Reply to : Poets of the falls [My poem]

http://uriel.hubpages.com/hub/Poets-of-the-Falls

First read the Hub i earlier posted for i need your feedback on it later on :D Thanks

http://uriel.hubpages.com/hub/Poets-of-the-Falls

Right now I am listening to Heaven Shall Burn’s Black tears. And if you didn’t get the hint know that I am really angry. Perhaps it is not anger that I feel at the moment and maybe it is disappointment or just feeling hurt. I will walk you through what happened in a second as long as you promise to keep it honest as I will ask for your feedback after you read my poem “Poets of the Falls”.

Reason:

I got one of my friends to read the poem above expecting him like everyone to fall head over heels after reading it. Yet to my surprise he says the poem lacks a theme and suffers from wordiness that sometimes the idea is not clear to the reader. He said I should try to rethink and plan the whole poem in advance in order to make the message more straight forward to the audience.

Here is the Explanation for the Poem:

The anchor of the ship sinks into the dark sea where the sunlight can’t reach to make sure the ship floats and doesn’t get carried away by the waves of life. This is one soul designed to descend into darkness for thousands to survive. This is the life of the poet who reaches out beyond what normal people can perceive, to the land of a thousand word.

The world of the poet stretches way beyond reality as soon as he holds his pen close to his heart and devotes his mind to endure the burden of humanity. Perhaps you wonder why I give the poet all this credit, yet again in the poet’s words of honor there only exist as a reflection of his society. Sometimes this reflection is clear to his audience as he uses simple words and on other occasions a regular person should dig deep way beyond the words to understand the poet’s message.

Yet again the poet doesn’t carry his burden only. In fact, he shares his people’s burden, their sorrow, and their pain. And so his pain is no individual pain for their pain repels on his soul and hence on this poetry. As a result this creates worlds where love and death coexist and where the tamashii [the soul] resonates within the boundaries of light and despair. For he is as the anchor set lose into the infinite ocean of word to drown and strive in the world where sunlight can’t reach. The poet can drown into the sea, yet with his words he can attain a heavenly position, for he can be the guider and the light that his people need. Yet, as the boulder grows too heavy for him beyond what he can withstand, his soul will shatter for the poet is like a mosaic portrait made of shiny glass pieces fit all together to attain perfection. Yet if you take one glass piece out this portrait will shatter. Yet, unlike normal people, his soul shatters even harder because he is the anchor of the ship that makes it float on top of the treacherous surface as his demise will guarantee other’s survival.

This is what I try to portray in my poetry especially in the above poem. I tried to let my soul reflect on the poet’s strife as he walks through life experiencing it not like a regular person, but like a person who has set foot into the lives of everyone living their sorrow as well as their happiness.

And so I let my pen write, not ever thinking of the words it jots down, for I believe my words are free to venture into worlds where no human foot could step, where no human façade could mask their true identity or meaning. And I write without thinking of a theme or what the audience wants for this is the only freedom I can attain, while living in a world that constraints you by all its veneers and facades.


Reading his critique really shocked me for no reason. Yet, I admit that I am not that good at taking critiques. Yet, I do believe my poetry is a reflection of my soul, a reflection in which I cast all the facades that I claim in life and hide behind. I don’t allow it to be tainted with figurative language that will appeal to the reader or grab his attention. Hence, I just write and publish hoping that the reader would understand that the words are not masked with words, false emotions, themes, and appealing imagery. I believe I remain true to myself by never brainstorming nor picking a theme for my poems. I just let my pen write whatever I am feeling at the moment. Indeed, perhaps my friend was right when he said that poem lacked a central theme. Yet in my defense the central theme was about the pain of the poet as he was cast out of the world, and in my opinion pain doesn't have to appeal rationally to the mind. The mind can’t comprehend pain and analyze it or its variables. And based on that, each poem is a reflection of the poet’s emotional state and hence some poems to some readers might seem like the poet is writing in gibberish, yet to someone who has tasted or shared the poet’s pain it might sound like a past memory when both the writer and that reader can connect and communicate with each other.


Btw i would really love some constructive feedback on the poem abovhttp://uriel.hubpages.com/hub/Poets-of-the-Falls

http://uriel.hubpages.com/hub/Poets-of-the-Falls

out of ten how much would you grade the poem

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Comments 17 comments

Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

I read your poem, I think your friend has wrongly understood, he might have reasons, reasons not necessarily pragmatic. In a poetry we have no rules, you can write three lines on a theme and call it a poem. But you can also use multiple themes and still call it a poem. Poetry is all about universalizing personal emotions. Your poetry has that quality. And it is wrong to say poets are too insular.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

Vinaya, in deed what you say is 100% true. In Arabic we have this saying that "the poet is entitled to what is withheld from other people", meaning that he can mold grammar and diction just to serve his poetry. I grew up thinking that was true and hence i just leave my poetry to be a reflection of what feel. I do understand when you say poetry's main use lies in universalizing personal emotions. Sometimes my poetry can help resolve many of my internal dilemmas when talking with people has failed. And hence i find words on paper closer than words spoken. Perhaps the core of this issue lies in the ability to contemplate and reflect on the words and multiple meanings expressed by the soul of the writers, for no matter how distant the writer claims he is from his poetry, he will never be able to isolate himself from his emotion for when he writes he pours part of his soul no matter how trivial into his work. Thus, by doing so he leaves his mark imprinted and engraved in his work.

Honestly, after i got the critique i started doubting myself and some of my fans. I thought "Perhaps they just give me this positive feedback out of courtesy or just to have me take a look at their hubs in return". Yet, i was wrong, for some did actually like my poems which was a relief. i was relieved to be wrong :D

Again thank you for your feedback, and i hope i didn't bore you while speaking gibberish


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Hopefully,I'm allowed To Gather My Own Meaning From A Poem...In Short,My Meaning From Most Of your Poems Are One Of Struggle Against Opposition...Of Course As It's Supposed To Be,Your Poetic Epics Of This Is A Gifted Exploration And Furthering Of This Dimension.;)


jenubouka 5 years ago

Anything to do with endevouring a career in the arts is tough, got to build up that second layer of skin. I am the same way, especially with food. My thoughts about the poem.. some people can not submerge their subconscious to that depth. Go tell him to read some haiku''s. By the way, I see your from Lebanon? So is my father's side!


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

Mentalist Acer, i wonder why most of the poems end up connected to that theme :D That is something weird :D

Jenubouka, I think my first reply would be "Sonotori" which would be due to watching too much japanese anime. But you are right, it is hard to accept critiques especially if they are coming from someone who can't read deep into the verses you right. Btw dad is Lebanese as well, but my mom is Filipino. What about you?


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

Mentalist Acer, i wonder why most of the poems end up connected to that theme :D That is something weird :D

Jenubouka, I think my first reply would be "Sonotori" which would be due to watching too much japanese anime. But you are right, it is hard to accept critiques especially if they are coming from someone who can't read deep into the verses you right. Btw dad is Lebanese as well, but my mom is Filipino. What about you?


jenubouka 5 years ago

same goes with culinary art when someone asks for ketchup to go with their 50 dollar steak, it is the most insulting thing one can do in the fine dining corture and I can feel my fangs press against my lower lip.

Yea my dad's father was full Lebanese, while my mom was swedish. Weird, I know.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

heheh ketchup and stake ! hang in there! :D

i don't find it weird, i mean my dad is lebanese my mom is Filipino and i ended up getting all the exotic features from both sides yet still people pointed out the differences and bullied me for it for a long time :D But i grew up in a multicultural environment where a half-canadian half lebanese was a normal mix. My friends and I the half breeds [as they called us in lebanon] just had to hang in there together and ignore the excruciating comments. But i think embracing our ethnic heritage was the best thing we did as kids


jenubouka 5 years ago

Half breeds that is harsh. Thats awesome you stood on higher ground. I was the only lebanese in my high school but that a looonnnggg time ago.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

btw does your nickname refer to the SOUTH coz janoub in arabic is South , or is it by coincidence ? The first time i read your display name i said it can't be in Arabic and just shoved the idea in the back of my head, yet now that i know you are half Lebanese i can't help but ask about your Penname :D:D

I think i was the only half-half student for a long while and that didn't help either :D btw how old are you? And glad to know someone who was in my shoes or at least understands what it feels like to be a half-half :D:D


jenubouka 5 years ago

I am 32 yrs old, yes it is. Back in college we had 85% foreign exchange students to only 10-15% Americans living in the college dorms, more like apartments our little community, and I was always mistaken for an exchange student it was great, especially when they heard my last name, to this day no can say it right.

I have not been to Lebanon, but do want to go someday, I have a lot of extended family there.

Be on the look out for a new hub, I am piecing together a three part, I think, I can not decide yet, my two year old makes if difficult to concentrate.


-Astaroth- profile image

-Astaroth- 5 years ago from Lebanon

Its always an experience reading one of your writings. I have always thought you had a talent for free verse, i guess it is good to have something you do that is entirely if not almost entirely free. Unlike you, i cant sense my flavor in poems unless they are rhyme, so basically i'm a prose person and thus my love for Yeats.

As you perhaps noticed, this is evident in my own poems. I've lately been experimenting with free verse but i cant help but insert some music in the structure :$


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

Astaroth :P well having something entirely for me is one of the things that keep me grounded :D

I read one of your poems and honestly you do have a talent with words, The bound Rage is one of my favorite poems by you, it so reminds me of blind guardian's voice in the dark :D:D And honestly speaking i always felt you had more talent with words than i did :D:D So buddy, keep on writing no matter what picky people might say it is your words that deserve to be heard more than anyone :D:D i will make sure to check out your new hub :D


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

Astaroth :P well having something entirely for me is one of the things that keep me grounded :D

I read one of your poems and honestly you do have a talent with words, The bound Rage is one of my favorite poems by you, it so reminds me of blind guardian's voice in the dark :D:D And honestly speaking i always felt you had more talent with words than i did :D:D So buddy, keep on writing no matter what picky people might say it is your words that deserve to be heard more than anyone :D:D i will make sure to check out your new hub :D


-Astaroth- profile image

-Astaroth- 5 years ago from Lebanon

Haha you are always so positive when it comes to my writings and that is really refreshing all the time. I still fail to see the relation between Th Bound Range and Voice in the Dark (love that song). You too keep up the good work, its always a good thing to take a break from my work to read up on your material.


JadedLove 5 years ago

Your poem is perfect. I say perfect because you are you and your poetry is a part of you in perfection. There is no right or wrong way to write. No rules holding you back. I feel the freedom in your soul writng what you feel, how you feel it, without cause. Voted way up high


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon Author

"There is no right or wrong way to write, no rules holding you back" YOU Got me by that phrase. thank you so much for your understanding, it is good to finally find some people who understand the power of writing :D

Uriel

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