Quirky Quips: Jokes so Bad You Can’t Help but Laugh, and Still Safe for Work!
I have decided that we all need to take a terrible joke break. The jokes here are clean enough to share at work. I cannot claim that they all make sense, nor can I claim that they will have you in stitches. I can, however, claim that I find them to be at least groan-worthy. This is the best the Internet has to offer. I hope it brings a smile to your face! Enjoy!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has mashed potatoes in his left ear, a carrot in his right, and green beans shoved up his nose.
He says, "Doctor! Doctor! I feel terrible! What's wrong with me?"
The doctor looks at him and says "Well, I'll have to run some tests, but I'd say you just aren't eating right"
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?
What is brown and sticky?
Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
A Prius just tried to race me at the lights. I totally had it for the first 100 metres, but I can only walk so fast
What do you call a fish with no eye?
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm a moth!"
The doctor says, "Well, I don't think it's me you want to see, maybe I can refer you to a psychiatrist".
The man says, "Funny you should say that. I was a just on my way there when I noticed your light was on."
Why did the mushroom buy drinks for everyone at the bar?
He’s a fun-gi.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”
What is red and smells like Blue Paint?
Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
What is red and invisible?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
How many A.D.D. kids does it take to fix a light?
WANNA RIDE A BIKE?
Three blondes walk into a building. I don't know why one of them didn't see it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
A baby seal walks into a club.
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.
Did you know that cigarettes are the leading cause of death by smoking?
What clothes does a house wear?
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?
Blue, because there are no bones in ice cream.
Two penguins are taking a bath. One says to the other, "Can you pass me the soap?" The other says, "I can't. I'm a radio!"
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