One Moment at a Time


We live in moments these days, seems that is all she has left.

 I hear her laugh, then the pain. I feel her try to remember, with words that I cannot make out. I talk but she doesn't understand.

She looks, but can't really focus. Does she hear the sounds as I hear them? Once in a while her face lights up, she smiles her beautiful smile and for that Moment she understands.

 

 

We went to the beach today, it was warm and sunny and blue skies with big white billowing clouds. It was very active here today ; and as my mom sat at my side we enjoyed the sounds of the children splashing in the water, and playing in the sand. It nearly made me cry.

 

There were so many different aged people walking upon the white sand, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, the songs of the birds in flight and the sweet voices of the children having fun...

 

 

 

Mom closes her eyes as she slips into a slumber with the background of the young childrens voices...I wonder if she is remembering, like I am about all the wonderful times that are behind us both, so long ago, yet so fresh.

She sleeps in a land away, 'afar' and 'alone' (God is there I am sure).

I wish I could make her well, it rips down to my very soul.

I also know "What will be , will be", but not what will be next and I know I have no control. So off we go through the woods to return her to her home, and I hope she knows I Love her so....:O)

Comments 50 comments

lafenty profile image

lafenty 7 years ago from California

Beautiful.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

awww..wow you are right on it...Thank you sweetie...she is a Love...:O) Hugs G-Ma


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Very touching and a great reminder to us all. Thanks for sharing your life with us.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

G-ma, I know you're mom thinks the world of you too. It is beautiful writing.

hugs.

john


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

GT you should know, cause you are also a beautiful person..Thanks hun for commenting.:O) G-Ma Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Triplet Mom..Thank you sweetie, you are such a doll...:O) Hugs G-Ma


eer2eternity 7 years ago

Beautifully written from the heart. I think what you feel has always been wrote on your mother's heart too. I don't know you but I like ya. :-)


Journey * profile image

Journey * 7 years ago from USA

This is heartwarming G-Ma. Best wishes, -Journey*


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

eer2eternity...well nice to meet you and I also liked your writing, almost in tears...Thank you for commenting and hope to see more of you here. G-Ma :O) Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Journey...Thank you sweetie, it is a slow tough road...Dementia... Thanks for commenting G-Ma :O) Hugs


coffeesnob 7 years ago

A Most Gracious love story! thanks


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I usually save your hubs to read towards the end of my day,  when my work is done , so I can relax and enjoy the warmth of your writing. :)

Sigh, this reminds of me and Mom who also had Alzeihmers. The last time we spent time together was at a park on a beautiful sunny day, and she was laughing as a little boy approached us, and we also watched the birds together while eating ice cream. It's THIS memory, that gave me so much comfort when she died a week later of old age. I felt at peace and still do, that the last time we spent time together on earth was one of happiness.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

G-Ma

I know that in her heart's heart she remembers and loves you the most.

Thanks for sharing, hugs to you and dear mom :D


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Simply wonderful G-Ma....hugs in the wind.


cashmere profile image

cashmere 7 years ago from India

G-Ma, That was the most touching hub ever. It is such memories that keep us human!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

I'm not crying G-Ma (Big Boys Don't Cry!) but it's a near thing.

Love to you both.

TOF


Melody Lagrimas profile image

Melody Lagrimas 7 years ago from Philippines

Simply beautiful.


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

G-Ma, I've been right where you are, and sometimes, I think I'm still there. You're the rock she relies on, and you're giving her exactly what she needs from you. The not knowing is just so hard. The forfeiture of any kind of control or ability to 'fix' it is a hard pill to swallow. But it's not ours to fix. We have been given the difficult task of watching. But in that, we are also the fortunate ones. The loved ones who receive the news from afar weren't given the blessing to be there, to spend these moments, however fleeting. She knows you love her. Don't ever let go of that.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

coffeesnob.. Thank you sweetie I appreicate that from you.G-Ma :O) Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

VioletSun...am so understanding of what you went through...though I am yet there yet, I appreciate all you have told me and I shall remember and cherish each "Living in the moment" we have.it sucks though...:O(...Thanks sweetie...G-Ma :O) Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

cashmere...you are so right and always keep that in your heart my dear...G-Ma :O) Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

the old firm...awww baby don't cry..it will be ok God is in control...Thank you for your sweet comment...:O) Hugs G-Ma


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Tom...woosh wooosh and it sounds so good to me..wishing it did for her...thank you Angel...G-Ma :O) Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Melody...Thank you my dear I am happy to have you comment...G-Ma :O) Hugs


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Laughing Mom...Yes we have not the control to make it change...only to see that they do have some "special  moments", which will last forever for me. and I can write about...she effects me more then even  I Know...

God Bless Her...:O)) G-ma Hugs


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

G-Ma, that was beautiful. Brought tears of course. A big comforting hug to you and to your mom as well.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Jewels..... thank you sweetie...she is a "tough old bird" as they say. LOL I love her soo much...Thanks for the comment...:o) hugs


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

I didn't. If I did (do, will) that's unimportant.

What is important is that you're doing the things that you are. Alzheimer's, or for that matter the last hours of death is something that we see from our own side of the fence. We don't know that what we say is misunderstood or lost in the haze of dementia. - It could be, and (I think) is often very clearly taken in. To liken my premise to this computer that we all communicate with, the input is fine, but somewhere between the mind typing the reply and it getting to final output something goes wrong.

As we near death memories crowd. - Hiding behind your mother's skirt when you're only five and peeking out at that big stranger who you think you'd like to know, but he's BIG; swinging on the garden gate and singing a childhood rhyme; a glimpse of our wedding and how beautiful the cake was and mother crying.

Hold your mothers hand, do as you are, don't expect anything back, but you may be entranced by the sudden unexpected squeeze.

Love, TOF


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

TOF...Thank you my dear...and Yes I get many squeeze's from her and we hold hands all the time...She is in a facility just 5 min. away and I am there every other day for as long as she tolerate's it, which now varies drastically.

I don't expect anything back, really, just hurt's when she tries so hard to tell me thing's but can't finish the sentence or her words are so mixed up I can't figure it out all the time. I do pretty good but this day at the beach I couldn't and so it sparked this writing.

And you are so right about the meaning typed and getting to the final output is so true, we all read and understand things (in my opinion) in our minds according to what we have learned in life and where we are in our hearts...:O) G-Ma HUGS


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

One moment at a time, I've learned is the best way to live, and G-Ma how well you have captured that here: 

"Once in a while her face lights up, she smiles her beautiful smile and for that Moment she understands."

Perfect! )


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Dotti 1...Thank you sweetie and it is so true...You are such a dear..:O) G-Ma HUGS


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

'We live in moments' those moments are so precious, and are also a lifetime of memories for mum. Monumental G-Ma


RGraf profile image

RGraf 7 years ago from Wisconsin

These really touched my heart. My own mother is starting to show signs of going down that road.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Hawkesdream...Thanks for those nice words my dear, she is a dear too...:O) Hugs G-Ma


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

RGraf...

Well sweetie learn all you can about it...it is very hard...a book named "Dancing with Rose " Is a great, great read ( sorry I forget the author's name, but she is from Oregon) and the other one is called "The 36 hour Day" which deals with explaining the disease especially if you are taking care yourself.

Also Alzheimer's has a website that is very useful, even has a chatroom for caregivers to chat on, actually 3-4 of them. I go there often...

If ever you need to talk let me know, mom is in the last stages so have been through a lot with her and if I can help will be more then happy to...God Bless my dear...:O) Hugs G-MA


SirDent 7 years ago

Very good GMa. I love the way you used imagery to express your emotions. This is what makes writing good. The use of words to paint a picture.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Awww Sir.... Thank you for commenting and saying such nice words..I appreciate that...:O) Hugs G-Ma


GiftedGrandma profile image

GiftedGrandma 7 years ago from USA

Beautifully touching...


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Awwww...Thank you GG...she brings out the good in me....:O) Hugs


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

We went down that same road with my husband's grandmother. Towards the end the occasional looks in her eyes of understanding were so special as she could no longer communicate or do much of anything else for that matter.

It is wonderful to hear that you were able to take her to the beach and sit in the sunshine for a while. She may or may not remember...but YOU will.

You are such a dear person!


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Oh Peggy...thanks for supporting me, and am sorry you went through it too. It is so difficult and I get to feeling so angry with myself sometimes (she doesn't know) cause it really can get to me.

She talks sometimes in such riddles and never finishes a sentence( I UNDERSTAND WHY) I just can't always fit the pieces together .. It is just so frustrating and I feel so bad.I go home just mentally whooped.

But I know God won't test me beyond what I can handle.....Thanks again :O) Hugs and a Big one too ! !


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago

This was beautiful, although we miss those that have passed over. It brings such peace knowing that they are with the Lord! Thank you for sharing. So insightful!


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

You have a beautiful heart. Stories like this encourage me to live well, knowing that time is ever and slowly departing. Thank you for sharing.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Benjimester...yes it is so true...the mind can be a terrible thing or not...at least in her Moments she is happy, which makes me happy, but also is a heavy burden on my soul...each day with her is different and though she doesn't remember them I do...and I love seeing her smile and her eyes light up when we are together(well most of the time). Thanks sweetie for commenting...:O) Hugs


Jane@CM profile image

Jane@CM 7 years ago

Tears...beautiful.

I remember the day quite clearly when my mother did not know my name.

Your poem went to my heart.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

Precious moments, made special by your awareness of their specialness.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Jane...am sorry to hear that, it is more then difficult to say the least, but am learning how to cope and my prayers dear one...:O) Hugs G-Ma


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Rochelle...Well I must give it my all, as she has given hers...Thank you for the comment...:O) Hugs G-Ma


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

G-ma, you are the best daughter, taking mom to the beach, and still loving her so...one day, you'll see her again in heaven...she'll be waiting for you when you go, and she will be whole again...


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Maybe I will be too :O) thanks sweetie and Hugs

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