Pains of Love Part IV

FEBRUARY 21, 2006

JOURNAL ENTRY - STANLEY MALONE

She was smitten with Stanley. She thought he was the spread that buttered her bread. Dina felt he was composed, serene, and displayed a demeanor of wistful charm; but Stanley told her he was no good for her: it was a dagger to her heart, and dread in her soul.

Lorenzo was her older brother, and Derrick the younger. Explosive anger filled the house in discovery of Stanley and Dina’s affection for one another. Lorenzo burst out of the kitchen with a butcher knife in pursuit of Stanley, grasping him by the collar, stabbing in the shoulder, and threw him out of the front door. Stanley was just a flash in her memory scurrying down Komensky with terror in his eyes.

Stanley was one of Lorenzo’s buddies, and she had broken rule number one, she was not to date their friends. It became apparent why Stanley was not the appropriate suitor; he took pleasure in using illicit drugs. His boyish good looks didn’t measure up to his boorish behavior. His conduct deemed to be one of a vexed and troubled soul. The ladies he consorted with were of a sophisticated breed that was well connected with using better quality substances.

He was the personification of dysfunctional, being an adopted child scarred his heart, and never healing, he used sex as medicine to bathe his wounds. Sex couldn’t fill the void, or hole in his soul; only God could mend the pieces of his soul whole – which he never found; drowning himself in promiscuous activities was his therapy. He released his agony through his copulation. For him the more bodily release he expelled the more distress he could rinse from his soul – this was his exorcism, his salvation. His salvation was erroneously evil, the climax was his moment of spiritual enlightenment, and this was the reason for his constant hunt for voluptuous women. He took pleasure in the experience of feeling: renewed, revived, rejuvenated, regenerated, and refreshed; this came wrapped in his mystical sexual rituals. Satan giving him visions of being extricated by familiar spirits inspired Stanley’s sexual revelations.

He carried within his soul the trauma trying to survive his adolescent years in an orphanage. Developing a spirit of abandonment was inevitable; the abuse he endured was beyond his control, resistance to the advances of the female custodial workers became a forgotten obstacle within time. The nightly visits were eventually expected. It became customary for him to have as many as ten visitors a night. He was expected to perform, and perform he did. Over time it was an inherent way of living for him. It made him feel needed, and this was the passion he never knew.

He began to thirst for sex as if it was food for his body, and water for his survival. He had to have it. This is where his addiction began. As he grew he no longer saw himself as a victim, but as a businessman given an opportunity to gain quick cash. No longer did he service the women for free; instead he became the abuser, and demanded money, otherwise it was no sex. He became the aggressor, and the women became fearful of him, at sixteen his physique was that of an eighteen-year-old, it had only been two years since the abuse began – the tides had turned.

It wasn’t long before he was known as the hustler of the home. It was his empire; he was lord over the women. His heart grew stonier as he sought revenge against the female workers; he provoked them to tears with his harsh language, he inflicted cruelty as the equivalent of pain he endured as a child for the bed the workers made him lay in – cruelty was his lethal instrument. This was the element that contributed to his instability of being transferred from one orphanage to another for the next five years. In five years the state ran facility was obligated to release him.

This was the sexually deviant behavior that was learned during his formative years. Lasciviousness was tattooed in his heart; he was suave toward ladies that he met, but he had ulterior motives for his kindness. It was all a game, his gauge was set, in the whistling of the wind he smelled the perfume essences of females to pounce, he had become a gigolo, he had developed a nose like a bloodhound, he could smell the scent of a woman juices for miles around.

In his psychological compass he viewed women as objects of his pain; they were the sounding board for his indigent activity. He was longing, and needy for the affection of his natural mother – his device was sexual encounters – the women were his nutritional supplement for the void he felt for the love of his natural mother.

Stanley had major character flaws. His male company was with undesirables of the community; he supplied them with what he confiscated on the streets during his stint as a detective. It was a short-lived career; Stanley continuously violated his authority with DUI, after DUI, and finally destroying his position with wrecking city property under the influence of drugs, he was fired. He was haunted by his addiction for years, feeling that he was incapable of proving his self-worth to society he committed suicide.



February 28, 2006

JOURNAL ENTRY –Therapy Session

It was her usual behavior to follow the directions of her ghoulish creatures that spoke to her during sessions with Dr. Simmons. The voices inside her head reminded her of the lewd persona of Stanley Malone, it sounded as if Stanley was calling out to her from the grave, sitting with Dr. Simmons; she could only hear the acts Stanley committed, and the voices questioning her of her moral ethics as to why she continued to maintain a friendship with such a repulsive human being. Being coy was unlike her nature, but when the voices spoke audibly to act skittish in order to mock Dr. Simmons during the session, she conceded. Only she could hear the voices, whether audible or internal; Dr. Simmons knew nothing of the voices, she never made complaint of them to him, as far as she was concern they had become part of her psyche.

Dr. Simmons carefully studied her facial expressions. Wednesday was Dina’s weekly scheduled one-on-one therapy session with Dr. Simmons to examine her choice of male relationships to develop a process of self-discovery. It was Dr. Simmons philosophy; you attract what you are. He believed one’s internal energy was the vibration that brought two souls together. He taught her the soul is the seat of all emotions, whether good or bad. She possessed feelings of rejection that was the connecting vibe that caused the magnetic attraction between her and Stanley: they shared a kindred spirit that supplied the core foundation of their relationship.

It was Dr. Simmons’ responsibility to assist her in finding the root cause of her rejection. The ultimate goal was to become whole, independent of any male counterparts. Dr. Simmons felt her rate of progress was determined by her ability to maintain consistency in showing commitment to her sessions. Integrity, moral fiber, and principles were characteristics she felt were beyond her reach. She felt those were character traits obtainable by others. She saw others as believing they were more than she was. (to be cont'd.)

© Adrienne Manson All Rights Reserved

More by this Author


Comments 2 comments

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

Thank you anglnwu for taking the time to give my story a read, and leaving a comment.


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 4 years ago

Lovely prose. Such a sad beginning for Stanley and that explains his behavior. Nicely done and voted up.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working