Running From the Devil's Servant ~ A dark, epic poem

Mood Music - Bach


Tonight I ran,

fast as I can.

~

You sought my soul.

I’m out of control.

Panicked.

Manic.

~

Autumn’s last leaves

fell from the trees

leaving a carpet dead

under my unsteady tread,

born of desperation,

in search of salvation.


Crying, I flee

from all I see

all I once knew,

love I thought true.

~

In the twilight,

fading to dark night

I hear the wolves howl.

Closer is a low growl.

Limbs tear at my face.

Vines slow my pace

tripping my aching legs.

To all that is holy I beg,

“Just let me get away.”

~

“I cannot stay.”

~

Tears blur the little sight

left to me in this flight

began only an hour ago.

~

Source

A gift I wanted to bestow

and snuck into your house,

crept in quiet like a mouse

thinking to surprise you,

~

But finding what you slew,

~

the animals slaughtered,

the crucifixes altered,

the bones of men,

the stench of sin,

with the pictures glaring on the wall.

The next victim you intended to fall…

~

Me.

~

In blinding confusion, I somehow stumbled

into the basement. Incoherently, I mumbled,

“Oh God, how can you let this be?”

Looking around so much worse did I see.

~

The younglings barely alive kept in cages

wearing such vivid evidence of your rages.

The girl lying in a pool of her own blood.

The dog decomposing in the mud.

~

All raped and tortured by your own hand.

Sacrifices for the power you seek to command.

~

The old man now missing both legs and his arms.

The boy chained to the wall so past a state of alarm.

The kittens mutilated hanging from the ceiling,

evoking a wrenching blood born scream of appealing

~

to any power that might help me fix what I can’t ever hope to correct.

The scream helps me focus. I want to flee but my heart it does object.

I have to get them free,

find something to help me.

~

No key anywhere to be found

as I spin gazing round and round.

The old man moans, whimpering so low,

I rush to him as tears begin to flow.

~

"Where is the key, help me save you!

The bars are steal. I can’t get through.”

“Save yourself child, while you still can.

Leave now or you too will suffer at his hand.”

~

“I can’t! What about the children? What about yourself?”

“I’m past wanting to be saved. There is a knife on the bookshelf.

If you really want to save me, use it. Kill me now.

Can you give me back my limbs? HOW?”

~

His screamed response was so faint, so low,

with it, my resolve to save them began to ebb and flow,

slipping away replaced by a terror, icy cold.

Panic and fright growing, clawing, taking hold.

~

A tiny creek was heard from above.

“Run now! Go fast, sweet dove!

He’s back and now that you know

kindness no longer will he show.

~

Quick! Over there, take off the vent.

It’s a door, for you heaven sent.

Crawl through. You’ll come out in the wood.

Go! Run! You can’t save us. You never could.”

~

I stumble my way to the shelves and grab up the knife.

Returning to him swiftly I whisper, “an end to your strife.”

Cradling his head like the most precious gift I take the blade.

Biting back an anguished moan, I do what is forbade.

~

I cut his throat with one deft slight of my sinful hand.

I keep seeing it as I run, over and over, as if by demand.

Now I have killed.

I deserve what you will.

~

I know you are the punishment for my deed,

though you found me before it I decreed.

I stumble and fall onto the musky ground

as a voice enters my mind crying, “You are now bound.”

~

It’s the old man, his voice exactly the same.

“It was to set me free, that is why you came.

It was a mortal sin that you committed.

For such an act, you may not be acquitted.

~

I will go before my own God, my maker,

to plead for you. I know you are not a taker.

You killed. It’s true, but as a kindness for me.

This I will do with my last and final plea.

~

 

Before I go into the light that awaits,

to you I give my final mandate.

Stop him is what you must do.

It’s something totally beyond you.

~

There is but one that can do the deed.

One whose power he drinks and bleeds.

She’s strong, immortal and dark as he,

chained for years at the base of a tree.

~

A vampire he captured some ten years ago.

He bleeds her anew every moon to bestow

the immortal blood to the devil, his master.

To command the ancient demons is what he’s after.

~

You must find her and set her free.

Only she can stand up to the likes of he.

Keep going girl, fast. Go now, straight ahead

into the deep woods until you can breathe the dead.

~

You will know when you arrive.

Every instinct will tell you to hide,

to get away, that you cannot stay.

But stay you must for your sin to repay.

~

I must leave you now. It is my final hour.

If he catches you, your soul he will devour.

Long after you think you should be dead,

still will he torture you and be fed.

~

He feeds upon pain.

It’s not just power to gain.

He lives to hurt any he can.

Now go, follow the plan.

~

Find the vampire she

under the tallest tree.

See you set her free.

See you repay me.”

~

Just as he entered my thoughts, he is gone.

I feel more alone as I stumble along.

Tripping, aching, tormented by my sin

beginning to lose hope wanting it all to end.

~

Just as I think I can’t go on,

I notice the eerie cold chill upon

my tortured limbs. So tired now

I drop to my knees in a bow.

~

“Please God let this be it.

I know I’m unfit.

I don’t deserved your grace,

but please, let this be the place.”

~

Something wills me now to rise,

gaze ahead with straining eyes.

A massive tree looms just ahead.

It must be the place of the undead.

~

Staggering with what is left of my strength

I feel myself teetering on the brink

between sanity and madness,

salvation and damnation…

~

I reach a small tomb just under the tree.

Every fiber of my being screams to flee.

I know this is it the place of which the old man spoke.

Its menace surrounds and envelops like a heavy cloak.

~

Exhausted, I lay my head upon the tomb.

Its iciness burns and intensifies the gloom.

Finally, I’m here with so much to fear,

somehow it is I have run out of tears.

~

I no longer know of what to be more afraid.

My thoughts and emotions are confused and frayed.

A little voice within reminds me of my sin.

I have to atone and so terrified I begin.

~

Pushing the lid off of the cold, morbid top.

So easy it moves. It comes off with a soft pop.

Blood red eyes, open wide, stare straight ahead.

Never have I seen something alive look more dead.

~

The biggest chain I ever saw circles her like a snake.

It’s fastened by a lock the likes of which I could never break.

“Go ahead little one, kill me now. I am ready to leave.”

Her scarlet lips barely move as the rasp of her voice I receive.

~

“No ma’am. I need your help. Where to begin?

I need your help to atone for my sin.

The old man said you were the one.

You would kill him for what he has done.”

~

Somehow, without moving at all she took on a more menacing quality.

“Open your mind to me girl. Just think it and I shall be fine. Is it Jeffery?”

What more damage could be done I thought.

Yes, come into my mind. Let it now be wrought.

~

She leaves a slimy trail of searing ice in my mind.

I can tell she is not deliberately trying to be unkind.

“You killed the old man. You set him free.

Your actions answered his most dire plea.

~

Why would you have to pay for this?

Sin is but a concept. Your thinking is remiss.

But it matters not. I am too weak and he comes again.

Once more my blood will be the fuel for his sins.

~

Leave now. You might be able to escape.

For me child, it is far past being too late.”

“No! You have to stop him. You have to end it.

The old man said you could. Help me damnit!”

~

“I am too weak.

He made me meek,

fed me only the blood of sheep.

I need much more if I am to reap

vengeance upon his wretched soul,

make him pay for what he stole.”

~

“You need human blood don’t you?

Take mine. End what I’m going through.”

“Stupid girl. Don’t you understand?

I would not be able to stay my hand.

~

At my peak, even then, at best a maybe.

You know not what you say. You are but a baby.

As I am now, I could not stop.

I would drink dry every last drop.”

~

“How do I free you of the chains?

You have to end his evil reign.

Don’t you see?

He comes too for me.

~

I can’t stop him. He is too strong.

You could punish him for his wrongs.

Take my blood. It will give you power,

use it to aide you and then devour.”

~

“Simply take off the lock from the chain.

He doesn’t click it. He revels in my every pain

knowing it torments me, that even open, from it I am too weak to flee.

My every ache is the sheerest pleasure, sweet music to him are my pleas.

~

The blood he takes from me each moon

is only the smallest part of his boon.

Even free, I cannot take him as I am.

If I feed from you, I will do what I can.

~

But you have been warned. I don’t think I can stop.

It could be too much even if I do. It may stop your heart.

Hurry, if you insist on doing this foolish thing,

it will take a moment for your blood through me to bring

the power so innate in my kind,

for the retribution you seek to align.”

~

Swiftly, the lock I remove from the chain.

I bare my wrist to her mouth, brace for the pain.

Long ivory fangs penetrate my skin.

So hard she pulls my blood from within.

~

Her eyes deepen in their crimson hue

with every draw she sucks through

my veins that now sing and dance.

Her bite carries with it a dark romance.

~

My life plays back within my mind,

the people that will be left behind,

the terror of the hour just passed,

the love I felt achingly last.

~

Betrayal, above all else, starts to rise.

Jeffery, a fiend hidden in disguise

parading about life as a decent man.

Put an end to his sin I know she can.

~

I am ready for it all to come to a close.

Just as I sighed, “goodbye” she rose.

Never letting go of my scratched and bruised arm

her pulls are slowing. She means no lasting harm.

~

Standing now, out of her prison, the chains puddled at her feet,

she lets go and smiles. She looks so splendid and totally replete.

She cradles me with one arm as my knees give way.

“I warned you, little one, it would be a high price to pay.

~

I think you may yet continue to live.

I am renewed by what you did give.

I will hide you now just beyond in the wood.

He comes. If I fail and you live, go on. Do good.

Flee far from here and do as you know you should.

Be kind and live, yet know that tonight you stood

for what was righteous and of grace,

against an evil that seeks only to abase.”

~

So tenderly she carried me in her lovely arms.

Placing me on the ground she trembled setting off alarms.

I knew she was not as strong yet as I desperately needed her to be.

With the last of my reserves I slit my wrist on the jagged limb of a broken tree.

~

A long cut, ugly, so deep and so very wide,

blood freely flowing no more within to hide.

~

“Take it or I shall die in vain.

Victory is why to you I came.”

~

“Damn you girl! Now you die for sure.

To much loss, this I cannot cure.”

~

“Drink. Take it all.” I whisper “Please,

my life to atone, may it appease.”

Striking like a viper she takes in the rest of my life.

I leave my body in peace, no more pain, no more strife.

~

Hovering above, just below the trees,

my soul watches over what is about to be.

When finished draining the shell that was me,

she gently kisses my forehead and sees

something I don’t. Cocking her head to the side

softly she says, “Thank you. In my heart you shall reside.”

~

Straight and tall she rises, emanating power.

Her crimson eyes glow with fire and at the forest glower.

Jeffery is striding menacingly through the dense, gnarled trees.

He senses not she surges like a mist from the side clipping his knees.

In the briefest second she has him pinned to the forest floor.

His eyes bulge wide dreading what she has for him in store.

~

“Dear Jeffery, how I have longed to have you so,

pinned under me with nowhere left to go.

This is a position that you know all too intimately well.

How many victims have you had so before introducing to hell?

Shhh, don’t even try to speak you maggot of an excuse for human.

You are about to spend the rest of eternity worse off than the lowest vermin.

Truly, is it so much less than you deserve, you wretched beast,

for all the pain and torment upon the weak you have released?”

~

Her fangs grew even more as upon him her wrath she began to pour,

ripping flesh from bone with nails alone opening up his chest like a door.

Just when he was about to expire and leave this earthly plane,

she cut her breast and held his head to herself looking totally insane.

~

“Death is much too good for the likes of you.

Torment for all time is what I shall put you through.

You have no idea what you created when you captured me.

From murder for all my un-dead existence I always did flee.

~

A mortal soul I never took since turned in 1988,

the night I lost my infant child due to ill fated date.

A vampire that night I became for ever more.

Much worse awaits you. Just see what I have in store.

~

The little drink, stolen blood, even whoring for a meal,

all these things I did and more. A human life I would not steal.

You are beneath the lowest human I have ever known.

Forever shall your pain and suffering continue on.”

~

She thrust him from her breast roughly upon the ground,

grabbed the chain and wrapped him round and round.

The lock she picked up and loudly clicked it shut forever.

She gathered him in her arms and took off running finally unfettered.

~

A glowing, ethereal light emanated from up above bathing my newly freed soul in bliss.

The old man, whole again, floated down to me in the whitest robes and as my cheek kissed

said, “Come home, my child. Our father waits on high.”

“I’m so glad you came. I thought only family came at the last goodbye.

~

I never had any, I thought I would be here alone forevermore.”

“Dear girl, so much I have to tell you. I am your grandfather and you I do adore.

As a grown man, with a cherished family of my own, Jeffery caught me late one Christmas Eve.

My wife slaughtered, my children orphans. His greatest talent was to deceive.

~

My son grew to one day take a wife. Jeffery killed him after she was pregnant with you.

Finally, she agreed to seek a father for you after the most painful grieving she went through.

After you were born, she went out one night on a date.

No one ever knew how cruel was to be her fate.

~

When she unjustly was made the living dead, she never to you returned.

She loved you child and would be sure by her curse you were never turned.

I never knew of her or you until in Heaven all to me was revealed.”

God would see it all put to rights and our family to be healed.”

~

“Mother? She was my mother? The vampire I set free?

That beautiful crimson eyed creature that will forever be?”

“Yes. You see Jeffery had a plan to end all of our line.

Since the beginning of time we have existed to shine,

to be a force for the energy that is good, to live to show how men should.

Jeffery and his ilk on earth are the universe’s counterbalance to that good.”

~

“Come, child. We must now this plane depart.

Onward to Heaven, a new path have you to start.”

Into the light my grandfather and I ascended in harmony.

Jeffery’s screams rose up but were an unheard symphony.

~

Mother had carried him all the way back to his own mansion.

In the basement she hung him to proclaim how she would fashion

~

his eternal hell.

~

Using his own steel hooks, pierced through his shoulders, she suspended him from the ceiling.

Steel cables she ran through his torso from all directions, tying them as if she had no feelings.

~

His screams melted to agonized moans yet she never slowed or in her purpose wavered.

~

She ended his capture by building a brick wall all about him from the mud floor all the way up.

Not two inches on any side did he have to move about even if he could. Then from him did she sup

from a metal tube she inserted straight into his black heart that stuck out from the wall.

Forever on would she feed from him. Every night being sure to repeat to him of his fall,

~

the reason he deserved to be tortured throughout time, just as he had intended for us all.

By making him a vampire too, she ensured her vengeance could go on for all time.

Late each night you can hear her beautiful voice lyrically chime.

“Jeffery, oh Jeffery, how lovely, my life now is a wonderful rhyme.”

~

“Thanks to you I can feed guilt free.

A force for light I can always be.

I will save someone from harm every night.

Deep inside, you know you deserve this, right?”

~

Her angel daughter in Heaven for her soul weeps.

Yet Mother smiles each dawn as she goes to sleep.

~

(c) 10-4-10 Vix a.k.a. Rhonda Enrayne


Source

© 2010 poetvix

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Comments 77 comments

Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Strange juxtaposition. From whence it came? i have to wonder. No way to not read it all, if any - though it repels!

You do have a vivid imagination, gal!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Dark - and awesome!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Micky ~ Thanks bunches for coming by. Wanted to do something scary for All Hallow's Eve. Thank you for your kind words and have a scary October... in a good way!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Nellieanna ~ :) Thanks for taking the time and for your kind words. You are so sweet and I love seeing you.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Shalini Kagal ~ Thanks bunches for reading and for your comment :). Happy Hubbing!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 6 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

This is freaking INTENSE. I've not finished it yet-but I'll return.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Todd (if I may call you that) ~ Thanks for dropping by :) ... yea, I am kinda intense. I look forward to your return.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 6 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

You may certainly call me "Todd," I prefer that, or rather; it's what I'm so very used to.

Gosh, at first I was seeing some weird parallel, and seeing everything as some sort of analogy to my life. Luckily, that couldn't continue for a poem of this length.

Yeah, I know how shitty and self absorbed that is-for me to think that you know every thought I have, and write vampire poetry about me.

I've got issues to work on!

Really though, I consider such things some sort of trick played on us by the spirits. I sort of imagine that you may like that idea.

Wow, it's like you've got your own Vampire mythology going on here-I'm clueless, cause this is my first visit. I will check out some more of your hubs, of course-and now I know that I might find them not only engaging, but A COMPULSION!

*wink*


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Todd ~ Wow, how kewl of you to read the whole thing. Sorry, I do tend to go on and on. I know exactly what you mean about a write mirroring your life, I have felt the same way before!

I very much like the idea of this "mirroring" of our liver being a "trick of the spirits" and I think this time of year they must be a little more inclined to mess with us all.

Thanks again for dropping in and for your kind words. Happy Hubbing :).


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

See people, this is what happens when I try to do things are the buttcrack of dawn and pre coffee no less... lives comes out spelled as liver! Sorry!


Richlove profile image

Richlove 6 years ago from Denver,CO

That was insanely weird yet crazy yet awesome yest yeah. You write with such great emotion, I swear it felt like I was seeing what you explained through words.!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Richlove ~ Aw man, thanks bunches bud, not only for taking the time to read, but also for your comment that really made me feel like I did something right!


inkwell780 6 years ago

I am quite impressed Muse! You once again have woven poetry and prose together into an intricate story. You never cease to amaze me with your ideas and story telling abilities keeping the reader begging for more!! I clicked on Beautiful also for those reasons. Sincerely so and with Great Respect, Matt. aka little Inky!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Inky ~ You never cease to amaze me by how sweet your comments are. I thank you for always taking the time.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

Wow!....I've read shorter books! You must have been rhyme crazy by the time you finished this one! LOL! Great story and especially in poetic verse...great way to celebrate the Halloween season! WB


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Wayne ~ I hear ya! Sometimes I just can't stop. (I don't know about the rhyme part, but I think I am always crazy to a point ;). Thank you for stopping by and for taking the time to read and for your very kind words. Happy Halloween Hubbing!


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

A terrific story with a few nice twists and turns along the way. I love vampire tales and yours was well worth reading. Thanks so much for sharing your talent.

Mike


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Mike ~ Thanks bunches for taking the time to read my scary tale and for your super sweet words.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Amazing and scary stuff! Thanks so much.

Love and peace

Tony


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Tonymac ~ Great to see you here. Thanks bunches :).

Happy Halloween Hubbing!


MrDSpade2 6 years ago

I gotta say it took me a while but I read it all the way thru, what a rush, your creative style really perfected itself in this work, it almost felt like I was reading a play, I have to say I was never interested in reading them until I read this, well done.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

MrDSpade2 ~ Thank you sir, for taking the time to come by and read and even more for your most gracious comments. It is always a pleasure to have you drop in and much more so to read your Hubs.


ToraMyuu profile image

ToraMyuu 6 years ago

Love it! I love how you were able to do a rhyme scheme through out the whole epic poem! I also love the story itself. It is very good, I like the never-ending-ness of it.. :)

May your words stay sharp and your swords never miss!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

ToraMyuu ~ Thanks for taking the time and for your kind words :). Happy Hubbing!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

You have an amazing creative talent and I am pleased to read your horror. It seeps with weaving cobwebs that entwine a readers mind and makes us want to come back for more. It's like a hypnotic trance. I find the dark and mysterious side of life rather appealing. So having found you here, I will be back for more of your blood curdling stories. Peace


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Saddlerider1 ~ thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time. I too tend to gravitate to the mysterious. I look forward to seeing you again. Happy Hubbing!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

..okay in the service and distinction of recognizing superior writing talent and innovative style - the epigramman feels inspired to give you ten 'epics' -

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

epic

.......yes 'epic' is the word of the day - and when I seriously want to be inspired by the dark side and other otherwordly images then I come here for the real deal because your writing is a passport to greatness!!!!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Epigramman ~ You make me blush. Thank you sir. You say the sweetest things! You are as kind as you are charming.


JayDeck profile image

JayDeck 6 years ago from New Jersey

Quite an accomplishment Vix. Not my cup, as you know, but impressive in style and substance. Good job.

-Jay


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

JayDeck ~ Thanks bunches for your kind words and your visit :). Happy Hubbing!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, Oh that was fantastic! yeh hey! I loved it, I could see this would make a great film! it works even better this way as a poem, instead of just another story, loved it loved it loved it! ha ha cheers nell Oh forgot to say, voted uppppppp! ha ha


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Nell ~ Thank you for dropping by I always love seeing you and you leave the sweetest comments. It's great to see everyone getting in the Halloween spirit. Happy haunted Hubbing!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia

That was Awesome!

I enjoyed every moment from the start to the finish. a great job

I cant wait to read more :)


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Nighthag ~ Great to see you here. Thanks for your kind words and for taking the time.


Heart Felt Book profile image

Heart Felt Book 6 years ago from New York, NY

This was great I enjoyed this very much, I also love the tittle :0). It stands out good. your words are strong loved t will look for more thanks!!!!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Heart Felt Book ~ Thank you for your sweet comment and for dropping by :). Happy Hubbing!


artfux profile image

artfux 6 years ago from Novato, CA

Oh wow, this was frightening, and it was scarier than the image you had up! The horrified details, and the feelings of fleeing this force was so terrifying, to hear... This is like those dark layered novels, I am usually to afraid to read. Your writing has created a shiver, excellent writing Poetvix.

P.S. I am very Christian yesterday, and ESPECIALLY today hearing this! : )


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Artfux ~ :) thanks bunches for your kind words. To be candid, it kind of scared me too when I wrote it... how weird. God bless!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

...I keep returning to this epic marvel of poetic greatness in order to keep my own creative blade nice and sharp .... in other words you inspire the dark fantasy side in me - and well to be quite truthful - you just inspire me as a writer - period!!!!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Epigramman ~ Thank you for being so kind. You have more than made my night. I love to read your hubs and wish I could cover a fraction of range of topics you do. Your charm and grace show through in every one of them.


Jennifer Ann profile image

Jennifer Ann 6 years ago from Australia

You weave so terrifying a sight - think I'll stay inside tonight!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Jennifer Ann ~ Thanks for dropping by tonight, but please don't hide with fright, the night is made for exploration, trust me, it's a moonlit invocation.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

Wish i would have read this before Halloween. Very intense. Rated up and awesome....


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Stan ~ Thanks for dropping in and your ratings :). Happy hubbing!


samiaali profile image

samiaali 6 years ago

What a great story poetvix! I really like stories like this, especially in poem form!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Samiaali ~Thank you for reading and for your kind words.


Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

Darkly imaginative. And interesting. Nice job.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Doug ~ Thanks bunches and happy hubbing! :)


Druid 5 years ago

Poetvix! Excellent job. I haven't attempted epic type writing, but I'm working on one. My form is different. I have to vote this up. Just started doing that. Useful little tool. Just wanted to say "Encore!"


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Druid ~ Thank you for your kindness. I look forward to reading your epic with great anticipation. :)


pan1974 profile image

pan1974 5 years ago from Columbus,Ga

I have to say that was beautiful, awesome, astronomical, I just love it. Thank you


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Pan ~ Thank you for dropping by. Glad to see you and thanks for your kind words.


Joshua Kell profile image

Joshua Kell 5 years ago from Arizona

Lux Excelsior Illuminatus! Brilliant!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Joshua ~ Aww, thank you!!! I very much appreciate not only your kind words but your taking the time.


Aka Professor M 5 years ago

Using analogies in poetic verse is a challenge for all but the truly gifted writers, Rhonda! This is an amazing poem that takes a concept of primordial Evil and transposes the vampire as the heroine.

For effect in a role reversal you allow the villain Jeffery to attain the true Darkest form of human depravity! Your version is exceptional in a real creative inventiveness that such an approach takes.

For a story this is hard enough. By using poetic meter and lyrical rhyme, it attains the true stroke of genius that few dare and even less are truly successful at.

You have succeeded and those who know like saddlerider1 and epigramman have confirmed the truth of my summation, Rhonda! Excellent writing which makes for a thoroughly enjoyable read! This deserve so much more than a mere awesome and a vote up but this gets both from me!

Regards Mike (Aka Professor M!) ;D


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Professor M ~ Wow! I did all that?

Your comments are very much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading and being so very kind in your comment. God bless and happy hubbing!


Nefarious_Misery profile image

Nefarious_Misery 5 years ago from on the move

And with only one hub read, you have earned a new follower. Brilliantly detailed and masterfully written. Dark and foreboding, yet inviting in its cruelty at the same time. Can't wait to read what else you've got.

Voted up and beautiful.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Nefarious Misery ~ Awe, you're making me blush. You are very kind and greatly appreciated.


Nefarious_Misery profile image

Nefarious_Misery 4 years ago from on the move

Just came back to give this one another read. It is one of my favorites. And to let you know that I'm moving. I've begun transferring my work to darkpoetry.com. I hope you'll visit me there (or even consider joining)


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Nefarious Misery ~ I shall miss you around here. I would love to see your work, there or any other site you decide on. Please take care of yourself. Merry Christmas and God bless you.


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

What a great one ! You were able to trick me with your ability to lure, I knew there was a thought that went into your "Picture" before posting, I think I found it.

ahead to your greatness, because today I am also running from your cleverness. I am happy I followed .

Tonight you ran , this is how everyone ends up running with you.

The poetic story keeps reeling you in .

Great work Poetvix.

Bless.


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

Very catchy poem, I wrote a long comment , then for one second , I looked up and there you were answering Nefarious, foolish old , got curious , to see who you were missing, and I ended up missing my long thoughtful comment. But God is great every time . Tonight I run, I ran too.

It never let go of me , once it latched on to me, from the start. lol. catchy.

Bless.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Sky ~ Oh my but you do leave generous comments and I thank you for it. Yea, the picture is ten kinds of freaky and it scares me too. I love vampire stories and always have. I'm not talking of the Twilight series here but rather the classics like Lumley and Rice. Thanks again for being so kind. God bless you always and may you never have to run unless it is towards God's plan. Blessings and happy hubbing.


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

I had to say this I grew up on Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing! Fear is actually a great emotion when dealing in reality.

Growing up in the islands ,it's was eminent, during my time.

Thanks for being a gracious one.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Sky ~ You are the gracious one, sir. Fear is good. It allows us to survive and gives us a boost when we need it. Plus, a scary tale is just addictive for me :). Thank you!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota

Your writing is amazing poetvix. This was a poem/short-story and I was captivated from beginning to end. I had no idea how long it was gonna be but like Nellianna said, you can't stop. It just pulls you in. I hit lots of buttons on this brilliant poem/short-story.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Minnetonka Twin - Thank you so much for dropping in and leaving such a kind comment. God bless and happiest of hubbing!


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 4 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

I have to write this part anyway and it quickly caught me . lol but I got this.

Now I must go see.

But it got me , maybe I was to eager.

Have a great day.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Sky - Thanks bunches for the read and the comment. Have a most awesome weekend. God bless you and yours and happy hubbing!


Sheena Hayes profile image

Sheena Hayes 4 years ago from Fayetteville, North Carolina

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem poetvix! As others have commented, it completely pulled me in. Bravo! Voted up!


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Sheena - Thank you so much for your visit and kind comment. Happy hubbing!


angel115707 profile image

angel115707 4 years ago from Galveston, TX

absolutely loved it! Most people do not have the patience for Epic poems, I honestly do not have the patience for most fiction work, so poetry makes it so much more interesting, read it to the last drop (no pun intended!) will vote up.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Angel115707 - Thank you so much for your kind words and your time. I know how valuable it is so it means all the more that you took the time to read such a long tale. It's pretty old and you made my night seeing someone hit it! God bless and happiest of hubbing!


angel115707 profile image

angel115707 4 years ago from Galveston, TX

Thnx poetvix, hopefully I will get to follow you tonight, my internet connection is crazy and it never would fully register the button to do so, sorry about that, glad to find you on Hubpages.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Angel115707 - Oh, I hate that! It happens to me too. Lately, my connection to the server has been dropping out for no reason I can figure. Fun, fun on the world wide web. Looking forward to reading your stuff. God bless and happy hubbing!


SkySlave profile image

SkySlave 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

This is amazing. Darkness captivated in its essence. Work of true brilliance.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country. Author

Sky Slave ~ Thank you! You made my day. I really appreciate your kind words. God bless!

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