Run, Her Mind Shouted

Source

....The final chapter......

On his hub 'Monsters In The Trees', Frank Antanacio issued the following challenge:

"Several emails I've received prompted me into creating another chapter for Jenny Camacho. So I did it again. I kept her running. What I want you to do if you're up for the challenge is to create either her demise or her rescue... Do you have it in you? Sandastles? Faith? Genna East... well do you punks? Go ahead make my day..LOL I like to include your endings as alternate endings for Jenny Camacho. So there would be a few rules...

1) Min.. 300 words

2) More description and less dialogue

3) dark and dreary..

4) creative/ The title must come from a line in the story

5) an ending to end all endings..."

The following is my contribution to the final chapter of the gripping story.


Source

Run, Her Mind Shouted

Over and over the thoughts reverberated in her head, RUN. She knew she had to run. Each second brought that monster's footsteps closer to her fleeing body. RUN. The fear pumping through her veins seemed to have replaced the blood that once flowed there. Each second she managed to stay out of his reach was a second of life gained.

His horrifying past made her body react and RUN. The list of his murders ran through her mind as she ran through the forest. Each of her footfalls reminded her of the shocking murders he'd committed, each somewhere on this very trail. The red haired woman with her skull smashed and ivy wound through her arms and legs, the brunette teenage beauty queen tied to a tree with her throat slashed and her nose cut off, the blonde prostitute with her beauty marred by slashes to her face and torso, the older brunette eviscerated with her body lying between the roots of a mighty oak...all in this very forest. All found in the clouds at ground level spread throughout this mysterious forest, hiding the mania of one human being. She didn't want to be his next victim. RUN, stop thinking and run.

Source

As night approached thoughts began to form in her mind. Could she be the one to stop this inhuman human? Could she lay a trap for him? The darkness of the night provided cover making it difficult to see what was before you. She veered off the path looking for something large enough to stop him in his tracks. A large limb of a tree or some discarded piece of something, anything that could knock the breath from him. Sleep was the fathest thing from her mind, fear and preservation kept her going. But then what?

She found a large branch fallen long ago. She had to fight with it to raise it from its burial ground but after rocking it back and forth it came loose. She lifted it slowly and tried swinging it. She knew she had to swing it like her life depended on it. Once she was able to swing she did it over and over then she looked for a place to hide. A place that would allow her to catch him by surprise. Slowly she surveyed her surroundings as the moon began to rise.

He was filled with anticipation. This one, this one they called Jenny, had been a challenge. She ran faster than the others but he knew he could catch her, no one ever got away. Each imprint she left on the forest floor led him closer to her. She was no match for him, she was slowing with each passing hour. He had been a runner all his life. He had the trophies to prove it. Even if his mother had laughed and scoffed at his accomplishments, he knew now they had led him here to stop women. Stop them from belittling their sons.

As he saw the moon beginning to rise he ran faster. He didn't want to waste another day on this Jenny. Her time was up. He stopped for a moment to allow his legs to regain their strength and speed, it was time to put an end to Jenny. Then he bolted forward. He never knew what hit him.

After she knocked him down she knew she had no choice but to use that weapon again on his head.

Copyright Tillsontitan - All Rights Reserved

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46 comments

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Very good. A great visual. A well done reference to our human condition.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

These collaborative efforts are really great writing exercises and this one is no exception. Well done, Mary, and kudos to Frank for starting it all.

Have a great weekend my friend.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Eric. I had to pull on this one but being a fan of Criminal Minds and NCIS helped ;)

I'm trying Bill. This isn't exactly my forte so I had to reach to do it. Glad you enjoyed cause I was a little nervous about it. Yes, thanks to Frank!

Hope you enjoy your weekend too. I'm listening to the snow plow plowing the road outside my house right now.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Very good ending, Mary. You put a lot of great description in it and gave the characters depth. I like it. Well done!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thank you Theresa as I've said above I was a little nervous about it but it was fun. Thanks for reading!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Awesome ending, Dear Mary!!! You had the blood pumping on this read. I loved that you gave us a little insight as to why his mind may have been demented with the belittling mother addition!

I am so glad she knocked his lights out permanently!

Voted up and more and sharing.

Have a great weekend and I am so glad you are back writing. I have missed you.

Hugs,

Faith Reaper


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thank you Faith, I have missed you and HP. Hopefully things will stay calm enough for me to continue!

Glad enjoyed my little romp. It certainly was fun to write.


WiccLit profile image

WiccLit 2 years ago

I have got to go back and read the original hub and what this challenge is all about so I understand it better, lol. But I do love the way you paint a picture with words. Very nice writing.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thank you so much WiccLit. I'm sure you'll really enjoy it. There are actually two previous hubs by Frank leading to this ending, and I know you'll enjoy them.


Ghaelach 2 years ago

Good evening Mary.

Well, well, well. For someone that says this type of writing is not normally her scene, this is an awesome ending to Franks story. You give us great detail and I do like the way you spoke through the monster giving us some idea of it's so called problems.

A great hub Mary.

Hope it has finaly stopped snowing up your way.

Have a great weekend.

LOL Ghaelach

Europe 6:40pm


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Oh, FYI, Mary, it may be a good idea to let Frank know you have finished your alternate ending on his hub by just commenting, "Got it done" so that he can get it linked to his a lot faster. Hugs


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

oh my goodness.. I can't even pick a favorite.. wow.. they are all so full of energy.. I never knew that Jenny Camacho could go through so much LOL.. I'm gonna run a choose the best ending only for the folks on my two creative pages and find out what they think.. I wont give the results to the hubbers.. Im just so curious.. again.. omg...:) Frank


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Great ending Mary. Good to see Jenny really come out on top..and how! Wow, this was the most gruesome ending yet, you gave vivid descriptions of what happened to the other victims. Loved it, but be careful. I recently had a hub unpublished because the content was too 'adult' and graphic. Had to censor it to get it back up. Well done though, voted up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

I also love that you used all your own photos to accompany your story.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Beautiful photos and a well approached hub to an awesome write!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Oh you go, girlfriend...Jenny has found her inner power and resolve in your version of the ending of this spine tingling tale.

I LOVE that you added interpersonal dynamics and motives, allowing us to better understand the actions of this deranged killer.

As I learned from Simon Cowell on AI... "Mary, you could write a story on the phone book and make it a best seller." Voted UP and UABI.

Love ya, Maria


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thank you Gaelach. This is certainly not my forte but I would be lying if I said it wasn't fun to write. It has stopped snowing but now we've been blessed with freezing rain. It looks like a winter wonderland but it is treacherous. Hope its warming a bit for you.

Thanks for the heads up Faith but Frank must have found out on his own, his comment is just below yours. I love how you look after us though!

Frank you're not going to let us know the results!!! It sure would be interesting. Oh well. Glad you liked my little ending. Does it show the twisted me or what?

Thanks for the heads up Jodah. Its out there so I guess I'll wait and see. At least I won't be surprised if it gets unpublished. Glad you liked my photos. I had to do a bit of hunting to find some that would fit the story.

Thank you DDE. Always good to see you.

Maria, blush, blush. The phone book? Oh dear you're making my head swell. Everyone's always got a motive, we just have to figure it out...so I thought I'd make it easier for my readers ;) Love you Girlfriend. Thanks for reading and leaving such a marvelous comment.

APOLOGIES TO PHYLLIS I didn't mean to call you Theresa, guess my head was still in the woods.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

Good, give him a really good bash on the head! lol! I didn't read all of these but got the gist of it from the last one, this was great! and phew! I was running with her there! lol!


DrBill-WmL-Smith profile image

DrBill-WmL-Smith 2 years ago from Hollister, MO

Love the images, especially that first one! ;-)


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Loved the details and the great images...needless to say, awesome ending.


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 2 years ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

Mary, you took off at full speed and didn't let up for a second. Your story is full of descriptive details that made me want to get up and RUN! I'm very glad you took up the challenge. Great job. cam/Chris


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 2 years ago from Victoria, Australia

Your ending was full of action, but also thoughtful and I enjoyed reading it. I'm glad I'm not Frank if he's to choose his favourite.


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 2 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Great job! My heart was beating hard as you gave us this alternate ending. I have never read the original, but this is a good one.

Thanks for sharing this creative piece with us, and have a wonderful weekend!

~ Kathryn


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

I know Nell, I had to make sure she bashed him twice! Glad you enjoyed.

Thanks Dr. Bill. Your comment made me smile.

Wow to business. You made me glad I took up the challenge.

Cam/Chris, I was hesitant to do this but once I started I couldn't stop. Thanks so much for the compliments.

Blossom, I know what you mean. All of the "entries" were excellent!

Thank YOU Kathryn. Glad I could keep you interested ;) Hope you have had a great weekend!


creativenovella profile image

creativenovella 2 years ago from New York, New York

Ha, ha! She got him! I'm so glad you gave Jenny the strength to overcome her fear and not be the victim. Great alternative ending to this story. I look forward to more of your writing.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Creative, this could be the start of something big ;)


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 2 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Well done!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

I love how Jenny turned the tables on this man! Excellent work, Mary. :-)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Will.

That's what we can always hope Jenny, to turn the tables on evil. Thanks Genna.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Wow! Very impressive. I have not yet found the time to write an ending to Frank's story. Well done


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

I know what a premium time is so I am ever grateful you found time to read mine Nadine.


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

Hi Mary,

Great read! I've enjoyed all of the responses to Frank's challenge, and especially appreciate your creativity in describing his victims and his psychological problem stemming from his mother's abuse. You really capture her fear and determination to save herself. Thank you.

Cat :)


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Fantastic. Very well done. I applaud. Now give me an iron-cast skillet and I'll make sure the job is finished.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks so much Cat. Thought I'd throw in a little "background music" to keep it moving ;) I would hope we would all have a dose of that determination.

Way to go Gypsy! If I could've worked an iron frying pan in there that would have been the top!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

So well done! And I love that Frank issued this challenge!


Jane Arden 2 years ago

I am so pleased you killed him off Mary!


Brett.Tesol profile image

Brett.Tesol 2 years ago from Somewhere in Asia

Wow .... ever thought of writing your own book? Was very visual and holds the reader well.

Tweeted, shared and voted ;-)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Audrey if Frank hadn't issued the challenge I never would have been challenged to write something out of my comfort zone. Thank you.

I know Jane, he really had it coming ;)

Thank you Brett. I have thought of writing a book but like so many others I'm so afraid it'll get boring in the middle. Thanks so much for the votes and shares, truly appreciated.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

Sadly as always I missed out on this contest by Frank but it didn't stop me from enjoying your hub.

Wonderful and voted up Mary.

Eddy.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Eddy. I'm sure your contribution would have been a great one!


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

Chilling, yet so deserved, especially from his own perspective.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Deborah, glad you enjoyed.


midget38 profile image

midget38 2 years ago from Singapore

Chilling....it's the first time I've read your fiction, and I'm so impressed!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Michelle. I think if you read my other fiction you might not be as impressed ;)


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

Filled with suspense and kept me engaged throughout the story. Your talent is amazing!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York Author

Wow teaches! You've left me speechless, well almost. Thank you for the wonderful comment from such a talented and knowledgeable woman!

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