Puddles - A Deeply Sensitive Poem

My Poetry Mentor has asked me

To try a bit harder to write

A poem that he would consider

Not too long, but metrically right.

I said I’d attempt one, to please him,

And rose to the challenge at once;

For his standards are really exacting

And I’d hate him to think me a dunce.

 

He gave me a subject to work with

And the subject and title is “Puddles”

And the joy, if there is one, of Splashing;

But here came the first of my muddles.

 

For in English we are slightly restricted

By words that rhyme nicely with Puddles

There’s Muddles which I used in the last verse

And three more, Huddles, Befuddles and Cuddles.

Thrashing
Thrashing

 

And then to add injury to insult

When searching for rhymers for Splashing.

They all were too violent for kiddies;

Like Bashing and Thrashing and Crashing.

 

 

 

 

 

Dashing
Dashing

 

 

 

There were worse ones, like Lashing and Slashing
And Gnashing and Stashing and Trashing
So the best of the lot, and like it or not,
Was that old and reliable Dashing.

 

 

 

 

 

So I started in some trepidation

Some evocative verse to compose

Like you’d find on a Card, as in Greeting,

When a spectre before me arose.

My Mentor had told me that NEVER

Should verses have more than four lines,

And it’s stringent that FOUR or FIVE verses

A really nice poem defines.

 

 

So this is the one I’ve come up with

Does it meet each poetic decree?

And does it reflect, what he’d come to expect

Since he first thought to educate me?

Kicking the stuff to and fro
Kicking the stuff to and fro

When finding a small pool of liquid,

If the liquid should be H2O,

Some get ecstatic, driving media aquatic,

And kicking the stuff to and fro.

No splashing
No splashing

It seems silly and pointless and stupid

But as all (or most) puddles are free,

And if splashing is fun, I implore every one,

Go on! Splash all you want… but exclude me.

More by this Author


Comments 41 comments

Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

Well Done - a truly Dashing piece! It concerns me that a Mentor may restrict your natural flow - though! Where is your copyright notification? It should be Splashed all over your puddles.

Enjoyed very much... thanks for sharing.. your enjoyment of creating such works shines through here so strongly.

Take Care TL


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I, as you, my Kiwi friend, love words. If they are used well, then I am happy. (Wow! Just looked back to see all that punctuation; correct though. It must be my Australian education).

Thanks for reading the effort. You comments really are appreciated.


donna bamford profile image

donna bamford 5 years ago from Canada

But twilight I can't believe you don't or at least didn't enjoy splashing in puddles. It is one of life's greater joys,only second to splashing in slush though that may be a more Canadian pleasure. My dog, a labrador retriever, loved rolling around in muddy puddles much to my contsernation. A nice little ditty no less. i forgive you.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks Donna. Actually, just reading your words, I remember being on a school outing (I was a teacher, not a child). It had rained all day and we were in the middle of some God forsaken woods in Essex somewhere. I came charging down a path where there were several "nice" teachers standing around a huge pool of mud, and telling their infant class children to be careful they didn't get their feet muddy,

I jumped from a very great height into that mud puddle and sprayed everyone for metres around. Some of my class followed my example.

I laughed like a drain... so did my class.

For some reason, nobody else was even vaguely amused.

A little mud goes a long way!


Lovingu profile image

Lovingu 5 years ago from London

What a great piece of poetry - excellent, well done.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks, Lovingu, for stopping by and taking the time to read it. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Please call again, remarks like that are always welcome.


AngRose profile image

AngRose 5 years ago

I love it...both the poem, and the picture of you splashing mud on a bunch of stuffy English teachers! And I can use the word stuffy to define English men...or women I suppose, but definitely English men, as I am married to one! ha


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Oh eyes. Stuffy to the nth degree. You know the type, drink their herbal tea with the saucer held almost level with their faces; balanced on their left hand, like a little inverted platform of fingers; little finger of the hand holding the teacup sticking out cos they think it looks posh.

I'm afraid there are still too many stuffy people in this world... and most of them are congregated in the British Isles.

Take care,

Ian


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 5 years ago from India

Thank you - that was entertaining and truly enjoyable! Look forward to reading all your hubs!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Shalini. You are always welcome. Thank you for finding me and reading this hub. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.


KKalmes profile image

KKalmes 5 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

Hello Ian, you are innately funny, delightful and poetry to my ears with or without the muddling of puddling, or splishing of splashing! All music to my ears...


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you Kevin, and welcome back. I haven't had the pleasure of your company for far too long. Believe it or not, I think of you every day, and hope that EVERYTHING goes well with you.


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 5 years ago from UK

Wonderful! This is just like one of A.A. Milnes' poems. I'm instantly reminded of my son when aged three or four, jumping on the ice on top of frozen puddles so that he could crunch and splash at the same time!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

What a comparison. I was brought up on A. A. Milne and some of it must have filtered through... even my drawing relies on E. H. Shepard’s illustrations. Thinking about it, I am reminded of the poem, 'Hoppity'. Thank you for reading it, and thank you especially for the comparison, Amanda.


KKalmes profile image

KKalmes 5 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

too kind, my friend... too kind!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I wasn't being kind, Kevin. I really meant it. I have been very concerned. Keep buying those lottery tickets; you never know.

Anyway, kindness is my middle name... err... No it's not... it's Hugh.

Never mind, the thought was there.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you Mark. I'm sure both my readers enjoy it as much as you did. Only joking... there must be twice as many as that.

Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to read it. I appreciate the attention.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

It's been a long time since I jumped into a puddle for the sheer fun of it. Your poem has brought back the joy of the moment. I loved your illustrations and the rhythm of the verse. Nicely done!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you Peg. I hope you WEREN'T expecting a "Deeply Sensitive Poem" this time.

I think the rhythm can give an indication of the content; this was very "Greeting Card" but I loved writing it... as much as I loved having you come to read it and enjoy it.

It's never too late to jump into puddles. Most people love puddles. However, I had a dog, Malcolm, who hated getting his feet wet, so much, that he would walk around them.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Twilight Lawns. All I can say is - I think I'm in love! Your humor, quality and natural affinity with words thrill my heart! All kidding aside, I do simply love your perspective and joy. You made me feel good!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you so much. I love words, and when I get a comment like that it makes me feel really fulfilled. If you have the time (from being such a support to other hubbers) could you have a look at 'Have you heard of the Mondscheinsonate?'

It's not verse, but your opinion would be greatly appreciated.


gothicpoet profile image

gothicpoet 5 years ago

just came to say goodbye..going into hiding now that my computer is up and running..take care of yourself and always place the value of others ahead of yourself


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

You take care of yourself. and God bless you.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 5 years ago from Australia

I can't remember the last time I dipped a shoe or boot, let alone plonked a foot fair and square in the center of a puddle. For the sake of mischievous spontaneity it's now on the list of things to do, and soon.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks for reading it, Jewels, and letting it encourage you to be that naughty little child who is in most of us.

The next time I read that some antipodean crazy lady has been locked up for indiscriminate and hedonistic puddle splashing, I'll know to whom they are referring.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore

This poem made me roll out on the floor and laugh

(figuratively,ofcourse

!).. I'm sure your mentor will be pleased to see this wonderful piece of art.. You are truly ingenious to write something like this.. Ur Creativity reflects in each and every word...

Thanks for writing this


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

What an elegant and flattering comment, my friend. The picture of you rolling on the floor laughing makes me happy. Please let me retain it my my mind.

And if, when caught in those wonderful Monsoon rains, and there is no point at all in trying to retain your dignity, please remember this. I give you full permission to find the largest puddle that you can and splash in it to your heart's content.


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Hi Twilight, you don't need a mentor, because your poem would probably outshine anything else on offer. It works beautifully, it is funny. clever and throughly entertaining.

Bravo!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

What a wonderfully uplifting and gratefully received comment, AH. Thank you. And with comments like that, you are more than welcome to visit... any time. Take up residence, if you like!


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

I decided to reread your poem as it works on so many levels. Some of the rhyming is truly delightful. Well done.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you very much, AH, for that comment. It is always a thrill to hear that someone has come back for another plate full (plateful?).

I know as well as you that rhyming doesn't make a poem... er... poetry, but if I use it I try to do it properly. I am glad I succeeded in your eyes.


ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 5 years ago from NE Ohio

This was fun and so were the comments. Nice hub.

L.T.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, L.T., and it's so nice to see you in the saddle (Pun intended) again. Sorely missed.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

Twilight you are a funny man.

I like the captions for your pictures, and you have a way with words indeed.

This was fun, and really well done

Thanks


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Ben. Any words of approbation from yourself are well received... we need a bit of humour in the world... well I do.

Take care, and cheers.

Ian


toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 5 years ago

Love seeing the lighter side of your poetry too!. Thanks for the fun.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I am a man of many facets TKI. I'm glad that they appear to please you. Come again, you will be most welcome.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Very nice poem Ian. I like puddles but have not done any puddling in many years! I am not sure if "puddling" is a word. Oh well..A fun and very happy poem! Thank you.

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Sunnie. The next step (more of a jump) is for you to go out and find the largest puddle there is, and jump in it. It's called, "Going back to childhood therapy"... It always works wonders.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Good Morning Ian,

I linked your poem (which I loved reading all over again) to.."laughter in the rain"...Thank you for the reminder..:)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks, Sunnie. I was just looking over the people who have commented. Eleven of these people don't either look at my hubs, or don't comment any more. Only five look at my other stuff. That's why I find HP so disheartening... and there are some people (as the one or two I mentioned last night on the phone) who write a load of sxxt every day and have many, many comments.

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