One Year Ago Today - Death Anniversary Poem of Loss of Child

I bought this brick to honor my nephew's memory, with the money going to a center for children that I used to work for in Northwest Arkansas.
I bought this brick to honor my nephew's memory, with the money going to a center for children that I used to work for in Northwest Arkansas. | Source

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today

it was hot

and I was waiting for an oil change . . .

while you were leaving the world.


For ten months I tried

to get another oil change

but I thought of you

and I couldn't. My new car.


I was okay, I was fine,

but for ten months I couldn't.

How shameful, Why not?

And my poor car went on.


It was hot again, and I did it.

And it meant nothing

but it meant everything.

I did it. A milestone.


What is my family doing today?

Life goes on, they say.

Surreal after surreal day becoming real

but never quite concrete.


We have the memories

and we have the pain

and we have the reminders

and perhaps we need them.


It's sad and almost silly

but I will think of you

every time I will remember--

every hot, stupid oil change of my life.


Nearly 3 years ago

Actually, this was written less than two years ago on a one year anniversary.

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Comments 58 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I can tell you for a fact that you will always remember and it will always be associated with the oil change. I'm sorry for your loss, Vicki! Beautifully written.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Bill. I am sure that is true. I needed to write this, but it took me a long time to publish it. Thanks for being the first to comment.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

And let me add my condolences as well. It is funny sometimes what trigger memories...both happy as well as sad ones. Purchasing that brick was a positive thing to do. It is a nice memorial and also a way to help other children.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

My heart is so heavy and aching with sadness for you and your family, Vee. You know that I can truly feel this pain of senseless loss. Babies aren't supposed to leave us....they must not be taken away.

My tears are stinging my eyes.........I'm sending you hugs. Awesome & beautiful.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Peggy. It was something I felt I needed to do--purchasing the brick. I appreciate your comment.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Effer. I know. It's not supposed to happen that way. Our family felt lucky, protected, no great tragedy until then. When it happens, it changes the feeling of everything. I know you know that. You've experienced so much loss. Thanks for your hugs and tears. It means a lot to hear from you, my truly sweet online friend.


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

My condolences, dear. I totally understand -- I lost my only child, a son, not long ago and one expects to get better every day and then every day comes and it doesn't happen. Faith tells me our losses may be a wound that will never fully heal -- but in time it won't bleed as badly. Lovely poetry and touched my heart. Best/Sis


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Vicky,

This is a powerful poem that really sends your loss home. I am so sorry for your loss. It isn't fair that children leave us. This is a loving and touching tribute.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Oh, gosh, Angela, I can't imagine how it was losing your only child. I don't think those losses ever fully heal. They do change us; i just hope it's for the better. I'm glad you came by. It's good to stick together in our losses. At least I think so.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

No, tammy,you're right in that it's not fair, and it changes everything. Nothing is ever the same. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it so much.


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

Well Victoria, I can Imagine how hard it was to go through this. It is good you have the tribute for him and I would think now, it is good for you to say this.

Blessings for you all.


Koshaugh profile image

Koshaugh 4 years ago from Indianapolis

Sad but beautiful! Thanks for sharing.


Ghaelach 4 years ago

Morning Victoria.

A beautiful written poem to a very sad memory. It always seems so unfair when it's our babies and very young that are taken away. They never had a chance to see and feel the good things we have in our lives.

Take cae Victoria.

LOL Ghaelach


Paul Kuehn profile image

Paul Kuehn 4 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

Victoria,

This is a beautiful poem. It is tragic that your nephew left this world at such an early age. I'm very sorry for your loss. Voted up and sharing.


Kyricus profile image

Kyricus 4 years ago from Ohio

Very well done.

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary in July of the loss of my mother, and though it won't be an oil change that triggers the flood of memories, I'm sure something will.


Charu Bhatnagar profile image

Charu Bhatnagar 4 years ago from India

It is very-2 touching, and beautiful. thanks for sharing.


weavesandbraids profile image

weavesandbraids 4 years ago from Africa

This is soo touching. You will always remember. I hope the good memories make up for the loss as time goes on.

He must have been very young.


CloudExplorer profile image

CloudExplorer 4 years ago from New York City

Wow this is a very different kind of poem, I never though of writing something quite like this, it is definitely original in its true nature, and has loads of real life thoughts as opposed to abstract ones, like many poems tend to have.

I think your on to something with this real life sort of car connected poem here with that of your loved one, nice technique Victoria, I never really felt that bad about an oil change before or the associated memory of one, but you managed to take such feeling to a whole new level indeed. "Sorry for your loss."

Voted up and out for super originality and authentic creative value.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

The loss of a child stops us in our tracks. I hope your family is healing and able to smile again. It does take years. Bless you all.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Curiad--Yes, it's good to write about it, I think. I appreciate your comments...and blessings, too.


AEvans 4 years ago

Beautiful Vickie and so touching. I am not the only one struggling with the loss of someone who is loved. People say the pain never goes away; but it gets easier. I don't know about that because I am still feeling the loss and its been almost two years since mom, one of our dogs and my favorite Uncle in 2011. I know there are days when we can laugh and smile; but there are also days when we can cry.

What thoughtful and meaningful words to someone you love so much. up and shared.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Koshaugh. I appreciate that.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Ghaelach. I think that, too, but then I think that maybe they are the lucky ones because they get to miss out on all the heartache. Thanks for the thoughts.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Paul Kuehn--Thanks for your kind words and for sharing the poem.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Kyricus, I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. I hope you find comfort. Thanks for reading this.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Charu. Much appreciated.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

weavesandbraids--He was three. Thanks for your kind words.


jonmcclusk profile image

jonmcclusk 4 years ago from Cinnaminson, New Jersey

Apologies for your loss, but this is a great tribute. It's amazing how many things will actually trigger a memory of the ones we've lost. Unfortunately, sometimes it's not the best feeling when we remember.


Trinity M profile image

Trinity M 4 years ago

How sad; losing someone we love is the worst pain of all. So sorry for your loss Victoria. Beautiful poem and a fitting tribute.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Cloud! What thoughtful comments! I appreciate the time you took to give such insightful feedback. Thanks so much.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Hyphenbird--We are healing. Thanks for your kind words and blessings.


writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

I'm sorry you feeling like this today. But it does take a long time to get over losing a close family person.

I'll be thinking of you in September it will be my brother's second anniversary.

Voted up and beautiful, Joyce.


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 4 years ago

So sorry about your loss. You captured your pain well--how something as mundane as changing oil can become a painful reminder. Peace and hope to you and your brother.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

AEvans--You had such a hard year. Yeah, I guess it gets easier, but it's always there. So sorry. And thanks for your sweet words and sharing.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

I know, jon. Something as weird as an oil change....Glad you came by. Thanks.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Trinity. That means a lot!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Joyce, so sorry about your brother. My nephew's 3rd anniversary will be in August. Thanks for commenting. Take care.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, anglnwu, for your sweet comments.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 4 years ago from Dubai

I feel sorry for your great loss. Losing loved ones can really tear you apart. The pain never goes away but the wonderful memories are there to carry on.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

I can relate to this Victoria, those things that were just a normal part of life, but now have associations that make them poignant and difficult seem to pepper our lives after losing a loved one. I feel the surrealness that surrounded you when you wrote this two years ago. I like your candour and openness and I like your poem. Sending my hugs and best wishes to you, from Annie.


Hubert Williams 4 years ago

It is so very sad when a young one loses their life. Every memory, bittersweet. Our family lost two babies this year. My mother died today. Perhaps if they meet, they can look out for each other and watch over the new baby born yesterday.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

I'm sorry for your loss dear Victoria.. the pain really hurts, its like you're asking yourself, is this for real??? .. i rally don't have any courage for any loss. i mean, i loss my gran a long time ago but im still crying every night..


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

So sorry for your loss. Beautiful poem. I don't think we ever get over our losses we just push them back and learn to go on living. What else can we do?


snowdrops profile image

snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

So sorry to hear this Victoria... its really painful, memories keep flashing back and forth like a broken CD...


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Vellur. Well said.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Annie--I'm sure you can relate. Things like this are definitely surreal. I'm glad you like the candour (candor in U.S.!) and openness. Your comments are very thoughtful and mean a lot to me. Thanks.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Oh, Hubert. That is so sad. What a tough year for you. And your mom just today? I don't even have the words. Thinking of you. Gosh, take care, huh?


Hubert Williams 4 years ago

Thanks Victoria I appreciate that, but don't let it detract from the purpose of your hub. The loss of your nephew was tragic, no matter how long ago it happened. Loss of a young life is a sad thing.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

unknown spy--It is hard to lose someone, and I dread the next time it happens. Sorry about your gran; you must have been very close. Thanks for reading.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

moonlake--I totally agree. That's all we can do.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

True, snowdrops. The memories are always flashing around. That's an accurate way to put it.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, Hubert. I appreciate that.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Victoria--

My glasses are off and the tears are pouring... so well expressed and my heart and thoughts are with you... I understand in my own way.

I can hear my Mom telling me the message would be that oil changes symbolize "the life of our cars"... so keep on thinking of your beautiful nephew to keep his memory alive every time you get your oil changed and, no doubt, in so many other positive ways...

All my love, Maria


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

So sad...and lingering forever in the heart is that empty space. Nothing will ever fill it. I am so very sorry dear Victoria. Sending you a warm hub hug and a thank you for your courageous and beautiful poetry.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

OH, that is sweet, Maria. Thank you for putting a positive spin on the oil change thing. What a thoughtful comment!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Thanks, vocalcoach. I do appreciate that. You're very sweet. "Courageous and beautiful"--I like that.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Victoria.. this is beautiful. I do not know how I missed this beautiful poem.. How hard life is.. Your poem reminds me and life does go on doesn't it?

sharing on Facebook

Debbie


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA Author

Debbie--It's hard to catch everything on HP. So much interesting writing going around.

Yes, life does go on. Writing helps make it better. I'm glad you liked the poem. Thanks for sharing it!

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