SLACKER'S R US, Enabled and Free

The Art of Slacking

The art of slacking takes commitment and skill and must be practiced at all times.
The art of slacking takes commitment and skill and must be practiced at all times. | Source

A Way of Life

Let's face it folks what better way to earn a living than in the comfort of your own home by learning to simply sponge off the generosity of others. In SLACKER'S R US, Enabled and Free we will explore the many options open to those of us unwilling to buy into the American Scam.

(I mean Dream).

As an artist and now a professional writer, albeit a poorly paid one based on talent and self worth alone, I have explored the many roads of SLACKERTUDE a lifestyle for the righteous and indignant. Many times I've asked myself . . .

"Self, why must I conform to societies preconceived notion of earning a living, when sponging off others is so easy and rewarding to do?"

Of course the answer is usually because the ignorant masses do not recognize my supreme talent and worthy contributions to society, heck simply by existing I'm adding a major contribution to the level of intelligence on this planet. Of course that is one of the reasons I decided not to have children as it would surely be a waste of natural resources.

As an artist I can introduce a unique perspective to the World assuming of course that I deem it worthy of my time.

While most SLACKERS do not have to learn any new skills and are simple born with them, occasionally we will share our original thinking in the form of articles, so that the rest of humanity can keep up with us, without having to explain ourselves.

My belief is that why as an artist such as myself shouldn't I be supported by the masses as we add the essential ingredient necessary to raise the intellectual stimulation level to an otherwise bleak, insipid society. My natural God given talent should be embraced generously by all and recognized for the happiness it brings the dull and unimaginative schleps destined for a life of endless work (that means you) and servitude.

Why should a supreme intellect such as myself soil my hands with the labor of the common man?

Surely you would not ask a modern day Da Vinci or Michaelangelo to become a ditch digger or God forbid work in a cubicle, would you?

Now I don't walk around openly displaying my supreme intellect however if one were to ask I would be more than happy to point out your character defects and general stupidity, after all it is the responsibility of all true SLACKERS to show the public how truly inept their limited thinking abilities are.

Your Welcome.

SLACKER Graphics

Learn Photoshop so you can dazzle the masses with AWESOME graphics that even a monkey could do!
Learn Photoshop so you can dazzle the masses with AWESOME graphics that even a monkey could do! | Source

A True SLACKER!

A true slacker never need work at their given profession and accepts their role naturally!
A true slacker never need work at their given profession and accepts their role naturally! | Source

How To Spot A SLACKER

  1. A carefree, footloose and fancy free attitude.
  2. Will only recognize your existence by asking you "Are you are still talking?".
  3. Addresses you as 'hey you' or 'yo' for at least a year, even if your family.
  4. Never pays for anything and doesn't even pretend to reach for their wallet.
  5. Last to get to work, first to leave . . . if they are forced to work!
  6. No excuses, EVER!
  7. A master at pretending they are listening.
  8. Incredibly charming . . . when they need something and you have it. (sex)
  9. Ability to convince you it was their idea.
  10. Willing to point out just how stupid you truly are and then laugh about it with you.
  11. Spends far too much time on Hub Pages!
  12. God isn't considered a higher power.
  13. Becoming rich and successful requires too much effort.

Definition of . . .

This is the Wikipedia definition of SLACKER . . .

The term "slacker" is used to refer to a person who habitually avoids work or lacks work ethic. Slackers may be regarded as belonging to an antimaterialistic counterculture, though in some cases their behavior may be due to other causes (apathy, depression, laziness, etc.).

However I must disagree with their use of the terms depression and laziness, as we generally are not lazy especially when we want something and we certainly aren't depressed, after all would you be depressed if someone else catered to your every need?

Now don't get me wrong it can be depressing when others do not recognize your meaningful contributions to society or the supreme sacrifices that you must make to coexist in harmony with others.

For example often times I find that the only meaningful and intellectual conversation I can have is with myself, of course this allows me to never lose an argument.

Not for Everyone

Now living the lifestyle of a true SLACKER is not for everyone, most humans simple do not have the mental dexterity or inflated self worth to embrace this way of life. This is OK for us SLACKERS as someone must do the dishes, vacuum the carpet and cater to our every need.

Say hello to MOM the perfect enabler she will truly set you free, not only will she dress you, feed you and do your laundry she will love you and encourage you to rise above the teeming masses of ineptitude and nurture your life of SLACKERTUDE.

Once you have sucked all the good qualities out of her generous and loving soul it is time to kick her to the curb and move on to your next victim . . . er I mean, generous enabler.

Finding another human that is insecure in their own self worth is child's play, shhh don't tell anyone. You must simple find out what they yearn for in their pathetic, little lives and then encourage them with false promises and flattery. This tactic can usually be done the day you are moving in with them

Caution: However make sure they can easily pay for everything as you will be contributing nothing.

  • Again simply repeat the lessons your Mother has so generously taught you, modifying your tactics occasionally to keep the slacker juices flowing and your enabler in line.
  • Involve yourself in self important projects you never intend to finish to complete the picture that your own ideas are far more important than your enabler.
  • I mean partner.
  • Work only when it is absolutely necessary, after all your enabler is more than capable of getting a part time job to keep up with your incessant and selfish demands.
  • Make sure you keep your flattery skills sharp by complimenting them when you call them stupid and lazy.
  • A simple smile and reassurance is usually all that is necessary to keep them inline and working hard to meet your ever increasing childish needs and wants.
  • Make sure you only volunteer to help them with everyday chores as they are close to finishing, as this allows you to contribute and take the credit at the same time.
  • If your enabler (sucker) does come up with an intelligent idea make sure they realize that you planted the seed for this thought, by simple enlightening them with your very presence.
  • Carefully manipulate the English language in such away that anything worth being said came from you first and they are simple regurgitating you own supreme intellect.
  • Remember at all times that your role in society brings sacrifice and commitment, so when you get a twinge of a consciousness, learn to dismiss it quickly as a weakness.

Never under any circumstances learn the definition of the word humble or God forbid allow your enabler to believe they are right!


SLACKAGE!

Do you have what it takes to be a true SLACKER?

See results without voting

SLACKER Tools

  • Musical instrument ( not necessary to know how to play, just display)
  • Art table or easel with unfinished master piece waiting to be praised.
  • Income that doesn't require any effort on your part.
  • Condescending but charming smile and long list of original but meaningless compliments.
  • Nagging injury with good story behind it to avoid arduous work and heavy lifting.
  • Intellectual insults that must be explained.
  • Mixing metaphors to confuse the masses when you have nothing clever to add.
  • Agreeing with detractors while insulting their intelligence.
  • Facial and body language that clearly states that a question doesn't dignify an answer.
  • Buy toys (props) that will make you look cool but that you will never use such as kayaks, weapons and of course books you'll never read.
  • Enabler


Slackers R Us

I hope I have cleared up and reestablished the necessary reasons for our grandiose attitudes and necessary lifestyles. Try not to hate us for being far superior in every way, shape and form.

Perhaps in your next life you will be granted the supreme responsibility of belittling your fellow human while pointing out your own self worth to those without the intellectual capacity to do so for themselves.

However in the meantime try to appreciate the great contributions we make to an otherwise dull existence (yours) by learning to worship our every word and deed.

Learn how to please us so that we may find a way to deem you worthy and acknowledge your pathetic existence, . . . without laughing.

SLACKER'S R US, Enabled and Free was written for those incapable of creating an original thought on their own and to ensure that the teeming masses of ineptitude will appreciate the supreme sacrifice we have made to enlighten them.

You should thank me for writing this article so that you can take time out from your miserable, pathetic existence, you call a life to read it and recognize all that I have done for you.

Again, you are welcome!

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Comments 30 comments

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

This is most awesome, dude! You should put a link to this in Angela´s site so that more people can enjoy it (go back to my article and click on her comment to lead you back to her site. Even a slacker can manage that)

Finally, even Michalangelo had to carve a stupid bronze horse for some Papal jerk named Julius. Even the great have to be non-slackers at times! That sucks, right?


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Story of my life, for years I have tried to be the ultimate slacker and here you are writing articles from the beach, I humbly defer to the master!


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

Definitely need some things from your slacker list though(like a kayak)-do you think I should order from Amazon.com?


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

Funny great picture with the sleeping coffee drinker as well. I couldn't find any typo's...darn it!

This has been shared!


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Dr.Mark1961 if you get a kayak do not make the mistake I did and get a small one (I was thinking lighter, more maneuverable, easy to carry) you need room to carry stuff, camera, fishing tackle, liquids and other stuff.

Perhaps even go local, support the local economy.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Angela, you obviously weren't looking very hard, I found four grammatically incorrect sentences and other mistakes. I generally don't make typos as that is easy enough to fix but my writing skills and especially sentence structure needs work.

That is why this is more of a learning experience for me than a serious money maker and of course I could pick more socially acceptable topics.

Thanks for stopping by I appreciate it.


Insane Mundane profile image

Insane Mundane 4 years ago from Earth

Well, my original comment on this hub was intended to cause drama and add to the humor, but I see that it failed miserably. In all seriousness, I'm surrounded by slackers about 5 days a week, so it was a little hard for me to separate the humor from the actuality.

Anyway, I forgot to mention: Thanks for linking to one of my pathetic Hubs; cheers!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

I love your snarky approach to slackers. It infuriates me too. Great hub!


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Snarky I love it, great word! Thanks again for all the help with SEO and RSS feeds I will never forget the name Tammy Swallow.

You have no idea how frustrated I was . . . !


CrazedNovelist profile image

CrazedNovelist 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

LOL, hilarious. A really fun read. :)


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Thanks CrazedNovelist, sometimes really sarcastic articles aren't that well received but I just needed to vent!

I guess I have a little too much Slacker in me and when I see the trait in others it bothers me . . . its recognizing the trait in yourself that is frustrating!


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

You should read the hub about 8 world´s most dangerous dogs ... I will not put a link to it. It is a racist bit of drivel and the author would benefit from your outlook and commentary.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Is it yours or should I just search for it, feel free to leave a link in the comments section on my Hubs, its fine with me, after all I can always delete it.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

Definitely not mine

https://pethelpful.com/dogs/8-Worlds-Most-Dangerou...

I would be ashamed to write this. It goes back to the issue of writing what you are qualified for, not just anything. Like me writing about trading on wall street


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

The thing is Mark is that when you are reading garbage it doesn't lend itself to finishing the piece, I usually move on if it sucks.

If it is short I will finish it and leave a clever but scathing comment but many people underestimate the value of criticism and fail to learn from it . . . so what really is the point.

Sometimes silence is the best medicine.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

Yes that is true but sometime it is really hard to just ignore stupidity and move on. I read one of your comments under a hub about "competing against yourself" and I think the author was too stupid to understand that you were trying to improve his poor work.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Yeah and that is where patience and tolerance comes in and I have yet to master it, progress buddy, progress!


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

Hey Slacker! When you left the comment at my page I had a flood of visitors, Hubpages put a few of my articles under "hot" (which seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, since a hub called hot tends to draw more readers, making it hot even if it was not originally). I am back to about 75 readers a day, which is...whatever. How many PV do you have a day? So you think it is better to just write abou the subjects that have the high search rate on google/better keyword?

Delete this when you read it, okay? Niburu thanks you.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

A lot of people seem to follow my comments for some reason, it is probable due to my general all around AWESOMENESS, but just as my Slacker abilities are a gift so too is my SUPREMENESS.

On weekends I usually do about 300 and during the week about 150, however the Hub I just wrote about the Transit of Venus has gone Hub viral and I really don't know why, except of course that I wrote it.

I think you should write about what interests you and that you have a passion for and promote them as much as possible.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

Supreme. I thought the only viral hubs were the junk featured on Jay Leno. I had planned on doing this hub thing as a three month experiment and then going back to my acrylics (like a true slacker I have an unfinished masterpiece prominently displayed on my easel) if this did not attact anyone. Alas, it looks like I need to be at it a lot longer to even build up an audience.


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Well mini viral (for me), it has taken the Supreme One 9 months to earn a pay-out, but because you write about far more interesting topics such as your dog and his/her upkeep you should surpass my popularity soon.

After all who wants to read about Nibiru, the Polar Shift or Conspiracies anyway?


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

I noticed you have a lot of followers, so obviously there are a lot of people interested. Maybe "write about Nibiru=more followers"?


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

The followers are cool but the page views is what I'm interested in and also learning how to condense information into smaller hubs so that I can produce more.

I suspect the key is to gain a following, learn to write good content and the more Hubs the better.

More Hubs= More Advertising= More Chances for someone to accidently click on an Ad= Mo' Money, Mo' Money, Mo' Money!


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

I guess I have work to do then. Enough of this slacking.


stormme 4 years ago

I can't believe we've been on Hubpages for 9 MONTHS, blue! That's why the supreme title of slacker extraordinaire goes to me, for I have only written 39 hubs. Half a dozen of those are poems written on lazy Sunday afternoons while daydreaming on my neighbour's hammock (too lazy to use my own).

Surprisingly my health hubs have done quite well, because I'll be reaching 100,000 views at the end of next month. Never expected them to do that well. Infact I was planning to switch to conspiracy theories since they're much more popular :D

I doubt whether my followers every visit my hubs, especially when they're on topics like chapped lips and green tea :D. Besides, I got most of my followers from my poetry hubs, which I've long since stopped publishing.

Whatever, slack forth, fellow slackers!


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Awesome that your health Hubs are doing so well 100,000 and just a few months ago your were complaining about the trickle.

What is your secret, email me some tips!


Rehana Stormme profile image

Rehana Stormme 4 years ago

Haha, yeah things took a drastic and delightful turn for the better during the last 2 -3 months. Some people say a web page may take upto 8 months to get indexed...so before anyone deems their online writing to be a failure, they should wait it out for a few months - especially if they're writing unique, original and search engine optimized content.

Love this hub! Gets better every time I read it :)

Oh I sent you an email too. It was pretty long but I trust you'll find it useful. When I hit 100K views, I'll do a hub on the lessons I've learned! :D But for now, I must strengthen my God-given slacker-ability. Can't let this formidable talent go to waste now, can I?


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Being a college student you are just now honing your Slackertude and judging by your page views I can envision years of formidable Slackation in the form of informing the wannabes on this natural talent.

Good looking and a Slacker, the World is truly your playground.


stormme 4 years ago

Hahahah, slackation...a scandalous sounding word that poignantly synopsizes the joys of slackerification.

Harnessing the art of slackation enables one to go on permanent vacation. (unemployment)


somethgblue profile image

somethgblue 4 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee Author

Permanent vacation is actually known as Slackation or the State of Slacking.

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