If Joe Biden gets a reality show we may see these other DC celebrities on the airwaves
For fans of Vice President Joe Biden, and especially those who love reality television, the news is HUGE: an online petition has been posted on the official White House website, one that asks visitors to vote on whether the Obama administration should approve a C-SPAN reality show starring Biden.
In describing the petition, creator Nathan B. declared, "Such a program would educate the American public about the duties and responsibilities of their Vice President, while providing a glimpse of the lighthearted side of politics even in the midst of contentious and divisive national debates."
Now some of us may poo-pooh the idea and think if the White House were to approve a reality show starring a sitting VP it would only demonstrate a sorely lacking sense of maturity on the part of the Obama administration. Just thinking about it may conjure into our brains such negative words like "commercialism" and "hype", "plastic" and "crass", "inane", "mindless, "cheap", "juvenile" and "shallow as piss on a stick". But before we get on any high-horses, let's remember that if the petition creator is earnest about the show's potential - that of showing Joe in his natural element and being himself- then we must consider that such a groundbreaking show could, very possibly, bring on the day when all paid politicians and their cohorts come under the scrutiny of the tv camera lens.
With this in mind I've come up with some other television show suggestions, shows centered around the day to day lives of other DC celebrities and notables. These shows may never make it to the airwaves or even get approval for an official petition, but we can always keep our fingers crossed and the TV Guide close!
Here Comes Honey Boo Hoo!
starring John Boehner.
While it's true John Boehner isn't a loud, ignorant, overweight redneck and has probably never even once eaten spaghetti with ketchup and butter, the Speaker of the House does know how to be entertaining. So get ready to laugh your butt off -or at least sigh your head off- with every hilariously weepy moment of Here Comes Honey Boo Hoo!
starring some of the most industriously work-avoiding stars of DC!
"Riveting!" ~ Lazy Smurf
"5 STARS Up!" ~ Dopey Dwarf
"ZZZZZZ" ~ Sleeping Beauty
The President Whisperer
starring Valerie Jarret
Are you having problems getting your President to obey? Does he chase after things he isn't supposed to or jump up and lick strangers? Then you need the help of the President Whisperer. She knows how to whip that President into complete submission to her will with only the power of a confident, commanding tone, much like the priests of ancient Babylon when they summoned up demons.
"After watching The President Whisperer I realized canines aren't the only ones that can be psychologically robbed of personal will power or trained to use newspapers." ~ Bo Obama, Washington DC
In Wino Country
starring Senator Mike Crapo.
Every week viewers join Mike Crapo in touring his favorite American bars, taverns, package stores, moonshine stills and cough syrup distilleries. Buckle up those seat belts, viewers, it's going to be one intoxicating joy ride!
The Walking Deadheads
starring Senators Nancy Pelosi and Al Franken, Gov. Jerry Brown and an ensemble recruited from an old VW van parked in Washington State.
Marijuana has been legalized in Washington State and the crops are ripe for picking. But no one had foreseen the work actually involved in getting the dope harvested. With every exciting episode it is a battle of survival as the Deadheads face perilous attacks by rain, threatening sobriety, vicious munchies and the terrifying realization there are no Amish around to build a barn for them.
My Babysitter's An Armed Secret Service Agent
Poor Malia and Sasha! It isn't easy fitting in with a brigade of armed secret service agents following you to school, especially when your Dad wants to take guns away from private citizens. But with a little luck, a little charm and the help of the best PR service in town the girls will hopefully find acceptance. A family-friendly show about the pains and joys of growing up when your peers may not get the same chance.
22nd Amendment Makeover
starring Congressman José Serrano.
This show will be a sure-hit with viewers who love the idea of an American royalty. This weekly reality show follows Serrano's valiant struggle to repeal the 22nd Amendment and get a president for life in the the White House. Special sponsoring by Burger King, Dairy Queen and the Hugo Chavez Statues & Tee-Shirts Company.
How I Stoned Your Mother
starring Todd Akin.
If you thought staunch Christian values were completely gone from the airwaves, this show will renew your faith. Tune in every week as Akin recalls how he saved the world from savage, man-eating rape victims with only spiritual devotion and a cartload of bone-crushing stones.
Operation Repo America
starring some irate bill collectors from across the Pacific.
They're owed, they're mad and they ain't going to take it anymore, no matter how much debt China may owe the U.S. from decades back or how artificial China's economy may be now. The point is they're CHINA, dammit. We should remember that they wanted to stay isolated behind a huge eyesore wall but would the western world have that? Oh NO! So pay up now America or Disney World will be turned into the U.S.'s first legally owned and operated child labor camp.
Two And A Half Breast Sizes
starring former U.S. Rep Barney Frank
Whether he's out and about as a former Congressman, a possible junior Senator or just your average Joe, Barney Frank flaunts his feminine charms wherever he goes. This sporty ensemble is from his 2011 Sweaty Blues leisure line. It comes with a navy overcoat, no bra and a semi-stretchy azure cotton-blend tee that perfectly accentuates the portly feminine physique. This year Frank promises to improve on his previous successes by introducing lace collars and watermark silks, while keeping his hallmark emphasis on mammary showcasing. A must-see show for fashion enthusiasts and moob watchers!
My Convenient Afflictions
starring Hillary Clinton.
This show not only documents Clinton's ability to draw sympathy and convenient circumstances when faced with near-catastrophic life events, but demonstrates her amazing recuperative powers once the heat backs off.
"She's definitely made me re-evaluate my opinion of the supernatural!" ~ James Randi
"I challenge Ms. Clinton to a battle of magic!" ~ David Copperfield
"Hillary has always been able to astound me. Especially when she wears leather and high boots." ~ William J. Clinton
The Old and The Overpaid
starring Charlie Rangel.
The classic-type soap for contemporary audiences; which means if you missed a Friday episode back in '95, don't worry. Just tune in this coming Monday and the storyline will pick up right where it left off.
starring the U.S. House of Congress.
They never met pork they didn't like, and taking time to visit therapists will only intrude on the fun of collecting more pork. Of course, once the pork is got they face the grim reality of finding somewhere to unload the pork. Soon they'll be covered in pork. The pitiful house is hardly recognizable already because of the accumulated pork. Worse, their poor children will be left to clean up the whole porky mess. Pitiful, just pitiful.
Abortion Challenge Queen
Hosted by Rep. Rosa Delauro.
The bold series that documents women competing against one another for the liberal coveted title of Ms. Abortion Queen. Hosted by abortion enthusiast Rosa Delauro, with guest appearances from pro-choice celebrities such as Kathleen Sebelius, Janet Napolitano and reigning Abortion Queen, Irene Vilar.
Pay Raise Chasers
starring the members of the U.S. Senate.
Sure, having a job as a senator may sound like it could involve work, but how many real jobs out there give you an opportunity to not only excuse yourself from internal investigation but also VOTE YOURSELF A NEW PAY RAISE? With incentives like these the stars of the show don't care if the camera catches their good side or not. A few hundred thousand $$ a year buys a lot of chin tucks.
Keeping Up With The Obamaians
If you can never get tired hearing wazzup with the Obamas this is the show for you! Updates made every day, providing viewers with the latest scoops: from what souvenirs they brought home from Hawaii, to Who's Who on Michelle's next birthday party list, all the way to what brand of toilet tissue Barack likes and if he prefers two-ply over cushioned single ply. You'll be witness to the personal dynamics between the family and their friends that go on in front of cameras. You'll meet the family's most trusted servants and share in the First Couple's officially recognized recipe for a happy marriage. You'll learn of the personal suffering that can come from being an Obama, like the day Bo found out he was allergic to Beluga caviar and the time Michelle attended a banquet and saw an ambassador's wife wearing the same designer shoes. You'll learn how Potus has learned to fit in time to address boring affairs of state while still making time for vital dinners, roasts, parties and tee-offs.
So forget those bubble-headed desperate housewives and shallow Kardashians; what you want is ALL OBAMAS, ALL THE TIME!
Anti-Gun Legislation Scare Tactics
featuring today's loudest and most irate pro-gun advocate around.
If you want to see the entire nation throwing support behind gun legislation then this show is guaranteed to help the cause. Every week pro-gun supporter Alex Jones shares his views on gun legislation and his theories behind calls for more restrictions, successfully making the morbidly phobic fear of any gun ownership nearly reasonable by comparison. So get out the umbrellas and prepare for a spittle-flying hour of screaming fanaticism that can leave even the most adamant supporter of the Second Amendment praying Alex would just develop lockjaw.
Pro-Second Amendment Myth Busters
Every week a panel of home invasion survivors analyze today's most common beliefs surrounding guns and tighter gun restrictions. From the popular idea that broadcasting the names of gun owners will make their non-gun owning neighbors safer to the notion that murders only involve fire arms, these experts will carefully examine the myths and separate fact from fiction. And all without an iota of help from Alex Jones.
My Big, Fat FICA Increase!
featuring this last year's Obama supporters.
If you thought Obama only sought to tax the rich and are absolutely shocked by your new FICA hike, sit back and enjoy watching the hilarious reactions from millions of others finding themselves in the same boat. Opening a paycheck will never be the same!
If you enjoy watching what greed and the endless pursuit of power can do to a family then forget that wimpy show, Dallas. The primary character of this drama doesn't trade in dirty old oil or helpless live stock, but taxes, regulations and war. And unlike J.R. Ewing he doesn't chase after every skirt in town, only a god-like cultish following.
J.R. Ewing's dead, long live B.O. Spewing.
This hub* ©January 11, 2013 by Beth Perry
*Material is parody and not intended to be taken seriously.
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