Prose - I Hate My Ego

I really do
It burns the fields
Of happiness
In another's
Accomplishments
It floods
The gates
Of admiration
With tears
Because
I didn't do it
I hate my ego
The menace
To society
And friendship
There is not enough light
To share
As its shadow
Swallows
Your pride
Whole
Because
My ego
Can only exist
Alone
Without you

Without your genius
Without my respect
For you
Because my ego
Only recognizes one thing

Itself


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Comments 16 comments

maven101 profile image

maven101 5 years ago from Northern Arizona

I really like this one, SP...You really put it out there with a rare honesty and profound introspection...It resonates, it captures kindred souls, of which I share, but do not have the perspicacity or nerve to express...Larry


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Thanks Maven... it's true... I know myself. I think if I say it out loud I can improve as a person. I have nothing to hide. People that know me understand my ego and pride is part of the package. I have been called "full of myself," "a person who does not listen but only thinks of what he is going to say next," "arrogant," "Narcissistic" etc. That about covers it. I want to be able to read someone's work in the context of enjoying it and not how I wish I had thought of it first. This is probably the part of me that needs the most tending as I age. I think my confidence is very helpful in many settings as my need for approval and to be labeled "special" helps me when I speak before a group. But it needs to be controlled. In short I think my ego has prevented me from enjoying life as much as it can be.


kidikirous1 profile image

kidikirous1 5 years ago

Most definitely agree:)


Joanie 5 years ago

Egos that are given too much power do damage and cause constant anxiety. It's like a pesky fly you can't get rid of, always there, ruining the moment.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

You're pulling our leg, right? ;->


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

S.B. do you mean that ego that has gained 1,000 followers and written 270 Hubs. That's the ego that is giving you problems as you wrote this. Hubpages has a way of poking and proding our egos. This is only a test, in case of a real emergency, well you know the rest...


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@kidikirous1 - Thank you for commenting...

@Joanie - That's my Mom folks. Yes you are always right....

@Nellieanna - No I'm not. I come from a family of enormous pride and there are times when it gets in the way of proper living. This is just a "repentant" type piece. I was in the mood to acknowledge it.

@mckbirdbks - yes that ego.... the one that dares to write fearlessly. Hubpages is a challenging place and there are times when I read things here that humble me to the core. I don't like that feeling but I'm not going away...


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Mark, - You know yourself and from whence it comes, but pride is not necessarily equivalent to ego, and ego is not necessarily a bad thing. We need to understand & accept our strengths as well as our weaknesses. What is bad, I think, is putting others down.

You might enjoy a story - (which is told from memory, rather than with exactness.)

When asked about his enormous ego, Frank Lloyd Wright was supposed to have replied: "Years ago I had to decide between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honesty."

:-)


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Nellianna - well I appreciate you trying to see the good in me and helping me out here... Honesty is good... I can't be what I'm not. My boss is a very talented man and he is quite humble. He doesn't allow the conversation to get to the point where he has to acknowledge his talents. He just laughs it all off....


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Full disclousure, my ego has taken a few tough blows on hubpages. I rebuilt the barriers and now have no issues. You have penned some monumental pieces of work. That takes a strong ego and a thinking person.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Actually, I was just 'telling it like it is", Mark (or as I see it). The thing is, whatever is part of who one is has intrinsic value. What else have we? Seeing it with clarity and honesty ourselves raises it to a higher level than feeling (or claiming) it as a fault.

Responding to others' evaluations of us is another matter, concerning the other persons' feelings and shouldn't affect our own self-view too much. We can simply be gracious if it's nice and objective if it's not. Probably it's incomplete, at best, either way!

Your boss sounds admirable, and that his humility attracts attention to and admiration for the fact that he is talented is a sort of ploy in an innocent way. It's probably no better or worse than a more egotistical manner. We can't avoid being and doing our thing! But of course, going to extremes to either emphasize or to minimize it actually is bathing it in excessive attention, isn't it? ;])

I recently saw a discussion of the way women tend to slough off compliments, denying that they're really so. We're taught to be modest and self-effacing but when that is looked at squarely, it's sort of an insult to the ones giving the praise to come back with "oh, this old thing" or "I look a fright!", like saying they don't know what they're talking about or have poor taste or judgment. The bottom line of the discussion was that we should reply with a sincere simple, "Thank you", which acknowledges the kindness rather than denying its accuracy or whatever. It's like learning a different viewpoint, but a more realistic one. And we need to know our own reality, so we can tell when we're getting realistic praise OR criticism. Like Kipling said in "If" -- 'treating those two imposters just the same". What others think should not be our measure of ourselves either way!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@mksbirdbks - Thank you. I think we all struggle with our need to be liked, accepted, valued, glorified etc. It shouldn't be that way as we are just expressing ourselves and what else is really needed? But I am a competitive person who measures his performance in many ways but art should not be about competition and as such should not cause any suffering.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Nelliana - I always appreciate how you take the time to give me your take on life. You seem to have it just right. I can agree with everything you say but it seems I operate with a certain level of intensity at all times so maybe I'm just a guy with a bold font. I don't want to put people off with cockiness or arrogance but I agree false modesty can seem phony too. It takes a lot of self-confidence to speak in front of a group which I did today and I found once again that I thrived on being the leader. It was important to me to see the room grow quiet and watch people nod their head in agreement. I liked the feeling. You made me laugh with that "I look a fright!" comment...

In the end my ego has helped me quite a bit but I don't like it when it spoils my enjoyment of things....


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

It's great to see someone who knows himself well, Mark. And you're also a great person,IMHO. Hugs.


Joanie 5 years ago

Darn - you blew my cover.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Nellieanna - Oh I know myself; it's just the self-control part that throws me sometimes... :)

@Joanie - Sorry.... :)

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