Poem of a Fish
One day, I stared unrelenting into my fish-tank, wondering for quite some time how they felt and possibly what they would think. They were not caged. But it reminded me of the poem cited by a person who had Encephalitis Lethargica, unable to move, unable to speak, a life in an aware coma:
“His gaze from going through the bars has grown so weary that it can take in nothing more. For him it is as though there were a thousand bars, and behind the thousand bars no world.” ← Rilke's “Panther” → “Sein Blick ist vom Vorübergehn der Stäbe So müd geworden, dass er nichts mehr hält. Ihm ist, als ob es tausend Stäbe gäbe Und hinter tausend Stäben keine Welt.”
While continuing to stare at one of the fish I ended up forming a poem as I thought the fish would tell:
I walk an empty lane.
I feel not loved all the same.
Across the circle I pass the line.
There is no time, not even mine.
Should I continue pointlessly;
Or just scream out silently?
Is the nothing my born-to-be state;
Is this life my only fate?
Ones all around I am alone.
The others are not but clones.
In the end it matters not,
For I am but a single spot.
But I must confess,
I be not in stress.
I now know that I am not alone,
For the truth is that my Mind has grown.
One day I will have more than this,
For I am the Holy Miss!
I know that it is in a childish A-B rhyme format, however, it is the meaning that is important.
I walk an empty lane. I feel not loved all the same. The fish feels alone.
Across the circle I pass the line. There is no time, not even mine. The circle is the border of his tank. He is looking out, watching what he can't experience. Every day is the same and so time has seemed to end.
Should I continue pointlessly; Or just scream out silently? The fish is depressed, seeing the pointlessness of his existence.
Is the nothing my born-to-be state; Is this life my only fate? This is self-explanatory.
Ones all around I am alone. The others are not but clones. The fish sees all the other fish about him but knows that, for some reason, he is unique and they are all the same.
In the end it matters not, For I am but a single spot. The fish has reached complacent depression, seeing that limited pointlessness of his life.
But I must confess, I be not in stress. This fish has come to a realization.
I now know that I am not alone, For the truth is that my Mind has grown. The fish has realized his consciousness, and so now knows that with his mind he is not alone; his mind has gone from the unconscious norm of fish to being consciously aware. That mind is his companion, his friend.
One day I will have more than this, For I am the Holy Miss! He has realized that his life is not pointless after all. That with the infinite world of consciousness his limits & limited time have ended. The “Holy Miss” is supposed to be the Gnostic goddess Sophia –Sophia being the Greek personification of “Wisdom”, which is a feminine word. It is not that he is that deity, but rather symbolic for his consciousness & his wisdom of that fact.
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