Quotations for Laughs #49 --- Teachers & Students

Teacher & Student Jokes

Notice to motorists: Watch out for school children–especially if they are driving cars.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 4, 1963.

Today's student who walks very far to school is the one who found all the close parking places taken.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., May 20, 1973.

Lack of space for building schools is becoming serious. It's getting so there's hardly enough room for the students to park their cars.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 8, 1960.

Teacher: “Man is a human machine.”

Willy: “My daddy is a thrashing machine.”

—Lyn Larson, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, July 4, 1948.

The kindergarten teacher laid the dime on the desk. "What's this?" she said. And the four-year-old promptly said: "Heads."

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Sept. 25, 1966.

As one schoolboy said: “The District of Columbia is a territory hounded on all sides by the United States.”

—Anna Herbert, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Sept. 4, 1966.

A recession is almost over when the kids who bring apples to the teacher quit eating them on the way to school.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 26, 1958.

All a youngster wants out of school is himself.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., March 21, 1973.

Imagination–What a boy feels sick with when he stays home from school.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 5, 1953.

Friend of ours asked a small fry how he liked school. “Closed,” was the reply.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, June 11, 1958.

Sometimes a teacher wishes he could excuse the naughty boy and punish his parents.

—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, June 9, 1940.

The board of education: the schoolmaster's paddle.

The Independent, New York, N.Y., April 24, 1884.

A child walking a mile or two to school: A feat for the feet.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Oct. 12, 1942.

Driver education in the schools is fine. Now if they'd only add student pedestrian crossing.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., June 6, 1971.

You can tell the parents of bright children. They don’t think the teacher is dumb.

Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 23, 1935.

Schools are filling stations for think tanks.

—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., March 19, 1927.

School kids should be given credit for original ideas. Except when they concern spelling.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., April 16, 1948.

The little girl assured her teacher, "Of course I know how to spell banana. I just never know when to stop."

—Bennett Cerf, This Week, New York, N.Y., April 7, 1957.

A father, looking over his son’s report card, discovered the teacher’s notation in one corner: “Carless spelling.”

—Frances Rodman, Parade, New York, N.Y., April 28, 1957.

Teacher: “Tommy, is trousers singular or plural?”

Tommy: “Singular at the top and plural at the bottom.”

Sheridan Tower, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Nov. 23, 1947.

Teacher: “What is raised in countries that have wet climates?”

Student: “Umbrellas.”

Mississippi Spectator, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 11, 1947.

Teacher: “Tommy, what is wrong with this sentence: “The horse and the cow is in the pasture.’?”

Tommy: “One ought to always put the lady first.”

T.M. England Hospital Review, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., April 28, 1946.

A teacher was testing her young pupils’ knowledge of proverbs. “Cleanliness is next to what?” “Impossible?” a small boy wondered.

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Jan. 30, 1961.

School kids no longer have to study current events. They make their own.

—Ray Sackett, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 8, 1969.

You hate to keep cracking the whip to get kids to crack the books, but it’s the only way to prevent a learning gap backlash.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., May 6, 1965.

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