Quotations for Laughs #4 --- Money Grows on Trees

Money Grows on Trees Humor

If money did grow on trees, it wouldn't be any good; whoever heard of accepting tree dollar bills?

—John Mooney, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Nov. 19, 1953.

Even if money did grow on trees, few of us would give it a chance to ripen.

—Theodore L. Cannon, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Dec. 27, 1956.

If money grew on trees there wouldn’t be any shade.

—Jack Warwick, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., June 10, 1940.

Some persons can’t understand that, if money grows on trees, it would have to be raked up in the autumn and burned.

—Jack Warwick, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., Jan. 28, 1936.

Of course money doesn't grow on trees. The Bible told us a long time ago it's a root.

—Clifton N. Memmott, Uintah Basin Standard, Roosevelt, Utah, Aug. 2, 1962.

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have so many branches?

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 24, 1967.

Anyone who thinks money grows on trees will have a hard time getting out of the woods.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., May 9, 1973.

Those who think money grows on trees are surprised when they are caught on a limb.

Chinook Opinion, Chinook, Mont., Sept. 16, 1954.

If money grew on trees, some would want the government to hand out some leaves.

—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, March 5, 1955.

If money grew on trees, a lot of folks would be raking up fortunes these days.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Nov. 12, 1967.

If money grew on trees, the big corporations would probably own all the trees.

Rogersville Review, Rogersville, Tenn., Dec. 20, 1951.

We know a lot of suburban dwellers who have discovered that trees grow on money.

—Fred Houston, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 9, 1955.

Money doesn't grow on trees, but much of it is obtained by grafting.

Great Falls Tribune, Great Falls, Mont., June 5, 1935.

If money grew on trees, some people would reap the harvest after someone else planted the trees.

Hamilton County Herald, Chattanooga, Tenn., June 15, 1956.

If money grew on trees, it would make raking the leaves a little easier.

—John Mooney, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, April 5, 1954.

Today's teenagers are more sensible. They realize money doesn't grow on trees–so they concentrate on shaking it out of the old man.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 23, 1963.

If money grew on trees, we reckon they would be hauling the trees around in armored trucks.

—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, April 10, 1957.

Even if money grew on trees, it would still be the smart birds who would get it.

Pocatello Tribune, Pocatello, Idaho, June 16, 1938.

With the value of the dollar today, it's just as well money doesn't grow on trees–it would cheapen the neighborhood.

—Joey Adams, Parade, New York, N.Y., June 28, 1970.

A waiter is a man who believes that money grows on trays.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 31, 1960.

Judging by the amount the average suburbanite spends preparing his yard, he must think trees grow on money.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 7, 1958.

If money grew on trees, more people would be interested in taking care of our forests.

—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, June 7, 1968.

If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come so many people go out on a limb for it?

—Frank G. McInnis, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., July 26, 1959.

When money is found growing on trees, there is usually some grafting going on.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 30, 1966.

If money grew on trees the chances are a man would not mind going out on a limb.

—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, Nov. 15, 1957.

More by this Author


1 comment

Wintermyst profile image

Wintermyst 5 years ago

These are excellent. Thank you for sharing these. I bookmarked this:-)

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working