SPOILED KIDS - Impress and Depress

Dear Parents...

I hope that I can help a friend or two here by writing this article. This is my true intension and instead of just personally attacking someone for how they choose to live their lives, I thought it would be better to make some people "think" and hopefully they will make changes for the sake of their children and move towards a more positive future. After growing up around two very different neighborhoods, I do think I know about "spoiling children" since originally I came from a very humble background and neighborhood. When I moved to a more affluent neighborhood eventually, I definitely saw the difference in how the children were being "rewarded" and not disciplined. It was very obvious that the parents were less emotionally involved and more interested in making money and "keeping up with the Jones" as my father used to say. Some of the kids I knew had brand new foreign cars when they first got their drivers licenses. I am thankful for my experiences in two different places because it taught me the difference in the "haves," "the have nots," and the "have...but not pretending they are royalty."

Dear Parents, what you really need to think about before you buy that little girl a pony is how this will effect her after she leaves the nest. If you are planning elaborate functions for children who are not near their "sweet sixteen," I would definitely sit down and think about "why you feel the need to impress anyone?" Is there a lack of intimacy in your household? Is it that you are too busy with your professional lives and trying to "keep the peace" in your home or with your spouse and family since you are never around? I have been to many of these so called "expensive" elaborate events (in many parts of Los Angeles) as a child and as an adult and as the kids got older they just expected more and more. A lot of them ended up with serious drug problems and lifelong therapy sessions. Some really hated their parents for not giving them "love" and "buying them off" as they used to say. Eventually when these parents got divorced (which usually always happens ; sorry to say), the children got caught up in what I call "who is going to pay for my lifestyle now?" I saw this happen with a friend of mine who was married for 25 years before she got divorced and when her daughter asked if she could keep her pony, my friend said "ask your father." Her father then told her "ask your mother" and it went on and on until the pony eventually was sold and the young girl went into depression before she went to college. Sound good to you? This is the sort of stuff that happens. Also if you have daughters and you treat them as princesses, they have a worse chance of meeting a "good hard working, respectful man" in the future because all the "flash" that they are accustomed too is not to be seen in the initial dating phase. Remember if they marry for money, they will pay for it. And so will you when Mr. Jerk off shows up. It is like a "domino effect" and it just keeps going and going into future generations. Please, tell me how many wealthy people you know are really actually nice? Not many. Why? Because they are too stressed out about keeping it all and making the delusion last forever!!!

So, think about it every time you "give in" and try to keep "up" another parent in your neighborhood or impress a client who has kids in your kids schools. Here is the point...if you have gone too far and this article has made you realize it then here are a few things you can do to change things. Start creating chores for your children and come up with a list of money rewards like a quarter for each chore so they understand about the value of money. Make sure your kids go and help at a "homeless shelter" or "soup kitchen" during the holidays once a year to remind them about "real life." If possible, plan intimate dinners for celebrations or birthdays instead of elaborate ones. Even if you want to impress a client, make it intimate for the sake of your kids. You can impress your clients and other parents by hiring a good chef.

Growing up and marrying into different situations, my life could have gone any way I wanted it too. After all everyone has choices. I chose to move my kids out of Los Angeles so that they can look into the fishbowl and understand the difference. I do have my production company in Los Angeles, but the kids are rarely there. This can happen anywhere though. Anywhere people move to be in the place that makes them look "successful." Los Angeles, New York, London, Paris and more. My company has very big clients in foreign countries that deal with entertainment and branding but I never bring the kids around it. I took them to a commercial set once when they were young and just recently so they can see how hard it is to make television (I'm hoping they have normal jobs one day ; Please God). When they sat there for 4 hours watching the same scenes play over and over again while they were filming and met the cast, they were not impressed at all. I also keep them away from spoiled children as much as possible and they have even complained about "how hard some kids try to impress them." So, even if they get good gifts once in a while, the focus is not on "what other people have" and "why they have less?" God knows children have enough pressure in their social circles to have to compete about other things too.

So, one day when you are in a bad place with your child (hopefully not), maybe you will see what I was saying here in this article. It may be a good idea to bookmark this. One thing for sure that I will always do....nomatter what... I will always let my children know is that their "hearts are not for sale" and either is mine.

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Comments 37 comments

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

A perfect article that a lot of people are talking about these days...just heard it again yesterday about children feeling 'entitled.' Parents who spoil their kids out of pressure, keeping up, love or any other reason are doing them no favors in life as you pointed out. Your solutions & wisdom on this is spot on.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Alastar...Thanx for your comment. I appreciate you being here and I'm also glad you understand where I am coming from in this article. Like always I wish my friends and associates well, but a lot of them (especially in the entertainment/music industry) go way too far. I really hope they read this and understand what they are doing and build a stronger foundation in the family unit before it's too late. Best, G


marc 5 years ago

great article!


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

I seee children everyday that seem to feel entitled. I hope that someday soon parents will teach their children that they need to eard what then need. They are really not entitled to anything but love and a roof over their head. Great article.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

Child rearing is a lot different today than when I was young. Your hub is very thorough and I believe spot on. So many children today do seem to feel entitled and when they start working in the real world they are in for some surprises as they will not coddle you in most jobs. Rated up/ awesome.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Thanx Marc ;


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

KoffeeKlatch Gals..True. Very true. Thanx for coming by nd leaving a comment. Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

pamela...thank you so much for your comment. I think a lot of kids will have a major "wake up" call when they have to go out into the real world. From what I see now the future looks dim for many of them. They do not have a clue. Best, G


ruffridyer 5 years ago from Dayton, ohio

A lot of children are spoiled even in poorer families. Parents don't need to be rich to over induluge their little ones.


Rosiegirl555 5 years ago

Nice work, I loved it. Great job. :)


Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 5 years ago from Southern California

You made some very interesting points. Thank You.


Laura Ginn profile image

Laura Ginn 5 years ago from UK

Great hub. It makes me feel bad for parents who cannot afford to keep up with the lifestyles of their childrens friends parents too. To see one child get so much and then not be able to afford it for their own must be heartbreaking - especially when the children are too young to understand.


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

People do not deliberately set out to harm their children but as you have pointed out in this hub they do. Our society has made money and financial gain the yardstick for success and the price of this is that both parents work and children equate love with money and material possessions. When society returns to nurturing human values again then we will see the changes you advocate. Thank you for being concerned enough to write this hub.


prettynutjob30 profile image

prettynutjob30 5 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

I was just talking about this the other day with my sister.Kids act a whole lot different than when we were kids.It seems some parents baby their kids to the point that nobody else can stand to be in a room with them.There is nothing wrong with telling a child no every once and a while.Voted up great hub.


sunitibahl9 profile image

sunitibahl9 5 years ago from India

i liked this hub.


LULU SUE1987 profile image

LULU SUE1987 5 years ago

Very well written and informative hub. Thanks


LTStajul 5 years ago

Great jobs. I read the full story. I found here very informative guide line. Nice sharing.


nycgrl profile image

nycgrl 5 years ago from New York

Great hub! Its the spoiled children that you are speaking of that grow up to become the Martha Stewarts and Lindsay Lohan's of the world. These kids grow up feeling entitled and will break laws because they do not think the law applies to them. They don't care who they hurt because their parents taught them that the sun rises and sets out of their a$$ and they just don't know any better even once they grow up. Its hard to change once you have lived a childhood of being spoiled. And god forbid your child is not rich or circumstances change, I have seen these people as adults not know a THING, they grew up with everything being done for them that they can't do the simplest things like laundry or balancing a checkbook. You are not your child's friend or their bank account, you are their PARENT and sometimes you have to be tough and stand your ground even if at the time they think it's unfair. They will thank you and love you for it later.


chester builders 5 years ago

Itry to give my kids what they want, i was brought up poor so its not what i want them to have in there childhood its maybe wrong but i cant help it.


Sunny2o0o profile image

Sunny2o0o 5 years ago from USA

Chester, saying that you can't help it is a total cop-out. There are very few things in life--referring to personality traits and behaviors--that people, assuming the absence of certain psychiatric disorders, and even then there is help, cannot at least take steps to mitigate if they try. The only thing that you can't help is the thing that you don't try to change.

No one is arguing that having nice things or giving your children nice things is bad. As long as children are raised to appreciate the idea that there is no such thing as a free lunch and the value of hard work, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.


SUSANJK profile image

SUSANJK 5 years ago from Florida

Very good article. Spot on,


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

RUFF R...You are right....there are spoiled kids in every type of social situation.

My experiences have just been around more affluent families since I have had children and moved to nicer neighborhoods, but anyone can be spoiled.....thanx for your comment.....

GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

rosie girl....thanx for stopping by...I appreciate you being here! GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Mrs. JB....thanx for stopping by! Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Laura...I have often thought about what you said in your comment. Sometimes at my kids schools, there would be issues with other children. Some would "have" and some would "not have" and unfortunately this caused problems with friendships. I'm sure it effected the parents too.....thanx for your comment....GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Spirit Whisperer....I think you said it best here. Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it. I think the saddest part is that some kids think they are better then others based on their new "toys," big house and nice family cars. This is not the best lesson when it comes to nurturing healthy "self esteem" in children. Unfortunately, this is the beginning of a shallow based life with no deep emotional connections in the future. Thanx for being here....GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

pretty nut.....you are right for sure! Parents need to learn to say NO much more now. There are too many temptations, social pressures and video games out there now! In the old days there seemed to be "more rules." Now the children run the households! Thanks for stopping by. Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Thanx sunitibahl9 and LULU SUE for stopping by and leaving your comments! I appreciate it!

GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

STStajul....thanx for your comment. GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

nycgrl! You said it right here for sure. I agree with you completely. I have seen some of these people grow up too but underneath it all they are still spoiled children waiting for someone to do everything for them! They think the world revolves around them! They turn into idiots but the sad thing is that they get away with their behavior most of the time. Thanx for stopping in and leaving such a great comment! Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

chester...I'm sorry that you had a hard childhood but do your kids a favor and bring them up with "less." You will do yourself a favor and make them into better people.....trust me. The best people I have met in the world know what it is like not to have much. Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Sunny...Your reaction is a normal one but let us remember that everyone came from different backgrounds and we all have to find a way to balance what we are dealing with in life. I think what you said about "appreciation" is "key" to anything and anyone. I know what it is like to "have not much" and "have a lot." BUT it is the simple things in life that I appreciate and cherish most. Thanx for being here.....Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Susan....thanx for stopping by. I appreciate it! Best, GPAGE


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 5 years ago from New England

Enjoyed reading this hub and all the comments that have followed.

Yes....giving children a sense that the whole family pitches in by doing tasks around the house (gardening, making meals, cleaning messes, etc.) is important....as well as the time that parents spend getting to know their children. This will give children a sense that they are special...fill their hearts with meaning...and hopefully give them enough grounding to attract good friends into their lives...and later on they will not have an excessive craving for material possessions nor addictive substances to fill that place...for real love that lasts a lifetime will be there. :0)

I love to play with my daughter...cherish our time together....and am reading the book "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen. Such an insightful and useful book!


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Seafarer Mama..Thank you for leaving such a great comment. I think you said it best....

Spending time with the children and giving them a sense that they are special is key. I am trying to slow down and do more with my kids. As they say "quality time" is important when it comes to raising a child in this sometimes crazy world....I am extremely busy with my career and I have had to take a bit more time to relax and enjoy the moments. Although I have given more to my children then most that I know, I realize that they will grow up fast and this time is precious. That book sounds good! Thanks for mentioning! GPAGE


fornalina profile image

fornalina 3 years ago from Poznan, Poland

A great hub. I think it's really sad how parents think that material good can compensate the lack of love and warm ( and obviously the lack of parents at home since they are busy with making money). I think myself lucky that the only thing I was spoiled with, was love that my parents gave me. We never had a lot of money to buy all those unnecessary things, so I sometimes envied my richer friends who had all the things I couldn't. But now I know that material goods disappear with time, they break down, stop working and what's really important is family and love. It took some time to figure it out, but I'm glad I did it.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 3 years ago from California Author

Thank you fornalina for dropping by and leaving your comment! Yes, it is true....LOVE outlives material possessions :) Best, GPAGE

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