South Africa's Funny Blog

Juilias the duck:

The President of the ANC Youth Leage ....
The President of the ANC Youth Leage ....

Life is sometimes boring and I love to make people smile. We have come a long way and we are now in the 19th year after the ANC has taken over the reins from apartheid.

Not everything is going well in the New South Africa, but we are adapting the best we can, with some humor to cool us down …. So come have a smile and see what the New South Africa is up to …

The President of the ANC Youth Leage - Julius Malema - went duck hunting in rural Limpopo Province. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a white farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the President climbed over the fence, an elderly Afrikaans farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing?

Julius responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it "..

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant President said, "I am one of the most important leaders in South Africa and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Limpopo Province. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule"

The Julius asked, What is the "Three Kick Rule"?

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up".

The Julius quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old white Boer. He also liked the idea of kicking an white Afrikaner so he agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the Julius. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into Juluis' groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent his last meal gushing from his mouth. Juluis was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pat.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength Julius very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old Afrikaans Boer. Now it's my turn"

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck"

You Are, What You Eat

Some Funny's

For years Doctors and scientists have told us that some food’s are good for us only to be told later that they are again bad for us, and all the time they’ve been good for us and there doesn’t seem to be much proof either way to suggest what is good or bad until now that Groote Schuur Hospital in South Africa has proven that Garlic is bad for us ……

Groote Schuur is one of Cape Town’s premier tertiary academic hospitals. The hospital was officially opened in 1938.

Garlic is definitely BAD for us and here is there scientific proof: “You Are, What You Eat” See photo ...

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Driving tips for visitors that come to the South Africa.

Tips

1. Never indicate - this will give away your next move. A real South African driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It’s a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are
especially not applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That’s why it’s called ‘rush hour….’

8. Just because you’re in the right lane and have no room to speed up or
move over doesn’t mean that a South African driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will be mugged.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the government, which puts holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keeps them on their toes.

11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from making deposits on your car.

12. Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

13. On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection after the light has turned red. It’s people not adhering to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush hour.

Now guys go out there today and make South Africa proud!!!

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A policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford Sierra¦

so he radios for backup.

What's the situation? asks the operator.

A big, fat, black dude is dancing on a car-roof.

You can't say that over the radio, replies the operator. You have to
use the politically correct terminology.

Silence

Okay, says the metro cop: Zulu, Tango, Sierra.

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When you fly to South Africa, make sure you are on the right airplane.

You know you are on a S.A.A flight when you ask the air hostess for the black pepper and she brings you “The Sowetan” (newspaper).

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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, American scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Americans, in the weeks that followed, a Chinese archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the China Newspaper read: ‘Chinese archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Americans’.

One week later a local newspaper in India , reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Porbandar, in the Indian state of Gujarat , Ramjibhai, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ramjibhai has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, India had already gone wireless!!!

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Woman # Vuvuzela .... The one is a constant, irritating, high pitched, brain splitting, in your face noise that just carries on and on and on …….. And the other is a plastic trumpet …

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A little girl asked her Dad, “How did the human race appear?” The Dad answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” They have found that evidence in the Cradle of Humankind - near Krugersdorp in South Africa.

The confused girl returned to her father and said, “Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and mom said they developed from monkeys?”

The father answered,”Well, Dear, it’s very simple.

I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers ..”

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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee. “Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating secretly and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly. “Yes, I do,” she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father discovered that we were dating ?” “Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.

Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for twenty years?” “I remember that, too” she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said “I would have been out of jail today and a free man!”

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Comments 4 comments

Sandy 22 months ago

Whoever wrote this, you know how to make a good arteilc.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, very very funny, loved it, nice to meet you, cheers nell


louisxfourie profile image

louisxfourie 6 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa Author

Life is good when you are In Him (Jesus), then all is well, you have perfect peace ...


odeh moses profile image

odeh moses 6 years ago from benue state nigeria

it is true my friend, this life is as good as the worst of every thing that is to come in the end time. it is confusing but search through your hearts, there lives the answer

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