Prose - I'm Not There

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It’s hard for me
You look me in the eye
And you want me
But I want the sky
It’s hard for you
You want to drink tea
And be in love
But I want the sea
What you want
Is not me
What I want
You can't see
I want the world
I want life’s problems
I want to think
I want to solve them
You want a quiet moment
And so do I
But you want to relax
While I want to ask why
And then you ask me
Why do you have to be that way?
I don’t know why
It covers me where I lay
I see your frustration
Instead of an oasis
I bring discomfort
And restlessness
I want to dig deep
Into the reservoir of emotion
I want to feel the pain
Of the human condition
You want to escape
You need me to take you there
Instead I push you away
All you can do is sit and stare
I let you in my life
As far as I can
I know it’s not enough
I’m not a companion
Yet you seem drawn
To the pictures I paint
The words are like a movie
You watch while I show no restraint
I want to drink that cup
And show you I can care
But as soon as I sit down
My mind drifts somewhere
And it’s not here
It’s not with you
Even with all your beauty
I still can see through
I see through you
As if you aren’t there
Because in fact you aren’t
You’re gone and I paid the fare
And when I sit alone
And wonder what I’ve done
You will think about me
While you are with another one
Drinking your tea
And being loved
While I suffer over you
And riddles that are unsolved


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Comments 7 comments

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

A great poem and I vote with no doubt.

Have a great day and take care,

Eiddwen.


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

Beautiful words. Trust, the one thing that makes every relationship special. This brought back memories of issues that I have had to deal with, thank you x


ChristianRecca profile image

ChristianRecca 5 years ago from Rutherford, NJ

powerful work as usual, S.P. i love the way the detail about the tea comes back. i can relate to the feelings. some relationships, you want them to work and they just don't because you're two fundamentally different people. i wish we could have a beer as well, but i'm in jersey and i don't know where you are.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Eiddwen - thank you. This is somewhat descriptive of my state of mind at this stage in my life....

@thebluestar - thank you. This is just me being honest about who I am and trying to communicate this to a lover.

@ChristianRecca - Thanks man. If there is any power it is because it is fairly accurate summation of myself and I feel when you talk about yourself there is a force in there that is hard to summon on other topics. I'm in Austin, Texas... so I guess the beer will have to stay on ice...


Joanie 5 years ago

I think it's the best when we find someone in this crazy world that we truly want to give of ourselves, to comfort them, to laugh with them, someone we look forward to going home to and looks forward to our coming home. A home is formed and becomes a safe place to be for both - all seems right with the world. You know it when you really feel it - I'm home! But, first I think you have to really want this - it can't be faked.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

I've been burned too many times to take a chance.... maybe someday but I have to figure out how to know someone well enough to risk the stress....


Joanie 5 years ago

You search for the real person that they are. You listen to their words. You will know if they make you feel good about yourself and bring out the best in you. Some people bring out the worst in us - run away from them.

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