My Thoughts VII: On Age


This is a journal entry from five years ago, which I came across last week (I am trying to clean some closets - perhaps searching for skeletons from my past which are still hiding around). I had to laugh at the second paragraph. I wrote that I was "done" and that I was ready to retire.

Indeed, five years ago I was done. Or I hadn't even started: either way the same thing, I think. I was immobilized (for many reasons ... at this point I am thinking of Damion Marley's words: "Self-defeat is an own dispute"). I did have to laugh at whoever wrote this journal entry ... it is for sure not me. Or at least, it is not the Me of today.

All in all, these are just some thoughts of a struggling soul.


September 19th, 2006

I have nothing to say really. I just started writing because I just lit the biggest blunt in the history of blunts. I packed it right-up – feels like an actual cigar. And I got some serious weed, great for the draught too. Draught . . . I got nothing to say about that either. Every year, same thing: by the end of the summer: no weed or shitty weed at ridiculously high prices. But ya … one way or another, things must go on; the show must go on.

I am getting old . . . not old in the sense of age but more like time. ‘Age’ is an awful thing which does tremendously bad things to people. “Age” makes people do crazy things like getting married or having kids without even wanting to do so. “Age” dictates Life for many . . . for me it is different. I have trained myself to live a life without such ‘social’ duties. Thus, my oldness comes because I have lived awhile. I have lived enough to say that: “I’m done.” I really am. I am ready to retire. I don’t need no more stress, I don’t feel like ‘slaving’ for no one and I definitely do not plan on having kids to put them through this bad joke called: “Life”.

Greed and viciousness are becoming a necessity on one’s resume in order to get anywhere nowadays. If you are nice, people dance on you or they try to anyway. So ya . . . it is quite hard to be ‘good’ . . . a bloody struggle actually!

More by this Author

  • Success and Suicide
    14

    Some years back, I wrote a piece here on Hub-pages about Suicide and Hunter S. Thompson. I loved him as a writer and when he chose to take his life, I felt it was an honorable decision. The man lived a full life, with...

  • Life as an Impressionist Painting
    29

    I do not personally draw or paint much. I can get a pretty good stickman going but that’s about it. Nonetheless, I do enjoy looking at art and paintings. Impressionist paintings have always had a special place in...

  • "A Lonely Kitchen"
    2

         I woke up again for the third or fourth time in my life to the news that someone close to me has given up on this life. My grandma just stopped breathing. To a certain extent, I do not want to...


Comments 10 comments

tHErEDpILL profile image

tHErEDpILL 5 years ago from New York

Mr. Happy I love this. Straight from the heart with 'real' emotion. You get that when your high, you step outside of your brain and into your mind when your high. Like our President said,

"I smoked before, and I inhaled, that was the point." - Barrack Obama.

I hear ya Mr. Happy and more importantly, I feel you. When you get to a certain point, if you made it long enough, you do feel tired and run down, and you do wish for stress to go away. But it never will, not until you die. So, even though I know you said your a different person today, just remember this if you ever feel like going back to 2006 again...

"You can rest when you die."- Unknown


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Haha! I cannot thank you enough for you comment Mr./Mrs. tHErEDpILL!

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

Wandering thoughts ...


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

This explains all sorts of things, including the 'Mr. Happy' moniker.


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico

It's like you have two minds, or two trains of thought as you get old. One says it's all over and you might as well lie down for the last time: the other welcomes each new day with plans, hopes and ideas. It seems somehow true that man's mind interacts with the energy of the universe and he can create optomism or pessimism as he chooses...Bob


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you for your comment and read Mr. WillStar. Journal entries indeed explain many things regarding one's past. That is why I love re-reading them and trying to learn from them. Having people comment on them it is even more useful, as I realize self-criticism is not very effective. Cheers!

Yes, Mr. Diogenes - I believe your words are quite wise. There is a battle in each of us (for the most part) ... it is the battle of the two wolves: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1Mb9tsnYLU

Thank you for stopping by.


GNelson profile image

GNelson 5 years ago from Florida

I quit about four years ago. I was done. I had seen too many parties when someone won or someone lost. I don't keep score anymore and I love it. Don't miss it, don't need it, don't want it. My dog likes to walk, my wife likes to travel and I like to write and build.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

No, I did not even laugh - it is a phenomenon - when I was 25 I thought "the train has left, the ship has sailed, I am too old and too tired." Now fifteen years later, it is a different view - you climb up the mountain and look at Life from a different angle. It is still a joke, but in a different language.

I still have a feeling that I have not figured out anything yet, I have pieces of the puzzle, but I am still very puzzled.

And on diary writing ... my first attempt in 2005 failed miserably. All I could say "I cannot write. I cannot write. I cannot write. I cannot write."

I came back to keeping a diary in 2007 to make seven subsequent entries. Only in 2010? it was more or less consistent. Even now it is a struggle, but it helps very much...

And, yes, if I was not embarrassed so much, I would have shared my masterpieces from my past. I don't know what to do "to laugh or to cry".


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 5 years ago from Alberta and Florida

I'm sitting here looking at sixty and wondering how anyone can feel old at 27 (which is what I figure your age was when you wrote this.) Then I remember a time where I though thirty was old... Oh, the stupidity of youth!

Understand I can speak only for myself, but I have no thoughts of life being over, or myself being done. I improve with each passing day. Life has brought me much and taught me even more but is in no way finished with me yet.

Take heart -- the best is yet to come. (And perhaps take it easy on the you-know-what. It stunts your mental growth.)


albertacowpoke profile image

albertacowpoke 5 years ago from Redwater, Alberta

I'll be turning 65 later this year and I still don't feel very old. The key is to have a daily plan and something to occupy yourself to make life interesting. In my case it has been writing and my interaction with animals. Horses are the reason I get up each morning.

I think too many, including myself at one time, are wrapped up in the daily rush for the top. Having shed those chains, I can still feel young, albeit a little slower.


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

I enjoyed this hub and the reaction you have received says it all. You have a nice way of connecting with your readers and their comments show how much they appreciate that.

I would highly recommend you check out a hubber called Slarty O'Brian also a fellow Canadian because I think you two have a lot in common.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working