Poem - The Only Thing

The only thing that touched you
Were my eyes
As your life neared mine
The pain of separation
Was borne
By my arms
My hands
My mind
My heart
Pain born of silence
My voice
Trapped
Within the fear
Of rejection
Yet I could not look away
And for a moment
My life
Became a vision
The only thing that mattered
Were what my eyes saw
In you
As I watched
You walked
As I watched
You breathed
As I watched
You left
The only thing that mattered
Was your pain
Hidden
Behind your smile
But did you notice?
My mind... pacing
My heart... racing
My life... changing
The only thing you noticed
Were my eyes touching you
Was that not enough?
Or did you need my voice?
My arms?
My hands?
My heart?
My life?
To believe you are beautiful?

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Comments 36 comments

Heart Felt Book profile image

Heart Felt Book 5 years ago from New York, NY

excellent!! I love it very deep and kind.. there are many out there who has this feeling on both sides.. Great work like always Thanks..


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Nice way to repeat arms, hands, heart, life! Interesting pictures too!


Julie2 profile image

Julie2 5 years ago from New York City

Loved it!


J. Edward Hardin profile image

J. Edward Hardin 5 years ago

I like the rhythmic flow of this one. I've been writing a few things myself that have to do with that same sort of feeling. It's odd how much of a person you can see in their eyes in just a moment.


J. Edward Hardin profile image

J. Edward Hardin 5 years ago

It also makes me think about what beauty really is and what makes any of us really feel beautiful.


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

I like this one very much Mark...the structure, the rhythm, the subject...the subtle exchange between two people whose eyes meet in silent communication.

I'll be back to enjoy this again.

Well done.

CP


daravuthz profile image

daravuthz 5 years ago from Cambodia

Great thing that you have shared with us :)


chspublish profile image

chspublish 5 years ago from Ireland

A great way with words. Good job!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

I think this is the best thing that I have read of yours. So beautifully simple, yet complete.


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Nicely done. I'm such of fan of the lean, spare poem -- it does so much more for me than a random smattering of words (which you never do). Great job as always.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Wow, that was beautiful...I love it! Thank you.


Nayothara profile image

Nayothara 5 years ago

Awesome... I was reading this few times... so personal...

Thanks for these lovely thoughts and wow, this is beautiful...


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

OHhhhhhhhhhhhh, stupendously perceptive piece.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Well I logged on (sorry for taking so long but I was in Chicago) and I found fourteen comments... unreal. I LOVE YOU ALL! I want to personally thank each of you for commenting and I hope you know that your encouragement has helped me evolve. There is so much power in your praise and it is a gift. I mean it! No! I really do... dammit... why won't you believe me? Arrrggghhh!!!

For the women; you know how men stare... you've been stared at and maybe you wonder if the man is a threat or maybe you were uncomfortable. Well this was from the men who just think you are beautiful and cannot help themselves. Take it as it is: flowers in a gaze...

Well I'm looking at each of your avatars/pictures and I want to know: can you feel it? You are are so real to me and I want you to receive from me what you have given...


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 5 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

Very nice...like this one a lot. I really tell that you're musical...it's reflected in your poetry.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Thank you alek... Petra Vlah and Nellianna talked to me about a poems flow and I guess my piano playing helps in that regard.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

You've mastered the flow. And capturing the feeling and the point of your poem. I just love this one.

You really do communicate both the admiration a man gives in a look (or several), as well as the inherent feeling most women feel about perhaps not being all that beautiful. Even some of the world's women most acclaimed for beauty admit to not seeing it so much in themselves, impossible as that sounds. But we all see ourselves in all states, including some less lovely, so perhaps it's not surprising that even the Liz Taylors and Angelina Jolies don't always see themselves as beautiful. It really is in the eye of the beholder, who may have fewer glimpses on which to base an impression, besides! LOL.

Anyway - this is an EXCELLENT poem. Thanks for sharing it.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Thank you nellieanna,

I think I've stumbled on a style that works for me... I want each line to have an impact... some are there to set up the next one but even a set up line can inform... That was insightful to mention fewer glimpses having an impact on our impression!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

You needn't strain at it, m'dear. You've got the rhythm. You didn't stumble on it - it was there waiting for you to set it in motion. Just let it flow.


bettybarnesb 5 years ago

You are such a passionate writer. Be Blessed.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Nellieanna - I will... thank you for supporting me... it means everything.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@bettybarnsb - thank you for your comment; I think everyone is passionate; it's just a matter of letting it flow like Nellieanna says...


N.E. Wright profile image

N.E. Wright 5 years ago from Bronx, NY

OMG!!! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

I am speechless. I love the way it flowed, and ... wow.

Sorry, I do not know what else to say .... I am just thinking .... I love this poem ....

Thanks for sharing.

Wow!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@N.E. - Wow right back at ya'! You sure know how to make somebody feel great... thank you very much...


Marina Lester 5 years ago

Fabulous, loved these lines "Or did you need my voice?

My arms?

My hands?

My heart?

My life?

To believe you are beautiful?" And perhaps yes, sadly it takes all that for some women to believe. Keep well!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Marina - thank you! It's tough to carry it with you always without getting that external validation. I'm as guilty of that need as anyone else... tell me! tell me! Mirror mirror on the all; who isthe fairest one of all?


Mamadrama profile image

Mamadrama 4 years ago from Upstate NY

I love the way you capture the feelings involved in something as simply yet complex as a stare. You are a passion writer and a damn great one!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Andreaa - Thank you.... there's a lot going on in a guy's mind when he stares at you... Maybe more than you want to know!


Mamadrama profile image

Mamadrama 4 years ago from Upstate NY

I would love to know.. honestly..


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Sometimes it's just better to show you with the look in the eye and the touch of my hand....


Mamadrama profile image

Mamadrama 4 years ago from Upstate NY

I couldn't agree more..


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

:) :)


Mamadrama profile image

Mamadrama 4 years ago from Upstate NY

BUT.. If you ever want to share.. :)


RichusFridum profile image

RichusFridum 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Wow that was excellent, the pain we guys go through when a woman passes us by


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 4 years ago

The only thing that mattered

Was your pain

Hidden

Behind your smile

But did you notice?

My mind... pacing

My heart... racing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bravo! Bravo Bravo! I am speechless at how perfect this is. :)


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Richus - Yep it almost hurts when they look that good....

@Qudsia - Thank you! I saw a girl one time in an airport and I wrote it... she doesn't know she was a muse...

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