Quotations for Laughs #6 --- Cats

Cat Jokes

Sourpuss: A cat that has fallen into a vat of vinegar.

—George Breyer, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., March 3, 1956.

Sign in a pet shop window: “Lonely kitten desires position with little girl. Will do light mousework.”

—Floyd W. Casebolt, The Ennis Daily News, Ennis, Texas, Jan. 8, 1962.

Man is inclined, when in the wrong, to lay the blame on someone else. He is like the small boy who was standing on the cat’s tail. The mother, hearing the terrible outburst, called from an adjoining room, “Tommy, stop pulling that cat’s tail!” Tommy yelled back, “I’m not pulling on it; I’m standing on it. He’s the one that’s doing the pulling.”

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., July 17, 1952.

Some grudges seem to have nine lives because they are catty.

—Roy L. Smith, Christian Advocate, Chicago, Ill., May 15, 1947.

I know a woman who makes so many catty remarks that her friends are victims of purr-cumstance!

—Connie Rice, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., June 5, 1952.

Curiosity must magnify the importance of a secret. Once the cat is let out of the bag it rarely comes up to expectations. Probably looks scrawny from close confinement.

—Jack Warwick, Toledo Blade, Toledo, Ohio, July 20, 1940.

When two cats come to the scratch they try to pull the wool over each other's eyes.

Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, April 6, 1891.

A blonde is superior to a cat. A cat can only die nine times.

Lone Star Scanner, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., April 10, 1949.

Animals may not be suspicious, like us humans, but did you ever see a mouse walk in front of a black cat?

—John Mooney, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 25, 1949.

Pet shop: A store where all that litters is not sold.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, May 23, 1958.

Any woman gets catty when she smells a rat.

Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 19, 1954.

Third grader’s logic, reported by Troy Gordon: “The early bird catches the worm, if a cat doesn’t catch the bird first.”

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 31, 1969.

Any woman will tell you that there's a difference between being kittenish and catty.

—John P. Medbury, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Feb. 24, 1930.

Octopus: An eight-sided cat.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 18, 1958.

It is bad luck for a black cat to cross the street in front of a motorist unless the cat is pretty swift.

—Lewis T. Nordyke, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, May 2, 1951.

What is the difference between a cat and a speech? One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other has pauses at the end of its clauses.

Youth's Companion, Boston, Mass., May 10, 1866.

Autobiographies are life stories. Those who write them are lucky they aren't cats.

—Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., Sept. 13, 1925.

It's nice for children to have pets until the pets start having children.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 2, 1956.

Catacomb: Comb used on Persian cats.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Jan. 20, 1942.

What the average man does with his love life reminds one of what a playful kitten does with a ball of yarn. He begins by recklessly chasing around–and ends by getting all tangled up.

—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Feb. 11, 1929.

You can call a lady a kitten and get away with it, but don't call a man a pup.

Crowley Daily Signal, Crowley, La., Nov. 30, 1926.

"It was raining cats and dogs," my son began his weekly school essay, "and everywhere I looked there were little poodles."

—Gene Yasenak, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Nov. 5, 1978.

When it rains cats and dogs it may fairly be called beastly weather.

Youth's Companion, Boston, Mass., Dec. 6, 1894.

Sign of old age: Preferring a cat to a dog. You don't have to take kitty for a walk.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., April 23, 1967.

A kitten was abandoned in the Federal Building. The poor little thing scratched and meowed in every office door. It’ll probably grow up to be a bureaucat.

—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Dec. 3, 1952.

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