Prose - My Childhood Ended Today

This is about the continued deterioration of my Father as he is slowly succumbing to Alzheimers....

Today my childhood came to an end
But am I a man?
I looked to God to tell me when
Is it time to stand?
I heard a message that he did send
But where did it land?
Now all the problems of life will begin
Before, I ran
For so long I did not comprehend
Now I understand
My ego said it would be able to extend
Is it too far to span?
I thought I owned my island
I’m not in command
The fire of worry is a foundation of sand
I have been shaken
I have slept too long in selfish skin
Will I awaken?
There are no answers on which to depend
I have no plan
Everyone knows where I’ve been
It was dream land
Everyone knows where my time did spend
It was with sin
Now I know what world I’m in
Do I have a friend?
Must I pay for what hubris did lend?
I know I owe them
What does God’s will demand?
Is it only in heaven?
What will it take for me to ascend?
Must the nails penetrate my hand?



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Comments 7 comments

Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 5 years ago from Stepping past clutter

This is powerful imagery inflicted upon a father through his son. Reminds me of God the Father and God the Son in the last moments of Good Friday- only reversed with exceptional pain. Like a shriek for help, in fact. I have experienced my moms dementia. Another slow building scream of pain.

Powerful.


Kulsum Mehmood profile image

Kulsum Mehmood 5 years ago from Nagpur, India

I like your style

and your poem

and your poem.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Storytellersrus - Thank you for commenting. I went through a lot of silent suffering this past weekend as what happened over the Thanksgiving holiday let me know that the transitions we face will be very difficult. And it's mainly because of other family memebers and their aggression and/or lack of support. It is a cruel way to go and it could tear us apart as we watch him go....

@Kulsum - Thank you for saying that....


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 5 years ago from Stepping past clutter

SP, I am so sorry. It is cruel. My sympathies, sensitive poet.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Storytellersrus - Thank you again. Sorry I took so long to respond.


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 4 years ago from Stepping past clutter

It is ok, this is a busy time. My mom slips deeper and deeper into dementia. I think what happens when they leave the role of responsible adult is what you express- we no longer have the insulation of a parent and all that means generationally. We become the Elders, one step away from death ourselves. It's like we are all that is standing

between our children and death and with this comes huge expectations.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Storytellersrus - I'm sorry for your mother's problems. That is exactly it... we are now on the next step. The final one and I think it is scary. I feel prepared for most things I supposed but it's the sadness that I'm not prepared for... or the conflict I feel brewing within the family (his wifes daughters are starting to become vocal about the burden he is placing on their mother) as he deteriorates...

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