Quotations for Laughs #39 --- Girdles

Girdle Jokes

Definition of a girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Feb. 25, 1955.

If some gals stretched their food more, they’d stretch their girdles less.

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 8, 1957.

A girdle is something a girl wears to hold in the wrong places when she's out at the right places.

—Jean Martin, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 20, 1953.

Girdle: Something that keeps figures from telling the truth.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, July 12, 1956.

Girdle: A woman’s line tamer.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Sept. 28, 1956.

The middle-aged woman with the nice figure may be only a bulge in a girdled cage.

—Floyd W. Casebolt, The Ennis Daily News, Ennis, Texas, Jan. 26, 1962.

Figures never lie. But girdles keep a lot of them from telling the truth.

—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., March 17, 1945.

A girdle is an accessory after the fat.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 13, 1959.

Give a woman an inch and she'll buy a girdle.

—Galen Drake, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 15, 1953.

Pear: A banana with the girdle off.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 20, 1966.

A girdle is something that holds a girl in when she's going out.

—Robert Clary, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 24, 1953.

Sign over girdles: "Line tamers."

—Eliza Louisa Dawson, Saturday Evening Post, Philadelphia, Pa., January-February 1975.

A women's store had this sign over a display of girdles: "Let us help you get a good grip on yourself."

—Morris Bender, Jr., Saturday Evening Post, Philadelphia, Pa., January-February 1977.

A girdle is a weapon used to fight the battle of the bulge.

Chicago Heights Star, Chicago Heights, Ill., Jan. 26, 1960.

Many a rich dessert that melts in your mouth turns up later as a bulge in your mirror.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 11, 1959.

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