached milestone after milestone. The first time you giggled. The first time you tasted pureed peaches. The first time you uttered da-da. The first time you sat up on your own. So many firsts and all accomplished with unfettered confidence.

You loved to play. Music was your favourite. You would dance as you jumped in the Jolly Jumper. You would clap your hands to the rhythm. When you were upset, all I had to do was sing a song and you would calm down immediately.

Before long, you were crawling, walking and then running. It was always a game of catch up with you as you were always running. Your feet barely touched the ground. I never understood why you were in such a hurry. But you were. You were excited to experience everything that you could. I understand now.

With the blink of an eye, your first birthday turned to second, third, fourth and, not too long ago, seventh. Throughout the years, you have had many more firsts. And I am unable how to express how it feels to have been part of them. My heart soared when I coached your first year in soccer. You were a strong player and always persistent. You weren’t afraid, as you are now. You loved school, your teachers, your friends. Every day you came home excited with another story to share.

I wish I listened more. I wish I listened carefully. I wish I recorded everything you did. I wish, I wish. That is how I feel. I can’t help wonder if I did a good job raising you and being there for you. Sometimes I wonder if I had been careful enough about cleaning your scraped knee or holding you long enough during your fever, been more compassionate when you had a nightmare for another 100th night in a row. I hope I have done a good job of being your mother. I hope you forgive me for the times I have been too tired, too stretched to give you more attention, too rushed to slow down, too busy with your siblings to stop and give you more time.

I know that the answer lies in my own heart. I believe I have done the best job of being your mother that I possibly could. I cannot have regrets for what I have not done, for I am only human with limited capacities. I have always done what, I believe, was in your best interest. I still feel that way.

Even so, saying good bye is no easy task. I pray to God that you carry a piece of my heart with you on your next journey. I pray that what I have given you will be enough to carry you through. I carry a piece of you in my heart. I pray that it will be enough to carry me through the dark times ahead. I pray that we have more than a few hours together. I have so much to say and to show you. We haven’t even finished decorating our home for Halloween. We need more time, please. I have so much love for you that I can’t give it all to you in such a short period of time. Please, a few more weeks, that’s all I ask. Please.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I write this as I know that our time left together is very short. My heart is breaking and a hole is beginning to form. I know that the time is nearing, the bigger the hole, the closer it comes. I have no idea how I will fill it when you are gone. The pain is already too great and my mind can’t accept the final outcome. I pray that you will be safe, as I know you will be as God will care for you.

Every second is a sacred second. I don’t want to waste one of them, but night has fallen and you must rest. I will sit by your side, hold your hand and wipe your tears. Angels will carry you to sweeter dreams.

I love you, my Sweet One.

Good bye.

Mommy

Beth100

October 28, 2009

Copyright 2009

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104 comments

Beth100 profile image

Beth100 3 years ago from Canada Author

Sparkleyfinger -- Thank you. I revisit this piece often, and everytime I have tears in my eyes. But, the tears are not the same as they use to be. I guess, it is true, time heals the heart. I miss him dearly, but I also know that he is in my heart -- never far and always there when I think of him. Thank you.


sparkleyfinger profile image

sparkleyfinger 3 years ago from Glasgow

Such a beautiful tribute, my eyes filled as i read. Voted up and beautiful xxx


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 3 years ago from Canada Author

We miss you terribly. We talked of you, thought of you, and wish you were with us still. Somewhere out there, your spirit can feel us. We love you.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 5 years ago from Canada Author

Healing Touch -- It has been a year and the wound still feels so fresh. The past two months have been difficult as memories come flooding back of the moments that I shared with him before he left. I thought I was doing well until the one year marker approached. I fell apart. I was afraid to come back and reread this - though, this has always given me strength. I was once told that when I would need something to help me along, all I had to do was open my eyes and my heart and accept what is given to me. I felt lost again but when I saw your post, I remembered that what I wrote gave me strength and all my friends lent me theirs. You have brought me back when I needed to some back here. I thank you, Healing Touch, for touching me when I needed a reminder of where I have been. I love him dearly and miss him terribly, but with the love, encouragement and strength from all my friends who surround me, I deep breath and realize I have made it past the one year marker. I am still here. I am alive. I am breathing. I am grateful. Thank you, my friend.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

Beth, all my love and support are here for you. My prayers for you to cope in the lord. You are loved and do know that you are being watched over. Love knows no bounds. Please remember this. Love is eternal. Your poem has me breathless. What A TRIBUTE FOR THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR YOUR CHILD. HUGS,PRAYS AND MORE.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Christoph -- I could not respond last night after I read your comment. I went back and reread my journal and all the comments that followed. It has been a long and hard journey. I won't pretend or lie. I have been having difficulties coping the past few months, which is the reason why I have not been writing. I believe that things happen for a reason. You came to my hub, read it and left your thoughts. I came. I read. I cried. I received strength from everyone here. I healed a little bit more. Thank you, for bringing me back to my source of sorrow. You have done for me what I could not do alone. I feel the light shining in a bit...even a bit of "want" to write again. You have helped me find a piece of peace to settle me within. You are the best, and I say this not lightly, but with great respect and honesty.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Hi. Okay. This left me speechless last night. It was so moving, and written with such love that it made me feel as though your loss was my loss. As though the breath had been knocked out of me and left me unsure if I would ever draw in another. I spoke of your bravery before, somewhere else, but what a thing this is to overcome. It must have required so much more than bravery, but perseverance, toughness, resiliency, and so many other things that I can only imagine. Just know that my thoughts were with you last night. I know now, from having read part two, that you have come through this, but for me it was new. My, my.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

My heart is breaking. I cannot think of anything to say.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

SomewayOuttaHere -- It's not suppose to happen, but it does. So many things in life shouldn't happen, but it does. It's still difficult, as you know. Thank you for having the courage to read this. I know that this brought many memories back for you too. Thank you.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

finally read yours...knew it would be difficult and am glad I did...it's not supposed to happen is it? your words are beautiful...


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

mse -- You've brought a smile into my heart this morning. I miss my son dearly and the moments we spent together flew by much too quickly. I am touched that my words have affected you positively. I am grateful that you have shared what you will be doing this morning when you wake with your son. To be treasured and loved is the greatest gift for our children. Thank you. Peace and light.


mse profile image

mse 6 years ago from texas

This is one of the most touching things I have ever read. These are just words and the love comes through loud, clear and strong. I am sure you son knows he has been loved completely. Thank you so much for reminding me to hold my son the next time his ear hurts until he doesn't want me to. Thank you for this hub, it is a true blessing for me to read. I am going to give all of my kids kisses now and big hugs in the morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been too busy. I am forwarding this on....


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Katee -- From the ashes rises a new life. Thank you Katee for your kind thoughts.


Katee 6 years ago

I am very sad for you. My heart reaches out to you and your family.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Cristine -- First, I must apologize for not accepting your comment as soon as I read it. I could not, as I was in tears when I read it. And again, the second and third times. I've read your written words over and over again, but I feel the pain that you have gone through, which we share. It has been a while since I have read my hub as there are periods of time when I cannot find the strength within me to come back. However, you have provided me with great comfort; an understanding that I have not been able to express in words; a shoulder to lean on; and strength that I have been lacking. Thank you, Cristine. You have helped me find another piece of peace within me.


Cristine Thomas 6 years ago

Beth,

It is this I share as a kindred spirit, for all of which you have written has wounded my soul, thank you for your honesty and courage. I too understand the loss you feel, and by understand I mean, I lived each second and breathed each word you wrote about your child. My brittany was 4 years old and died of a brain tumor in 2001, as mothers who have had the gift of a child as this we will never feel whole again, our smiles are never as sincere and our happy moments are tolerable at best. The tears will forever fall until we hold our children again, and only then will we be whole. A precious gift of goodbye was given to us by our children, thankfully, we were with them as they ascended to heaven, my brittany could't speak but somehow I knew her needs and she felt loved. I pray I did right by her, I could doubt myself a thousand times a day, but in the end, all I have to do is remember the last time I looked into her eyes, she was looking at me as if she were looking through a mirror from another realm, it was in her eyes I recieved that goodbye I was wondering would come. It was then I knew she had completed her journey and I merely began mine. It was then I became.

God bless you

if you need to talk with someone, yell at someone, hit someone, email me. brittanywashere at att dot net


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Sam -- Thank you and your hub on Angels was really uplifting, as was the poem. :)


SamAntone 6 years ago

Fantastic! Moving! A good example of how strong love can be in adoptive cases. You may be interested in my hub about how angels protect children, and a poem I have at the end of it.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Poetlorraine -- I cannot describe how I feel at the moment other than I feel less apprehensive of this coming week because of you and other friends these past few days. I hadn't realized that you are all still watching over me. I'm very fortunate to have met and made friends here. I'm grateful for the emotional support, as I know that I would not be doing so well if I were on my own. Your kindness comes at a difficult time and it brings a bit of peace to my mind, slows the "crazies" in my head and I can breathe a bit deeper. Thank you. ???


poetlorraine 6 years ago

my pleasure, i read how difficult this week for you, i understand as best i can........


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Poetlorraine -- Thank you for letting me know that you are thinking of me. Your thoughtfullness is greatly appreciated, especially this week. Thank you for your support and strength.


poetlorraine 6 years ago

i am thinking of you, and remembering you in my prayers, god bless


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Winsome -- His birthday is next week. I'm not sure what to do. But I do know that the answer will come if I remain calm in spirit, open in heart, and willing in mind. Thank you for your prayers as I believe yours and our fellow HP friends have been heard and many have been answered.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Beth, we in the HP community are here for you and I will be praying as his birthday comes that the God of love will fill you up with the glorious gifts that come from having given to and received love from a child. When we "cast our cares on Him," the Psalms say that He writes our words in His book and keeps our tears in a bottle. May He release you to celebrate the joys of your son's life that you shared together. Blessings to you and your family.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Peg -- Your visit came at a perfect time for me. I've been having a difficult week as his birthday is coming around the corner (Feb. 16). Sleepless nights = lots of time on HP. :) Thank you for your support and love, and I do include you amongst my friends.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Sweet Beth100, I had no idea when I found you here on Hub yesterday that you had been through so much, so recently. Your adorable picture drew me in and from there I've been reading your hubs. When I read this one I cried. Nothing I can say will ever take away the pain you're feeling right now. Your words moved me to tears and my own losses (pets) pale in comparison to the loss of a child. Ralwus was right about them being on loan from our Creator who has called them back home. I hope you'll find comfort in the outpouring of love that's been expressed by your friends and I hope you'll include me among them. peg


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Dale -- I am the one that is honored that you will include this in your blog. I believe that humanity shares a few common threads which include joy, sorrow, fear, pain and love. Thank you for sharing with me a bit about yourself and your kindness.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 6 years ago from Canada

Oh my God. I really didnt know what to expect when I read this Hub.

I am 6ft1, 245 pounds. I am an oilfield worker and supposed to be one of those guys that are as hard as a rock.

Well I am telling you the rock softened after reading this hub.

My heart does go out to you and I hope you remember the good times and wash away any bad memories.

I am so proud to include this hub on my blog.

I hope I can get lots of traffic reading your story as I believe it is a story very worth reading.

Dale


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Deborah -- Thank you for your prayers and for sharing.


Deborah Sexton 6 years ago

So beautiful and sad. My heart feels swollen.

I will pray for you and yours


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Glenn, it seems at times I am able to find the strength to carry forward, but at other times, like the holidays, it seems impossible. Somehow, I have to find the courage to get up and realize that another day dawns. Thank you for your kind words and wishes.


Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 6 years ago from Long Island, NY

Beth, It is sometimes a healing process to express our feelings in writing. And very well done, too. I'm sorry for your loss and wish you strength to move on.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Fastfreta -- Thank you for your words.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California

Unbelievably heart breaking, very sad, as time passes it does become a little easier to bear. My sympathies are with you.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Paradise7 -- Each day God blesses me with hope, strength, love and peace. Each day is a gift that I treasure. Each memory is a piece of treasure that I have to reflect upon as I want and need to. Thank you for your kindness.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

OMG. I'm crying to hard to speak. God bless you and yours to help you get through.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Steven -- That's okay. I am doing well, considering. I have plenty of friends, here on HP, as well as here in town. Thank you for all that you've done to help me. xx


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

Oh im sorry to hear that then. I just thought he moved out, I didn't realize he passed away. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know he's in a better place now, and he's probably watching over you. are you going to be okay?


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Steven -- Thank you for your supportive words. Unfortunately, the journey he is on now is only one way. Perhaps I will see him in another life.

Nat -- Thank you for showing me something that I hadn't thought of...the pain, hopefully will become less, but the thought of sweeter memories has me feeling hopeful.


nat 6 years ago

powerful story. i first hoped he was just leaving home for adulthood. your words show a love that lasts forever. the pain never ends but the memories become sweeter.


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

wow, that was very beautiful. im sorry to hear to about you losing your son. im sure he'll always keep in touch though. he's very lucky to have a mother like you that cares about him a lot.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Skeri -- Thank you for your comments and support.


skeri profile image

skeri 6 years ago from United Kingdom

This story break heart! Very sad but great hub...


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

JeniRae -- I'm a little short on words today, as he has now been gone for 3 days. The wound is fresh, and my emotions raw. Thank you for realizing that we should cherish each moment with our children. Thank you for your words of comfort.

Aim4strz -- Thank you for your prayers and for your thoughtfulness.


aim4strz profile image

aim4strz 6 years ago from West Michigan

Heartbreaking! I pray that God may ease your pain. I know it may not help, but remember that she is in better place right now- she's happy- and I'm sure she wishes she could ease your grief. Try to take comfort in the fact that our time here is short and you will be reunited soon. God Bless


JeniRae profile image

JeniRae 6 years ago from Vail, Iowa USA

My heart is breaking along with yours. I have felt all those things that you described with my own 3 small children excepy the last. I pray to god that I will never go through what you are. I am praying for you and your child and will look at my children through a different scope after reading you heart wrenching account. I am so sorry- but have faith that god will carry you through this painful time.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Rebecca E. -- I am sorry for your loss. It is true, time passes quickly and I must take solace in this. Thank you for the gentle reminder and comforting words.


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 6 years ago from Canada

I know this is small comfort, but you will see your little one soon, time passes quickly, but sometimes not a quickly as we'd like, I miss my own child who died 5 years ago but I know I'll see him soon.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Georgiakevin -- Thank you for your comforting words. I am very lucky as I am surrounded by family and friends.


Georgiakevin profile image

Georgiakevin 6 years ago from Central Georgia

My deepest sympathy on your loss. My sister lost her daughter 25 years ago and there is never a day that goes by that she doesn't miss and grieve for her. because I love my sister and my niece I grieve too but not in the same way. My you always be surrounded by love so that you can grieve.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

BP - Thank you for the hub -- exactly what I needed today. Love ya too, and sooo glad you're back! xox


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Oh Beth you tugged at my wee heart strings...I am going to reach inside the PC and give you a hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hug...love ya chickadee. xox


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Michelle, I feel connected with you too. I understand what you mean. It has helped me tremendously to write and to share as I have received much love, strength, encouragement and comfort from everyone. Thank you, Michelle.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Beth, you accepted the pain and the love and received the comfort from God, from people! And acceptance and love brings peace to the soul even amidst the grief. I know you understand what I mean. I am teary eyed again as I visit here and feel you...thank you for sharing your heart. I learn much from you.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

James -- Thank you for your prayers and your words of comfort. They are greatly appreciated.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you this day.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Michelle -- Your words always bring peace to my soul. I don't know how you do it, but thank you.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

My Dear Beth,

My heart aches knowing there is much pain and grief...and yet knowing there is so much love too. The mixed emotions is making everything full and yet empty. Aaah the paradox and mystery of life and love. And as I sit here quietly, teary eyed, grateful and sad, I send you loving hugs all across the miles. No words will capture what is inside but I pray you will feel the comfort and love sent your way. I am deeply grateful that you have felt so much support from your friends here on Hubpages, in knowing that God is holding you close through them and your family and friends.

Much love and light Beth, much love and light.

Michelle


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Zadrobi -- Yes, I have many old voids too. I believe that this will heal over time, but it's the "time" part that is difficult. Thank you for your love.

Cally2 -- Thank you, I appreciate it.

Poetlorraine -- I guess I just have to believe and carry forward. Thank you.

I*N*V*I*C*T*U*S -- He will always remain in my heart. Thank you for your strength and words of comfort.


I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 6 years ago

Beth, My heart heart and prayers are with you. I am so sorry to hear of your losing your child. Your expressions are deeply moving and yet beautiful in the light of a mothers unconditional love and endearing of the sentimental momories of your lovely child. I feel you will always be close in spirit and wach others hearts. It is so painful to hear of this loss. My prayers are with you and your family. {{Big Hugs}}


poetlorraine 6 years ago

It's almost impossible to think time can heal, but strangely it does, thinking of you, you are in my thoughts and prayers


cally2 profile image

cally2 6 years ago from Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Sending you love


zadrobi profile image

zadrobi 6 years ago from Carbondale, IL

Beth,

I still have small, deep holes from the losses in my life that won't ever go away. To me, they aren't painful voids anymore; they're happy memories of what I was blessed with. I will pray for you in hopes that you find solace and a purpose to guide you, without losing hope or faith.

Thank you, Beth, for sharing this emotive chapter in your life.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Zsuzsy - Thank you for your words of comfort.


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 6 years ago from Ontario/Canada

Oh Beth I'm so so sorry. All the strength in the world to you and your family.

kindest regards Zsuzsy


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Tantrum -- Your very presence is a gift. Thank you.

The Rope -- I have few words today. I feel the love and support that is around me. Thank you for your words of ecouragement and support.


The Rope profile image

The Rope 6 years ago from SE US

It has been said that losing a child is the hardest loss of all - Blessings to both you and your family as you travel this journey. I am so terribly, terribly sorry. You are an amazing woman to have been able to pour out so much in this hub. Strength may seem far away but you will prevail, there is so much love surrounding you.


tantrum profile image

tantrum 6 years ago from Tropic of Capricorn

I won't say a word. Silence is my gift.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Kimberly -- I know that you know this hole all too well. I cannot stop thinking about you. I'm holding on, barely at times, and then at other times, with much greater fortitude. Thank you for being strong for yourself and showing me that I can do it too.


lyricsingray 6 years ago

Beth, O know this hole all too well, and while you wrote a beautiful piece, I know the pain it took to write it. You are not alone,far from it, hold onto these comments and hold onto your strength, you are loved by many, and by me, god bless, Kimberly


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Jane@CM -- Thank you for your thoughts.

rebekahELLE -- Thank you for being there for me.

althea_m -- Yes, we must slow down and enjoy our gifts around us. Often, we don't realize this until it is too late. Thank you for your prayers.

Daniel Carter -- My emotions are taking my words away from me. Thank you for kindness and thoughts.

MPM -- Your words and everyone's here, have helped me and continue to. It is difficult to come and read, but I know that I find comfort when I do. Thank you, and you have been a true friend.


manlypoetryman profile image

manlypoetryman 6 years ago from (Texas !) Boldly Writing Poems Where No Man Has Gone Before...

Ow...I hurt from reading this pain your enduring. It is hard for folks to say the right thing when confronted against the knowledge of such a loss...but these great comments by your friends and readers here sure have been comforting to you...I know. I can't imagine what you are going through...but as friends do...just know we are all here for you in support.... and that your lil' angel has a great Mom in you! I'll pray that you can have help bearing the grief through the weeks to come...and that you will only know joy for the time being...and then ultimately a reunion on a future day! (Until you can see her once more in a better place.) Your friend, MPM


Daniel Carter profile image

Daniel Carter 6 years ago from Western US

Dear Beth, I'm so very sorry for you loss. But I'm so glad for the grace and beauty that you have in writing about it. Sending kindest thoughts to you and your family.


althea_m profile image

althea_m 6 years ago

My heart and prayers go out to you. I miscarried twice and that was very difficult. I hardly begin to compare. I do want you to know that by reading your hub, you have inspired me to slow down, take lots more pictures and videos of my two kids (1&3) and cherish each moment I spend with them. Your son was blessed to have you for a Mom :)Praying for strength for you and your family during this time.


rebekahELLE profile image

rebekahELLE 6 years ago from Tampa Bay

Beth, your love is so powerful it is felt in every word of this outpouring for your son. our hearts are yours. bless you for sharing such an intimate place with your readers. :)


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Shalini -- Thank you for your comforting words.

Emievil -- My friends and fellow hubbers are, at this point in time, a lifeline for me. You are all helping to keep me pointed in the right direction. Thank you.

HT -- Don't be annoyed. I have made myself scarce for the past few weeks and will be again gone for a while in the next few weeks. I will find you. Thank you for being a dear friend. xoxo

PrettyDarkHorse -- I feel I am the one that has been blessed to have been given the opportunity to be in his life. It's just hard to accept that the inevitable will come. Thank you for your kindness.

Justine76 -- I write because it helps me when I am extremely emotional. I wrote this because I felt alone. I didn't expect anything in return. I have been given a gift from each and everyone one of you with your words of love, caring, understanding, encouragement and strenght. It does help to know that I am not alone. Thank you, Justine.

FlightKeeper -- The difficulty lies for me in accepting that he will only be a memory soon. I still can't go there. Thank you for your understanding.


Jane@CM profile image

Jane@CM 6 years ago

(((hugs))) This is a beautiful tribute. I pray for peace for you dear Beth and for your family.


Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast

The happy memories of your son is an everlasting gift, I'm glad there are many to help you through this painful time.


Justine76 6 years ago

Hi Beth, I know you've heard this alot already but maybe knowing one more person cares can give even the slightest bit of comfort. I am glad you know in your heart your human, and have done the very best you can. I truly hope you do not waste another second doubting the fact that your a good mother. Allow yourelf to grieve without guilt, and the tears will eventually stop. Thank you for sharing this, I hope it helps you some to get it out? I wish you peace and comfort, Beth.


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

hi, I read this hub and I cried, am a mother myself and I feel for you,I am pretty sure, your child is proud of you and he was blessed, for a time he was taken care of by a mother like you.


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emievil 6 years ago from Philippines

Hi Beth. What can I say? Thank you for sharing this with us. I do hope that you will find solace in the words and the compassion shown by your fellow hubbers. Stay strong and wherever your dearest one goes, I'm sure your child knows how much you love him or her.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

No words are ever enough - I do hope you are blessed with strength as you go through this. Any mother who can write this is a wonderful mother!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Misha -- You've always held a spot inside of me -- never waivering, always strong. Thank you because I am drawing upon this.

Crazd -- You have been with me almost every night. Tonight, you have given me the greatest gift I needed. A bit of laughter, a bit of lightness, a bit of rest. Thank you. xxx

Ivorwen -- I can't stop crying. I don't know when I ever will. My fun tonight is just a mask; temporary denial. Thank you for being there for me.

Jewels -- I can't go there yet. Thank you for your supportive and understanding words. You have spoken for me of what I can't answer. Thank you.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 6 years ago from Australia

Beautifully moving. To any mother and father who are blessed to be guardians of children, your words can encompass death or the child moving into their own. Children are never owned and hearts break when the cord is stretched to breaking point.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

I'm crying with you.


Crazdwriter 6 years ago

Oh my Beth...this is so sad...I am so sorry that you are going through such rough times right now. I am here for you sweety no matter what!


Misha profile image

Misha 6 years ago from DC Area

Oh Beth, my heart is bleeding for you...


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Rose Mary -- I must remind myself that we do not "own" our children for they are their own. Thank you.

Lorlie6 - Thank you for sharing your time with me. It helps to know that I have this support.

Dohn -- You are correct, Dohn. We love each other and that will never change. Thank you for your prayers and your caring words.

RedElf - Sometimes I must write to express how I feel so that I don't explode. I am grateful to you and everyone for sharing and giving me a shoulder to lean on. Thank you.

Peggy W - I feel for your mother, it must be extremely difficult for her, and you. I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for your prayers and thoughtfulness.

Livingsta - Thank you for taking the time to be part of this period in my life.


livingsta profile image

livingsta 6 years ago from United Kingdom

Oh my God..Such an amazing hub..it touched my heart..Thank you so so much for sharing :)


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

So very sad and yet...the two of you are bound together for all eternity. When time passes, you will remember more of the happy times than the sad. Losing a child no matter what the age is difficult for parents. Not the natural order of things. My mother once told me that losing her son was more difficult than losing the love of her life...her husband. Now she has lost both sons and I am her only child left. Your hub has touched me deeply. Hope that you are surrounded by caring people who understand. May God bless you and help get you through this trial.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

Thank you for sharing this wonderful, sad, and deeply moving part of your life with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

You did a wonderful job sharing this with all of us. Although it pains me to learn that you are losing him, I have no doubts about your love for him and the effort you put forth in raising him. He loves you and you love him always. That's really all that matters, Beth. You are both in my prayers. Thank you, Beth.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Such tender mama-words-thank you for sharing such a difficult time. Beautiful.


rmcrayne profile image

rmcrayne 6 years ago from San Antonio Texas

Beth this was an incredibly moving piece. Such a touching tribute to "gifts we cannot keep".


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Resspencer - Thank you for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me.

Ek Ellis - I am sorry for your loss. My heart is heavy, but your words of encouragement help me. Thank you.

Ralwus - CC, you are right, our precious angels are only on load to us until He decides it is time to reclaim them for a higher purpose. Still, it is difficult to accept. I, am however, trying my hardest to focus on the many wonderful times we shared. Thank you for your comforting words.

Poetlorraine -- My mind will not allow my heart to go past the point of never seeing, holding, kissing him or telling him how much I love him.

Ken R. Abell - I thank all my fellow friends and hubbers for allowing me to share this period of time. I do not know how I would cope otherwise. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Itakins - Thank you.


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

This is so touching.


Ken R. Abell profile image

Ken R. Abell 6 years ago from ON THE ROAD

This is a powerful article. Thank you for baring your soul. My prayer is for you is to be comforted by the One who loves you with an everlasting love.


poetlorraine 6 years ago

sorry is he dying or just moving on....... enjoyed every minute of this, maybe it is just too early in the morning for me


ralwus 6 years ago

This is so sad, I do feel for you and please know you are now in my prayers. All I can say is, sometimes god just loans these angels to us for a while, then with no apparent reason or logic reclaims them as he did his own son. Peace and love. CC


ek ellis profile image

ek ellis 6 years ago

I lost my son at the age of three, I sat by his side, I held his hand and said my final goodbyes, that was twelve years ago. Be strong.


resspenser profile image

resspenser 6 years ago from South Carolina

I am forwarding this to my family and I hope they get as much from it as i did!

You are surely a great mother.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

KCC - Thank you for your kindness and your words. They mean a lot to me. I am sorry for your loss. Warm hugs.

Maggs224 -- Thank you too for your kindness and thoughts. I appreciate your support.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 6 years ago from Sunny Spain

This is such a moving hub, I am deeply touched and I just can't find any words God bless you and your family as you go through this difficult time.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 6 years ago from Central Texas

OMG..((((Hugs)))) I sit here bawling, reading such a beautiful hub about such a terribly difficult subject. I wish you all the best.

Tonight marks the 6th anniversary of me losing my son. One of the most memorable things someone said to me at my son's funeral was that I was a good mother.

I want you to know that you're a good mother. Cherish every last second. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you as you make it through this struggle.

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