Not the Illusion in Your Head

Do I? Do I really matter to you?

Am I really that important,

Because right now I don't feel like I do

Feels a little more like you're blindly self righteous or even a little arrogant

You said I'm special, called me different from the rest

But I am really not that different

Definitely not the illusion in your head

Some reflection of imaginary bewitchment

The more I find myself the less I have to lose

I believe, though, in a special kind of love

It's there, there for us to choose

And it takes a tremendous amount of trust

To believe a relationship is strong enough

Choosing anything else would simply be unjust

So I bare my heart and I share my soul

Believing that my feelings and my needs matter to you too

To be critical, demeaning, accusing, or demanding is never my goal

After all, if necessary, I want the same from you

Who said that sorting the chaff from the grain

Would always be an easy task

Or that it would happen free of pain?

It is, however, how a friendship lasts

You may feel I've done you wrong

But there's nothing now I can do about that

So here I am with my light of friendship on

Maybe someday you will find your way back






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Comments 29 comments

manatita44 profile image

manatita44 14 months ago from london

Oh Shanmarie, what can I say!

The poem is excellent, yes, yet touching and real. If there is any pain, like it indicates, then all my love and empathies. Wishing you much happiness and Peace. In Love and Light.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 14 months ago from london

Funny how we can associate things in a flash. I suddenly remembered that I had dedicated a poem for you and I have found it. You must have been away. Hope you like it: http://hubpages.com/literature/I-Enter-Through-The...


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 14 months ago

I hope you aren't feeling that pain because you've expressed it beautifully -- like you really know what you are talking about.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Manatita, what gracious comments you leave! No, I am not feeling that pain. I didn't want to feel pain like that again, and so I am not. I have known this person over half of my life and I expected her reaction when I said what I did. And I was only so bold this time, having learned the hard way that expressing any sense of wrong or hurt does not end well. It's up to the other to want to acknowledge and validate feelings if shared. We humans are selfish that way. And, in this case, I hear talk of offenses others do to her, all the while never realizing she hurts and disappoints others too. I am not so different or special or as understanding as she.thinks. Just as human as she is and everyone else. I simply was never so bold as to tell her the.full truth as I see it.

Thank you for bringing that dedication to my attention. I hope the comment stayed this time.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

MizBejabbers, I may not be feeling it as the same sense of deep, cutting pain as I have in the sort-of-recent past, but I do feel it. It always saddens me the way we treat our friends as if they are disposable, sometimes family members too. It's easy to just move on to the next person whenever the newness and the excitement wears off, after finding out there are more fundamental differences than first thought.

I am actually working on another hub about that. I don't think it's so hard to fix those issues, if desired. It's a matter of changing perspective and speaking a different language, so to speak. And I have thought long and hard about these things, pretty much all my life. I took my stand long ago. Though I've felt disillusioned in the past couple of years, I am not yet ready to let go of my choice to stand by loving someone once I start. It's always a choice, a gift to give every single day or to stop. The bond stops when people stop meeting the needs of others either by choice or negligence. And Ive learned love is not necessarily reciprocal. That is a choice too and one has to understand the preferences of another to really know what makes that person feel valued and important.


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 14 months ago from Pueblo, Colorado

you express the feelings that many have ..yet feel afraid to let it out .. which in turn is a great release... nice write,,,

Michael


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 14 months ago from london

Your answer to me was very wise, Missy. We all carry burdens, dead elephants that sits upon our shoulders. To digress a little, I feel so much empathy with women and babies or young children on buses!

I always think that if they are struggling, then there is a bigger reason that I don't know, and this makes me more empathetic. We can apply this to people who seem to hurt us for no reason. Are they hurting?

"Be kind, be all empathy, for each and every human being, is forced to fight against himself." - Sri Chinmoy.

Remember I care, but most of all remember that you're very, very special, and have a lot to offer to the world. Praise be!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 14 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

Wisdom wrapped in vulnerability in your universal words, dear Shanmarie.

I love your song choice as well.

Have a peaceful evening. Hugs, Maria


MsDora profile image

MsDora 14 months ago from The Caribbean

Trust must be a priority enough to influence the illusion in your head; that illusion has merits. I feel the emotions here.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 14 months ago from New York

Pain is always hard to bear, especially when the other has gone away. Beautifully done!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Thanks, Michael. Serializing anything can be a great release.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

I really like that empathy quote. Thanks, manatita.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Aww, Maria, thanks. Hugs right back at you. That song makes me cry, because I often want to scream that it's just not fair, too. But I wasn't sure afterwards if it fit so well with the poem as I first thought.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Hi. MsDora. Trust is important to me because, for me, it goes beyond typical integrity. It includes things like loyalty and forgiveness, things people tend to throw away more and more easily as we become more and more jaded by pain and disappointment.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Thank you, Mary! I think being bitter and angry would be easier. I definitely see why people choose that route. But I fear the day I let myself ever become so pessimistic.


drbj profile image

drbj 14 months ago from south Florida

Short, sweet and sour, to the point and eminently readable, shanmarie. And the video was a perfect choice.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 14 months ago from USA

Very pointed


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 14 months ago from Riga, Latvia

Love the flow of your poem and lovely sentiments.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

DrBJ, I rather like that comment. It's like bittersweet, but sweet and sour reminds me of candy. Glad you enjoyed the song. Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much we love someone when it doesn't matter to that someone.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 14 months ago from london

Shanmarie,

You're very gracious. My apologies for getting your name wrong. So sorry. The sentiments are very real. Much Love.


Larry Rankin profile image

Larry Rankin 14 months ago from Oklahoma

Beautifully expressed.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

I suppose that is my style more often than not, Flourish. Thanks for stopping by and commenting to let me know.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Thank you, Rasma! So glad you stopped by.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

No worries, manatita. I didn't even really notice. Sometimes Missy is used as a sassy term of endearment.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Thanks, Larry! I appreciate your visits.


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 14 months ago from New Delhi, India

Excellent poem, beautifully expressed and so touching! The reader can almost feel the pain.

Well done and thank you!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 14 months ago from Texas Author

Thank you, ChitrangadaSharan!!


lawrence01 profile image

lawrence01 13 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

This is powerful, some really atrong imagery comes to mind. Thank you

Lawrence


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 13 months ago from Texas Author

Thank you, Lawrence. Glad you stopped by to read.

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