Pastels for Versace

I'll be honest, I've been struggling with this poem for years. It's now better than I've had it before and maybe I'm being my own worst critic, but I feel like it's not done and it's missing something. I'm open to suggestions/critques.


Aside from this, I hope you enjoy it.

Source

Take a chance and dive right in,
the water's fine.
Plumb the line
Swim out to the masses
Put on your life preserver and dive.

Sinking
in a sea of narcoleptic conformity.
Treading water to stay alive,
drown in anonymity.

It's all a dance and I dance alone
The music's fine
And I keep the time.
In three four standard meter.

Give me your hand, I’ll be fine.

Waltzing
on a floor of nihilistic uniformity.
Keeping the rhythm to stay on beat
I Dance in anonymity





all rights reserved. copyright Justin W. Price 2000

Thanks for Reading.


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Comments 15 comments

PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Thanks Tammy. I'd never considered that aspect, but that's very interesting. I also can't hear "stopped short" without thinking of Seinfeld


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Great job on a great subject. I admire non-conformists like Versace. I think if the poem "stops short" it is a great way to parallel Versace's life also since he died so abrubtly and so young. Well done!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Thank you Winbo, I'm glad you enjoyed this piece :-)


winbo profile image

winbo 4 years ago

really I enjoyed it


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Thanks, Kelly, but, who can afford Versace?


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Yah PDX - I wouldn't change it - I do love it like it is. Love Versace!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Twila and Bri, thanks for stopping by and for the votes. Based on the feedback I'm receiving, this poem is done. However, I'm constantly revising all my poems, so, it would certainly be wise indeed to check back!


twilanelson profile image

twilanelson 5 years ago from Carmichael, California

Wonderfully written poem, I will keep checking back just in case you change even one word. Thank you.


bri36 5 years ago

feels preety good to me! I like the way it flows into the minds eye. yes i voted^


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

I enjoyed it. I wouldn't change a thing.....


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon Author

Thanks for the comments. I still feel like it might be trite in some places, but perhaps it's not actually


lyns profile image

lyns 5 years ago from USA

I like it just stopped by seen you had written another one, very nice short sweet Up and interesting, thanks for sharing have a great evening it's 1:03 am.


Sueswan 5 years ago

I really enjoyed it. Don't change a thing.

Voted up and awesome.


jenubouka 5 years ago

You shouldn't be so critical on yourself, which I know is an impossible task for a writer, this is a short but worthy piece to be read. When all else fails...just write.


OutsideTheLines profile image

OutsideTheLines 5 years ago from Tulsa, OK

I think it's perfect as is! Don't change a thing. This is great.

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    Justin W. Price (PDXKaraokeGuy)742 Followers
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    Justin W. Price, AKA PDXKaraokeGuy, is a freelance writer, blogger, and award- nominated author based out of Portland, Oregon.


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