On Letting Go

CLXXIX.

Source

"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning."

-- Lao Tzu

We see that Nature and Life themselves demonstrate the necessity for letting go, in order that all living things might flourish and replenish themselves.


Source

The green leaves which budded in Spring, flourished in Summer, must allow the limited sunlight and early Autumn frost to diminsh chlorophyll and allow non-productive pigments to emerge before they will let go of their branches, permitting their tree to rest for the Winter, and to prepare for a new Spring and life cycle when it is time. It simply knows when it is time.


The gorgeous fruit blossoms must let go of their petals and allow their inner promise of fruit to grow to ripeness, to fulfill its mission.

Source

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”

Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons

Source



The caterpillar must let go of its safe, well-camoflaged outer skin to allow the colorful maturing butterfly to emerge, - fragile and vulnerable as it takes the sky to fulfil its purpose.

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

When an unborn fetus has reached a viable point in its growth, it must let go of the protection and succor of its mother’s body in order to be born as a whole, separate living human being who will begin its lengthy journey toward full independence as a contributing member of the world, letting go of each outgrown stage as it progresses. Then, with that momentous time for it to begin its flight, its parents must let go, in a major sense, to allow it to go forth as an adult to establish identity and to fulfill destiny.

Source

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

Steve Maraboli

Even relationships may outgrow their confines; when they do, must let go.

The timing and cycling of all living things provide their physical source, activate their own resources and permit their full raison d'être to progress.

Letting go allows participants to grow, fulfil their purposes as they continue toward their destinies. No one says,' it’s time to let go'; yet when one has become overly dependent or too restricted and is clearly aware of the need to move on, one knows it is time to let go, - and one must, so as to grow and to remain viable.


“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" - performed by Idina Menzel


I open up my palm,

Releasing all that's stale;

Letting go.

I let you go, refreshed,

Let you fly

As you are meant to do.


And in that freeing act

I, too, am freed,

Though frail,

Released

To try, to fly, to be,

To go, to do

All I am meant for, too.



______© Nellieanna H. Hay

5-30-14


Is freedom

So "far out"

or

Is it -

So far, -

In?


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



Unless otherwise attributed, all design, graphics and written material herein are original and copyrighted by Nellieanna H. Hay.


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from Nellieanna H. Hay.

© 2014 Nellieanna Hay

More by this Author


Comments 154 comments

manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Your images are very pertinent and well thought out. Such a profound subject and yet a necessary one.

Looking holistically here, God has chosen you as one of His instruments to serve in myriad ways ... I believe you know this.

My pardons for a beautiful quote that comes to mind:

"The most beautiful thing on Earth is man's gratitude to the Supreme, to the divinity in humanity. This is the beauty unparalleled, and it will remain so throughout eternity." - Sri Chinmoy.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Hello Nellieanna, What beautiful verse, images and quotes about letting go, setting free, and needing to change and grow. A pleasure to read once again.

Voted up.


Perspycacious profile image

Perspycacious 2 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

How beautiful and well-presented. Liked and all but "Funny."


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

I love this Nellieanna. Letting go can be melancholy, but it's necessary for each stage of life and growth. You stated it beautifully.


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

How well you've illustrated your thoughts, with perfect examples and beautiful illustrations! It's so true that 'letting go' is necessary and often replenishing. We are a part of nature and must act according to nature's rules. There is a time to let go, as you say, in so many different ways.

Great hub! Ann


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 2 years ago

People equate letting go with letting up. I see it as you do - letting go takes courage and self-confidence.

Only ego-driven young souls NEED to control every aspect of their - and often others - lives..

hugs, Nellieanna


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

The difference between parent and child, though, is that the parent lets go of control, not the relationship with the child. Friends drift apart as they grow sometimes or they continue to share and grow together. It is rare when two friends choose to walk away and let go of a relationship completely. That is generally reserved for romantic splits.

To write something like that, you must be hurting deeply. :'( Sometimes letting go is for you and the other person must choose to let go too or to become bitter. That's when it really hurts - when the choice is not yours to make initially.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

In terms of parents and children letting go, these two songs come to mind:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7ouN-dvqZI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eqpHvzkc_0


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Good morning, Manatita, and thank you for being the first to visit my hub. Yesterday morning this subject presented itself to me, perhaps as an antidote for fretting.

So, in that sense, I may have been chosen for this one, because it nearly wrote and designed itself; yes, and as a necessary one.

Life's experiences can be taken and accepted as steps forward and up, or regretted as obstacles and defeats. At some points in my life's history, they have been and are like my "Fertile Flux" state of being, in which one doesn't see the end but has been taught by experience that it truly is 'fertile', though it seems murky during its gestation, and that the other side of it lies greater peace, enlightenment and understanding, none of which necessarily ever come easily, at least not in my life experience! Sometimes resistance causes them, no doubt.

Yes, there is divinity in each of us. I certainly don’t mind your quoting your mentor, my friend. The quotes inevitably have much value.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

John, what a pleasure to see you, too! I appreciate your insightful comments - and, of course, the welcome vote! You spread your glow where you appear!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Perspycacious, thank you for visiting, appreciating and for great votes saying so!

I’ve investigated your hub site, too, and am looking forward to visiting often!

You seem to fit the synonyms for your nickname: discerning, shrewd, perceptive, astute, penetrating, observant, percipient, sharp-witted, sharp, smart, alert, clear-sighted, farsighted, acute, clever, canny, intelligent, insightful, wise, sage, sensitive, intuitive, understanding, aware, discriminating; informal on the ball, heads-up, with it. :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Shauna, I’m not surprised that you well understand this subject with great wisdom. Thank you for appreciating my effort to write about it. Big hugs, my dear.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Annart - Yes, oh -yes. It can become the necessary alternative and that happens, well, when it does become necessary. In my life, there have been a few times when it did become my necessary, responsible choice; but, thankfully there have been more times when it did not arise or even become an issue, because compatibility prevails. I’ve precious long relationships that have lasted as long as the others’ lives lasted, and there are a few of them who still are alive, though for some in my peer group, aging has been less kind. These relationships were always constant, even though there were periods of lengthy separation in both the physical and contact sense. When reunited, it has been as if there had been no separation, because there was none in spirit. One can’t control that. It is what it is. If heaven awaits, it will surely be as if there had been no separation

There have also been some times in which there was no choice for me for reasons or circumstances beyond me which had to be accepted, - either gracefully or bitterly, my choice. I exercised that choice for grace.

Such is life. It is not a certainty, even from one moment to the next, in the ultimate reality. All its moments between its beginning and end are fluid and full of flux - and challenge. What makes a life a meaningful life is how one handles its variables. Ours is only ourselves to apply to it. We can give ourselves to experiences and others joyfully or grudgingly but we cannot take from them what is not ours to possess, presume, prescribe or to control. It’s a tough lesson but resisting it is much tougher.

I try to regard all my experiences as valuable steps for growth, even when the steps seem steep and frozen over, as in the video. (You know, I’d never even heard of that movie or that song until I was composing this hub yesterday. But it fits in so many ways. Rather amazing.)

Anyway, as always, I am warmed by your visit to my hubs and your comments. Thank you so much!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Karen, my friend! Thank you for those especially valuable insights. Yes, we both see and know about courage and self-confidence to accept and to do even the tough things without whining, self-pity or attempting to blame or to control others involved, knowing that is unrealistic, first of all, and self-defeating even more so..

Perhaps ‘ego-driven’ youth is subconciously searching for real internal courage and self-confidence needed. One hopes that over-submissiveness or fake bravado will mature into those abiding real attributes. The most difficult obstacle to that seems to be an inability to realize the truth about control. vs. all the other real possibilities, including letting go when needed by themselves or others they may be grasping too tightly, or being grasped by too tightly.

Hugs to you, too! :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I’m listening, Shannon. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt response. No need for bitterness.

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to pick up the pieces when it’s all over. “ ____Octavia Butler

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.” ___C JoyBell C


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I hope your day is pleasant.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 2 years ago

Well Nellieanna , There you go again !....... It seems so often that you make me begin contemplating on my life . "letting go " , one of my many failures , I don't let go of much I fear . Old loves , old memories , old experiences . Old feelings . Where does it end ! But , you know what , I will remain there forever with the past and what's wrong with that as long as we let the tragedies stay somewhere at bay . Let the true painful experiences go somehow , and live with these wisdoms of our most treasured experiences ! You are such a wise and beautiful soul my friend. Gosh we love you !.......Ed


elayne001 profile image

elayne001 2 years ago from Rocky Mountains

So glad I stopped by to see this. I enjoyed the graphics and the profound thoughts. I hope I will eventually let go of the negative and keep the positive. It is a daily struggle. Bravo!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Nellieanna,

This was comforting and beautiful to me. Your writing works its way instantly into my heart and soul.

What a perfectly lovely song choice as well. Love, Maria


Michael-Milec profile image

Michael-Milec 2 years ago

Hi Nellieanna; - … it came again as expected from your experience, wisdom and detailed analysis of your personal victories, known to many of us however never seen it as clearly as now. As a treasure you have pointed out the importance going on strong after …"the necessity for letting go."

As in the same breath of Solomon's ' season for everything ' a certain time appointed by the Creator for its being and continuance, which no human wisdom or providence can alter. On our journey, ' and we must, so as to grow and to remain viable.'

Encouraged and strengthened while the finish line getting closer, being reminded importance of "Releasing all that's stale'

Letting go-

( I hope to have a favorable outcome.)

Voted up and beautiful.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hi Nellieanna:

I was just talking about letting go with my friend today.

We were discussing more serious issue - the fear of dying and letting go of that fear.

Everything that nature runs on autopilot - plants, flowers, trees, butterflies, babies out of the womb...

"things" do not make decisions - they transform (they don't exactly let go) - they transform because they were programmed to do so.

But people have a luxury of making decisions and often what they with that luxury...

- letting or (not) letting go is yet another decision. A painful one.

Or it seems to be.

Because unlike things, we have "agency".

I am not debating the principle or even necessity of letting go. A few "things" I wanted to mention. Letting go often comes with forgetting (fine by me), but it's important for us to remember as much as we can and, especially, how we felt at certain moments. But Mother Nature also had something to do with our programming - it created our brain as a colander. We'd better remember, but we forget.

Our default setting is letting go.

But the funniest "thing" that saw today in this clip - I looked at the character and I let go of the spell of animation - I did not see her as having agency. I made that decision for myself.

Someone else is pulling the strings,

someone else is singing,

someone else is writing her,

someone else is drawing her...

Interesting things happen when you let go.

And if my comment seems a bit off, it probably means that I let go of my sanity. It happens every now and then.

Hugs,

Svetlana


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, dear Ed. I’m pleased if being nudged to contemplate your life brings you joy and a contented certainty, which this seems to have done. There is no failure in knowing what you value and prefer to keep close to you. You’ve "got it". Knowing what is treasure and what is superfluous is wisdom.

I also have a treasure chest (or 3) of some things I keep, probably why they’re called keepsakes. If something survives a couple of purges in my keepsake stash, it’s surely there for the duration. There are some of those ‘keepers’ from most every stage of my life, and so long as they don’t replace the present living moments, it does no harm and provides a dimension. But that is a reason that letting go is an important step. It impels one to glean the valuable distillate of one’s life which is part of oneself and a functioning part of one’s present, where the majority of one’s present moments are for experiencing the living, ongoing present fully, because it’s not monopolized by rehashing or trying to relive the past. It’s a quite personal fine-tuned matter, knowing which are the real “most treasured experiences”, (in your apt words) and which is the superfluous and knowing how best to invest the new moments.

I am amused by advice to throw out anything that’s been around for some arbitrary period, such as 2 years. haha - Heck, those are my new things! I have scarves in my active accessory drawer which I had in college, which I entered 66 years ago! I get to exercise the choice to keep them! ;-) I could also exercise the choice to let them go.

Thank you for bringing your perspective to this!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Elayne, I, too, am so glad you stopped by! You are a most welcome visitor. You have the right idea if you aim to let go of the negative and keep and encourage the positive. I realize it can be a struggle. The good news is that it gets much easier and less struggle as the positive takes precedence in one’s moments of life.

Thank you so much for gracing my hub with your presence!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Maria, how happy I am to hear that it is of value to you! And I’m glad the song choice fits. I am quite taken with it. Thank you! I just love seeing and reading about all you are doing and accomplishing in your writing and publishing, too. You’re an inspiration! Hugs and love -


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Michael, what a lovely compliment. Thank you!

You’ve discerned that beyond the action of letting go, there is the potential for a stronger life in one's present as it unfolds.

Yes, it is our personal responsibility to come to realize and to terms with the unalterable truths about living which are built-in to the system. We can’t will them away or ‘beat the system’ indefinitely. But in learning to live positively and harmoniously with those truths, our lives are lifted out of chaos and regret into much more useful, workable and enjoyable living every moment as it progresses. One of those truths is detachment from dependence on tenacious possessions and ‘fixities’, even relationships at times, which actually possess and hinder us. Letting go means we can be open and ready for the flow of the best that is in them and in what we have not yet encountered.

Don’t reality and truth make for the most favorable outcome, especially as opposed to their opposites? Yet it is all too common and tempting to just accept, - even to prefer, - delusion and untruth, which finally produce a tangled outcome. It’s one’s own choice.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Nellieanna 1 second ago from TEXAS Hub Author

Svetlana! Your observations are so ‘right on’ and add to what I meant. Certainly letting go of the fear of dying is a valuable milestone, and one that can only come by a true acceptance of what is inevitably part of life as we know it and not to be feared.

These are excellent thoughts about nature and the ‘autopilot’ aspect vs. the choices we humans seem to have as agents regarding our letting-go (and other) challenges. I say ‘seem to have’ advisedly, because almost everything we encounter seems to be a choice in which our free will can decide and implement as we wish. The sneaky part of it is that there are many ‘givens’ about life which, if ignored, will simply go ahead on ‘autopilot’ to bite us eventually. We must know and understand them in order that our choices can develop into satisfactory outcomes. One of our better choices is to realize that and take it into account as we deal with our constant ongoing choices that arrive with every moment we live.

No, no! - you’re not debating, but expanding and helping the points I wanted to make. It’s not an all black and white matter, but letting go is individual and discretionary.

Letting go is not to erase or annihilate the truth and one’s experiences, but to put them in proportion. perspective and into sync with the ‘now’ challenges and opportunities we are constantly encountering in which we are able to make actual choices, unlike what has already concluded in the past. The present needs to not be overshadowed or overly burdened with basically ‘dead’ issues which, while valuable, are no longer subject to change and actual living with ongoing situations. Dwellling ‘in the past’ can stymy and restrict one’s full participation in one’s present life if allowed to fill it.

I get your point about the value and necessity for remembering, which is a major function of the human brain, one which makes it possible to ‘think through’ and develop relationships and new ideas, art, music and inventions, and one of its advantages over other species. Letting go as I meant it is not wiping out the past or its memory but is letting go of its precedence and power to take over and saddle the present and one’s mind which are needed to apply fully to living life now.

If you’ve ever witnessed someone in progressive dementia, in which memory capacity diminishes, you know how tragic it is. Reading becomes impossible, not because the words aren’t clear, but because keeping in mind the sequence of the words’ meaning is impossible. That is only one of the many losses that ride upon the loss of memory.

OH, my! My eyes are blurry - it’s late and my night cream is probably seeping into them. At first I read “it (Nature) created our brain as a CALENDAR”. Haha. Big difference - - You wrote ‘colander’. Now that IS quite another thought! Calendar, I thought - yeah - at my age, that is something I need to keep in mind and to remember. I may live another 20 or so years if I’m lucky, and they may be productive years, if my eyes and other parts hold out. - - - But now, colander suggests a whole other possible consideration My visual of a colander goes back to when I was a little kid on the ranch and Mother promised me I could keep it if I filled a colander with wood chips for the wood stove 100 times. Wood chips were used as the starter for the fire, you see. They were the by-product of chopping the wood up for actual fuel for the fire. They were just the weight & size a little girl could handle & carry to help out, as opposed to the logs for the fire itself. As I recall, there was some time allowance for me to accomplish it. But I remember every rock and ‘sticker’ vine between the house and the woodpile on the path over which I ran barefoot back and forth, carrying my colander loaded with wood chips and back. empty, for another load. I still had that colander, bent up as it was, when I married and for long after, till I finally let it go in reality- but obviously, not in memory

I also remember in Indiana another deep, pointy colander with a wooden utensil for grinding the contents through the holes which I used to extract the yummy persimmon pulp in the fall after the first frost sweetened and tenderized that fruit which grew wild. It made the most delicious persimmon puddin’ but the fruit insides had quantities of rather large seeds so that it required a lot of buckets of persimmons to extract enough pulp for the puddin’ recipe But it was ever so worth it.. Puddin’ was the Indiana slang for it and it’s impossible to correctly visualize it without that local designation. lol

It’s doubtful if that was the kind of “lest we forget” to which you referred when you wrote ‘colander’, which might even have been a typo. In any case, yes - there are multitudes of vivid memories, which I’ve neither tried to hold onto or to let go of. They’re just ‘in there’ and come to the surface of their own volition or when reminded like those did. I’m thankful for them.

Oh, how I love you, Svetlana! If letting go of sanity is thought to be a problem, I’m sure it’s one that is more widely shared at times than you may imagine. Yours always seems to bring forth some delicious and valuable food for thought! Thank you for sharing and enhancing my hub, my dear.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa

Every word in this hub of yours is so true, Nellieanna. Letting go is not the easiest thing to do. We (selfishly) hold on to everything that makes US feel better, bigger, happier, or even worse, smaller, unhappier - whatever we choose to be - until that something literally dies or harms us to death.

Very profound and thought-provoking hub!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello - It is so nice to see wisdom being put forth out into the world. These are wise and deserving of sharing and praise.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, Mike, thank you. But by the time you've scrolled or waded through my lengthy replies to sometimes lengthy comments on this thread, you may wish to take back or let go of that very kind compliment and evaluation! (I'm hoping not, though!) LOL - hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

My dear Martie. Thank you. Yes, too often we are not proactive but submit to being reactive only when forced by something which has hamstrung and immobilized us, rendering us virtually impotent or feeling impotent under its control to the point at which, as you say, it finally ”literally dies or harms us to death”. What a wise observation! Simultaneously, that it IS hard to take one’s issue with it by the horns and make a conscious decision to let it go before it has disrupted or destroyed so much we hold dear is an ongoing challenge until we make a conscious decision. It's a good (but rare) situation in which one can let go to the extent of diminishing its negative effects while retaining its positives. It is possible, though.

You perceive and understand a major premise about this hub and its view that there are valid reasons for letting go of various things, situations, even at times - relationships - which have managed to establish an unhealthy grip on our very being which, if not curtailed, either is or would become toxic to our effectiveness and well-being as a fully operating person who is free to go forward positively to pursue and to fulfill his/her unique purposes and contributions in life on this planet. There are equally valid reasons for retaining and keeping what one knows to be an asset to it, no matter what anyone else may think.

Timing is sometimes a major factor, as well. If one has begun a course whose effects one didn’t anticipate & which also bring with it other major responsibilities one cannot in good conscience abandon, one may choose to stay the course until those responsibilities have been fulfilled, no matter the damage personally. That, too, is theirs to choose.

Point is, - it is all for one’s personal evaluation and decision. Justification from the ‘other’ may serve its own purposes but does not change their real effects on oneself. What other’s motives or intentions are matter to them, of course, but when they impact oneself otherwise, one must adjust to that reality, not to theirs, which would only further its emcumbrance on one’s own living reality. They cannot be held to blame if one’s own succumbing results in harm. But all the more reason that one must make a choice to let go or continue in the ongoing state. One must realistically evaluate and safeguard one’s well-being oneself.

I simply wanted to point out that one’s own self IS the point of juncture where and when letting go is clearly one’s best choice - or not, as the case may be - and whereby one must accept whatever consequences accompany the decision, either way.

It’s never easy to rise to the call. Accepting a status quo seems easier. What is it they say? Something to the effect that it’s often easier to abide the familiar demon than to dismiss it and face an unknown, which I add might include criticism for one’s decision and action.

That said, I must emphasize that this is MY own perspective about it. I’m willing to discuss it but it is not for debate for precedence. It’s not the result of researched study of expert opinion or scientific methods of researching it. In my view, though, it is about such a personal matter to begin with, that each person’s sense of it IS the best and final authority for himself/herself, and that is my premise. OOPS. Does that rock the boat? haha

I’m aware that such a view may be unpopular and considered somehow subversive, naïve or - worse, ultra liberal! - by those who are the ‘authorities’ or whose chosen authorities are only those fully accredited for general use. That’s OK. That is a personal choice, as well. It is not either/or. I’ve respect for many such authoritarian ‘voices’. At least, they bear consideration in making one’s own choices. In the case of what one personally keeps or lets go in one’s life, however, I must maintain that is a highly personal, subjective matter and in the final analysis, it must originate and be resolved there! haha. That is all I am suggesting here, not that this or that ‘should be’ preferred or discarded, but that each person can and must consciously use his/her whole wisdom of the mind with its resources and wisdom of the body with its deepest responses (guts) as guide for deciding & implementing a decision personally.

There is usually a need to shine a light on and examine for oneself whatever one has been clinging to and/or which has been clinging to oneself, to see if it really fits and enhances one’s ongoing life and effectiveness or whether it only slows, drags down or impedes it. If that is the case, it is no favor to either party to not let it go.

It’s easy to become complacent and just accept the unacceptable, which seems easier than taking active issue with it, of course. There are matters of priorities to consider and always the factor of rationalizing! Again - it’s all a personal choice.. . . our own to do and to undo, hopefully, wisely.

I’ve written thrice as much in reply to your good comments, Martie, but, believe it or not, I’m sparing you my whole ‘soap box’ informal treatise, though it has value. I’m passionate about independence, self-direction and responsibility & in passionate opposition to whatever impedes or limits them. I’m also passionate about simply helping others toward more awareness of and alertness to their own choices; - and then wishing them well in implementing them as they see fit. Like the Aquarian Water-Bearer, it’s my nature. Maybe another hub, huh? The additional input has fleshed this out, as well.

One thing I am not is the final authority for what others should or must accept for themselves. If I have knowledge of or access to anything of enough value for me to mention, it is offered only as food for thought and consideration, - or to be ignored - at others’ discretion. In fact, one thing I sometimes must let go is any kind attempts at setting me up as more than I know myself to be. ;-) At best, I am a mere vessel; perhaps at times a leaky one, at that.

But as someone once said to me, “I don’t want to be responsible for you!” Nor did/do I desire it, coming in or going out, and that is mine to regulate. If my little candle burns too brightly, I suggest dark glasses! But - hey, WORLD, - spare yourself attempts to snuff it out or to dim it for me with your external rationalization, explanation, regulation, dogma, doubts or flattery and I promise you the same freedom from my side. I am a kindly, but tough old vessel! haha


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 2 years ago from United States

Letting is go is something we must do for our sakes and for the good of the other person. We can control no one, but outselves and it does sometimes take courage to turn loose of a child or loved one. The way you expressed yourself in this poetry was so beautiful and perfect. I never expect anything less from you. Best wishes.


Ken Snowdon 2 years ago

You have penned words here that are profoundly stirring to many of us, simply by reading all the comments above mine shows that. As you know I've lived a past of torment and drew on much of it to compose what words I could put into verse. I like you live with loss, the loss of my children has been the biggest obstacle in my life to overcome, yet I've grown accustom to it now. I am thankful for any moments shared with me from my youngest son Matt who is 21, he is the only one of the 4 in my life. Living with loss affects so many in different ways, one of the important things I've had to learn was adjusting to my loss. Taking one day at a time and living in the moment is what I attempt to do daily now. Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts, enjoyed the quotes and video as well.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Yes, Pamela, you have that exactly right. Difficult it may be to let go when it’s needed, but it is the best alternative for all who are involved. It is up to each of us to control our own course with courage and with grace, knowing we cannot control others, and would not wish that responsibility if we could.

My sense of this is quite delicate, actually. It is not an easy course to follow or even to write about. So many things seem to be at stake and to hinge on it. Yet it remains one of each person’s solemn matters to face at some times in his/her life, doesn’t it?

Thank you for the lovely praise of my poetry and treatment of this delicate, yet very realistic subject.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, yes, Ken. I do know of your painful family losses, similar kinds of which we have both experienced. I rejoice with you that your Matt has found you and chosen to be a part of your life. I’ve no doubt that it is a huge pleasure and delight for both of you. He gets to know the marvelous man who is his father and you get to see your progeny grow into the man you sired and gave life.

It truly is a most personal challenge to adjust to such losses. Your choice to take it up like your personal living banner, raised just for each day you live, is so wise. The present is the only time we have in which to make a difference and set things in motion, either for better or for worse. It is the difference between fully living one’s days for the better and/or dwindling them away in past sorrows which cannot be re-done but can be raised each day to haunt, torture and control us, instead. It’s a personal choice. I’m glad you have made it and that you have chosen to live, my dear Ken.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Dear Nellieanna,

Another beautiful hub here full of such wonderful truths of life. Letting go to me is to love even more deeply at times, especially when we let go of our selfishness and allow others to go and be in this life. Plus letting go is freeing to oneself and taking care of oneself, as I see it, depending upon the circumstances. I know I am not making myself clear here.

My granddaughters love that song from "Frozen" as do I.

What a profound message you have shared here and we may all take away something different from your insight, but it is always something beneficial to all.

Up and more and away

Hugs and blessings always


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 2 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Hi Nellieanna. Letting go. Oh what a subject. The pic of girl letting balloons go is such an introduction. I can think of letting go of a sick dog loved by all. Letting go of a love that is not available. Letting go of your children, as you mentioned. My words cannot compete with yours. God has given you your talent and your generous and loving soul so that others may learn from your words and art. Sharing hub. Blessings. Audrey


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, Faith! I agree that letting go can be an act of deep love. People may let go of that which muffles themselves, but in those cases, being let go and letting them go is a mutual kindness from many standpoints. No one involved is being blessed by being a problem to someone. The relationship in such a case will be strained, at best. Letting it go so that each can be freer to live is better than the alternative.

Of course, when we take the initiative in letting go of someone who feels the need to be free, we are showing the person great love. Holding them against their real willingness is not being loving, but selfish with that which is not one’s own to possess or demand, anyway. It's so unrealistic, it is doomed to crash and burn. Better to let it go gracefully and peaceably.

Yes, you’re very clear and astute. Letting go is freeing oneself and taking care of oneself, -actually among the more unselfish acts. When one doesn’t take care of oneself, the nearly inevitable result is that someone else will have to, which one could have prevented by doing the job oneself; plus, even before that might happen, one’s effectiveness in taking care of one’s own others is diminished because one doesn’t either feel peppy or calm, and may even become ill as a result. It’s one’s first duty and responsibility to take care of ones’ own real needs.

I was so pleased to discover the song, “Let It Go” from “Frozen”. I was looking for fitting music for my hub’s theme and there it was! It was how the hub unfolded, actually. It literally almost just happened. Must have been a real need for it!

Yes, that’s the beauty of writing, whether it’s prose, poetry or music. The same words can communicate different messages to different people, depending on their own situations and perspectives.

Thank you for your positive feedback! Hugs.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 2 years ago

Learning to let go is both a blessing, but sometimes it is not without pain. Your words are magnificent. Voted up, awesome, useful and beautiful.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 2 years ago from Louisiana

some people just dont know when to let go and others give up too easily.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Breakfastpop — Thank you for your astute input. You are absolutely correct. Letting go -(or, for that matter, hanging on) - can bring mixed blessings. Like many of the necessaries in life, it is sometimes painful up to and during the time it’s being experienced & worked out.

Letting go is a subject about which and in which most of us have been intimately involved and in which we've participated fairly regularly all our lives. With Hamlet, we’ve met headlong with the question, “To Be Or Not To Be’ - in the sense of this facet of being.

We’ve developed our own individual patterns of meeting the difficult choices of letting go or not; and we’re either familiar with their effects on us and our lives, - or we soon will be.

Few of us over legal voting age (and fewer still who qualify for AARP) take the challenges which demand those decisions lightly, other than when relatively trivial things are involved. We can let go of that unhealthy extra serving or the rich dessert without too much stress. We can discipline ourselves to give up the fun activity to attend to a duty needing our attention and time. We can ‘get over’ losing a favorite pair of glasses, a set of keys or the lottery. Such situations may immediately seem tantamount & unpleasant to face, but we can rally our resources, put them to rest, and move onward without too much anguish or ‘drag’ and with valuable reminders-to-self to be more aware & alert wherever we are & whatever we’re doing, hopefully - to avoid repeating the same situations in the future.

Then, though we sometimes find ourselves facing heavier decisions to let go or not in truly more serious or profound life situations. Perhaps we have aligned ourselves in some manner with an abusive person. It is so risky, if not nigh impossible to change the situation. What and how can we handle it and what are the consequences, either route we choose. Perhaps when we are pursuing our life’s dream job or education, suddenly someone whom we are very close to, responsible for or to whom we are indebted becomes ill and desperately needs our care and full attention. It will mean letting go of or putting off following our dream; that is what makes it a hard painful choice. Maybe we find ourselves in our own course, on the other hand, trapped by necessity to earn in a job or a pursuit for which we are either poorly-suited &/or which takes a constant toll on our ability to fully enjoy life & to feel ourselves moving forward as we want and need to do. It might even be affecting our health. Still we require its paycheck or a ‘place to be’, no matter how ill-suited. To make a real change for the better or the worse when real-life demands it involves risk, uncertainty, possible criticism and takes courage and fortitude over the duration of the choice we decide upon.

So we face those much harder decisions and handle our ‘growing pains’ with as much grace and dignity as we can. Perhaps that is part of the blessing, though: that it calls forth our best natures to handle all of it and gratefully to allow it to upgrade us into better and more resilient persons.

Also, more often than not, it turns out that the breezy-easy, pain-free offers we’re given at every hand turn out to have their hidden teeth, pains and prices which we discover only after they’re fully accepted & they’ve begun to control our lives for the worse. Then we may find ourselves feeling that ‘the devil made me do it’. But the painful truth is usually that it was one of our own more self-serving, ‘’something for nothing” susceptibilies which ‘made us’ buy into it without enough real thought and consideration of what it was and where it would be leading. So then we’ll get to move to and embark on our next choice to either let that mess go and try to untangle its grip on us or to give up and keep on enduring it.

So it seems that each of our challenges and choices, which occur 24/7- are ours alone to handle as we see fit and to accept, along with their results, as we’ve chosen. If we find out they’re not right for us, well - - - it does becomes one more situation for decidiing about letting go, along with all the other strings which have attached to it while it was in progress, which may not be easy or painless to handle or to sever, either. What a privilege, though, to be entrusted with the one life and its responsibility and the gumption to sort out the better choices!

What an amazing thing life is! Gotta love it, right?


rdsparrowriter profile image

rdsparrowriter 2 years ago

Nellieanna, this is truly beautiful and I love that song. Voted up awesome :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

So great to see you, Nikki. Ah, yes. You make a good point. I appreciate your bringing that up. This subject has many facets and timing is a major one, especially when our own situations call for an intelligent and wise juggling of it!

As ‘innocent bystanders’ we can see only the superficial evidence of what others may be dealing with and how they’re dealing with it and handling its many intricacies; time itself will reveal whether or not their choices and timing will have been the more ideal or the more hasty ones. It’s their own task to try to foresee that, based on all their own first-hand information. Our limited observation from the outside and information (or supposition) about it really has no chance of predicting their outcome, little if any value for them and almost zero value for ourselves..

It’s why I emphasize recognizing the totally personal responsibility of deciding these things with as much wisdom and grace as one can summon. No other person can really know all someone else’s ‘story’ or the results which will happen in their own course and in those folks’ private lives. So it turns out to be either their own risk or triumph at stake. I guess we observers just mull over our impressions of 'their' challenge-in-progress but must focus on our own 24/7 choices & realize that we will get to live the inevitable outcomes of them, one way or the other, as “they” will get to live theirs. Our own, we know and will know first-hand! ;-)

I always enjoy seeing you and hearing from you! It’s been awhile since we had a discussion! We’ve had some good ones! Hugs and all the best to you!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Greetings to you over there from over here, rdspallowriter!

I’m pleased you dropped by. It prompted me to refresh my mind who you are, and to find that you are such a delightful writer! I’ve followed you in the process!

I’m so glad you like this hub of mine and my choice of music. I agree with you that it is a lovable song! :-) Thank you!


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

Letting go proves that one has the trust to allow it.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Good point, Deb. Living needs trust to allow IT! It’s not for cowards! And occasionally one does need the proof that one is into it for real! Thank you so much for the visit and valuable comment!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

So beautiful Nellieanna, I love the quotes and the poems, even the Frozen video too, which I really must get round to watching the whole film, yes letting go is a part of life, wonderful!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, Nell! So pleased to see you here. I've yet to see the whole film, “Frozen”, myself. Now I think I need to see it.

I have to admit that my first impulse on hearing of a new animated film is not usually to rush to see it. They’ve ‘grown up’ a lot, however, since they were my own and my children’s childhood preferences. They always had a moral to share but they seem to have more relevant stories and morals nowadays.

Yes, letting go is a part of life. If we do it willingly or are prepared to let go, it’s less a shock when things vanish or leave of their own accord. haha.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

I loved the painting in your opening to this beautiful and inspiring vignette of quotations, thoughts and poetry.

“Then, with that momentous time for it to begin its flight, its parents must let go, in a major sense, to allow it to go forth as an adult to establish identity and to fulfill destiny…”

I am writing an e-card to my son for Father’s Day. (His beautiful daughter is now 17 months old.) I was so moved by these words, I would like to include this quotation (by Nellieanna) in the body of the card.

You have shown us how letting go is the affirmation of life, courage, love, wisdom, and the defining heart. Thank you! Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Genna, I was away from early Saturday till late Monday, - gone to ranch with my assistant to work on ranch things, where we got some major tasks and repairs done. But I am just now seeing your lovely comment early Tuesday morning. I hope you did sent the quotation to your son, though I wasn't here to tell you to go ahead in time for Father's Day.

I so appreciate your generous comments. I do think it is vital to let go, in fact to always 'hold' lightly enough that what or whom one loves feels that it is truly free to grow and to go if need be.

To stiftle is to possess, rather than to love. Nothing feels so loved as when someone chooses and wants to remain close because it is wanted. When both feel that, it is beyond wonderful, but it can never be truly known and experienced if it is being required and experienced as required, because that is the opposite of it.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 2 years ago from Dubai

Beautifully expressed the act of letting go. There is no going forward without letting go. Brilliant write, love it and voted way up.


jhamann profile image

jhamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

Your poetry is beautiful and powerful mixed with this great hub that was so thoughtfully put together. What an amazing journey from when I started to read and finished. I felt that the act of enjoying this hub as helped me release some bad vibrations. Thank you for you beautiful poetry. Jamie


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Vellur, that's it exactly. No movement at all if one is hanging on to things. We must allow them to rest easily on our palms without closing our fingers and fists around them. They will certainly slip through our clinched fingers and if our minds are also clinched around them, we will feel deprived and cheated. But if we've allowed them freedom to come and go, we are not upset or displeased when and if they do, as we are also more free to come and go without the clenched holds. We must also not allow ourselves to be clenched.

Thank you for appreciating my hub!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Jamie. We must always be ready to rid ourselves of bad vibrations. I'm pleased if this helped you in that, especially if by enjoyment!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

In some ways I think nature is the perfect teacher--letting go is just one of her lessons, but a difficult one-beautifully done here!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Audrey, I'm so pleased that you like it. Yes, nature has many valuable lessons to teach us, and they are all 'natural', yet all too often we resist what really fits and suits our own natures, and always, to our detriment.

Thank you for visiting!


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 2 years ago from New Delhi, India

Beautiful expressions, with excellent visuals!

I absolutely believe in this philosophy of life---on letting go! And it is so important to grow and remain happy.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful hub! Voted up!


thumbi7 profile image

thumbi7 2 years ago from India

Beautiful thoughts. Some of them are very true. I can feel it from my life that the only person you have control over is you.


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 2 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

It seems to be the hardest lesson we humans have to learn that nothing lasts for ever, that people, circumstances, jobs and possessions come and go. The only certain thing we have in life is change and the more gracefully we accept this, and let go of whatever is passing, the happier and more content we will be


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, ChitrangadaSharan, - I’m pleased to welcome you to my hub site. I hadn’t met you before, so I’ve visited your hub site and found such interesting hubs. I believe, as you obviously do, in healthful living, and as you say, letting go is part of that. Hanging on to things too tightly fixes one in place so that it’s impossible to grow and to discover new sources for enjoying life. Thank you for your visit, comments and vote~


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thumbi7, I’m glad you found truth here. I’ve visited your hub page and was delighted when I read a hub about a variety of rice I hadn’t known of before. Sharing information is such a value of being on Hubpages.

Yes, sometimes it’s hard enough to control oneself, but to control others is impossible. At best, they might be subdued or intimidated; might even try to conform hoping to please or win one's approval, but they will not be controlled or convinced effectively. One’s efforts to direct others can even harm them and place roadblocks for their own effectiveness, while at the same time wasting one’s own time and efforts better spent on one’s own living and self-direction.

I so appreciate your visiting my hub! Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

CMHypno, thank you. I am glad to have discovered your hubs. Very interesting. Thank you for discovering mine. It is so true that the only certainty is uncertainty! It seems that once we understand that it is what life IS, - a dynamic, changing, living condition, we are much freer to live in harmony with the uncertainty which is changeableness. It is not a dreadful ‘sentence’ but the actual secret of life. Static (unchanging) is truly not life.

I appreciate your remarks and your visit. Thank you.


agaglia profile image

agaglia 2 years ago

Nellianna, Another interesting and inspirational hub. Thanks for you leadership.


agaglia profile image

agaglia 2 years ago

Let it go;

let it rise

to the sky -

don't ask why.

Let it go,

let it fly -

say good-by.

Don't you cry.

Let it go.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, Agaglia, how lovely to see you! Thank you for your comments and positive feedback. I love your poem on letting go! Beautiful and so true!

It shouldn't be too sad to let go of what needs to be released, though we do get sentimentally attached even to the rather harmful familiar things, as the entrenched things, habits and even personal associations can become. The deeper the attachments, the more difficult it seems to let them go, - at least until we feel ourselves again able to grow and move freely and more as ourselves without them, once we have let them go.

It doesn’t mean that all or many of our beloved familiarities need to be released, because many are positive and contribute to our welfare and happiness.

But, if we are honest with ourselves and listen to our ‘guts’ and inner wisdom, we know when a familiarity needs releasing. So we can and should heed those wise promptings.


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 2 years ago from Somewhere in the West

Good morning Nelli beautiful poem about letting go, we all need to this at some point or time in our lives. Let go and sail on to new tides :)

Thanks for sharing and your hub was well done i love the lay out.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you so much, LadyFiddler. Just read your profile and see you're learning to play violin. I'm in awe. I've played piano all my life but I'm sure violin would be very difficult to learn!

Yes we must deal with letting go even more than we may be conscious of doing. Whether we're fully aware of it or not, each day we've had to let go of the previous one. What we 'have' is the now in progress and it, not for long. How gracefully we move from what is-no-more determines how well we are able to embrace and really live what IS and move along with it, as each new moment comes. There is a kind of 'eternal now' to it. When I became more fully aware of this basic truth, I wrote this little poem:

If I tack


The wind.


It is because

My sails

Are free.

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

11-15-73


bigj1969 profile image

bigj1969 2 years ago from glasgow

Every word true,we all find it hard to let go of someone.the smallest things you try to hold on to,smell of perfume,favourite song,every day there are sweet reminders of lost loved ones.i tend to memorise all the good times.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you! Yes, John, it is in those memories that what has passed and become the past can be refreshed a bit in thought and feeling, though what is in the past can no longer be formed, changed or 'lived' in reality. Only what is NOW can be really lived.

That's all the more reason to be fully awake, aware and alert to what is happening in the now. We can spend some of our 'now' recalling past things which can't be altered any longer or are not yet real which may happen in the future, but we need to be noticing that when we're doing that, we're not fully living what IS happening around us.

But it is a pleasant choice sometimes, and possibly one that is unique to human beings here on Earth: - to be able both to remember and to anticipate. It's a good think so long as we don't get so caught up in it that we miss the 'real' going on in the present. So we must learn to keep it in good balance with the present.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 2 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Hi Nellieanna - I have been rereading hubs that I forgot I read so long ago. I guess that's ok. Lovely hub and vivid pics and your own works make this another incredible creation. It seems like you get more talented all the time. I love the statement of only controlling yourself and all the others we must loosen our grip, even friendships. My daughter used to hate losing a friend and still has a hard time. I will share this hub with her, so she can let go. It is so nice to stop by again, and see you soon. Sharing. Blessings, Audrey


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

― Steve Maraboli

This is a wonderful hub Nellieanna and my favourite quote is the above. how many times have we tried to rekindle an old friendship only to find that it no longer works.

It was only the other night we were watching Frozen and your song choice is also one of my favourites.

Wishing you a great day .

Eddy.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, Audrey! So good to see you’ve visited here. Of course it is more than OK! It is wonderful when people either discover or even rediscover my older hubs! I try to avoid repeating any of my poetry on new ones, so the old ones are the only places they’re online, except a very few on my own website. I only began sharing my poetry really when I came to HP, and not even right away here.

There is a lot of my personal philosophy both in my poetry and my prose. I long ago came to the realization that I am the only person in the universe over whom I have control, and there are precious few others over whom I might sometimes have a wee bit of influence. One must answer to oneself first and foremost, and hope to be a good example, although others’ perceptions of oneself (if any) tend to vary with and conform to their own current states of being and can actually only reflect their own perspectives, at best. So to court others’ opinions is well and good, IF one is prepared, like Kipling, to realize that they are not an accurate mirror of oneself,- so that even their praise & good opinions of oneself are simply reflections of themselves and how they view what's outside themselves at that moment; and shouldn’t be taken too much to heart; . . . and their poor opinions, even less so. They may be having a bad day in general.

I’ve also long-since come to realize that one cannot ‘hold on to’ people (nor much else that comes and goes in one’s life) but that the beauty of that is that life continues to provide in its actual living moments what we are able to love, value and actually what we need if we are always alert and aware to see and embrace it.

Yes, it’s hard to lose a friend or anyone one loves, whether to death or to circumstances. We must thoroughly grieve and feel our loss in the aftermath, but then we must allow it to subside as we rise up, embrace life going on and go forward with it, without recriminations and without nurturing sorrow we felt or may still feel. Hanging on to it and staying in feelings that arose in their time by continuing to nurture them (and that is what happens when it goes on and on) begins to become dwelling in the past, where nothing can be changed or improved, so that it becomes more like an illusion and a denial of life in progress.

If people choose to leave our lives, we also need to realize that they have other pressures and needs they must pursue and fulfill. If we really do love them, we must want for them what they want & require for themselves. But sometimes they may return to our circle in time, but we cannot put our hopes on that. In fact, they’re more likely to want to if we’ve remained lively and active in our own lives in the meantime and don't make them feel that they've hurt or betrayed us.

Years ago I read a book, ‘Gift From The Sea” by Anne Morrow Lindberg which I loved and I shamelessly told of one passage in it which applies to this matter on one of my webpages http://nellieanna.com/ahlove2.html - It’s about halfway down the page and starts off “There was a mother who . . . .” It’s more about a mother's advice to her daughter keeping a person she may attract for marriage but it is the same principle of not gripping or grasping people.

I’m literally suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand at present (hope it’s only at present) and it highly limits my use of the computer. Typing isn’t easy but scrolling and using the mouse are worse. If I force it much (and it’s all forcing it), then the excruciating attacks in the night that prevent sleep are even more certain and painful. SO - I want to precaution everyone who is a computer devotee (or devotee any activities which involved intense, repetitive hand movements over lengthy periods) to learn about this malady and take precautions to avoid it before it strikes! I honestly had barely heard of it before it was happening. Now I hope to overcome mine by holding off so much of the activities which aggravate it (and the computer is only one of many for me) and using massage & cold packs to treat it, to avoid hand surgery. It is really putting a crimp in my style!!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Eddy - yes, that quotation sums it up perfectly. It’s difficult to realize at the time if it happens, but there it is.

If it’s not working (a good word for what can happen) for either person involved, it needs to be allowed to fade away, either permanently - or . . . sometimes old friendships sort of rekindle themselves, but we cannot force it, expect it or build our plans around it.

My ‘first love’ as a kid & teenager came and went in my life; and because of uncontrollable circumstances the ‘went’ part seemed permanent. As far as the life we’d planned together, it was to be permanent, but about 32 years later, he did reappear spontaneously and we became real friends, - more deeply friends than before, but without the romance, which fit neither of our lives by then. It could just as easily never happened, though. Couldn't have been masterminded or controlled.

I’ve old friends with whom the activity sorts of recede for awhile, but then it’s suddenly active again, and it’s almost like no time or distance had passed. No need for ‘blaming’ or bad feelings. If either of us has other life matters to tend to, it may just be timing. But I’m convinced that trying too hard to ‘hold on’ when circumstances pulled one or both of us away would probably squelch or poison the good feelings we’d shared and which we might share again if left to evolve..

Anyway - being fully alive oneself and living one’s every moment is what makes one good to be around. Just don’t get carpal tunnel syndrome. (read what I said in my previous comment about that!)


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Such an eloquent set of thoughts on this subject. Letting go is one of those things in life that we all have to experience on one side of the equation or the other--never easy though


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you for the lovely compliment.

It's as you say, though, Audrey. We do have to experience the thing of letting go personally in life. It's almost one of the 'givens' of living, letting go of whatever is no longer really 'there for us' - or between us - except, perhaps, as a shadow of what it had been or a dutiful formality.

But I suppose that the regular experience of ending a day, resting and starting a new day in the morning is one of the examples of letting go of what is 'done'. We can't keep the old one, especially if we want to fully live the next one. But when our attachments are very strong and still we may find the necessity to let go but resist it that it is experienced as difficult and of course, we'd like to cling. Sadly, nothing severs most attachments that are ready to leave more thoroughly and effectively than clinging, though.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

Only the first lady of HP could write such a beautiful hub Nellieanna! So much food for thought in every line. Your poetry always touches us right in the heart.

Hope you are feeling a bit better as you mend.

Voted up, useful, awesome, and beautiful.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

You are so kind, my dear! I'm gratified to know that my poetry touches my readers' hearts. Thank you for the good praise and votes, as well.

I am feeling a bit better. The carpal tunnel is almost headed and the rib bruise is progressing. Thank you for mentioning it.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Letting go seems to be in the air for me right now--just wanted to come back and take a peek again!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

It's so gratifying when someone decides to revisit one of my hubs. Thank you, Audrey! Yes-- letting go is quite refreshing and even, at times, it's therapeutic! In fact, in day-to-day living, it serves the good by helping one from stockpiling unresolved, dangling stuff which, if of consequence, will come back when the time is right, anyway. It's like old fashioned house-keeping, in which swept the floor and put everything away each evening, so that it would be ready for another new day in the morrow. I still rather try to do that for my own benefit in my house. And how much more beneficial to do it emotionally and mentally on a regular basis!


lisavanvorst profile image

lisavanvorst 2 years ago from New Jersey

Beautifully written. I liked the way you broke each verse up. The pictures were beautiful. I look forward to reading more.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Lisa - thank you! I'm so pleased you dropped by - and it gave me a chance to 'meet' you here and on your own HP site, where I read a bit and left a comment. When someone visits my hubs whom I've not yet met, I like to visit theirs, too!

Glad you enjoyed my formatting my hub. I enjoy that part of hub-making, too. Gives one the chance to express different areas of one's creativity and sensitivity, doesn't it? I hope you will read more, and perhaps, with the thoughts I expressed in my comment to one of your hubs in mind as you do. Many of my poems were written during a period of extreme stress and tribulation. As mentioned in my comment to you, it was in finding the joy inside and giving myself that input that poetry saved my life and my sanity, almost literally - enough to matter! ;-)

Good luck to you. Keep writing and don't focus on being received and do focus on letting go of external pressures and embracing your poetic soul. You will be heard and received when you're hearing your best inner voice and receiving it all yourself. But either way - you'll know joy. I assure you, from day one on HP, I've never worried a minute about whether or not anyone 'out there' heard my words. Somehow, a lot of them have done so. So just relax and enjoy your writing! It's good and will grow even better. Hugs.


Aisha Jilani profile image

Aisha Jilani 2 years ago from Lahore

Beautifully expressed . Keep it up


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Aisha Jilani. I appreciate your stopping by my hub corner and reading, and especially that you left a pleasant comment!


Aisha Jilani profile image

Aisha Jilani 2 years ago from Lahore

You"re very welcome . It was amazing !


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

You are so kind! :-)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 2 years ago from UK

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: And so they should be. You are such a gem of literature and I am so glad to have met you and be your friend... :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Dimitris, thank you for always encouraging me. I'm so glad we are friends, too. Hugs.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

Hi Nellieanna, I have a hard time letting go of anything, including a whole lot of negativity, and a whole lot of other "stuff" that has nothing to do with me, that I dwell on. Letting go would be a welcome change. Thanks for the reminder. PS, love the opening image of this piece.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I certainly understand that, my dear snakes. Letting go can seem to be contrary to one's tendencies to secure one's 'place' in the ongoing drama of life, for one thing.

Everyone finds some trouble letting go of superfluous 'stuff, though'. Negative superfluity seems the most 'lasting', at times. We can't forget the past but knowing that it is truly 'over', and cannot be undone, being aware that its memories are only that - in our minds and nowhere else, begin to help. But when there are 'leftovers' of the past literally in the present, we must be prepared to put those into their 'now' present time., where they can actually be dealt with, unlike those of the past, and then to move on from those, as well. It's often the entanglement which can bog us down. But is it freeing to let go as we move along, having lived each moment in its time as we embrace the ones that have arrived.

Thank you so much for coming by and leaving your comments.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

Hi Nellieanna, had to salt the steps this morning, slick with ice. I am being very cautious, especially after my sister had a disastrous fall last week and broke her ankle (five pins and a plate holding it together). I'm so worried about her. She lives a long drive from here (five hours) through snow and ice covered mountain passes, (and I have to work every day so I can't get to her). Thankfully our road crews keep the highways sanded, so the drive to work is not too stressful. I hope you get some rain! I see our notes are crisscrossing all over the place.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Indeed our notes do seem to be playing tag!

I'm so sad to hear about your sister's broken ankle and that you can't get to her. Broken bones are not fun. As I kid, I was always breaking some. But that five-hour route through icy, snow-covered mountain passes would not be wise! I'm sure she wouldn't want you risking it. You should be cautious, for sure. I'm honestly being cautious by staying away from crowds, teeming with too much stress and probable germs and viruses. There is nothing I want to buy worth the battles at the malls. I don't have to get into all that, so I'm not going to.

When we have icy, snowy road conditions here, the crews are getting wiser about handling them, but drivers are quite unwise, on the whole.

In Del Rio, where I was born - (down on the Mexican border) - I didn't see any snow till I was about 10, when it didn't stick. I was amazed, because I'd figured it must come down by the bucket-full, to cover the ground. haha. Mother liked to say that I'd just seen my first snow but that I'd already seen rain twice. ;-)


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

Hi Nellieanna, thanks for thinking of my sister, really worried about her.

Just found this tidbit on twitter: The University of Texas now owns the archives of Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Wow!

We had a little snow today and freezing temps arghhhh.

Thank Goddess it's Friday!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I hadn't heard about the Gabriel Garcia Marquez collection. What a treasure! Thank you for telling me about it. The university is in Austin, and I don’t get there often, but it would be worth a trip.

I feel sure your sister will be all right, though it will be a lengthy healing, no doubt. One of the many bones I broke as a kid was my right leg from ankle nearly to knee, at age 7. Doctors didn't expect me ever to be able to walk on it normally. I was in a cast a long time but it was still crooked when the cast came off. Mother refused to accept the dire prediction and took me to a chiropractor, who taught her how to 'massage' it (I use that word loosely) by putting all her weight on it several times a day, pushing it toward the right configuration . Was excruciatingly painful, but my bones were soft enough to respond favorably and it did straighten & left me with no effects of the injury.

How it happened is one of my most vivid childhood memories, as well. A southern colonial house in our neighborhood was being built. The tall columns for the front required deep foundation holes, about 8 or so feet deep and 3 or so feet in diameter. All the holes were completed except one, which was only 2 or 3 feet deep. One late afternoon, neighborhood kids were playing around the site and some decided it would be fun to run and jump in the shallow hole and scream for help, - that it was a deep one. I was always younger than my peers, so silly little Nellieanna misjudged & ran & jumped into a deep one! It was dirty, dark, and I couldn't move my leg. I screamed and screamed, but the kids thought it was the game for awhile. Finally, after not finding me in the shallow hole, they found me down in that pit. There was a ladder lying around which they put down in the hole but, of course, I couldn't climb it. I was so scared.

Del Rio has always had a large Hispanic population, but then there were virtually no blacks there then. I don't think I'd ever really seen a black person, in fact. But somehow the kids must have seen a black man walking along the street & gotten him to come help me, because the next thing I knew, he'd climbed down the ladder and carried me out and to our neighbors', with whom I was staying while my parents were at the ranch on business. It was a frequent experience of mine from when I started school till they decided to send me to a boarding school for my senior year in High School. Up till then, since I was in school and couldn't go with them, I was just 'farmed out' to friends in town during those times. This was one of those times!

I never knew the name of that man who rescued me, nor saw him again. I honestly thought he was a guardian angel. I'm still not sure about it.

I'm happy for you that it is the weekend! I still get a good feeling out of 'Fridley", as George used to call it, when it heralds in the weekend free of formal work. I'm sure it is especially welcome to you when it's snowy and so cold! Enjoy the break from it and stay warm inside as much as possible.

As I say, our weekend highs are to be in the mid to high 70s; but Monday, the high will be only in the 40s, though they're not predicting any sub--freezing lows this time and the temperature will gradually moderate. We had a week of freezing temperature this month, though, following a weekend with highs in the 80s! I was so glad I got my outdoor faucets and hoses secured while it was warm instead of waiting till the evening before the freeze was forecast as I usually do! Getting up and down from ground level has become something of a challenge, and that job involves that! haha. I'll be 83 Feb. 2nd, though, so am thankful to be as agile as I am and am trying to stay so.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

Wow Nellieanna, that's quite a story, Ouch! I just heard from my brother-in-law minutes ago. He said she's doing alright, sleeping a lot (pain killers), and he wheels her out for sessions on the computer. Says I can call tomorrow am to talk to her. Feel better hearing back from them. I know my friend Lillian recovered fully from a broken leg this past year, I was impressed with her determination (she's 83).

Aquarius eh, me too (Feb 17). Not giving my age lol.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I'm so glad that there's good news! I know you can barely wait to talk to her. Yes, your friend, Lilian, is determined. But it's what we must be.

Yes, my George was also Aquarian, Feb. 13th. He would be 93 on his next birthday.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

Nellieanna, I am relieved now that I've heard the story from the horses mouth. It was a traumatizing experience for her (my sister). She was alone in the house when it happened and took her an hour and a half to crawl from the garage stairs, up through length of hallway to the phone in the kitchen where she was somehow able to call for ambulance. Now she is being catered to by hubby (who was just flying back from trip to China with their son when it happened, but showed up at hospital the next day to see her through surgery) and taking life one day at a time.

I feel like I know George, Wow, Aquarians all.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, my, what an ordeal! I can only imagine how dreadful that was to be alone and virtually helpless. That crawling, even up stairs, must have been so painful. Thank heavens she was able to get to the phone to call for an ambulance. Whew.

My friend, Val, who is several years older than I, fell when alone at home and had to crawl to the front door to unlock it so her daughter could get in & to her after she managed to call her. She didn't have any broken bones, but it was a horrendous experience.

Well, I'm glad your sister's husband & son got home to be there so quickly when she was going through the surgery. Of course, taking life a day at a time is the only realistic way to take it. It 'feels' like she's in good hands and will be all right. I'm relieved for you that you KNOW how it happened and how she's doing.

Take care and think positively! Hugs.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

Thanks Nellieanna! You are so understanding!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hugs - I'm praying for you and your sister.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 22 months ago from United States

O love the theme through your beautiful words. You never disappoint. This is another lovely poems with the perfect pictures. It is always a joy to read what you write. Have a blessed day.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Pamela! Thank you so much for visiting my hub and leaving such lovely comments! This is a theme that matters a lot to me, has found its place among my personal tenets of living life. One can't drag or lug everything along the path, or soon it slows one down and finally stops! Recognizing when it's not wise or useful to keep hanging on is the challenge~! Such a long life as I've already lived accumulates a lot and it includes even some of my parents' keepsakes. But at least I can consider letting go of things which really have exhausted their own reason to be! haha.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 22 months ago

So my beautiful friend ! I am told that I'm not good about letting go of the past , and I do know that's one of the healthy wealthy and wise ways of life ! But Nellieanna I am so much like my Dad ! Old fashioned , a romantic , a bit stoic and blue at times , you name it I've been through the wash cycle a couple of times too ! LOL , I have reached a point in life where I've as many friends and family gone as I have here . I do realize the health factor of looking to our tomorrows as well and yet , for me , there is so much meaning in the past that I just don't always want to let go . I have so many good memories , as well as not so good . I believe that the humility and the pride of growing up poor , of still appreciating so many little things that mattered only to us , to me and no one else . Oh , I'm rambling tonight , in mind ,spirit and soul ! That's what happens when I listen to piano sonata's in solitude ! LOL , anyway , do I hear A Happy Birthday may be in order !......Your old buddy Ed


bigj1969 profile image

bigj1969 22 months ago from glasgow

Beautiful hub Nellieanna,your writing is always fantastic.joy to read.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 22 months ago from Canada

Oh Nellieanna! I missed your birthday....Happy belated, happy year!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Ed ~ What a sweet, poignant comment. You express so much feeling I share. I love your ramblings and your beautiful poetic works.

But perhaps I have not quite clarified what I mean by letting go if it seemed to involve forgetting one’s precious memories or even, alternately, trying to look to the future. We can choose to think and even to feast upon our precious past experiences which were living moments in their time; or to anticipate our future possibilities which hopefully will be wonderful present moments when and if they arrive. These are choices of thoughts we can and do make for our present moment and how we wish to invest it. It’s a precious part of being human to be able to do so. It only becomes a problem when we cling to the past and/or try to substitute the future anticipation for real living time so that these non-existent states are literally regarded as reliving or pre-living ‘for real’ times, and, worse - when we begin to prefer them to the real moments of our life in the present.

Our present moments invested in nostalgia and wishful future planning can even distract from and overshadow the precious, rather fleeting moments of actual living present. It’s a common tendency to allow them to gradually do so that we it may require consciously making it a point to not let it happen to insure that the only time which provides LIVE moments is fully experienced. That is the moment in which we can actively participate so as to determine it as it's happening and in which we can be surprised by how it develops since it is the real living moment, each time as it is happening.

So letting go of any sense that past or future are actually being lived as we reminisce or anticipate them is vital for experiencing one’s life which must be lived. Neglecting it or letting thoughts of times past or future absorb it is like having a treasure in one’s hand and letting it melt or fall away while grabbing for the mist which has no substance. It is comforting and feels safer to think about what is already ‘done’ and can no longer surprise or disappoint, or to envision the future so it seems less insecure and more fixed than the unknown actually can be, - even if we’re painting it in dreary colors so that we can feel that, at least, we won’t be caught off-guard. But, in truth, it is unknown and out of our control except when we actually meet it as the present and have that opportunity to live it as well as it deserves to be lived. If we’ve become accustomed to spending the present dwelling on past or future, though - we miss that golden opportunity to live that exact moment.

Oh, yes. Well I know that awareness of being left when so many friends and family have passed on. I’ve becine the sole survivor in my own natal family and am the only member of our generation remaining in my late husband’s family. For a girl who has always been regarded as the baby sister, this is an odd position. All of my long-life friends are passed on or have become seriously debilitated. My eldest grandchild died last August at age 38. I’m made aware of the preciousness of life while it’s in progress, which can only be experienced and shared as it’s happening in its living moments. But I’m most grateful for the loving memories of times spent with them.

Speaking of living, loving moments, yes,you’re right. I’ve now completed 83 years plus several days of them! It’s great to be here and alive now! Thank you for the Happy Birthday. It is very much so, dear old buddy! Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, John (bigj1969)! I’m so delighted to see you visiting my hub. Thank you and also for those kind words.

I just reviewed your Hubpage profile! You’ve been a busy prolific writer! Good for you! I must check out some of your works. They sound most interesting! Thank you for sharing all the information about them.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

My dear Snakeslane, not to worry! I always love to string it out all February! Nothing belated about your greeting. It’s quite timely and much appreciated. The birthday thing is in full progress around here! My den is full of flowers, lovely cards and good cheer. George’s birthday was Feb. 13 so it was customary to s-t-r-e-t-c-h out the birthday cheer most of the month. Old habits, especially pleasant ones, tend to reemerge on schedule. ;-)

Also, the happy results of my scheduled ophthalmologist's appointment on my actual birthday were the best birthday gift. I'd dreaded the possible need for another cataract surgery on my one seeing eye. But it was unnecessary. He fixed the problem with a laser treatment called a Posterior Capsulotomy. I was able to drive myself home after a short time to allow the various eye drop effects to wear off.

It’s always my pleasure to hear from you, dear lady. Hugs and many thanks. Hope all is well with you and yours.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 22 months ago

Nellieanna , I understand exactly how you feel and what you meant , , I do love the "in the moment " of living , in fact now more than ever . Funny , I find myself worrying less and less about how others see me though , I was and am always the easy smile , the easy going nature , the great listener , the patient one and believe it or not the "rock" that everyone that I to know seemingly needed to anchor themselves in the inevitable anxieties of living day to day . I took selfish pleasure in hearing that, on occasion too ! I don't mean to brag at all but it seemed I was the anchor even for my parents !

I do find that in the lest couple of years though , I have been finding myself stealing more and more precious moments and hours in solitude , and it is a bit selfish too , I know . It's a bit selfish ,but I di feel somewhat cheated and sometimes in no small way, by those very same qualities of living as "a decent guy , a good friend , a great listener , a rock " , Oh well , It's good to vent once in a while too isn't it ? lol . Anyway , You're birthday !

I hope that it was filled with those small if not private smiles that reflectively tell us , yes , we are winning ! Peace and love birthday girl !


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Ed! I can easily envision you in the easy, cheerful listener role and as the rock and the anchor. It is an admirable person to be, but it can be demanding at times and people can grow to EXPECT you to just ‘be there’ for them, often without too much regard for how it may impact your own time and life issues. When one has a natural ability to see things from others’ perspectives, to be non-judgmental, but still helpful when asked for advice & opinions, -- when one possesses all those qualities, people gravitate to one and it’s difficult to refuse them.

As you worded it, very descriptively, you almost feel that you’re stealing time just to BE, & to have contemplation time for what is important to you, so that it feels almost selfish.

Well, here’s something I’ve learned; no, I’ve internalized it! If one takes care of everyone else and doesn’t take care of one’s own self, then one’s energies are depleted without being restored & replenished adequately. If you love solitude, as I do, that is essential to your very being. You needn’t apologize or feel selfish about the need to maintain and to restore yourself. Fact is, no one else will offer you that sustenance, especially those who benefit from your being there for them and being their rock. Even if they wanted to, they couldn’t provide you with what you and you alone know you need and have within your own being.

I speak from experience - both ways. I’ve tried not taking what I need of my own time and attention, and it just doesn’t work. Plus recipients are bottomless pits, because what the need can only come from within themselves. Wanting to get it from someone else is a neurotic need that can never really be filled. A friend once told me that if I allowed her to prop me up, neither of us could move! Oh, there are little ways we can encourage and keep each other company through trying times, but ultimately, we have to do the work ourselves.

Now I know what I need and to allow myself to have it. If it makes for being a bad person, so be it. But each person born into the world will always have that one person, the self, for which to be totally responsible. Learning to portion oneself and one’s time in such a way as to be able to keep that responsibility tended is the only way to really do it and to have some more for giving others a boost. But ultimately, they have to find their own inner resource, or they’ll be dependent and insecure. And otherwise, one’s health suffers so that one becomes someone else’s burden or just sad and uncared for.

It’s good to love the ‘in the moment’ of living, because it’s the only reality of living. Yet many people ignore it and are lost in times that don’t exist. They get so lost in them that they literally devalue the moment of life as it happens, because it’s always ‘just the now’. Somehow we’re conditioned to think it’s second-rate. Some people even try to make it seem that someone who recognizes that this is "it" and values it for itself is somehow shallow or even sinful. haha. It’s like they’re not serious enough or something.

Years ago I came up with a personal motto which has produced a similar negative reaction when I mentioned it: “If it can’t be fun, why do it?”. WELL! My older brother was horrified & sure I was definitely a flippety-gibbet, more than ever. Roars he, “OH, everything is not fun! There are serious things one must do!”, (as if I didn’t know that!) He knew me so little that 1) he didn’t bother to find out more about my statement; 2) he assumed it was a shallow, hedonistic idea; 3) if he’d known me and my actual life record at all, instead of keeping me in the ‘baby sister’ slot in his mind, he’d have understood that what it meant was that one must invest oneself in things one must do, to make them more pleasant - by attitude and by investing genuine interest in those things.

For me, finally, though, it does mean that, ultimately, if it’s truly miserable and impossible to make better, then possibly one shouldn’t be doing it! A life full of doing dreary things is at least partly a choice and a poor one. Of course, it’s best if one can have make early choices which haven’t trapped one in really bad situations. But even then, it can be lived more cheerfully rather than more gloomily; and perhaps, it can be changed without abandoning it. But, after all, it is this one life and it’s one’s responsibility (ability-to-respond) so as to make it as truly worthwhile and positive as possible. We’ve seen people with similar limitations in their lives, and yet one is a grumpy, unpleasant dreary person poisoning the very air around him/her, while the other is a ray of sunshine and cheer for self and others, being truly thankful for each new day, - in spite of the limitations. That doesn’t ‘just happen’. The limitation are like ‘givens’. The attitudes are made by the people to whom the limitations were given. People make it one way or the other in all situations of life: “making it fun”, (or not) in other words.

My eldest sister once said, “There is nothing so selfish as a totally unselfish mother.” One must weigh the effects of one’s actions on the recipients, not just how good it makes one feel and how much honor it brings one.

Yes, there were and are many “small if not private smiles that reflectively tell us (me), yes, we (I) are/am winning!” I am sure you know exactly what kinds of moments those are. Just noticing some beautiful little detail or thinking of something special and good — all those kinds of things. My birthday definitely had many of those. I still smile to myself about them.

Hugs ~


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 22 months ago

Oh I am so happy that the birthday girl still smiles , ! We who" smile and turn those other cheeks ", when we are upset somehow are certainly asking for trouble down the road . I went through a long spell of taking out all my life frustrations on myself , for way too long . I might be working alone in the barn , on my tractor or building a piece of colonial furniture , and something would go amiss , usually something about my mood or my day and kaboom , I would throw my drill or smash something I was working on . I have always been the hardest on myself and yet I always figured , why should my negative moods or my bad days allow me to hurt others ? No, I am a solitary man , not always comfortably so though .

I also realize now that my solitude was always a self inflicted curse , no matter how lonely I could get , I knew not how to lower my guard enough to quite simply trust another to confide MY feelings , my needs . The solitary life for some of us from childhood on I'm sure , is a special curse ! LOL Yet as a sixty year old man , I have evolved into more of a self confident , somewhat solitary Mr. nice guy , one who at least is happy with most of my choices anyway ! It's very nice "catching up with you my beautiful friend !


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 22 months ago from Canada

Hi Nellieanna (and friends) I am glad the birthday month is going well. It's my birthday month too so I totally get it. There's something quirky about us February babies. When it gets to be our turn we like to make it last. lolol. Such good news about the Posterior Capsulotomy rather than the dreaded cataract surgery. That is a birthday gift! I was worried about you cause I hadn't seen you for awhile, but here you are having a birthday party that lasts for days oh wise woman from deep in the heart of Texas. Your buoyant mood is refreshing.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 22 months ago

Nellieanna , I also am in for cataract surgery very soon and also have one good eye and one not so good , in my good eye I am also experiencing a macular growth that is affecting my vision - that of which is on the retina of the eye ! I have my appointments all lined up for april for the cataracts and the other operation will involve invasive surgery to my one good eye itself , I don't even want to think about that one . just what is it with us February Babies ? lol


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Ed, it would be difficult to adequately describe you in one word, but if needed, it could be ‘likable’, though, I suppose that word is more about my response to you than actually descriptive of and ‘about’ you. In that light, it could be more descriptive to say ‘deep’, ‘complicated’ or, in yet another light, - (a combination of my response and what I observe about you), it could be ‘clear’, if only because I relate to many of the things you describe about yourself.

It is not natural for me to feel ‘lonely’ though I’ve been alone a LOT from childhood on. I love people, but require my solitude and space. Solitude cannot be a curse when it’s so vital to my being.

I feel anger toward things going amiss more than toward people’s peccadilloes. Like you, I prefer to keep those flareups between me and the recalcitrant things, not including it to others.

Perhaps that you may not always feel comfortably solitary IS because you take the ‘brunt’ of things going wrong upon yourself as your responsibility. Of course, those kinds of things may be, sometimes. Yet one can learn from them without assuming their brunt and burden negatively; - at least I think that’s possible and valid. But I may just be insensitive or too objective. There’s honestly so little point in it. The old adage about not crying over spilt milk makes sense. In my early training, mishaps were taken fairly matter-of-factly and fixing the blame wasn’t the major objective, though I was guided to see ways to make things right if they’d malfunctioned and I’d contributed to the malfunction. haha.

Perhaps you haven't confided in people because you've only slight need to. Perhaps you realize that seldom would it resolve anything and that one must be one’s own best, and most available confidante. Perhaps it would seem an imposition to 'lay stuff’' on others in the process of tangle-resolving. It can be helpful to run some things by someone else, but in the resolving stages, taking care of them is personal. At least, that's my experience. Once resolved, it may have value to articulate it for myself or for someone else’s benefit. Being communicators prompts us to -articulate.

So, the fact that you’ve evolved into the confident, independent, capable, cheerful, likable 60-year-old man you are seems like an excellent outcome, Ed! Choices are always followed by follow-up choices to be made in the present as we live it, so it's not written in stone. We’re not totally ‘stuck’ with any which can’t be at least mitigated by upgrading choices, if we are alert and aware of opportunities and embrace them. I hope you know how valuable you are!

Now that is amazing that we have similar eye situations. The additional macular growth on your good eye is certainly a major concern, I'm sure. I definitely know the pressure of having one's one seeing eye at risk. But I think I'd trust my ophthalmologic surgeon with even that and I'm sure yours is equally good. I'll have you in my prayers. One thing that's with us February Babies is that we're up to whatever comes! You bet! I think a lot about how just being here proves that in my case. My earliest prognoses were not all that promising and some of the chapters didn't read too well, either. But, dang, we February kids are indefatigable!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Snakeslane, my dear! It was good of you to worry about me. Glad for both of us that it turned out well! Thank you.

Yes, we February folks are a breed unto ourselves, aren’t we? I think it may take one to know one. It was wonderful to be married to one with George. Despite being from Venus and Mars in ways, there was an abiding true understanding. We just knew what each needed and it was no problem. I’ve read that even our Aquarius hair is quirky and in touch with universal forces! So not too surprising that we know how to make the most of our birthdays! I hope that yours is sparkling, too!

I’ve been active in spite of the eye problems, but, shall we say, slower…. Being Wonder Woman just doesn’t come off for me so much now, - and I’m not too displeased about that. I can’t stay up all night, again and again, as I’ve done a lot during my life, in order to get so many things packed in to the time. I still hope to do a lot more things during this lifetime, yet I’m aware that some priorities are in order and that’s not too bad a prospect. Being my own care-giver, house-keeper, errand-runner, etc, etc., taking care of everything that gets taken care of takes a bite out of the days. But I truly love it and wake up each day really alive, so what the heck. I will get done what I get done. Maybe my biographers will have to tidy up all the notes! haha.

Thank you, and hope it's a happy whole birthday month for you! Hugs!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 22 months ago from Canada

Hey Nellieanna, we are almost live! I watched 'Driving Miss Daisy' with Jessica Tandy a couple of nights ago and thought of you...You sound good. I'm still grinding away at my job and wishing I was free!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, that's a good movie! I'm honored it reminded you of me. Yes, I'm good. :-)

Yeah- working has its ups but the constancy of it can be a bit of a downer, especially involving getting out in wintry weather, I'm sure. sigh. It's not long till spring peeks through, hopefully!

We are nearly 'live'! haha! I am about to go get ready for bed. It's so easy to stay up . . . !

Hugs!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 21 months ago from Canada

Hi Nellieanna. I was thinking about all the 'stories' you've written in comments over the years here on Hub Pages. Any book you write especially a novel would be almost already written if you used these n'est pas?


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 21 months ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, Snakes - thank you. Yes, that occurred to me awhile back, so I began copying from my comments those excerpts which might serve that use into a folder containing several subfolders for reference at some point.

The main folder has nearly 34 MB, with 734 items, more or less categorized, in it. So sorting it out will be quite a chore.

Some are biographical, some just my philosophy or ideas, besides actual history and anecdotes, though.

Then, of course, there is my poetry transcription folder, in which are far from all transcribed, but so far, there are 18 MB and 1618 poems in it. sigh. All of the poems are handwritten in various notebooks and physical folders. And there are various handwritten anecdotes, story starts and so forth.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 21 months ago from Canada

Good work!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 21 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you! It will require more dedication than it's gotten, though. haha! Was chatting with my daughter earlier tonight about memories of hers when we spent a year in Arizona when she was 7. She recalled things I didn't and vice-versa. It's another phase of another chapter in my life. Thinking of one's life in retrospect, though, it's amazing that one pieces the vivid -- or less vivid -- moments together from the forward perspective of remembering them, giving them a bit of a dream-like quality.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 21 months ago from Dubai

Beautifully expressed! We have to let go event though it may be difficult at times.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 21 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Vellur. Ah, yes - it can be difficult to let go, but it can result in more difficulty if we try to hang on when it's finished.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 21 months ago from Canada

Oooo, I like your 'dreamlike quality' encapsulation, yes, yes, yes. So I've been thinking about you, and your writing, and your plan to write a novel. From where I'm standing you have so many pages already written. You could throw them up in the air like confetti and see where they land, and build a story around that. You have so much to work with, and so much of the work (the writing) already done...


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 21 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, dear snakes! I'm honored to have occupied some of your contemplation.

Haha - I love that visual. Throwing my bits and pieces of writing up like confetti and gathering them into stories depending on where they land. Has a lot of merit! haha.

It's seemed like they've been where they might have landed over the years from being thrown up like confetti as it is; and here, I've been attempting to make some kind of order out of them! So much for left brain taking charge, huh? haha. You know, I am a designer and an expert seamstress. When planning and making a design, I often start by creating chaos, with fabrics, trims, sketches, all just every-which-way on the bed (which is the work surface in the guest room which doubles for sewing room). But once that phase is done, everything must be organized and 'straight' for the actual work, though at any point in which more creativity is needed, it's back to chaos. Then again, while working, it's order and when I walk away from it, it is always straight and easy to step back into it and resume. I've always been like that but it took awhile to decipher it and realize it's the way my right 51%-left 49% brain actually functions. It was a bit comforting to realize what it was and know I'm not just crazy. . . . or. . . . or. . . am I? haha. Another thing I know about myself is that, once I am ready to 'go' and do whatever the task or project is, there is no stopping me. I also know it's useless to try to force it unless it's just a 'tooly' task, but even those go better if I've reached the ready-to-go stage. Besides, during the procrastination time before starting, a lot of good things are going on, picking up more awareness, information, processing it and expanding. I am NEVER really passive or non-productive, even when it's relaxation, which often pervades even my most intense moments. I've even learned to like how I am. hahaha. I wonder if everyone has phases or moments of feeling like a bit of a stranger with whom to need to become acquainted and who can be a challenge at times?


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 21 months ago from TEXAS Author

By the way - changing subjects - since I've been up, all that's on TV is about our weather. We've had some bizarre alternatively warm and very cold stuff for over a week (well, it's been sort of that way for much longer, but it's become much more contrasting on the cold side). A winter storm is moving rapidly from the west. Ft. Worth has been having dangerous roads and accumulation of snow for an hour or more, already producing highway accidents. It's now coming across Dallas. Just since I sat down at the computer, right after taking my trash can out for pickup, the patio is almost covered with a layer of snow and it's falling pretty furiously.

Compared to northern climates, it's probability not too spectacular, but this is much less commonplace here. Some winters we get significant ice and snow, but it's usually not as long-lasting as it is 'up there', though it can be as devastating, if not more so due to its unfamiliarity.

Some winters we get virtually no freezing precipitation; - but, then, some years we get virtually no precip of any kind! When I was 10 and witnessed seeing snow for the first time (it didn't even reach the ground before it melted), Mother told people, "Yes, but she's seen rain twice!" That was further south - in Del Rio.

Here in North Texas, we've been in drought conditions for quite awhile. In fact. 2014 had a total rainfall for the year in single digits, = less than months in most areas and even in some of our own wetter years' records for some months. The lakes are low and water rationing is in place. It's not all that rare, unfortunately.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 17 months ago

Nellieanna, I am guilty on all counts.i find such incredible beauty in each moment how could ever bare to let it go. I internalize all my greatest feelings and relive them often. Once again you have excelled in making your point clear and precise. I am captivated by your words and your wonderful love for life. It's 4:40 in the morning and I wanted to beat the crowd and be the first to wish you a happy and healthy day.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 17 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dear DREAM ON ~ I’ve been thinking about you & wishing you well. I’ve been limited n my online activities after taking a bad tumble a couple of months ago which sprained both wrists. Still healing but much better. Just slower.

You’re not guilty of clinging! You’re the most IN the moments person I know! If you choose to spend a bit of the ‘NOW” relishing all the glorious NOWs and their joy you've known, then that IS part of enjoying the NOW in progress!

Thank you so much for your kind words & well-wishes!


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 17 months ago

I am tickled pink with your comment.life always offers unexpected twists and turns that I never expect.I made a surprise hub for you. Trying to lift your spirits and heal you from the inside out. I am always motivated by your thoughts and your actions.I have a secret I haven't told a soul. When I am blue and things don't go my optimistic way. Which happens a lot I turn to anyone of your comments that you have left on any hub and close my eyes and try to see and think like you. I usually laugh and then tears fill up my eyes ...how beautiful it is to be so knowledgable and wise. I appreciate your allow the things you have done. Why can't more people be like you in the real world.One that I deal with every day.Instead their selfish, negative, rude, uncaring and many more words I never even let into my vocabulary. I have little time for them in my lifetime.I refocus on what I love and wish to see.My wife and I went to the movies and saw Tommorow Land. My wife thought I would like it. She knows me to well. I loved it.I relate to Casey so much. I would love you to see the movie, The gift to be able to share your ideas on the Big screen. For all dreamers to dream. The weather is sunny and cool here. Sending you a bouquet of the most gorgeous flowers that light up in the dark. When they die they turn into pleasant thoughts that fill the room. That's all for now. Take care.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 17 months ago from TEXAS Author

Aw, Dream On ~ I’m honored by your words and your confidence in me. I accept it, knowing I’m just another fellow human-being with the typical pressures and various responses to them which are not always up to my standards, but I’m always learning from each experience & from the process of living. If we already knew it all perfectly, we wouldn’t have much purpose living in this world. Besides, we’d be unbearable!!

There are people in this world at various stages of their own lives’ education, development and enlightenment. We can’t change where they are for them, other than being as good examples as we are capable of. We also can’t try to tell them to follow our examples, either. Their own ability (or not) to ‘see’ its positives, to forgive our negatives & to want to put the positives into their own lives as they see fit (not as we might wish it) is our only possible realistic contribution.

REALISTIC is best because it allows us to deal with what IS & improve it.

When we bump into those whose development has them at a selfish, mean level, one must not stoop to that level, and one does not have to stay on its precipice if the people continue with diatribes & meanness which attacks, damages,& does neither them or oneself any good. Let it go.

Sometimes we may even bump into someone whose selfishness has cloaked itself in appearances of kindness, but if their main activities demonstrate a real motive to subdue or to ‘win’, then one must be aware & alert. We can’t judge their motives. We can only measure their negative effects on ourselves. From one’s own position, if their efforts & attitudes feel like & prove that they’re out to dominate oneself, & if the effect on oneself is of being manipulated, pushed past what one offers & chooses, & if it feels like being exploited or ‘used’ for that other person’s own selfish wants, needs or whims without real regard for one’s own prerogatives, (even if the person offers words of care but lacks showing it), then one should not allow it. Let it go.

If this kind of situation arises, which seems likely if one is a giving, generous person (which can make one an ideal target for this), one must realize that attempting to fill that person’s quest would not help or satisfy it because it’s shown itself as a neurotic quest, & neurotic needs & quests are bottomless. In fact, it might even benefit the person to have to give it up when it doesn’t work with us & possibly might prompt them to re-examine that approach. Might spare a next victim from it.

But It’s not only futile as far as ‘fixing’ it (or explaining it) for the other person, it is far too damaging & victimizing to oneself. It monopolizes one’s own influence for mostly that person’s possession, when one could be using it really helping others by real example.

Being wise is compatible with being a good person. It helps by making one’s good motives effective, as well.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 13 months ago from England

Change is something we can't help so letting go is part of that, its hard sometimes, but I love the way you expressed it, wonderful!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 13 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you so much for visiting my hub! It's not a new hub, but goes back a year and a half or so. It's still relevant.

I understand exactly the difficulty in letting go you mention, Nell. Realizing that it's the only real choice when it's called for, though, helps to give one courage through it.

I'd written a quite lengthy reply here, but realize it's really another hub follow-up on this important subject. You'd deserve the credit for activating me to write it. Thank you.


shprd74 profile image

shprd74 13 months ago from Bangalore

This hub is great. The natural way of living is letting go. The concept of letting go is well explained with examples. Most understand this concept pretty late in life and go through so much pain my keeping every moment of their experience good or bad in memory and do not move ahead.

You hub has trigger me to write a poem on moving ahead. Take care.

- Hari


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 13 months ago from TEXAS Author

Hari, thank you so much for your perceptive comment on this hub and its subject.

You're right that understanding the concept of letting go is more likely to come later in life, with experience and maturity. I read "The Wisdom of Uncertainty" by Alan Watts in my mid -30s which essentially shows why letting go is wise, since the present is all there is, and life is change. I'll be 84 in February. The understanding of letting go and appreciating life's nature has been quite valuable all these years.

I look forward to reading your poem on moving ahead when it's written.

Thank you for following me. I just now checked your Hubsite and saw that you've written much of interest to me. That was where I noticed you'd commented on this hub of mine.


shprd74 profile image

shprd74 13 months ago from Bangalore

So nice of you to write so elaborately. Thanks for reading my comments in other hub sites, with interest. I sure will also read the book you have mentioned.

- Hari


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 13 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you!


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 10 months ago

I could easily start every day with this hub. Letting go is so important and healing. You are sweet as honey. Which I found out by having one teaspoon of natural local grown honey a day it works wonders for hay fever and other allergies. I love the smell of fresh cut grass. You could say I get a natural high on it. One of life's secret treasures that cost nothing and gives me so much joy. The only problem it would make me sneeze. Not no more. How good is that. My mother's passing three years ago was my biggest struggle. When I realized I was doing everything I knew to hold on when if I just let go everything would feel and be better. I was never taught to let go. In my mind if you let go it meant you gave up. You are a quitter and that was a loser. Unacceptable !Harsh as it may seem that is what some members of my family taught me at a young age. It took me years to understand even people we respected and trusted are not always right. We have to decide for ourselves. This is our life. Finally to let go so we can see the beauty in what we have loved and continue to appreciate all the love we have to everything else we are doing right now. A tough lesson to learn but one I can appreciate your wisdom and experience. Thank you for all you patience and understanding over the years. The sun is shining off the snow like beautiful crystal. I never owned any but my cousin had a lot and I enjoyed looking at it but I never had room for it so I had to let it go. I am learning every day. To my surprise in ways I never expected. Thank you so much.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 10 months ago from TEXAS Author

Your healing is a beautiful thing to see, DREAM ON. I'm grateful for being allowed to tag along. I say that sincerely, because I know that it can only be experienced and accomplished by the person himself or herself. Others may say or do something to focus the person to look within at the hangups AND the strengths and truths, but that input is incidental. In fact, if the person in need of healing is unready - or incapable of - self-healing outside influence can just as easily stir the opposite reaction and inspire it it to become worse - but it's still all within the person if that happens. Others don't have the power except as someone either lets them or, more likely, uses them to justify their own agendas.

I've always admired your spirit and felt confident that you know how to find your voice and influence! Hugs.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 8 months ago from England

Once again its such a beautiful hub Nellieanna, you always make me think and smile, wonderful!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 8 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Nell! Glad you liked it!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 months ago from Nashville Tn.

Thank you dear Nellieanna for this very important message. Your delivery is a combination of beauty, inspiration and extremely helpful and beneficial.

Love oozes out of every pore of your artistic and brilliant mind. You are truly a diamond! Your glorious light shines through every word - motivating the reader.

What a sweet, precious soul you are.

Stay healthy, happy and may peace surround you.

Love

Audrey


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 months ago from TEXAS Author

Audrey, what a lovely comment! You've made my day.

I've enjoyed revisiting this hub, myself. So thank you for that, as well!

I'm working on staying healthy, happy and peaceful. Those are key things in a lengthening life! Being oneself is, too.

I admire and appreciate you greatly!

Hugs and love - Nellieanna


lisavanvorst profile image

lisavanvorst 4 months ago from New Jersey

This was beautiful. It gave me a sense of serenity. A choice in life itself. The knowledge of freedom and the thought of reason. Well done.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you Lisa Van Vorst. Yes, it brings a sense of serenity to let go of burdensome things and things which are finished.

I appreciate your: "The knowledge of freedom and the thought of reason."

Pleasant to meet you.


Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

Gina Welds-Hulse 3 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

Nellieanna, I love the thought that went into all the occasions of life where letting is so pertinent, and necessary. Very -provoking. Recently my mind has been on my deceased lover (two years) and part of me tells myself to just let it go, yet part of me holds on and still questions why he was taken so soon.

I appreciate this so much. It has pierced my soul.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Gina, thank you for visiting my hub and leaving your heart-felt comment.

Of course, there is no 'one size fits all' - people or situations. Letting go is just an objective for us to help us get on with the life unfolding by releasing the life that's unfolded and can no longer be changed or improved. But of course, we remember. We FEEL. We want to keep the precious past and there is no reason we can't. We just need to remember that we are investing the now in it as we look back. We're not keeping it now.

I lost my beloved George 8 years ago this coming Sept. 5. I miss him. I look at his empty chair and envision him sitting there, being there. I treasure those memories and I often 'talk' to him! Yes, I do! It's a precious thing. I can mentally 'answer' for him, knowing him as I do/did. But I have to also know that it can't change or keep up with change. It doesn't have to, because it's a whole of its own and it is complete. It was completed Sept.5, 2008. I was with him. I saw it leave his body. I 'heard' our beloved cats who had died meow just as it happened. They were there to welcome him, or that was how it seemed to me, and it was comforting.

All the other things people say to comfort one, such as that 'he's no longer in pain', may be so, but the main focus must be that his spirit didn't die. I must not limit him by clinging, any more than I ever wanted to limit his life-time changes by clinging.

Rest assured, I fully empathize. I can't recommend anything beyond sharing my experience. Two years is not so long ago. But I do encourage you to release any of the pain or doubt. For me, faith is expressed in these four words: "There is no problem." All is in God's hands. Our part is to believe that.

I'm 84 and the sole survivor of my entire natal family and even of my eldest grandchild. In fact, the anniversary of her death 2 years ago is coming up this month. It's not easy to let go of any of these dear loved ones. Each one has been a living part of my own life. I want to honor that by remembering those good things and by letting go of negatives.

This is a webpage I made in tribute to George soon after his departure, remembering his life, mostly in pictures. http://nellieanna.com/geo-mementopix/geo-memento.h...

I seldom post links to my websites, but it's so fitting now. Hugs and my prayers and thoughts are with you, beautiful person.


Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

Gina Welds-Hulse 3 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

Nellieanna, thank you for sharing that with me. I am so glad that I am not the only who experiences the presence of a loved one who has gone on. There are times that I hear him call my name. Even our son came to me recently and said, "Mom, I think daddy is here." He's 10.

We honor his memory by remembering all the funny times we had. Our son cries a lot less now, and thinks about his dad with such calm and peace.

Thanks for sharing the website. Your beloved George will forever live on in your heart and the hearts of those who love him.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 months ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, again, Gina. Thank you for revisiting. I appreciate your following me and I’ve also followed you because I really like your mind and your work.

Right, you're not the only one who feels the presence of beloved ones gone on. I'm happy for you and your son that a calmness and peacefulness prevails.

You are right that my George will definitely live on in my heart - and in the hearts of others who loved him, and there are many.

Yet, letting go of the sadness and sense of loss is truly part of the process. The hardest loss of my life was that of my eldest sister by 14 years, who, with her entire family, all died Dec. 13, 1953 when their car was hit by a train. I loved her dearly, but the 'rest of the story' made it even more difficult for me, since I'd defied her 'micro-management' of my life during my undergraduate days. Then, when I’d realized that she fully intended to continue it indefinitely after my graduation, I thought I could not stand up to her, but had to assert myself. It was just 6 months prior to their accident that I just escaped without explanation, to another city to try my hand at being independent at 21. So when the accident happened, I was unforgiven and also realized that, had I not simply escaped, I would have been with them in the car, helping with the children. There was no possibility of anyone surviving it.

It’s a story I wrote in a hub on one of its anniversaries a couple of years ago. I wrote it mainly because it was and still is such a major event in my life. Of course, it’s not a light story, though to me it is not a morbid story. It's the kind of story which could happen to others and might have either really bad consequences for their lives or otherwise. I treasure the things I learned from her and am thankful for my life being spared by unforeseen unfolding of circumstances at the time. She has inspired me ever since. http://hubpages.com/literature/60-years-ago-today-...


Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

Gina Welds-Hulse 3 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

Oh, my! I am heading there to read the story. I can imagine all the "what if" scenarios that must have gone through your head, but in the end you realize there were so many lessons that she taught you that still live on.

This has been on my mind today. My mother died three years ago. When I was two years old she gave me to her mother, my grandmother, to be raised in another country. Needless to say I didn't see my mother often but I knew of her and knew her. It was not until later on...around 12 years of age... that I had a chance to really meet her.

She died of complications arising from Alzheimer's. The last visit with her had such an impact on me, and still does. She did not recognize me.

Today I kept thinking about the last real conversation we had and the things she told me, and it prompted me to start a hub which I am working on, as well as a question that I posted earlier...about lessons that you learned from your mother.

Life is short. We never know what the next day or moment will bring.

Thanks for sharing your story.I am so glad we connected here on HP.

Much love!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 months ago from TEXAS Author

That is such a poignant story about your mother, Gina. it was good that she was able to tell you things during your last conversation, even though she didn't fully recognize you. It almost seems that she may have felt the bond. My dad had Alzheimers and didn't recognize me at the last, though I believe he saw me as Mother, perhaps, or one of my older sisters. He was unable to communicate but he seemed to reach out. Mother was functioning right up to the end. Perhaps it was a difference in their life-time attitudes and positivity. Who knows?

Oh, yes, life is short, no matter how many years it claims. We're only really living the moment we are in at present. The past is fixed and not alive and the future is - future and not alive.

But one's story just keeps growing and expanding as one keeps living it moment to moment and day by day.

I keep saving tidbits I write down in various situations, especially as I'm discussing life with others. I try to save copies of a lot of them in a folder for my memoirs, IF I should ever stop long enough to write them. Living doesn't seem to leave a lot of time to devote to it. haha. Much is also family history. Yet just tending to the constant 'tiresome details of living' as Mother called them, detracts from following up on one's create things. She learned to tend to the TDLs fast, though, so she could get on to her art and other many creative interests. Even so, she was of the era in which women cooked and served 3 meals a day, kept the family tended first-hand. One of her many interests was sewing and designing, so it served double duty. She let a lot of things which are less important 'go', though. She was an inspiration. I followed her around, learning from example. I know how blessed I was. Dad provided other good examples of facets of living and filled another area of my own brain hemispheres. Then there were all those older siblings, every one a charismatic personality and influence. And I survived it all!


Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

Gina Welds-Hulse 3 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

"Living doesn't seem to leave a lot of time to devote to it.

I love that, Nellieanna! It's nice to be able to pause and reflect on the past and those precious memories, but we should be busy living life and making even more precious memories.

I walk past a picture of my grandmother and great-grandmother every day. In fact I have a whole wall. I call it my Wall of Fame-ily. My kids and I talk about the people represented, but we don't dwell there. We talk about lessons that I learned from each of them, such as the great pineapple upside-down cake I learned to make from my grandmother....that I still make to this day, and the kids love it. I think so many of my recipes come from my grandmother, and I am trying to pass them down to my children, but this generation is a little different, but they are proud that they can talk about and boast (at least one of my children) that he met his great-grandmother. He really doesn't remember, though, as he was just a baby. My great-grandmother died at age 104.

She was a treasure trove of knowledge and wisdom. I always thought it was so neat that she was alive during the time of Vincent Van Gogh (my favorite artist) as well as the Titanic tragedy and so many wars. Just incredible. I used to love just sitting at her feet and listen to her tell these stories.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 months ago from TEXAS Author

Hi, Gina. I love your account of posting pictures of your predecessors on your Wall of Fame-ily! That’s a great name for it! It’s delightful that your children get to know of and appreciate those in their heritage. I feel the love and admiration you have for your predecessors, especially your great-grandmother who lived through years when Van Gogh lived before and into the 1890s and she was alive for early 20th century events such as the Titanic in 1914. That is such a treasure. How lucky you were to sit at your great-grandmother’s feet and listen to her wisdom and personal accounts of major events of her days! Being alive for major historic events is truly wonderful and admirable. Your great grandmother, and I’m sure, your grandmother are obviously worthy of it! It’s especially wonderful that you know and honor their experiences and lives. The way families are in this era, so scattered and often involved in extended families, many ties and familiarities with their biological and long-term relatives and generations have been dimmed, if not lost, I think. But not with you and your children. I'm thrilled that you've shared this with me.

I love the part about your grandmother’s recipes. I made pineapple upside-down cake for my own family, too. I no longer bake but was quite a cook back then. Some of Mother’s recipes are preserved in a cookbook compiled by her church friends. I love that. I also learned by watching her, like the little shadow I was! Harriet jotted down her own great recipes, too and I have those slips of paper in her own hand. Such treasures and memories in one's loved ones' recipes!

My parents were born in 1890 and 1892. I was born in 1932 and knew only one of their parents, my paternal grandmother, born in 1859, who was very elderly and lived with us in Texas when I was born and for a few years thereafter. She was a very prim Mennonite woman, strict and lacking color, the opposite of Mother, whom she didn't really approve of. She liked me and I treasure doll clothes and a little hand-quilted doll quilt and pillow she made for me, but my memory of her was mostly as one of the ‘big people’ with whom I was surrounded as a child and the one whom the others somewhat feared. She left when I was still quite young to return to northern Indiana and live out the rest of her life with another of her sons, and I never saw her again.

Of course, my parents lived through major events of the late 1800s and early 1900s, as your great-grandmother did. Mother was an early proponent of women’s rights, before women were given the right to vote. When she graduated from the University of Chicago with two bachelor’s degrees in 1917, and when my parents married then, there was still no women’s suffrage. She’d tried to arouse her fellow students to rise to the cause for several years. I found the fact that she was tireless and her cause was 'to prove that woman is man's equal' in the pre-college yearbook description of her in 1912 and also in her own diary. Dad was OK with it though he was an old-fashioned man reared as a very fundamental Mennonite, though he left that church about the time they married and when he was drafted into WWI service and chose not to be a conscientious objector as his church demanded. Both events played parts in his leaving that church and influenced their coming to Texas to seek their fortune. They were an amazing disparate couple in many ways, with strong shared love and goals whose marriage lasted 57 years till her death. I'm a mixture of both of them.

Dad actually taught Mother in school when she was in the 8th grade and he was in the 10th and was allowed to go out into rural Illinois to teach in a one-room schoolhouse in 1910. I have the little printed booklet that served as a yearbook for it with his picture on the cover, and Mother's and her younger sisters' names among the classes. He was an influence for her to get a college education, which was rare then. He loved her intelligence and spirit.

My other grandparents had all passed on before I was born. Mother’s mother, born in 1865, died only a month before I was born. Both grandmothers were second wives of my two grandfathers, who were born in the 1840s and died when my parents themselves were young. Back then it was common for first wives to bear a lot of children and die before their husbands, who usually remarried, at least partly to have a mother for the children. I was named for the eldest of each of my two grandfather’s children by their first wives, Nellie and Anna.

My grandparents' parents who would be my great-grandparents were all born between 1820 and 1830. It’s almost mind-boggling to think of so few generations reaching back nearly two centuries from now, and here I am only four generations later, alive and well in 2016 and going for at least 2032!

I have handwritten American Civil War letters written home from some of Mother’s uncles who were in the actual battles fighting on the Union side in the 1860s. One of her predecessors fought in the American Revolution for our Independence.

Both my parents’ families came to this country before it was an independent country. Earlier generations on record of each family trace back to Europe and earlier historic times which fascinate me. Dad’s ancestors were early Protestants followers of Menno Simon, a contemporary of Martin Luther and other protestant founders of the era. Dad's ancestors back then were literally driven out of Switzerland, Holland and Germany for their beliefs and fled to North America. The account is in the first of Dad's two published family Descendent books.

As a kid, I poured over the first of the Descendent books of Dad's family going back to the 1600s. I was born just in time to have my name in it. I was always looking up people’s names among the “allied names” listed, hoping to find someone I knew there. Of course, all those allied or related people still living were way up north and unlikely to be found in Del Rio, Texas! haha. But hope sprang eternal! I loved to visit elderly neighbors, too. The second volume continues the lineage.

I’m still working on Mother’s ‘British Isles’ heritage but they arrived here before the American Revolution. Her Scottish ties were with the Barclay clan.

There are many family old photos, including some tintypes used in the 1850s and 1860s, and many various mementos and extensive descendent records. I’m the keeper of many of those treasures, thankfully, being the only of our natal family still living.

Mother’s half-sister’s daughter compiled a family history of the ancestry on my grandfather’s and their grandmother’s side. They traced it back to a signer of the Magna Carta but I’ve not been able to determine if it was in our common grandparent’s lineage or if it was their grandmother’s. One of Mother’s own nieces compiled our family’s genealogy back to the American Revolution through our grandparents’ lines. I’ve been following it all on Ancestry.com, too, as time permits, adding dates and other ancestors as I uncover them. It’s so very fascinating. Being the last of our natal family alive, I feel a certain duty to do it. I don’t dwell there, but I value the history and heritage. My son’s kids whom I’ve more recently known have been keenly interested to find their own traits and bents in me, which they’d been unable to find and explain in their other grandparents’ traits and bents.

As to my own generation and our progeny. All three of my siblings are passed on and my five living nieces and nephews have only a few progeny among them, all grown and living not too far from me, while my own progeny are all up in Indiana and Ohio. I’ve two children, seven grandchildren and thirteen great-grands, a couple of whom are old enough to have children of their own which would make me a great-great-grandmother! It’s sad to me that they have so little knowledge of my family’s rich heritage, and some, a kind of ambivalent disinterest in it. Perhaps the records I have and the genealogy on Ancestry will fill it in if some of them grow more aware and curious. And, time permitting, I may write a book about it, along with publishing some of my much poetry!


Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

Gina Welds-Hulse 3 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

Yes, Nellieanna. My great-grandmother was a living history book. She had 9 siblings so you can imagine how large our family is just from Mama Lucy's side ( as she was affectionately called) Mama Lucy had 8 children who had a host of children themselves. I've managed to rack our family back to the late 1500s in Wales when our name came into existence. I was working on a book at the time, when my computer crashed and all my copies were lost. However, I now know enough of where to look and get the information to restart. No quitting there.

when I was younger I was told about our family being descended from royalty and owning a castle. After asking a lot of questions and doing a lot of research I found out it was true. It's the Lulworth castle in Dorset, England. There's a great video about it on Youtube. Maybe that's why my mother named me Gina, meaning Queen. She had a sense of humor. lol.

Your story is intriguing. Isn't it amazing? My great-grandmother was born in 1889. It's mind-boggling to think that I spoke to, interacted with and learned from someone who lived over a hundred years. I think she could have lived for so much longer but she gave up when she reached 100. She was ready to go.

Have you looked into self-publishing? Amazon Kindle publishing could help you with that book as well as your poetry. hint-hint. The world needs to be blessed with your words of wisdom, encouragement and love.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Gina. I know I’d have loved your great-grandmother! And she lived to 100, as I’m hoping to do! I wonder if one simply feels ready to go then. If so, it’s probably best to go. If one’s quality of life feels too minimized and there is scant likelihood of growing out of the slump, it’s surely better to gracefully accept it that way. Anyway, how wonderful that you got to know her, learn from her and to travel the many years between the two of you. I’m sure you soaked up a lot from her and gave her pleasure, too.

By coincidence, Lucy was George’s mother’s name. I didn’t get to know her, since she died before I met George, but I live with some of her amazing artwork. She carved walnut for amazing wall hangings and table-tops. I even found one in the garage which she’d been working on but hadn’t finished with a border of oak leaves and acorns. A main one of the finished pieces depicts the Hay shield, motto and a little about a Scottish Lord Pedwardin who was an early ancestor. Her hanging is here in my house & is shown on one of my pages about George. http://nellieanna.com/renovateanimos.html

There were also Hay relatives in Wales. There’s a town named Hay-on-Wye, right on the border of Wales and England. It’s famous for its library. We'd hoped to visit it when we were in England, but didn’t make it. Always intended to go back and go there and to Scotland, but time ran out.

Your family heritage is fascinating. How tragic that you lost the start of a book about them when your computer crashed. I’d love to read it. Hope you get a chance to resurrect the information and re-write it. My backup Time Capsule is failing to connect to my computer, due to a glitch, so I’m not getting automatic backups. I must take measures to get it going!

I’m blown away by your ancestral background. Now I understand about your name! Gina is a shortened form of Regina, meaning Queen! So it’s much more than just application of a sense of humor! I’d love to see that u-tube about the Lulworth Castle and all that history.

I have to admit that I’m ambivalent about publishing my poetry. Over my entire life of writing poetry from childhood on, up till a few years ago, mostly when I rather reluctantly began to publish it on Hubpages six years ago, it remained intensely personal, like a diary. (I noticed that you compare your artwork to a diary, so you’ll understand.) I shared a few individual poems with close friends and in the new millennium when I'd gotten into the internet, a few made it onto my own website, but all along I was only slightly inclined even to think of it as poetry except that is was extremely concise and expressive, so vastly different from my verbose, lengthy prose productions which try to explain it all ad nauseam! haha. There can be no doubt about which is my poetry and which is my prose.

But I’d simply never written & preserved my poetry so as to be shared, but only to capture and keep my own thoughts and impressions where I could refer to them myself to keep contact with myself and to be sure that I was really still ‘in here’. Also, I regarded them as so much a continuous story that none of it could be fully meaningful if broken into its parts, which I felt would be necessary even if to share one of them with strangers. Of course the poems were all hand-written, though I’ve been transcribing them gradually to computer.

At the time of my greatest prolific poetry writing, it was literally my protection from a very unkind husband whose admitted intention was to destroy me, if not physically, then in every other way, for his selfish gain.

At one point, he became so alarmed at my poetry writing as being somehow subversive, though he never fathomed it, that he made me go with him to the trash-burning barrel and stand there to witness his burning a whole thick notebook of my handwritten poems, along with my college mementos and photos. After that, I made duplicate copies of my poems and hid them. It’s too long and bizarre a story to expand upon much, and is now history, - part of my poetry history and a vital part of my own personal history and its long-term effects. It’s also a strong factor in my strength and character. It is what it is, and so be it.

So, anyway, officially poetry publishing is hanging in the air. I used to think it might be discovered & published posthumously. I no longer think about that. I’d prefer to be alive and involved. I’ve been encouraged to publish by many knowledgeable people who have vigorously suggested that my poetry should belong to the public and to posterity. I can understand that; it probably should be shared.

I’ve also been approached by a professional publisher-friend who wants to publish at least one book of the poems (there are thousands). He even made a preliminary design for a beautiful book cover and has assured me that I could have as much or as little ‘say’ in the publication as I want. I’ve seriously been considering it and I like his genuine ‘feeling’ for my work which I could trust. So we shall see. Living keeps interfering! haha.


Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

Gina Welds-Hulse 3 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

I have often said, Nellieanna, that it would be great to live to be 100. It is my goal, as well. Mama Lucy could have lived so much longer past 104 but she sent those 4 years past 100 simply lingering, waiting for death or encouraging death to come. Like I said I think she really was just ready.

Our family background is very similar, in that my family was very much involved in the arts. Apparently, there are paintings created by the Welds still hanging in Lulworth Castle. Our family is filled with artists and musicians and other creatives. It has been passed down for centuries. Many of our family members were so curious as to why there were so many artists in the family. Now we realize it is in our blood.

The link for the castle is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT45xZ8oMOU

I'm hoping it's ok to post that here.

The Welds women are very strong, determined, independent women, a group I am very proud to be a member of.

I understand how you feel about publishing your work. It took me a while before I started to post my poetry here. It really was like letting someone read my diary. It a very exposing and vulnerable act when it came to posting my poetry.

It seems that we have so much in common. I too had an abusive marriage, and still dealing with some ramifications of it in my two oldest children, products of that marriage. My ex-husband put a knife to my throat, an act which was witnessed by my children. Of course, as part of the divorce agreement, he insisted that this was not to be spoken of ever again. In recent years he has held up pictures of myself with my children when they were babies and threatened to burn them in front of my daughter. My oldest son suffers the most as a result due to the fact that he was closest to me when he witnessed the knife incident. I have started working on a book, sort of a semi-autobiograhy in which I discuss overcoming so many difficult incidents in my life from marriage to ilness. Much of my paintings deal with my experiences so I also working on compiling my work in a book.....prior to death. Like you said, I want to be able to have a had in it.

In the meantime, I keep painting and writing and living and loving.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 months ago from TEXAS Author

So much 'meat' in your comment that I'll reply in two windows, if I may. (The second portion is so very personal, - not that it all is not, but that part is especially so.)

Living to 100 is only a good goal if it’s really “living”, which is an essential element in my goal to reach that century mark. I’m pursuing it with that in mind, of staying able and all that. Your Mama Lucy surely recognized that it had become untenable and let go gracefully and honorably.

It does appear that your and my families share much in common in the art departments! My George’s family has both right and left-brained evidence, as does mine, - not that those are mutually exclusive! We had no children together but my daughter is a pretty good artist.

I have limited knowledge or records of the full scope of my parent's ancestral artistic heritage on each side of my family, but Mother was an artist in painting all her life, studied Fine Art at the Chicago Art Institute and earned a degree in it there. Later, she became a student of a very highly respected Texas artist, Frank Reaugh (pronounced Ray). She was an ardent follower of art museums and a charter member of some prominent ones in Texas. She's mentioned among Texas artists. She also pursued and produced in many other artistic areas. All of my siblings and I have/had strong artistic bents. So it would be genetic through her line. She was both right and left-brained, though favoring the sciences which focus on life, such as biology and botany. In practice, she was more obviously right-brained than left.

Dad was much more left-brained,- mathematical, scientific, analytical, philosophical, practical, and verbal. He was a master debater in the classic sense. He appreciated beauty in art and music. But as a career choice, he was quite firm in insisting that all four of his children must get our educations in practical fields in which making a living is virtually certain if one has the knowledge and willingness, rather than in more uncertain, competitive art fields which are dependent on other people’s whims, regardless of one’s ability. We all managed to squeeze our art studies into our courses, but not as our majors which were in practical disciplines.

Probably his strict ancestral Mennonite background discouraged the arts. Individuals in his family’s history are praised for their honorability, service, steadfastness, dedication, and such, no mention of artistic achievements, though surely some of them had some. Dad’s father did have a penchant for thoroughbred horses. Of course the religion would not permit racing in any form, so he bred them and used them as farm animals. One was sold to the British Queen’s stable, though.

Certainly his mother, when she lived with us during the time Mother was attending Art Club, teaching Sunday School at her Methodist Church, studying with Frank Reaugh and expressing herself colorfully, was quite disapproving. She managed to persuade Dad to have Mother stay at the ranch to supervise things there indefinitely; but mostly it was to limit and squelch her. Mother painted some lovely pictures out there then, though. But the story is that situation was how I happened to join the family. Mother reasoned that she would definitely get to return to town to birth a baby, so she made sure that when Dad came to the ranch frequently, she’d be likely to get pregnant, and she did, at age 40. I can only imagine the conversations back in town with Grandmother taking charge of my elder siblings. It’s probably a miracle that I was accepted at all. But I grew up feeling loved, even if sometimes grudgingly, perhaps.

Yes, your art heritage through the Weld family is obviously magnificent and traceable through the history of Lulworth Castle and its artwork, not to mention your own amazing art in so many areas. I genuinely enjoyed that link about it! What a history! My George's family link to Lord George Hay of Pedwardin doesn't specify a castle, though that ancestor was of the aristocracy. Would love to go over there and poke around! I may find connections in the genealogy I'm tracing of various members of high rank. Who knows! Thank you for letting me poke around Lulworth Castle. I'd like to see it in reality, too. I’ve no objection to posting the link here. I don’t know about any rules preventing posting links in comments. I do it with discretion myself. My hubs are not in the mainstream, though, since I disallow ads and do not vie for payment for use of my hub traffic.

I can fully see the strength, independence and determination in you, as an example of Weld women!! So spunky! When I was 3 or 4, I overheard Dad discussing me with Mother. He said, “She’s a very determined little girl!” At the time I didn’t know how to interpret it, but over my lifetime, those words have reverberated in my head to give me courage when I faced obstacles and challenges! “I am a very determined title girl!” Yes, I am and Daddy said so! haha. Sometimes it's a dogged Capricornia type of determination and others, - mostly, - it's the free-flying Aquarian type, where it all merges. An interesting and sometimes awesome combination.

Most of my poetry really doesn’t expose my vulnerability much. For one thing, much of it was my natural response to all cheerful, positive and/or deeper-thinking /pondering kinds of things I encountered or which simply arose in me. I had plenty of the opposite kinds of hurting negative things going on externally in my immediate reality during my first marriage when I was so prolific writing poetry, so I’d no need or wish to preserve or to give negatives power or credence in my poetry, nor even too much in my thoughts. I admit it rather saddens when I see people’s words seeming to wallow in their predicaments, though it's understandable. But once captured in words, it's so lasting.

My subconscious emphasis was to rise above the negativity, so instead of writing about it, I was focusing on protecting and preserving my inner core of joy, peace and progress, even at that time, which flourished, almost literally inspired from within, from reading and doing creative, positive things. Much of it was drawn from within and from my own responses to nature and the human condition. Those positives couldn’t be nourished by the hateful things happening, but were nourished by my focus on the better things. Plus, it was written in an almost coded form, ultra-brief and intensely meaningful only to me of any who might read it then. It is enormously gratifying that, somehow, my poetry, - especially that written during that era, - speaks so well to many people who have read some of it now, since I’ve shared some. I can’t know specifically how it’s being received and interpreted by other subjectivities, but I feel that real human messages transcending individual experiences and underlying all human experience are transmitted in those simple words. For that I give thanks.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working