Proses - How Can I Laugh?

Am I wearing you out?
I don’t want to be sad
But it’s so unfulfilling
Pretending to be glad

Am I bringing you down?
I don’t want to make you mad
But it’s so hard to smile
I don't follow the latest fad

How can I ignore
How we are not free?
How can I laugh
When the world is not all it can be?

Am I too much for you?
I don’t want to be so intense
But I can’t relax
When nothing makes sense

Am I driving you away?
I don’t want to lose you
But I can’t be who I am
If I can't be true

How can I ignore
How we are hurting each other?
How can I laugh
When we don’t love one another?

Is there room for you in my life
When there is so much pain?
It takes up all my mind
It’s so hard for me to explain

Is there a moment for a dreamer?
When I feel so unworthy?
All I can think of is disappointment
I hope this is not the end of my story

How can I ignore
How I am not the man I want to be?
How can I laugh
When people cry because of me?

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Comments 18 comments

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California

"How Can I Laugh" has particular meaning for me as I venture through my 12 step journey, particularly through the process of making amends to the many people I have hurt, even though I love them and love them still, altho some of the relationships I have had to leave because neither of us were healthy for each other. We did not bring out the best in each other. But when we do bring out the best in each other, then there is room for each and both of us to be totally who we are.

I apologize for not being very present to all my fellow hubbers and followers in recent weeks.

Thanks for sharing so much of yourself in your writing.

Vern


Chaya Parmessur profile image

Chaya Parmessur 5 years ago from FRANCE

Hi Suburban Poet,

This is an absolutely beautiful poem. It is sad but it is only by getting past this deep sadness that happiness will finally emerge. keep feeling and writing about it.

I am a fan.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

When I first joined you all here on HubPages I was a very closed in person, I had been since I was a little girl. I would help anyone else,listen to them and comfort them and tell them how it was good to talk.

I can remember the day I published my first hub FROM THIS MOMENT ON and I pressed that publish button.

How on earth I didn't press that unpublish button I don't know , but I didn't and here almost a year later and nearly 90 hubs later I have revealed my heart and soul to the world of Hubpages and it is the best journey that I have ever made.

Your poem is so touching and comes from your heart as it should and only then can healing take place and then others also learn this. Carry on writing and moving forward, your words really are so very touching and say so much about the person who wrote it.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us on here.

Take care and God Bless you my friend..

Eiddwen.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Hey Vern - no need to apologize my man. I admire you for doing what it takes to "get right" with your life. I know about those people who we must leave behind. I have a best friend from long ago who avoids me now because he said he always feels the need to put on a show around me. I told him that we don't have to drink until the bar closes. I don't have to do that and it's not even an issue with me. But I guess there is this excitement button within each of us that gets turned on in each others presence and that's the only way we know. So... now we no longer even talk.... sad... keep it going man!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Chaya - thank you for being so kind. This is about how I've become somewhat consumed with pain and suffering along with some issues in my personal life that are vexing me right now. It's hard for me to be frivolous. Maybe that's the real poet coming out. I want to write about the darker side and I see opportunity everywhere I go. I have a friend who has cancer; I see the cycle of war spinning all around; I am apart from my children (but I do see them weekly so it's not that bad but I feel the guilt); there are many things and it's hard to sit down, drink a beer and just laugh... but I'll be alright...


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Eiddwen - thank you for commenting and we're glad you didn't hit unpublish either! Yeah the poem is how I was feeling last night. I was just sitting there wondering why I couldn't come up with a light-hearted or funny poem and realized that my mind just isn't there....


Berga profile image

Berga 5 years ago from SKIEN

so moving..almost to tears..i felt pain and sorrow...

you're a master to reflect and express, feed the hungry ones for sincerity...

... listening heart and warm touch is all we need in such times

thank you for your strength!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Berga - you can add disillusionment to the list; but it's just my time for all that... I believe things will get better... but as I said I'm dwelling on world events along with the personal and it seems it's all I want to talk about in my work... thank you for caring...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

I can understand your feelings, so much going on in the world. We're expected to feel glad that we killed Ben Laden, when in reality i feel sorrow for his family, yet i know he did evil deeds against us, then all the political bickering, tornados, flooding, and wars continue, but it's time to grab hold of the ones we love and just hope for a better tomorrow. Your poetry is sad but understandable.


Wooded 5 years ago

This felt very deep and dark, yet beautiful. Thanks


Aris Budianto profile image

Aris Budianto 5 years ago from Lying along the equator Country

Touching, that's all I say to you.


blondey profile image

blondey 5 years ago

This is very refreshing, I believe in telling it like it is and I feel the same way now. ((hugs))!!

Blondey


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@always - you are so right. I do find much happiness when I'm with my children just watching their lives and helping as needed. I'm just a moody poet I guess. I wish I didn't think so much at times.

@Wooded - thank you for commenting. I appreciate your kind remarks.

@Aris - thank you and feel free to say more anytime!


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@blondey - thank you. I believe as a poet you have to lay it out there. I'm very much in touch with how I feel about things and moods are the basis of inspiration.


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Ouch. Some brutal self-reflection here by yourself or whomever the narrator happens to be (I learned long ago not to assume that the voice telling the tale is the voice of the writer). Rhyming seems to galvanize your poetry and help you find your footing with each piece. It does that for me sometimes, but I'm not nearly as rhyme-prolific as yourself. Speaking of that, my word, have you been busy in your 7 months here! I don't know how you find the time, but I'm glad you do. Peace.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Doug - sorry I took so long to respond. I just woke up and my shoulder is hurting for some unknown reason. I hate getting old. Thank you for your kind remarks. I respect your work greatly so it feels good to hear what you say.

It is a bleak little poem. This one is somewhat about me... I find myself spending much time thinking about the world's problems. Bin Laden is dead and yet I felt a bit empty. And now we see how the Pakistani's were made to pay even though they were accused of harboring him. The innocent pay for evil's ambitions. As for the amount of poems it seems my mind is always thinking... always. I go from work to being with my children to poems. I guess it's a very efficient existence that allows me to produce when the time is there.


Jannie D profile image

Jannie D 5 years ago from Parys, Free State, South Africa

Well done SP! I suspect we are of nearly the same age. Where world events try and overtake us and we want to share our views non-stop. The difference you can put it in a way that shows your urgency and emotion. Where evil is fought with evil there are no winners, and our flesh cry out in triumph, even though our spirit shout to the heavens in anguish for what is coming.


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

@Jannie D - thank you! They say don't become the monster you are fighting. In war everything is justified (as in love?) somehow. Well I don't want to think like that until I'm thrust in the middle of it. I have no idea how I would react but as a poet I'm for peace, as naive as that sounds. I want my children to read what I have said when they get older and I hope they can think this way or at least know how I felt about the human condition.

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