ALONE IN LOSS

Words, do not come forth

Perceived, but still unknown

Take what's felt away from here

For it is not yet owned.

Take their words so far away

My heart has not yet learned

The pain that will unwanted stay

And leave my life upturned.

I try to shut them out

But, words, they do come forth

Meaning, please, keep out

For, You, I have no worth.

I do not want to register

And with that hurt let near

Keep the visions from my sight

This loss I cannot bare.

If I hold you, Meaning, from my heart

You will not find me there

And take from me the one

Who's made this all so clear.

That for which I choose not know

Will help me to erase

The total loss and emptiness

Memories, please, take place.

Stop the earth from turning

How can they not all see

The loss that I am bearing

Has made it stop for me.

One that once was here is gone

Don't leave this pain my own

Bring their meaning to the light

So I am not alone.

The meaning of this poem comes from several conversations throughout my life:

My aunt who said that every time the phone rang she did not want to answer it during the time my grandma was battling cancer. If she didn't answer the phone when it came time then maybe it wouldn't be real and she could avoid what was "the inevitable".

A friend, Johnny, who was not the most emotional person on the surface, but when his dad passed away he said that he wanted to know why all of a sudden the world didn't stop to feel his pain. He watched all the cars going by and people and noone knew his real pain. The pain in the fact that someone that was so important to him had passed.

If you do not hear the news can you shield yourself from it? If you didn't take that phone call, or ask that question would your life remain without the pain of loss or information that would give it new meaning?

When your life does change how can everyone else's stay the same? Don't they feel your pain? Didn't they learn the same lesson? Why can't they feel what you are feeling?

It isn't all just about losing someone, but it is losing a piece of yourself or a feeling about someone because you have been told something. It is about change that takes place that never really would have if you didn't involve yourself in your family, friends, acquaintances or even strangers because without being involved in life nothing changes. You can shield yourself and hide away from heartache; hence, there would be no feeling and you would not have the ability to want the phone not to ring, or the words not to come forth nor would you ever want the world to stop. Life is about wanting it all to stop when you are hurting because you are involved in it. Yet, sometimes you want to shield yourself from the consequences of being involved in it or you just want others to feel all of your pain so that there is empathy for it.