My Ode to Miss Muffet: an Imperfect Piece of Writing, and the Value of Spell-check

1940 Poster
1940 Poster | Source

What are Curds and Whey?

In the cheese making process, milk is separated out into solids (curds) and liquid (whey), usually with the aid of rennet, lemon juice or vinegar. The curds are slippery, white and somewhat gelatinous feeling. They taste very acidic early on in the cheese making process, and then mellow out as the lactic fermentation comes along.

The whey looks like cloudy, yellowish water. It tastes just like milk. If the cheese maker owns pigs, they may feed them the extracted whey. Parma hams are from pigs fed on the whey from Parmigiano Reggiano. Other cheese makers convert the whey into ricotta, or cottage cheese, fully extracting the last milk solids from the liquid. But more often than not, the whey ends up being distributed over the farmer’s pasture, fertilizing the land the dairy herd will end up grazing on once more.

Warning!

I know there are a lot of great writers here at Hub Pages who put a lot of time and effort into perfecting their art. To those people I wish to apologise now and recommend that you do not proceed to read this hub any further. This poem is simply a parody and not intended to offend, so if you are easily offended by bad spelling, grammar, and poor writing in general, please STOP! Read no more.. move on to another hub NOW!

If however you are not easily offended, can laugh at yourself and think there is a place (somewhere) for other writers both good and bad..then, be my guest and please continue to read this poem, "My Ode to Miss Muffet."

I did put this poem through the Hub Pages spell-check and it found no errors....so...enough said.

Little Miss Muffet 2 - WW Denslow - Project Gutenberg etext 18546
Little Miss Muffet 2 - WW Denslow - Project Gutenberg etext 18546 | Source

The Eagles referred to the Porsche Spyder and the death of James Dean in the song "James Dean", using the popular poem "Little Miss Muffet" in the song.

(source: Wikipedia)

Ode to Miss Muffet

by John Hansen © 2014

To pass the thyme eye like to right,

Eye do it every day and knight.

Sometimes poetry, sometimes prose,

With spell cheque almost anything goes.


It doesn't matter that wee can't spell,

Or if hour gramma has a funny smell.

If you can put your pen to paige

It's possible to urn a wage.


Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,

But punctuation, watts the point?

A semi-colon has no class,

And a colon just a pain in the ass.

Origins and Meaning Of "Little Miss Muffet".

The nursery rhyme "Little Miss Muffet" first appeared in print in 1805, in a book titled Songs for the Nursery. Its origins are unclear, like many such rhymes. Some say it may have been written by Dr Thomas Muffet, an English physician and entomologist, regarding his stepdaughter Patience; others claim it refers to Mary, Queen of Scots, who was said to have been frightened by religious reformer John Knox.

(source: Wikipedia)

Tuffet

  1. A small seat or stool covered in fabric so the legs aren't showing
  2. A clump of something Eg. A tuffet of grass

Though I really like quotation marques.

Dialogue gives yore righting sparks.

Full stops or comas, which too ewes?

Hold on aisle just go ask my moose.


Poems don't even knead to rime,

Just brake prose into shorter lines.

Most poets don't even knead spell cheque,

They make-up words so watt the heck.


The major reason that I'm a poet,

I'm week at grammar, and don't I no it.

So four anyone two enjoy my words

Please separate the whey from curds.

Little Miss Muffet 1 - Illustration by w:en:William Wallace Denslow from the Project Gutenberg EBook of Denslow's Mother Goose, by Anonymous
Little Miss Muffet 1 - Illustration by w:en:William Wallace Denslow from the Project Gutenberg EBook of Denslow's Mother Goose, by Anonymous | Source

What is you favourite nursery rhyme?

See results without voting

© 2014 John Hansen

More by this Author


Comments 103 comments

word55 profile image

word55 2 years ago from Chicago

Hey Jodah, nice to read your fabulous poem of wonderful humor this early morning. It was so enjoyable. Little Miss Muffet, one of our childhood stories to never be forgotten. May God continue to bless all aspects of your writing!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for being the first to read and comment word55. Glad you can appreciate my attempt at humour and silly poem. Have a great day.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Hahaha, I TRULY loved this delightful and creative ode here. What a treasure to read early this morning. You are a true poet, and you should know it, for to come up with such a clever poem such as this, is brilliant in my book. I always loved Little Miss Muffet.

I don't think you should have felt the need to offer up any explanation and just be your creative self, a great poet!

Voted up and all the way across, tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing Have a wonderful day.

Blessings


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Wow Faith, I never expected such a terrific comment. Thanks so much for your kind words. Gad you enjoyed the light-heartedness of this ode. thought it was a bit of fun. I appreciate the voteup, share, pin and tweet.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

this was very good humor.. loved it I did however thought you were going to say.. that the spider wanted to know what was in the bowl..B...h! Lol aka.. Dice Clay..:)


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Excellent piece, both funny and sad in it's truth. They say the best jokes have a bit of truth in them --- or is that the best lies have a bit of truth in them? (note my unwholy use of hyphens ;-)


Harishprasad profile image

Harishprasad 2 years ago from India

John: I'm amazed at your creativity- to tell something worthwhile in such a funny way. Though volumes of writing can't convince the guys of the need of correct spelling and grammar, this funny poem conveys it so brilliantly. Great to see a lighter side of you !


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Frank, glad you got a laugh.

One version we said as kids was:

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey,

Along came a spider and sat down beside her,

And she said "Rack off hairy legs"


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Eric, you saw below the humour here. I was being a little sarcastic and as you say there is some sad truth here. Damn hyphens. :) Thanks for your comment.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Harisprasad, maybe this poem will act as a teaching aid in some way. Thanks for your kind comment and support.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

lol thats funny too :)


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

Cute poem and i just got to know who was the author. Thanks, voted up


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Wiping the tears from my eyes.....still wiping....and still wiping....did I mention the tears were caused by laughter?

Way too funny my friend. Your range of genres seems to have no limit.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Wow Bill, to make you cry tears of laughter is the ultimate compliment. I have to keep trying new stuff so I don't bore myself.. :) thanks pal.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey thanks for reading peach purple, good to meet you. Thanks for the vote up too.


lambservant profile image

lambservant 2 years ago from Pacific Northwest

John, John, John, this was a brilliant peace of work. Take that preface of warning out of the article. The wrong grammer is part of the parody so it works grate. It would be a nice enough poem with prefect spelling and grammar, but the parody would be lost. Braking rules works in these situations. I loved this to peaces. You rock, dude.


DreamingBoomer profile image

DreamingBoomer 2 years ago from Jackson, MS

very clever! (and creative!) I enjoyed your little satire.....


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Too cute, John. Just shows to go ya spell check ain't worth diddly durn!

I love cheese curds, by the whey - I mean, way!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

You certainly tickled the funny bone with this one. Miss Muffet would be proud. Perhaps, and I say this tongue in cheek, this could be used in Creative writing 101!

Voted up, funny, and awesome!!


Mira Fang profile image

Mira Fang 2 years ago from Canada

Haha. I loved your warning. I thought to myself 'Well, I know how poor my grammar and spelling can be. So this hub is a must read for me.' I actually worked with an editor for the first time on Monday. Pretty sure the poor woman is still suffering a migraine because of me. This was a fun read.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

What a hoot, eye lol. Hee..


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

You did it again, Jodah. You came up with a bit of humour and fun to lighten the day and give us a chuckle. Delightful !


jhamann profile image

jhamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

Hey that is why I am a poet too. Funny and Fun! Jamie


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Very clever and whey too much fun! And thanks for the history lesson on curds and whey. You'll be in my thoughts each time I down my cottage cheese. :) Voted across and sharing everywhere.

I'll be laughing the rest of the day.


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 2 years ago from Florida

Hi,

Just got home from shopping and this is the first hub my eyes landed on to read. I am still laughing---too cute and funny.

You just might have a niche of your own. Have a great night.

Bobbi Purvis


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for the great comment lambservant. There have been a lot of hubs written about poor grammar and improving it lately so thought I should add that warning :) thanks for the thumbs up though.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading DreamingBoomer. Much appreciated.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Shauna..you like cottage cheese. I read so many hubs that have obviously passed the spell check but have the wrong form of the word.. I just had to write this. Thanks.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Mary, glad you think she'd like it, and that it gave you a laugh. Thanks for the vote up too.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Glad the warning drew you in Mira instead of frightening you off. I have to re- read my writing at least three times and then still find errors after it's published, so I can relate.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for laughing Ruby.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

John, I like cottage cheese, but here in America they also sell cheese curds. They're little bites of cheese that resembles no other. They're awesome!

Yeah, spell check sucks. I don't count on it at all. You'd think they'd pick up the difference between their, there, and they're based on context in the grammar end of the tool.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey thanks Phyllis, I love to be a little ray of sunshine in your day :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Exactly Jamie, you got it.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Glad this poem made you laugh Audrey and you enjoyed the history lesson too. Maybe it will inspire a song in you. Have a great day.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for that kind comment Bobbie...my own niche, you think so? :)


travmaj profile image

travmaj 2 years ago from australia

This was the best to wake up to this morning. You made my day. What fun. And so very clever and totally creative.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Jodah, what is the secret of your creativity? You write from a higher rung of the ladder, every time--even when you write funny. Enjoyable!


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This is so funny, Jodah. I love your creativity!


bethperry profile image

bethperry 2 years ago from Tennesee

Jodah, I think this is quite honest and very funny. So I voted up!

I remember when my folks told me about curds and whey. According to my dad, if someone had curds and whey for lunch when he was a kid, then they were living high on the hog! (Personally, I wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole, but that's just me)


Dean Traylor profile image

Dean Traylor 2 years ago from Southern California

This is great! Very Funny stuff.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Ok Shauna thanks for that info about cheese curds..not sure if you can get them here. I agree about the spell check.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you travmaj, glad I made your day :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Aw thanks MsDora...my creativity, not sure. I am always trying to do something a little different..glad others appreciate it.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Alicia, I appreciate your support. Glad you found this funny.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for the vote up Beth...not sure how I feel about curds and whey. I'd have to try them to decide I guess. "High on the hog" though..hmm.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Dean, and your kind comment. Have a good day.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

A great introduction. So hilarious and a beautiful hub with such nice photos.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Devika, for reading and such a great comment. Glad you enjoyed this hub.


Harishprasad profile image

Harishprasad 2 years ago from India

John, I spotted a hyphen ( a grammatical mistake ) in my comment. I think you are too kind to point it out. Lol...(-:


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Harishprasad, you need to write out 100 times: "I must not use unnecessary hyphens."


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Cute verse! I can certainly relate....and so creatively presented.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Rebecca, glad you can relate.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

lol Voted up and funny. That's about what happens when I put on the spell checker in Word. If I right write or write right they are one and the same and it's up to me to recheck afterwards. If I don't so be it for me.

Sometimes I'm write

Other times I'm wrong

But it is surely up to me

to decided what I right

and if that is write with me

Sorry couldn't resist. I'm passing this on. I just gotta.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

This just cracked me up John!


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

John,

OMG! Luv dis-Smyles an giglets

upped/shard/pend

: ) Kim


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Gypsy, thanks for adding your bit. It's clear you can relate.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey Audrey, thank you. I hoped this would provide a bit of humour.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hiya Kim, glad you enjoyed this little ditty. I like dim smiles an giglets two.


Bekkie 2 years ago

Your humor is good! Made me snort. Hee hee!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey Bekkie, snorting is a fine response :)


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

Very cute John: Miss Muffet was one of my favorite nursery rhymes.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

Haha! very clever! and yes I just love those spell cheques!! its funny because everything is done 'American' style I sometimes sit here and scratch my head thinking, why is the stupid thing moaning at my spelling? then I remember! loved the poem! fun stuff!


mary615 profile image

mary615 2 years ago from Florida

I got a good laugh when I read this, and after a long stressful day, I really needed a good laugh!

Voted UP, and funny!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 2 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

"Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,

But punctuation, what's the point?

A semi-colon has no class,

And a colon just a pain in the ass."

Now that's funny stuff! Up and hilarious!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Dana, glad you are a Little Miss Muffet fan.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Nell, I used to have my spell check set to US but changed it to Australian.I thought, why change my normal way of writing, everyone is mature enough to understand that words are spelt differently in different places. Glad you found this enjoyable.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks so much Mary, glad it helped ease the stress after a hard day. I appreciate the vote up too.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Will, glad you found that particular stanza funny. It's my favourite too.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

John, I read this last night, but didn't get a chance to comment. Brilliant! I was disappointed when it ended. Clever and very entertaining.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading Jo, and for returning to comment. Sorry I didn't make the poem longer too, but it seemed to convey the message ok. Glad you enjoyed the read.


Marie Flint profile image

Marie Flint 2 years ago from Jacksonville, FL

Loved it, Jodah--and you know me, a nit-picking editor.

I also appreciated the explanation of curds and whey, although I pretty much already knew what they were.

Voted Awesome and Funny. Sharing on Face Book. ***


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Marie, I really appreciate your kind comment, vote up and sharing. Glad you loved this.


Ryem profile image

Ryem 2 years ago from Maryland

I have a horrible habit of correcting people's spelling and grammar errors, whether or not they ask for my help. This poem made me laugh at myself. I'm a big fan of your writing.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Don't be too hard on yourself Ryem. I find it difficult not to correct people's spelling and typos, but my own grammar still needs a lot of work so I rarely pick on that. Glad this let you laugh at yourself, and thanks for the kind comment. I'm a big Ryem fan too


SherriDW profile image

SherriDW 2 years ago

Thanks for the laugh. This was fun knee and ah sum ;)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Tank ewe for the kind com meant Sherri. :)


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

What a versatile writer you are, John! You had me actually laughing out loud which is unusual when I read.

When it comes down to it, we understand most things which are spelt incorrectly as long as they are phonetic or alternative.

I love this; funny, clever and imaginative. You have so many strings to your bow and each one is totally in tune!

Ann


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

That's a nice compliment Ann. If nothing else I try to be as diverse as possible in my writing. I love to find new ways of getting a message across an humour is often very successful. I know my own writing isn't perfect but at least I can make it interesting I hope. Thanks again and glad my bow strings are in tune :) Glad you had fun with this.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 2 years ago from Taos, NM

LOL! Love the parody of this poem. I love the rhyme and your talent and creativity certainly come out in this piece. If it weren't for spell check my writing would probably look like your poem. You are such a versatile writer. I enjoyed this very much.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for those kind words Suzette....but I did use spell check on this poem :) Glad you enjoyed this.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

You have me chuckling! I remember reciting Little Miss Muffet over and over as a child. It was fun to think about the spider causing alarm. Thanks for the smile today.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Dianna, always my pleasure to make you smile. Glad you had fun reading this.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

That was funny and interesting John even though I like to correct spelling errors, etc. I was not offended by it, I enjoyed it. :-) I voted up, shared and pinned it.

Kevin


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading and enjoying Kevin. So glad you weren't offended


Hannah David Cini profile image

Hannah David Cini 22 months ago from Nottingham

I really liked this. It made me smile.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 20 months ago from Dubai

Funny, enjoyed reading! Great write!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 20 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Vellur, glad this gave you a laugh. Have a great day.


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 20 months ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Cute an clever, Jodah. I honestly think my spelling skills have deteriorated since the advent of the spellchecker.


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 20 months ago from Somewhere in the West

Hi Jodah this was very creative and funny, you are a boss at poetry i admire your work. I haven't been around much for the past two months. I have been extremely busy so I'd try to get my writing back into the groove.

Thanks for making me smile with your Little Miss Muffet poem ,lol

May God bless U

Have a swell day :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 20 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi ladyFiddler good to see you back, and look forward to reading more hubs by you. Glad this poem gave you a smile today. Thanks for the kind comment and God bless you too.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 20 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading this Rebecca, glad you thought it fun. I always have to spell check the spellchecker..I just don't trust it. I am sure mine have deteriorated too however.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 20 months ago from Nashville Tn.

Funny stuff john. Very clever. Will pass this around. Thanks for the laugh

Just what i need.


Dean Traylor profile image

Dean Traylor 20 months ago from Southern California

now that's fun poem to read. Great stuff.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 20 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Dean, thanks for commenting on this. Glad you found it a fun read.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 19 months ago from Texas

Haha! Awesome! I think everyone should laugh at themselves sometimes. It happens, bad grammar, typoes, and such. Oh well.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 19 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Shanmarie, glad you enjoyed this. I make so many grammatical mistakes I need to be able to laugh at myself. Thanks.


Harry Higinbotham profile image

Harry Higinbotham 16 months ago

Ohm I! Eye founder kind red spear it!! Aisle of two right the sway a swell! Hugh kneeds pell check in knee whey? Coddle of dee anguish languish, know?


Jodah profile image

Jodah 16 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Good to meet another kindred spirit Harry. Thanks for reading another of my hubs.


Missy Smith profile image

Missy Smith 14 months ago from Florida

How strange is it that I seem to pick exactly the right hub to read which kind of coincides with what we discussed on my last poem? I also just mentioned this to Faith Reaper too. I do the same when I go to her HP.

We just talked about how I wrote my poem from the top of my head not using spell or grammar check. You said you still used it here, but this was sort of whimsical like that, in my opinion.

This was cute. I loved it. I think you should go further and write without spell check. And it's so true; poems don't have to be that correct anyway. :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 14 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Yes it's weird how some unknown or unexplainable force guides us to read certain hubs just at the right time Missy. The same thing often happens to me. Sometimes it's even to a hub by someone I don't follow and have never read before. Glad you liked my Miss Muppet Ode Missy Muppet.. :) I'd like to write a poem without using spell check at all but I am afraid "editbot" would want me to change everything. Thanks for reading another of my hubs.


Missy Smith profile image

Missy Smith 14 months ago from Florida

I haven't ran into editbot yet. I guess I should knock on wood. :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 14 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Yes Missy you are lucky, at least half of my hubs were affected. I got rid of the little white robots but still have black ones everywhere :) If you haven't had any on your hubs you won't even know what they look like (oh yes you will they are shown at the bottom of your accounts page in the list of symbols).

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