Not knowing where to go.

Tension Emotion

NOT KNOWING THE NEXT MOVE.The man we know,a bit of a lad

Really inside he feels quite sad

Hiding his feelings,easy to hide

Burying them deep down inside.

Always seemed happy,at least on the outside

I could see through him,he couldn't hide.

Broke down in tears ,while on his ownBrave

happy people hide,a familiar tone.

A rush of emotions,when inside his lonely home

Pacing at all hours,his feelings just roam.

Ups and downs,confusion aside

Cannot seem to stop the emotional tide.

To his friends and family,confident and outgoing

It kills him insidehis family not knowing.

The thoughts he had,his next steps in life

Turmoil of feelings,full of strife.

He has no solution,no end in sight

Will he choose the wrong route,don't know,he might.

Time can only reveal,the things that we dread

Just don't want to find,my best friend dead.


My Best Friend.

this day started so well.ended really bad.my best friend lost the will to live,he attempted the ultimate action,he tried to end his own life.i spoke with him literally one hour before he did it.he gave no clue or indication of what he intended doing.i didn't realise the plastic bag he was carrying contained his choice of drug so to speak.he was lucid and even joked about an insignificant incident earlier that day.ive spoken to professionals in the field of mental health,the general consensus is,you never know when or where someone will attempt suicide.they generally give no clue or indication of their intended chosen way out.They even seem happy,but that I know now is resignation and acceptance of what they are going to do.its scary how little we know about suicide,there's no books or avenues to turn to.something we may understand as time passes us by.

Despair and sadness.

Is it time?

desperation,desperation,desperation

it's all he would know

the avenues blocked

nowhere to go.

no one to trust,no one will listen

the tears on my face

i see them glisten.

ive only one choice

or so it may seem

I'll destroy my family

selfish and mean

i need the help I cannot find

my soul and emotions I need to bind.


All too familiar.

Long time ago.

i remember working years ago,and my work colleague came in to replace me.he told me a haunting story.the day before his son had committed suicide by jumping in front of a train.i was absolutely devastated.i was lost for words to console the man.i am not often lost for words,but I was this day.he knew I studied psychology,and asked me to read his sons suicide note written on a road map.i felt totally ill equipped to answer him,but I didn't want to let him down.what struck me about the suicide note was,his son actually put a few jokes in the note.he obviously was trying somehow to soften the blow for his family of what he intended to do.the boy was very intelligent,his note was so in depth,I've never read anything like it.alll I could tell my friend at the time was,his son had clearly settled on his own mind of what he was going to do.there would have been no point trying to talk him out of it,as it would have made no difference at all.i also told him his son was at the end of his road quite happy,strange as this may seem,his suicide note was almost comical in parts.in the end all I could really do was offer a shoulder to lean on.thats all any of us can really do.

Unfortunate circumstances.

unfortunately in my short life of 46 years,I've dealt with more than my fair share of deaths and suicides..I've lost close family,and very close friends to this terrible menace.ive been the shoulder and the consoler when needs be.i hate to be the one the responsibility seems to fall on.i have an uncanny knack of being the wrong place at the wrong time.i don't know if it's a curse,or a predisposed act that I'm meant to do this.some people think their path in life is ordained,I'm not sure I can go as far as to say that's what's happening to me,but I reckon anything is possible.

Can you be there?

did god ask me the question

can I always be there

taxing my emotions

is this really fair?

im not sure of my path,

or where I will go

time will answer everything,

of this I know.

dealing with grief,sadness and tears

im meant to do this,no sympathy for my tears.

A last resort.

many years ago I did a pretty good thing I thought.i met a man who was at his lowest ebb.i sat him down for 8 hours,we spoke of his problems,it took all that time to talk him out of his intended course of action,which was suicide.he had several items to do the job.he was very well equipped to kill himself.id never seen such an array of tools for death as he had on him that night.thank god he changed his mind.my one good deed in my life.

Shedding emotional stress.

You do cause ,you can.

I couldn't not knowingly not help someone in distress.i would never forgive myself if I didn't help out a friend or family member,then it ended up in their destruction.i don't think there are many people in the world who would ignore a fellow human being in distress.i like to think there is a good side to most people,a kindness that you only let out when you know someone is in distress and despair.i know there are a few exceptions to the rule,but these people need to live with themselves after the fact.something I could not do.

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2 comments

Muses on Life profile image

Muses on Life 16 months ago

This is so sad yet true. Too often we never know the emotional anguish behind another's smile. It is a reminder to always cherish those who pass our way.


bigj1969 profile image

bigj1969 16 months ago from glasgow Author

Thanks for your comment,Muses on Life.

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