Quotations for Laughs #29 --- Birds

Bird Jokes

Protect the birds. The dove brings peace and the stork brings tax deductions.

—Floyd W. Casebolt, The Ennis Daily News, Ennis, Texas, Jan. 26, 1961.

Bird watcher: Trill seeker.

—Frank Tyger, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Aug. 11, 1974.

You can’t always judge by appearances. Maybe the early bird was up all night or got hit by a milk wagon.

—Ray Sackett, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 13, 1969.

Birds on the wing are beautiful if you haven’t just polished your car.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Dec. 28, 1966.

Third grader’s logic, reported by Troy Gordon: “The early bird catches the worm, if a cat doesn’t catch the bird first.”

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 31, 1969.

The poor worm that delays venturing out early in order to miss the early bird is so liable to be considered lazy.

—W.P. Ball, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Sept. 3, 1935.

The early bird may catch the worm, but it should be remembered that quite a few bugs first appear late in the evening.

—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., Nov. 19, 1927.

Bird watcher–someone who likes to spend his time at the beach watching the gulls and buoys.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 19, 1953.

A bird in the bush is worth two in the cat's mouth.

Great Falls Tribune, Great Falls, Mont., Aug. 28, 1938.

The early bird will get the worm in spite of every squirm, and that's a lesson to you, to not be an early worm.

—Judd Mortimer Lewis, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 23, 1933.

Self-preservation: The instinct that makes a wise worm turn in before the early bird turns out.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Nov. 14, 1956.

The early bird catches the worm and the late bird catches the hook worm.

—Herschel Wilee, Clarksville Leaf-Chronicle, Clarksville, Tenn., June 19, 1922.

The early bird catches the worm, but who'd miss an early morning nap just for a worm?

Daily Herald, Provo, Utah, Aug. 16, 1925.

It is noticeable that all kinds of birds build nests in some people's family trees.

Nashville Banner, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 3, 1923.

A bird built a nest with a hole in the bottom. It liked to lay eggs, but hated the idea of raising a family.

—Sam Levenson, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 24, 1958.

The early bird gets the worm. That's true. But you can never tell if you will be the bird or the worm.

Crowley Daily Signal, Crowley, La., Jan. 14, 1925.

The early bird gets the worm–and the garden seed.

—Nat Campbell, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, April 9, 1958.

The early bird generally gets the worm by a scratch.

Galveston Daily News, Galveston, Texas, April 25, 1895.

When birds sleep on the wing they use feather beds.

Moore County News, Dumas, Texas, Aug. 24, 1928.

The early bird catches the late worm.

Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, June 8, 1890.

There would be a shortage of worms if every bird was early.

Hamilton County Herald, Chattanooga, Tenn., June 29, 1957.

The early bird sometimes catches the wrong worm.

Galveston Daily News, Galveston, Texas, Sept. 5, 1896.

A bird in the pen is worth two in the hand.

Clarksville Leaf-Chronicle, Clarksville, Tenn., Sept. 21, 1925.

It must be tough for animals and birds as far as their public relations is concerned. The only way they can get headlines is by being threatened with extinction.

—Bill Vaughan, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., Aug. 12, 1969.

A bird in the hand doesn’t look like a bird if it’s a fryer cut up by a supermarket.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 21, 1972.

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