Ode To Poe: Oh Nasty, Smelly, Stained Carpet

You wreak upon me a havoc profound

Click thumbnail to view full-size

Oh nasty, smelly, stained carpet

Oh nasty, smelly, stained carpet

You are a dead Mammoth

In my abode

A dead Mammoth

That throngs of drunkards and

Poorly groomed dogs

Have micturated upon

Nasty, Smelly, Stained Carpet

Though I spent 48 hours washing you

Then spent the next 48

Pondering pouring 48 gallons of gasoline

Upon your shaggy, odoriferous and onerous rune

Yet no vaporous carpet flambeau

Could quell your sour scent

No distilled accelerant could disimbibe

Your horse breeding stains

Why do you taunt me so

With your textile of decay?

Oh nasty, smelly, stained carpet I abhor thee


Dedicated to my spirit brother Edgar Allen Poe.

More by this Author


Comments 12 comments

Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

I can smell it. Phhew


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Hahaaaa! If you saw it Green Lotus, you might be nonplussed.


MHilbert profile image

MHilbert 6 years ago

Gross! And that is why I make others vacuum the living room for me.


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

MH: Yes, I used an industrial washer to clean it. Still seems dirty. I prefer wood floors, but I rent. It's like walking on a dirty animal, seriously.


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 6 years ago from Canada

Hey Ben, your ability to find the exact word for the moment has captured my admiration. You are a still water...

"...throngs of drunkards and Poorly groomed dogs Have micturated upon..." One of the best turns of phrase I've encountered in a long time.


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

I am humbly and courteously honored by your admiration niteriter. I'm very flattered, thanks for the encouragement, I need it! Ben


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

Too "Poe" for words! Love the way you write!


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Thanks for the compliment RedElf!


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

YES! Here's to poetry that elevates the mundane to poetic heights, bestowing it with undeserved grace.


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Here here! It's the world I live in!


marieryan profile image

marieryan 6 years ago from Andalusia, Spain

I really can empathize with you, Ben. I feel exactly the same about my disgusting kitchen sink!


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Thanks marieryan! Someday, if my dream comes true, I will own my own home where I can tackle these sorts of hindrances and be done with them once and for all! I hope your kitchen sink sees better days! There's no helping this infernal carptet!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working