Opening Up

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This is basically a therapeutic poem that I had to write. I have a few of these such poems here on HubPages. Writing feelings and thoughts helps me tremendously. Not to forget the past but to be free of it. For me there was and I hope for many others that "there is a light at the end of the tunnel."

You made my life hell for many years

But yet I do not hate you

You locked away a great man

Much to my surprise

For that I’ll never forgive you


You took away the last years he had

For this you made many very sad

You could have taken care of him

But instead you abandoned him


He loved you so with all his heart

Even for years when you were apart

You up and left him many times

Always he took you back with an open mind


You moved clear across the country

For what I do not know

I do know in my heart that

He never wanted you to go



Your words to me always full of hate

For reasons so unclear

I was just a child wanting your love

Instead you made me fear

I never knew what mood you’d be in

When I’d return home from school

Always feeling anxious living under your rule


Somewhere in my heart I loved you

In some strange way

But had to let it go

For it was destroying me

That I do now know


You always tried to put me down

No matter what I did

I could never ever please you

I don’t think I ever did


It took me years and years

To figure all this out

That I am a good person

Although at one time

I did have some doubts


Since I’ve cut all ties with you

I feel much better inside

No longer need to worry

No longer need to hide


I am not blaming you

For the life we had to share

I suppose you had your reasons

Lets just keep it back there

For I need no explanation

For anything you did

It does not matter anymore

I am no longer your step-kid


I forgive you for many things

But cannot forget the hurt you caused

My father in the end


More Poetry by Just Ask Susan

© 2011 Susan Zutautas

More by this Author


Comments 42 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Tina, I believe we all go through certain things in our lives for a reason. I hope that my childhood has made me a better mother, although sometimes I feel I am too much of a push over when it comes to my boys. Thank you so much, I appreciate the support you've always given me.


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Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Ardie, My dad thought the world of my step-mother and I suppose he was either blind as to what was happening or didn't want to deal with it. I kept a lot to myself when I was a child as I didn't want to rock to the boat. It wouldn't hurt to ask her.


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Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

prairieprincess, Thank you so much.

CloudExplorer, The poem is real and about me. Thank you.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden

How can a poem about something that is so sad, be so beautiful! I am so sorry to hear that you had a stepmother who treated you like that and I commend you for having the strength to write about it and for being able to heal yourself during the years. Some people don't know how much damage they do with their way of living. You are a very talented writer Susan and this poem is awesome, voted up, awesome and more

Tina


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Wow Susan, my heart breaks for the child in the poem. But I saw in comments that you feel 90% healed and that in itself is a wonderful thing to read. I know so well where you come from with these emotions. And even with my own experiences I brought a step-parent into my oldest daughter's life. I like to think I made a great choice since I have been through it. Perhaps I need to sit down and ask her point blank. I'd hate to think I wasn't aware of something.


CloudExplorer profile image

CloudExplorer 4 years ago from New York City

Lovely Poem here Susan, it leaves me in a thought process of wondering if this was a true life personal experience, because the poem sounds so real.

Voted up on every level accept for funny, it was truly touching, and slightly sad at the same time. Nice One!!!


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 4 years ago from Canada

Susan, this is so beautiful and well-written. I am glad that this poem helped you in your healing process. I can somewhat relate to this poem and I am glad you write it. Awesome work!


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Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Brian, Thank you.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

vocalcoach, Your comments mean more to me than you'll ever know. Thank you, you've made my morning sunny and bright!


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Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

PoeticFool, All my life I've been writing out my feeling on paper. I find it very therapeutic. Thank you so much for your wonderful comments.


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Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Billy, Thank you so much.


BRIAN SLATER profile image

BRIAN SLATER 4 years ago from Nottingham Uk

Susan I didn't know you could write such a moving poem, it is both beautiful and sad at the same time. I am so glad you are free of these problems and I class you as one of my closet friends on line, now you've opened up it's time to move on with the rest of your life. As the song says "Don't look back in Anger" Leave it where it is. Voted up awesome.:)


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Dear Susan ~ You must write more poetry like this. It moved me to tears. It is both beautiful and powerful. You are a unique and loving individual and I'm so proud to be your friend. Up, awesome beautiful and sharing!


Poetic Fool 4 years ago

Susan, this is such a powerful, touching piece. I grew up with my natural parents in a very stable home. Poems like yours intrigue me because they let me see into a world I couldn't otherwise relate to. I know that writing poetry has been very cathartic for me and I hope also for you. Thanks for sharing in such a beautiful way!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

This is a side of your writing I haven't seen before but it is powerful and raw and beautiful! Congratulations on an excellent piece of writing but more than that for exorcising those demons. I'm proud of you and proud to be your friend.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

A.A. Thank you for your comments and yes you are so right :)


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Every child's desire is to be wanted. They long for it, and would do anything to get it. Add step parents to the mix, and the longing could remain unrequited. Beautiful...


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

ThoughtSandwiches, Thanks so much for comments, compliment and the votes.

RH, Thanks.

manthy, Thank you.

jabbo, Yes writing is great therapy. Two step-mothers wow and I thought I had it bad. Thanks so much for your comments.


jabbo1 profile image

jabbo1 5 years ago from Iowa

beautiful and probably good therapy for you, as writing always is for me. I was lucky to have wonderful stepmothers...yes, there were/are 2. I think people do not know the damage they do. How we survive it all is a mystery sometimes!


manthy profile image

manthy 5 years ago from Alabama,USA

I must say this is def and up and awesome to me.

Great hub


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Hi Susan...probably the saddest thing is that this would apply to so many people that do not have your gift of poetry and, as such, are unable to express these feelings on their own. Thanks for doing it for them. Voted Up and awesome!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Up and awesome!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

heart4theword thanks so much!


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub

I can relate to this poem, in such a big way. The circumstances were different for me, yet the affect the same. Step parents, have no idea the damage they can do to a child. Some don't care, some purposefully act out their hate and anger on the underserving. Children are little people, yet they are still a person with a tender heart. Healing is a great thing, it has to come, or we can not survive. Heartfelt Poem Susan, thank you for relating to others:)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Claire thanks so much for coming by to read this.


Claire 5 years ago

I did know this woman and the man the poem is moving and true the hurt will go away in time


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Thank you so much prasetio.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

This is so beautiful. You open my day with wonderful poem. Thanks for writing this. Vote up. God bless you!

Prasetio


hillrider profile image

hillrider 5 years ago from Mid-west United States

Sue, no prob on the verse. There will be posts made every few days on Gus at my "home". Contact me and I will share some ideas I have if you think you may wish for a fun challenge you will be able to share with your grandkids even within Gus's pages... It will be a series ...


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Pixienot thanks so much.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

hillrider I always look so forward to your comments. This one means so much to me and I have to Thank you so much...It's beautiful. This poem I wrote was inspired by a comment you made to me in a past hub that I wrote :)

Glad to read that you are going to do the children's book. I look forward to reading it!


hillrider profile image

hillrider 5 years ago from Mid-west United States

Sue, in this verse (to you) above there are two beats in the last line that are improper. Sorry, I was tired when I posted ... remove (a life) for it to read smoothly. I am impressed reading your work. I have also decided to pursue your and other's advice ... writing the childrens book. Gus will come out every few days until the characters are developed and then I will begin an entire story. Come and see me at "home" when you get time. If you need help navigating to the right forum, let me know... Indi


hillrider profile image

hillrider 5 years ago from Mid-west United States

to see yourself as healed, within this view

your strength and courage truly do astound

when trust remains in what has pulled you through

it leads the way to live, a life no longer bound


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

Deep empathy for your pain. Thank you for sharing this with us. Very moving.

voted up and awesome


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Thanks Carrie and have been thinking about you. Hope you are well.


carrie450 profile image

carrie450 5 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

A very emotional poem Susan and well written.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Thank you so much Genna. I miss him dearly!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Thoughts and prayers for this step-child who has such love for her father, and has such compassion. Very moving hub, Susan.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

point2make, I would say 90% healed and thank you.


point2make profile image

point2make 5 years ago

Very powerful Susan......very emotional thank-you. I hope the child has truly healed.


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Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

I am sure there are many that knew her Will thanks for reading.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I didn't know her but I think I knew her identical twin!

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