SWEET BITTERSWEET NOSTALGIA

LXXXVIII.

Tttle graphic text by Nellieanna Hay
Tttle graphic text by Nellieanna Hay | Source

Nostalgia is ageless and genderless. We've all experienced it.

For me, certain music seems to stir it in my soul. Each of the songs featured here falls into an associated mood-setting category for me, some stirring the more sweet feelings and some, the more bittersweet; some more first-hand, some more vicarious. Those songs are intrinsic to this subject which revolves around feelings, so several of them are included for your pleasure, along with some of my own poems for capturing those moments. N-Joy!

I treasure all my feelings among 'my favorite things'. I can think of nothing more static and sterile than to be deprived of honest feelings from anywhere along one end of their spectrum to its other! Though there's some regret mixed into them, feelings are part of being fully alive, outshining regret; not to suggest that negative feelings are less useful and valuable as they're being experienced 'now' or being remembered later. No! Besides their own values, they emphasize our positive feelings' values.

To fully experience feelings in their own moment and let them go when it passes allows the flow of life to bring us all its experiences and surprises, which we could never "order up", even were that an option. This process allows and arouses feelings and responses which fit the flow of experience when allowed to freely flow. Gracefully allowing it requires embracing of life without denying, overdoing or minimizing the feelings it stirs, but in simply allowing them to be, real and honest, in their time. Then releasing those when their time passes and they're 'over' is a prime secret of freeing and permitting oneself to move on into ongoing life and responses to its amazing spectrum. In its way, this is the "fountain of youth'. Of course, enduring feelings and those connections which are truly lasting recur with each moment in which they abide, like our breaths and heartbeats, needing neither to be forced, demanded or caged. In fact, they cannot be, if they are healthy and authentic. To attempt to is to become as rigid and fixed as those sad attempts to control or capture life's flow.

A dammed up river

Is no longer

A living river.

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Remembering is a way to experience them again, though. It's one of our human privileges to be able to experience the present with all our being and awareness, even including sometimes choosing to invest it in selecting preferred memories to fill a present awareness we are living or even to dream to use it considering a possible future; but that is simply what those are: mere shadows, memories and dreams, not the real, living, changing present itself. We've merely used some of that living moment in pondering the past or future, but we cannot really relive or prelive our lives. We need to keep that in mind and not mistake the difference. To have reality we must live it now, here and as it flows. Without it, we merely shadow-box Grasping the real of the now is the greatest of any living entity's privileges. Then how we imbue and embrace it is what enriches or impoverishes experience for us, whatever else it may seem.

It helps if we've learned to appreciate, trust and value the reality that is ours to invest, rather than to fight, deny and hide from it. There is no room for self-deception. So, if you've braved meandering this far with me, come on and let's stroll further together, aware that it is simply each of our choices for this now if we make it so. I won't promise it is easy - especially that self-honesty part, but it is infinitely simple. Besides, you get to choose what to look into and to ask yourself. I have my own challenges here.

Where light fills

All the space

There is no place

For shadows.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay










It casts no shadow,

Leaves no trace.

It is the moment,

Fully lived.

Eternity,

Surpassing

Time and space.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay










We may

Overdo it

Or under-do it,

Too bad

We simply

Cannot - will not -

Do it!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay











Once Upon A Time ~ Jack Jones

"Once Upon A Time" always used to make me cry for the girl I knew as myself - 'once upon a time'. The sense of loss came over me during a trying time when I'd almost lost her and thought perhaps it was already too late to reclaim her. Life's flow had other plans, though, ~ happily.

It still touches that string in my heart to hear it. I vividly recall myself feverishly writing this in response to those poignant feelings at that moment of hearing it for the first time:

Echoes of Life


Elusive dreams - perfections

Approach reality,

Only to subside too soon.

Perfect love, the dream of dreams,

Its after-image, left behind,

Itself, now-near -

Now -far again,

Now, crest, - now-fall,

Though best, and nearest

To unfolding -

and-dearest. . .

Oh! Could it ever be?

Or - do I dream in vain

As others do?

Is truth a hollow promise

And love, an empty shell

That I should let them go?

NO!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



Yes, moonlight did return to my eyes. I found the responsive

hand to slip mine into - or it found mine. . . . . Yes. . . .!

I can't promise dry eyes if you do tag along this somewhat emotional path with me. In fact, I don't intend to shield either of us from it here, because it provides the chance to FEEL our present feelings with both emotional clarity and common sense, being aware that to feel and to observe oneself feeling is enormously freeing as it releases fullest wholeness.

I understand, though, if you decline. I'll never even know.

There is no escaping it.

What's here is here,

Though non-admitted.

And there is

Something here

Which may not be

Denied.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


~ The Very Thought Of You ~ Harry Connick Jr.


I wonder now

If I could go back

To where I was before you

Or - if possible

How would it be?

Because -

If I should go back -

We've changed.

I've changed;

I'd be myself as I am now,

Not then.

I feel my changes, - good.

Yes, your world added its dimension.

But all is blended,

All's anew, somehow.

So when you go, -

As go you must, -

Now that it's ended,

I'll miss you.

And that, I cannot change.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


Life Is

Light

And

Radiant.

LIfe,

Light,

Love.

Too simple.

Too profound.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

~ If You Go Away ~ Barbra

Experience and time

Swallow up my people

All too soon.

Where do they go?

And how?

Not in my now are they,

For theirs continued, too -

Somewhere else,

Right now, alive in theirs

Though gone from mine,

Disappeared from view

Except, as this mere memory,

Seems to bring to life anew,

Alive and breathing, able to feel.

But, if so, it's away upon their shores.

Here on mine, never to surprise

With unexpected word or deed

So long as gone to theirs.

These thoughts cannot fulfill a need,

For I can experience the brand new real

Only in my ever-new eternal here and now.

I'm grateful for it, - aren't you, for yours?


______© Nellieanna H. Hay





You know what you need.

I'm happy to provide it,

Even if it's my absence.


I want for you no harm.

If my presence hurts you,

I will withhold it till you ask.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



~ Make It Easy On Yourself ~ Jamie Cullum & Burt Bacharach

I used to play Burt Bacharach's music on the piano frequently. Playing this one seemed to precede major changes and endings in my life. . . .



A tune,

A ride,

A leap

Into rarefied spheres.

It could not last,

Could it?

Should it?


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



~ Rainy Days and Mondays ~ Paul Williams & Roger Nichols

~ Here's That Rainy Day ~ Astrud Gilberto








I love the swishing sound

Of cars

On rain-glistened streets

And listening for

Another song of yours.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

I'll Be Seeing You- Bernadette Peters


Another peek inside your world

Is more than I can bear.

Being here, imperfect, yes.

But if I compare, ~

It's heaven here.

How glad I am

That I'm no longer there.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay





~ Richard Clayderman ~ Feelings


The progeny

Of life ~

Is ~

Life!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Thank you for your ending to it.

FEELINGS

We'lll surely never hear a more feeling rendition of the song, "Feelings" than this one by amazing Nina Simone. Hearing it all the way through, though admittedly a long and demanding video, is well worth it and not easy in a way. But at the end, she does something to the lyrics so unique - so Nina Simone: - she changes them with a passionate interpretation of her own, demonstrating a premise of this hub: that attitude affects and determines how events are experienced.

Unless otherwise attributed, all design, graphics, photography and written material herein are original and copyrighted by Nellieanna H. Hay.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from Nellieanna H. Hay.


© 2011 Nellieanna Hay

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115 comments

snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Wow nellieanna, this looks exciting. I am saving for tomorrow morning with coffee. Regards, snakeslane


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 5 years ago

Hello Dear Nellie Anna ~ I must say that this is an especially 'beautifully' constructed and presented Hubpages. I've never seen one quite like it. I turned on the first piece of music "once upon a time" as I scrolled down reading the poetry and commentary.

Each piece was purposefully placed on the page with some graphic elements and by the time I had reached down more than halfway, I listened to a bit of Harry and when I saw Barbra [my favorite] I put her on to sing right away to finish the page. Isn't she glorious?!

Well, here is my most favorite and happens to have been the opening lines, for this is truth:

Where light fills

All the space

There is no place

For shadows.

Love, Debby

P.S. I was attracted to read your Hub by the main illustration at the top of the page. Antique cards.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Snakeslane, I'm smiling and hoping you have a generous-sized coffee pot. If you listen to the music, which enhances the thoughts iso much, it will take awhile. I hope you'll enjoy it - and I think you will. Thanks for stopping and being the first! Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Debby, Thank you, ma'am. I enjoyed making it. Yes I agree that Babra's rendition of "If You Go Away" ("Ne Me Quitte pas") is especially delightful. She's always good. I saw her on one of her earliest TV appearances - when Johnny Carson hosted "The Tonight Show" - and she looked like such a waif, till she opened her mouth and began to sing! You possibly weren't born yet! :)

I appreciate your telling me what attracted you. Did you notice that the main illustration depicts the four seasons?


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Dear Nellie,

I am listening to Nina Simone as I write this...She does get to the heart of the matter doesnt she?Your poetry always has such depth and wisdom.

I love these lines...

"It helps if we've learned to appreciate, trust and value the reality that is ours to invest, rather than to fight, deny and hide from it. There is no room for self-deception"

And when this finaly happens it is such a peaceful place..

Thank you Nellie for another beautiful hub.

Love,

Sunnie


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 5 years ago

Dear Nellie ~ I'm a grandma and have grown up in the age of "Barbra Streisand" and all of the performances, songs, movies, etc. and late night with Johnny Carson [only it was really late for me.]


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, yes, dear Sunnie! Nina Simone is phenomenal. She seems to peel off any layers of pretense or sham and, as you say, 'to get to the heart of the matter'. - Right to it! There is a kind of crystalline transparency to her demeanor and her message.

Sounds as though you have reached that peaceful place of recognizing and accepting life's reality. Why am I not surprised?

:-) Hugs and love back. . . And many thanks!


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Lovely Nellieanna. I'm always transported away by your poetry, and find a moment of peace in your writing. You're a treasure...


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

The progeny

Of Feelings~

Is~

To experience without utopic expectation,

But without regret....

You're words of inspiration are very important also Nellieanna!;)


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

This hub is so exciting, unique and beautifully alive that I really don't know where to start my compliments!

I've bookmarked this as a favourite as I want to experience it again and again. There is nothing here that I dislike or that doesn't stimulate so many memories and feelings - perhaps more deeply than I would like. But that is part of being human.

Your poems are a delightful wonder - all of them! My favourite lines, although shorter than some, speak volumes to me at every level - "Where light fills all the space, there is no place for shadows."

Voted up beautiful + awesome!


ThomasRydder 5 years ago

Good morning, Miss Nellie!! Hope you're having a great weekend :)

I'll say two things first:

One, you're hubs should be required reading for any person freshly venturing onto this site "How Hubs Should be Done - 101"

Two, I've never "met" anyone so in tune with their inner self. It is truly a gift which I feel elevates your writing past others, due to the honesty that flows from heart to pen (keyboard).

I do agree with your premise that feelings, emotions, and memories are all the tapestry that forms our own particular reality. That tapestry is complex, but being woven of parts that are all necessary, if some of the components are missing, then the tapestry lies in tatters. Those that can face each feeling or memory (or regret) face-on and embrace them fulfill the richness of life and thus keep their tapestry intact (though certain threads of it may be a very unattractive gray). Staying honest within ourselves in combination with an outward expression of feelings can be extremely difficult. Complications like family members, sensitive spouses, and the ever-ready PCP (Politically Correct Police) all stand ready at the exit to strike down your inner expression as soon as it exits your mouth. So..the honesty might exist inside, but there it might be kept, for fear of injuring those around us. Therefore, it's still not complete honesty. Something hidden therefore becomes another object of guilt, to fester inside and becoming yet another regret. So, to fully cherish the honesty, one must either be a hermit living on the side of a mountain, or true feelings, particularly those that might rub up against someone else, must be be externalized.

I truly cherish the way you can capture the mood of a song and gently pluck your response to the music from the air, gently waving it to paper.

P.S. I particularly enjoyed the Bacharach/Cullum number. Burt is one of the true musical geniuses of our time.

:)TR


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Listening now nellieanna, gives me time to make another pot of coffee, nice way to spend a rainy November morning, will add more as I go along here. Thank you so much! snakeslane


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Well...this is intensely full of feeling nellieanna I am reeling and a little full of coffee too...it is definitely a one big pot or a two small potter concert. Thank you for sharing the feeling of your sweet words and the music, words and music so beautifully intertwined. Regards, snakeslane


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

I forgot to add, I do love your enjambements in this piece, the Mucha artwork so free on the page...free from the get-go!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Everything about this offering of yours, dear Nellieanna, speaks of beauty and perfection. Your text is insightful, your illustrations delightful, your poetry meaningful and each well-chosen video most pleasurable. Brava, again and again.

Streisand, BTW, is one of my all-time favorites. Her voice, range and emotion, even a capella, is awesome. Like you, m'luv.


makusr profile image

makusr 5 years ago from India

Nellieanna, A thing of beauty is joy forever. It seems John Keats said this after he saw your hub. You are a school in yourself. Your hubs are perfect example of how the hubs should be published. I have always associated your name with elegance. This is a perfect example. The way you decorate your hubs is really beautiful. The poems are soulful and full of meaning. Thanks for sharing this beautiful hub.

With warm wishes,

MAKUSR


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

I like shadow works and I love to watch shadows. having said this I repeat your words:

Where light fills

All the space

There is no place

For shadows.

Your poems are beautiful. Your compositions always give me a sense of satisfaction.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Nellieanna...

My, my, my...each section of your offering here is at war with the other to determine which is the best part!

From the actual words on the page to their beautifully wrought display you have ensnared my feelings!

I love your notion (truthful) that a dammed river is no longer a living one and, in terms of musical selection...I believe 'Rainy days and Mondays' speak to me most.

Well...you speak to me most and in a voice that can only be termed, "the poet's voice."

Thank you for wonderfully classing up my morning!

Thomas


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

These are beautiful. I have to be careful with nostalgia, because I can become melancholy for what used to be.


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

I have to say this is probably the most beautiful Hub I've ever seen. Hope I don't hurt any feelings, it's just I've never seen one put together in this fashion. Your choice of videos along with your beautiful words is so wonderful. I can't figure out how in the world you did the scroll writing. I voted it UP, and awesome, etc.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Debby, Ah - I see! Thank you for updating me. You're still relatively a youngster, I'm thinking. My eldest grandchild is 35 and has a 16 and a 15 - year old of her own! She has 4 younger sisters (spaced about 6 years apart), with the two next eldest both mothers too. My son has 4 grandkids. So I'm a great-grandmother X 10. But who's counting, right? hehe.

I adore good music and good musicians. Barbara never disappoints! Such natural talent and grace! There is something wonderful about the way music traces our personal journeys and builds interlinks to others'. :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Augustine, what lovely compliments. Thank you for enjoying, and thank you for coming and reading! Your approval is greatly appreciated.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Bryan - I love that! Yes - so true. In fact, expectation often poisons the fullest enjoyment of what really occurs - plus can easily create regret, either for what it produces or what it fails to produce. Living free of such burdensome things exemplifies traits of the best progeny.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Seeker - I'm truly honored by your visit and lovely comments! I suspect that feelings and memories are both we humans' strengths and Achilles' heels. But one thing I'm convinced of is that they define being human even more than intelligence. Machines can be designed to think as well, but cannot be designed to feel at all.

I love brief lines which say whatever it is with no superfluous words, which is my poetic style, but seldom do they grace my prose. haha. Helps me identify which is which.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

ThomasRydder, dear friend. That is such a gratifying compliment, and from someone whose opinion I value.

Perhaps it is a reward of years to learn who one really is and to be OK with it. There comes an inner calm - serenity. My mother used to say that a mother 'can't pad the corners for her children'. So true. No one can pad them but oneself, which comes with the inner calm & listening to those small, still voices which clarify the anomalies; and keeping in mind that others must pad their own corners, too.

You are so right - one must master the process of living within the larger 'self' -- of family and community, which quite often is less attuned to its own reality and in grappling and struggling with it, can attempt to encompass one into its personal fray.

To be caught up in it or to accept it as one's responsibility or to feel guilty for others' reactions over which one really has no control is an illusion. Even acquiescence helps them NOT. The honesty needed is simply that with oneself. YOU already understand this, Thomas. In your own words, "staying honest WITHIN ourselves". All our truth needn't be imposed on others. In fact that would be an exercise in futility. It requires no more justification than being secure and comfortable with one's breathing or heartbeat. It's just as intrinsic, unassuming and non-injurious in Its rightful authenticity as that. Nothing dishonest about keeping one's own counsel when wisdom calls for that. It's part of one's reality, in fact.

I totally agree that Bacharach is one of our time's musical geniuses. There was a musical challenge to me at one time. What it was - I couldn't seem to master his slightly syncopated rhythm. I'm really a bit klutzy playing the piano, in ways. Long story. Then one moment I felt it and there it was! It was such a revelation! And It seems so like Burt to mentor that fantastic young singer, who otherwise probably would just be rapping or something. Bacharach's music is such a showcase for his voice!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Snakeslane - My goodness - I'm delighted that you thought it worth a couple of pots of coffee and that much time! I'm vicariously enjoying visualizing you pondering, reeling and getting coffeed-up. haha I appreciate you. And I love that word you introduced to me, enjambements. tee hee. . . .

Isn't the Mucha art lovely? It's similar to Maxwewll Parrish's, isn't it? That art-deco look. . . .


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

DRBJ - Barbra just "has it". She opens her mouth and out comes real music! :-) As you say - she has the entire range covered.

Thank you for the lovely compliments on mine here. I always wonder if my hubs will sink, float or surf. When I push "publish now" it is with a sense of trepidation! So your approval helps immensely! I have a sense of from whence it comes. :-)Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Makusr, Ah - I love the Keats' quote. Wouldn't I be amazed if he used it to describe my hub!! What a lovely dream! Thank you.

I'm not sure I'd recommend that all hubs be alike, anyway. I enjoy seeing what others' ideas are! These are such great venues for expressing one's individuality! It's fun to do and fun to witness others'. Thank you so much!! Hugs.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

hi nellianna, the emjambements (sp?) wasn't my word. It was introdiced by another reader on your "caberet" hub, but I took it and ran with it!


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

lololol


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Viinaya - me too. As a kid, my favorite poem was Robert Louis Stevenson's "My Shadow". I knew it by heart and could recite it when I was 3 or 4.

And one thing I love about the Autumn is the effect it has on shadows, the way it transforms them into wispy horizontal giants.

Oh yes. There's a place for both the light and shadows. They are interrelated. Thank you!!

My Shadow

by Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,

And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.

He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;

And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--

Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;

For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,

And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,

And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.

He stays so close behind me, he's a coward you can see;

I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,

I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;

But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,

Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

(of course, I substituted the feminine pronouns, 'she' and 'her' throughout. :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Really, Snakelane??? Ohmygosh. I was so sure it had come from you. I'd better go check my references! Obviously I can't always rely on my memory! haha - thanks for telling me!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thomas, (dear ThoughtSandwiches) - what lovely comments! Thank you. To ensnare your feelings or attention is truly an honor and a feather in my headdress! I'm enthralled by the metaphor of a river flowing as life does. I've several poems about that and its related metaphors.

Rainy days are equally meaningful, aren't they? They can run the gamut from wonderfully cozy & intimate to dreadfully melancholy. But usually I think of the former, being here in drought-land where rain is scarce and such a treat and blessing when it arrives. To me, heaven must get ample rain and the grass is very green!

Hugs.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

my comments are not getting through tonight I keep writing them over and over, it's frustrating, and then they post twice!, darn, but yes go back to that hub, you know the one?


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

we had that long conversation about the cabaret style presentation. The one with the Gary Cooper video of the cole porter song, can't remember the name of the hub or the cole porter song. but that one.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Mary - thank you. I appreciate that lovely compliment. I could explain it - but then I'd have to. . . :-) No, really, it's done as a graphic elsewhere, which I then upload onto here, as are the other graphics on my hubs, each made for that specific hub. Thank you for the visit and your generous votes and kind words!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, my - my fault, snakeslane! Your comments did come through - I was off writing replies to some others and hadn't yet approved them so they'd appear on the page. Sorry! Yes - I remember that delightful discussion about the cabaret style. And others got into the swing of it, enjoying the new term, "cabaret poetry". I remember all that and the word enjambements (which I had to look up at the time). But I just had been thinking you introduced that word. I'll check on it. May take a few moments to locate it -- there are some hubs in the meantime! haha.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

ok have a great evening ms nellieanna I am off to bed. Thanks for the lovely entertainment.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Well, Snakeslane - the hub with the discussion of 'cabaret poetry' is "Fascination With Facts and Facets" but I cannot locate the introduction of 'emjambements'. I tried a word or phrase search and in the 'advanced search' turned up other references to it in others' hubs and comments, but not in mine. When I'm more rested, maybe I'll find it. hehe. Sleep well, and thanks.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Tears flow along cheekbones

like the notes on ivory

gushing torrents of rainwater

empty catch basins in the sea.

sligobay

I read every word and listened to every note in the painful context of the loss of my brother, Michael.

"Is truth a hollow promise

And love, an empty shell

That I should let them go?

NO!" Thank you Nellieanna,for the breadth of your heart and your exceptional capacity to love. Hugs,Gerry


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

I completely understand that, Gerry. I think of the loss of far too many of my loved ones, too. And tears sometimes flow just thinking of the happy times shared with them, both specifically and in general. Hard to say which things bring more waterworks - the good times or the sense of loss. Those tears are the present NOW when they flow, in either case!

Thank you, dear Gerry. Hugs -


theseus profile image

theseus 5 years ago from philippines

Brilliant!!

Every now and then I allow myself to ponder things as they were and remember what it was like. many bring back happy memories while a few a little pang of regret. But as you very well said they are "simply what those are: mere shadows, memories and dreams, not the real, living, changing present itself."

Thank you for such a treat. God bless you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

THANK YOU, sweet theseus - for one of the loveliest comments ever! Hugs.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

As always Nellieanna, your beautiful words, allied with some very special songs, bring balance and peace into our lives.

Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Christopher, it's a real joy when you come by and take in my stuff. I truly appreciate it. When I'm selecting music, I always hope you'll approve. You have such exquisite taste.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Hello, Nellieanna, this is an exceptional beautiful selection and well arranged HubPages. Unfortunately, my hearing is gone bad and I can't hear any videos anymore. But I know these beautiful songs and musics. You are so brilliant.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear, dear Hello, hello. I'm sad t hear you aren't able to hear the videos, but if you can watch and remember the music, you're sharing some mutual memories! You can sing along! :-) Thank you for coming and leaving your valued comments! Hugs


kada94566 5 years ago

Nellieanna, your amazing

Put your right hand on your left shoulder. Put your left hand on your right shoulder. Now squeez. That's a Hug from me.

Your work isso beautiful.

Thanks for the music and beauty.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kada - if you know me, you know I love hugs! Thank you. And thank you for such lovely compilements. And I feel like we have met before online. Chatroom, maybe? Your name is familiar to me, yet I've never heard it except back then somewhere. Hugs!


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leni sands 5 years ago from UK

Ditto, ditto, ditto - so much has already been said about this fine piece of creativity.

Nellieanna why you are not up there with the Keats, Dickens and 'Stevensons' of this world I will never know. You ARE one of the greats when it comes to putting pen to paper and creating that 'WOW' factor. I love reading your words, they seem to flow so easily on the page. I am in awe of your endless talent and deem to one day be just like you although I feel I have such a long way to go, yet! Catch you sooner (or perhaps later! lol)...Helena


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Leni - Helena - I love your name. Helena Bonham Carter is one of my favorite actors. And Leni is a darling short-form! Love it.

Thank you for the huge vote of confidence expressed so wonderfully.

Those giants are -- giants! But if they were to have been all dissected, each is/was an individual just like you and me. Each did what he did best - which is exactly our challenge - to do what we each do best. There is no value in being like anyone else. My muse is Emily Dickinson and my stuff has been likened to hers but I had been writing it nearly 40 years before (and nearly 40 years since) I really found her and noticed how she wrote. Your uniqueness is fabulous! You have no way to go to reach yours. All you need i to just keep on expressing YOU!


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jill of alltrades 5 years ago from Philippines

Oh Nellieanna, this is absolutely fantastic! You just said all the words that are in my heart. But you said them so beautifully! And the music...oh, I know them all, Barbra is my favorite singer! When she sings people, I am simply transported to some imaginary world! The others, are also favorites, like Burt Bacharach...we used to sing all his songs! Gush...you really hit my nostalgic nerve! Now I can't stop but reminisce....

Thanks for this wonderful trip down memory lane!

Rated up and beautiful!!!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK

Your poetry is so sddictive, my love ;-)


kada94566 5 years ago

I love your work Nellie. The words, the music, the art are all so fantastic . Your name will be in my profile as one of the persons I admire the most.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jill, what lovely comments and compliments. Thank you! I am awed by your photography in the same way! I adore colors and your artistry with them is a delight. Hugs.


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

There's my beloved Dimitris! And what a nice thing to for you to say! Thank you! Hugs and smooches.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kada - (I still feel I've known you online before!) I appreciate your lovely compliment and look forward to reading your hubs and profile! Hugs.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK

I hope you realise that 'sddictive' is how we spell 'addictive' in the Midlands ;-)))


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

hahaha - OK. I do know that my left-hand pinkie little finger is prone to hit the 'A's' next-door keyboard neighbor, ('S') on random and all too frequent occasions.

I didn't know about the Midlands spelling, but figured . . . ! Anyway, 'sddictive' has a rather sexy ring to it and you Midlanders are such notorious rascals! tee hehe.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK

Ooooooohhhhhhh..... the mind bogggles, you baaad girl ;-))))


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

I'll loan you my bogggle gogggles! Hugs.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 5 years ago from the Ether

Voted up and beautiful! I think you've inspired me to write a hub on the music that inspires me and brings back memories. Thanks so much. Just lovely!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kitty - That's so great! I must check out your hub when you have it published! Thanks for visiting mine and leaving such a lovely comment! Hugs.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, Nellieanna, this was one of the most beautiful I have read, every poem was outstanding too, and feeling tearful today, the anniversary of my friends passing, I have been on the verge of tears all day, and when I read your 'Experience and time

Swallow up my people

All too soon.

Where do they go'

it finally spilled me over, now I feel better, this was beautiful, amazing, and so much more, now I need a cup of tea, I feel so much better! thanks nell


kada94566 5 years ago

Dear,dear Nelleanna,

Beautiful Lady Nelleanna, At first I was sure that you had lived a flawless unhampered life. But my eyes are not dry and I feel a very emotional path for you and for me. There is no knight in shinning armor massaging our shoulders while we write.

"To Fully Experience the Feeling" should be a book of it's own, meant " to arouse feelings & capture life's flow" . Wow! Girl, that's heavy, it did.

Kay


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Nell ~ that is dear. I know what you mean, when there are tears bottled up but don't quite come to the surface - then they do and it is such a wonderful relief. The cup of tea is perfect, too. Helps not get too lost in sadness, brings balance and comfort. Thank you for sharing this.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kada - oh - how lovely of you, Kay! I've certainly enjoyed some good times but have had far, far from a flawless, unhampered life. I must admit I'm fairly dragon-free now and content to write and be, though the shoulders could benefit from that idyllic massage going on. But it's nice simply to contemplate and enjoy flowing scenic parts, too.


kada94566 5 years ago

Nellie, Your writing IS Flawless.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kay, awgeewillikers. That's such a lovely compliment. Thank you. You're way too kind to me and way too hard on yourself. We should talk.


Aley Martin profile image

Aley Martin 5 years ago from Sumner, Washington,USA

You have nailed a topic that is so wonderful to read about and reflect upon. Particularly in the holiday season...so glad I found this! The holidays always bring me an extra dose of nostalgia for my own days gone by and also times gone by. As a lover of Victorian Literature, I try to find a book that writes of the holidays at that time in history. I am a big Renaissance Faire person as well....history and the past give me hope in the future, and while I do not dwell there, the memories of my childhood are "sweetly bittersweet" as you coined the phrase.

As always, you are a pleasure to read Nellieanna.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Aley, That's lovely. I think we surely share some philosophy. I certainly love Victorian literature - and other effects of the era, as well as some eras preceding it, as in the Renaissance.

I feel time almost as a continuum, so that I never feel lost in the past or future, though I am definitely alive and dwelling in the present. Humans have the amazing - and often undoing - ability to remember and to anticipate so that we can choose at times to do so with our present moments. Of course our personal past memories are varied, not all sweet or bitter, and many are mixed. I can't imagine being who I am without all of them!

I notice your mention of Joseph Campbell on your profile. I was given the tapes of his multi-part interview with Bill Moyers years ago. I need to locate them and hear them again. I was quite impressed at the time. Alan Watts has also influenced my personal philosophy.

Thank you for your comments which really speak to me, Aley. I'm still reeling from the poetry contest judging (almost 500 qualified entries). So many talented writers on here! It was a quite unique and educational experience for me! Thinking what I want to write about myself now that things are back to normal.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

How did I miss this? I went to your profile and there is was, but I had not been notified.

Nellieanna, you are the mistress of all that you do.

This is splendid. I have read it and savoured it, and now I am going back to the beginning and I am going to wallow in the music.

And I don't know how, because have loved Nina Simone since I was nineteen (Just a very few short years ago) and I thought I had heard virtually everything she had recorded, but have never heard this offering


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Finished! I am!

I am positively drained. Thank you, Nellieanna. A wonderful hub, beautifully created, and now I can't even read anything for a while, my eyes are all puffy and I am cried out.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Ian - When I read your flowing work and see your magnificent artwork which so perfectly tells the story, too, I feel like such an awkward novice, even after all these many years of writing and dabbling in art. For you to admire my stuff is truly gratifying! Thank you madly! I've always realized that my best talent is coordinating elements, though; so perhaps that's the grace that saves me.

I love wallowing in this music, too. Each selection has meaning for me. I love Jack Jones' renditions, though I fell in love with "Once Upon A Tiime" sung by Bobby Darin back in 1971. He sang it for his beloved wife, and perhaps - with more feeling. BD wasn't my favorite singer; he was known for more jazzy songs, but when he sang with such tenderness, it was really effective.

You brought Nina Simone into my life at this late stage of it, and I am eternally grateful. When I found this version of "Feelinigs", I was melted. Her realness is simply haunting. I knew you'd appreciate it too. Whenever I listen to it, I am also drained. (I'm listening to it now).

My first awareness of "Feelings" has indelible memories, too. - It was in the early 80s, in Cuidad Acuña, Mexico, at Blondie Calderone's place, where my first (puppy) love (many years later) took George and me to hear Blondie play the piano when we visited him and his wife in Del Rio. He gave us a vinyl recording of Blondie playing it, as well, which I still have and treasure.

When I put together my most recent hub, "Ships That Pass", I wasn't thinking about how similar the whole tone of it is to this hub, which I sneaked in when I was supposed to be reading all the poetry! Possibly the other one I have brewing will be a bit along the same feelings. . . Perhaps I'm getting to that stage in my poetry stash!

:-)

Thank you, dear, dear Ian. You've brightened my otherwise overcast day.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Thank you for your most elegant reply to my comment, Nellieanna. And thank you also for sorting out my typographical errors and inconsistencies in Dulcie’s story. I am sure that she would have been most grateful that you have taken me under that protective wing and lead me into your amazing artistic world so gently.

Dulcie always manipulated me so cleverly and I was completely unaware of the way she was gently nudging me and leading me to give of my nest.

I am sure that I can hear her voice at the back of my mind saying that she would have loved to have introduced you to Marie and that Marie would have approved if we had turned up at ‘Primates’ together,

Both Marie and Dulcie were very protective of me and made it their business to guide me and to Make sure I didn’t fall into bad company (although I frequently slipped the leash, and went my wicked way, in that direction, if only temporarily).

Both ladies tended to be somewhat jealous of my new acquaintances until they had vetted them and made sure they were bona fide.

But I am pretty sure you have passed muster.

Hugs,

Ian


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

I would be honored by Dulcie's and Marie's approval and would only want and value it, knowing they truly care for you down to every small detail! So if vetting is required to be admitted to "Primates", then bring it on! I'm fearless! I would never want to be allowed on a mere "pretty sure" I've passed muster. I insist on the full review!

Hugs. . . .


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

You're in!

Sign here, please.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Sign here X - Nellieanna Holdeman Hay


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Ha ha ha!

I have mentioned you "in despatches" in a comment on Ben Writing's latest hub.

Hugs


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

So I see! Wow. What an accolade! You're too kind! He is something, isn't he? Hard to believe it all comes forth from one so young, though I admit I wish it were less gloomy. But he does gloomy really well! :-)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Nellieanna,

I feel like rushing to you in Dallas, and crying "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!" this evening.

Babar put me onto a site where I can watch movies for nothing (legally). They are good quality and I can do it right here where I live (in front of the computer) but for some reason, I have not been able to view a single one this evening. It tells me that I need Real Player (which I have), and has been so infuriating. I have been fiddling around for about four (4) hours, to no avail.

I watched 'Tangled’ last night and loved it every bit as much when I watched it in the cinema. But tonight???

Grumble! Grumble! Grumble!

Sanctuary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,

Ian


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

OH, HEAVENS! That IS infuriating! I'm sure you've tried the first step, rebooting. Sometimes leaving it off a bit. . .

Last night my UVerse remote took a notion to ignore all my clicks and desires. I got so disgusted I just went to the actual TV and shut it OFF and went to bed. This morning it was as sweet as can be, as if nothing had happened. As for my laptop, it's always persnickety. It hops off the page I'm trying to do or switches from or to editing mode without any reason. I just patiently go get it back. I've learned it's a further waste of time to fuss with it.

I've watched movies on the computer but confess it's not my favorite way. Too bad you can't hook it up so you can view on your TV screen?

I'm not familiar with "Tangled". Sounds intriguing. Yesterday I was in an Elizabeth Taylor-Richard Burton mood and watched "The Sandpiper", "The VIPs" and "The Comedians" again. I got more out of the last two than when I first watched them in the DVD collection I had to buy to get "The Sandpiper". I didn't watch "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolff" in the collection again, though. That will take some courage. I can think of several of her or their films I'd have preferred. Ah, well. At least I enjoy the others.

As for sanctuary - all I can offer is my two newest hubs. I just published "Misty Mystical Memories" and published "Ships That Pass" Sunday. From this distance, it's the best I can do. . . :-) Of course - looking at the clock, I see that it's after midnight there. Here it's about time for me to have my supper. I was so chilly that I had a hot toddy awhile ago - the excuse being a little snuffle. Not a real one, but good for an excuse. hehe Woo - Hoo! - all mellow and warm!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

By the way - I have a guest room if you rush over here! :-[)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

I'm packing my bags as we speak.

'Tangled is an animated film about Rapunzel, Nelleanna, and I know you would love it. It is completely charming.

I just gave up trying to watch anything new and read 'The Potter' for a while until my eyes grew blurry. So if I have made some mistakes, please forgive me. It is 2:40 and I am off to bed.

I must finish 'The Potter', it's not had any work gone on it for weeks and there are over 30,000 words which I think deserve to have a few more tacked on.

Bed time,

Hugs,

Ian


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Be sure to give me your flight schedule so that I can make sure to have figured out another place for the 29 bathroom throw rugs I washed weeks ago and have left neatly folded on the guest bed. :=) I think I can find a place on a closet shelf now just full of disorganized stuff.

Ah. Well I love Rapunzel but am not overly excited about animated films. But then, I haven't watched many of the newer ones. I gather that it's difficult to tell which characters are animated and which are REALLY animated. So if you say it's charming, it must be!

I was thinking of getting to bed really early, and got all the before-bed chores out of the way. Then I had a burst of wakedness and here I am, thinking about doing some background stuff. I try to keep up with which poems I've used on which hubs, (there are 89 poetry hubs published here now). - So I've a rather complicated system involving several charts and updates, with printouts, so I know what I'm doing, more or less. I'd been letting it languish, along with other stuff, while the contest was going on and I wanted to keep up with my people, more than organization. People always take priority over tooly stuff, of course.

Yes, you must finish "The Potter". Definitely!

Big hugs - Nellieanna


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Good morning, NellieAnna, from this end.

I am so cold. I am just going to turn on the central heating, so I hope your spare bedroom has an efficient radiator or two, or else I will just construct an enormous cocoon out of the bathroom throw rugs/mats and hibernate until you can tell me it's safe to come out.

Be warned, I am a traditionalist, and when I make a cocoon, I do it the way I and my tribe have always done it. I chew up all the cotton, wool and bark, and then apply the chewed gunk from the inside, letting it dry as I do it.

I draw the line at manmade fabrics - Ouch! (Karen from Will and Grace when she touched some man made fabrics in a clothing store). So if you have anything precious, leave them out of the guest room.

You will be reassured, however, when I tell you that I scrub my teeth before I chew up the stuff to make my cocoon, so it will smell remarkably like Colgate.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

I thought you might be clairvoyant. Now I'm sure. How else would you know that I prefer and use Colgate?

I keep my thermostat in the cold weather at 70F, which is not hot. In this open-area house, the chill effect feels lower. I keep it at 78F in the summer, (with about an 89 heat effect), which is pretty warm when it's 100 or so outside, except by contrast the moment one walks in from outside.

I bundle up (almost in a cocoon) in the winter and strip down in the summer. Im in my sweats and warm socks with New Balance walking shoes but haven't gotten into my Cuddl-Duds and fur-lined Aussie boots for indoor wear yet. I could but then where would I go when it's really cold? There was a hard freeze last night but is to warm to about 46F today & is as clear as can be. Yesterday it didn't get out of the 30s, though the sun finally peeked through.

But I did don some Cuddl-Duds under my jammies last night, plus fuzzy socks. That was my sleeping attire under a cotton sheet, a cotton quilt, a huge (Queen-size) faux down comforter (in a cotton cover) and a real down comforter (also Queen-size & in cotton cover). I'm not keen on manmade fabrics myself. I can identify them but haven't tried the chewing test! I guarantee you'll find plenty of natural fibers in my house, with the possible exception of bark. I wouldn't advise chewing any parts of the house-plants. One never knows if they may be toxic.

But, yes. I will remove any cashmere, fine lambswool, Irish linen, or Egyptian cotton from the guest room prior to your advent. In fact, those bath mats represent considerable effort in drawn-out washing and drying for days. I'm none too sure I want them chewed up! I think I'll be sure you don't have to chew them. Maybe teach you how to make an effective cocoon out of the covers!

Here's my technique: I sleep on my back and wrap the covers around me like a cocoon. I place a down pillow over the feet area of the bed.

But I miss my cat Camille, who loved to sleep on my feet - under the covers. It was a habit she picked up when she and Toulouse were young and we took them on a real camping trip in a tent. When the thunder started, she dove into my sleeping bag and went as far down in it as possible. Thereafter, it was her favorite place to sleep: under the covers and on my feet; - and suited my feet well, too. I never knew how she managed to breathe down there, though! That same night of camping, when the thunder started, Toulouse managed to unzip the tent and dashed out into the storm. Silly boy. She always was the practical one. But he was the most fun. Except that night as we searched in the storm with flashlights for him among the pine trees and hoped he didn't head into the lake by mistake!

Anyway, last night, by the time my feet felt fairly warm, I was fine for the night. I find myself trying to retire to bed earlier & earlier as cold weather descends, in fact! When I was sleeping here in the den on the couch, I really developed the cover-cocoon technique. In fact, at the ranch, I made sleeping-bag-like covers out of comforters, first for sleeping in the RV, then for sleeping on cots. We hadn't built-in our furniture in the cabin, you see. So it was a matter of getting out cots every night and putting them away every morning; the space being very limited in the little cabin we built.

My heating system here is central, but the vents are all quite old and rusty. There's just the one in the guest room, but it's at the floorboard level and its ductwork in the floor/wall is located almost above the actual furnace downstairs. It can get so toasty in there, in fact, that I usually leave that vent closed. The vent in the office next to it is similarly located but the bathroom and master bedroom vents are high up and not nearly as effective. But there are two double heat lamps in the bathroom, which I turn on when showering. Plus I make sure the water is well heated before stepping into either shower. (one is a shower-tub, the other is a huge walk-in shower, which I prefer.)

I'd lend you one of my down comforters for the guest bed, plus there are numerous all-cotton quilts and comforters. My mother, being from the "frozen north" as she called it, always had ample covers and so do I . So maybe you won't find it necessary to spin your own cocoon.

Anyway, we do things a little differently over here. I was amazed during our stay in Essex that the bed linens weren't 'tucked under" the mattress at all, but were merely lying on top. It was mid-April to mid-May and I thought it was always rather chilly! Anyway, I do the tuck-in under the mattress at the bottom with the envelope corners, so the covers STAY in place, plus,once ensconced under the covers, I pull up the dangling side next to me & tuck it under my bod to create the cocoon effect. No floor air seeps in to let the body heat escape!

Duh. Please explain "Karen from Will and Grace" to me. I feel I'm probably supposed to know - but my mind is a blank.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Gosh, I feel as if I have stayed with you for a couple of weeks already. There are so many differences, when we come to look at them, aren't there?

I've just been to the cinema to see a Bollywood film, 'Desi Boys' (Desi means "typically SubContinental) and enjoyed myself during the second part. The first half was a bit tedious, but the second was much better. I love Bollywood, there is always an "Intermission" in their films; they are usually so long.

It is the first time I have been to the cinema since they gave me crutches so that I could get around. The walking stick was making me stoop so badly, and I moved so slowly, that I felt really embarrassed to be seen walking along slowly. The crutches helped enormously, and when I get used to them, I’ll be whizzing along at great speed, but right now I get a little tired.

I have to sit in the front row of the main seating section, as I cannot manage the stairs. I don’t mean right under the screen, but far enough back so that I get a decent view, but there are two steps to that front row, and Thank God, Babar was there to make sure I didn’t go base over apex. He really is very caring and doesn’t seem to mind that he is seen helping an old Fart. Ha ha ha!

Karen? Will and Grace?

Karen was a rich lady, one of the characters in the American comedy series, 'Will and Grace'. I wouldn't (or couldn’t) even attempt to explain. It was very, very funny.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

There are bound to be differences along with likenesses. So? We both understand that basic reality, methinks.

It must be lovely to feel really comfortable with Bollywood films. I am in awe of them but can't quite relate in the way I feel sure you can, having lived there and been such a child of the land, actually. I'm quite pleased to be able to see somewhat through your eyes and heart.

I'm also pleased about your crutches. I may or may not have mentioned that Norm (Val's husband) is in the process of getting some sort of ambulatory aid, either a walker or a wheelchair. He's become quite stooped (part of it is habit, I think) so that walking upright is an impossibility. The advisors are in favor of the walker to help him stand more upright, and secondly - because the chair seems to be a final, no-return choice. People seldom emerge from it, once adopted. Now I see that and how it will help them both be more independent. Having to manage him with a chair would really take a toll on her, too. The walker would give him more choice where he wants to go, too.

When I was seven and had a shattered right leg in a cast - I had crutches. As you say - one can really zip along with them!

Oh, my. Seems like all the seats in modern movie theaters are too close to the screen! But it's not that easy to access the top ones. I'm always so blind, coming from bright light into the relative darkness that I can't see a thing while trying to ascend. Once I slipped and spilled my popcorn all over the aisle seat viewers! haha. Was with stepgrandkids, though, who assisted me. Babar does sound like a gem. He ought to be proud to be helping a literary genius!

Well. so much for me and Karen, Will and Grace. I've no idea where to pursue them. I'll have to take your word that they're very, very funny; so perhaps I'll just rest this evening in preparation for my rescheduled orthodontal appt. @ 9:45 AM tomorrow. Not knowing the route well, I'll need to start out with plenty of 'wiggle room', timewise. I've readied my veggies to cook (and have eaten my salad-on-the-hoof) and have the meat cooked which I made in order to have extra night before last. So I'll start the stove and then the microwave and have supper in no time. I'll think about Karen, Will and Grace another time.

I had been sitting here bundled up but had what feels a lot like a hot-flash (though it's surely chronologically impossible) and have thrown off the afghan and shawl and am still overly warm in my sweats.

I was out and about this afternoon and it was very chilly. I had to get my earmuffs and warm gloves, which I didn't think needed, as bright and sunny as it was. Big high pressure cell - means clear and VERY cold. Then Friday there is to be another cold 'front' with clouds, wind and possible precip. Ah, the joys of weather!

I have a theory that super-hot summers as we have thin the blood so we feel the cold more. Also, the reverse. Super cold winters thicken the blood so one feels the heat more. My stepson in Colorado can't bear much heat and goes out in very cold weather comfortably. It's already very very cold there. Well below zero F - which is much colder than below zero where zero C is the freezing point.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

They say that in the UK we don't have a climate... just weather. From your description, it looks as if your corner of Texas might fall into that mould also.

I have started picking around with 'The Potter' and changed a couple of words here and there, but am really quite happy with what I find. It is a long time since I did anything about writing it, so I wonder what I find when I get to some of the newer stuff.

I know it isn't Bollywood, it's an Indian "Art Film", but if you ever want to get a feeling of the India I knew vaguely as a child, the India around Independence, a wonderful film I can highly recommend, is 'Earth 1947'. Lovely acting - Aamir Khan being one of them. It is funny, it is charming, it is beautiful and it is harrowingly sad, but I think it is one of the best of its kind.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

That is an apt description of our weather - not clime, just weather. haha. But the entire state of Texas has weird weather, though not all identical.

I know "The Potter" is and will be delicious. I love its tone.

I'll keep "Earth 1947" in mind! Thank you.

Hugs, m'dear. . .


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

Nellieanna, it feels good to be back. The immense reading of poetry the past month and aiding with the judging kept me busy and away from some of my favorite writers. On top of that a few personal matters threw a kink into my inspiration and desire to scribe.

I have shaken it off and am here to pick up where I left off. I see you have added 3 new hubs since my absence. Of course nostalgia is part of all our lives, you my dear share with beauty in every word as always and to compliment your feelings with these choice videos was simply brilliant.

I to have had many moments in my past life, some very remorseful, some very happy experiences. Through it all I sifted through life, found many fine loves, kept my faith in humanity and hung on to some great friendships, yet like you an many I have also suffered loss. I know though when it's my time to crossover I will meet them again. I am confident in that. Merry Christmas and a healthy and happy New Year 2012. Now on to read your next two beautiful additions. Hugs


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Well, I see you are not lonely.

Some people pound the drums, 'they must be heard'. You achieve a sweeping sound on the percussion instrument of the page. The splash of water thrown by passing tires. Blinds drawn closed. A melody brought to your page. Framed, displayed in elegance.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS Author

Oh, my, Ken! I'm devastated ! I really thought I'd replied to this sweet message from you.How could I have failed to post my response to your comment? Oh, dear. Forgive me, please. I remember reading it and appreciating that we have shared some of the same type experiences in our lives and that we've both emerged intact and more fully who we are. Yes, I also feel confident in being reunited with those I've lost in one way or another. I also often feel 'in touch' with them even now.

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2012 to you, too, m'dear! Thank you and a big ole Texas hug!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS Author

Mike, ah - you touch my heart with those thoughts. I once wrote a lengthy poem about the difference in the sound I emit, which in the poem I likened to a harp - in contrast to some others', which I likened to horns, though the gist of the poem wasn't really about the sounds so much as the contrasting resonances and how they do or do not relate.

Right, I am by myself (since my beloved George died 3 years ago) but not lonely. I've been virtually alone many times in my life, but lonely rarely; and I don't think I know what it is to be bored. Occasionally I'm briefly aware of monotony, but I either stir it up or chalk those things up to "tiresome details of living" as my mother called routine chores, and then just get them done and back to more interesting things, as she always did. haha.

Thank you for always providing such a flattering "straight mirror" for me! You're quite perceptive and then you 'pretty it up' so becomingly! :-) Hugs.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

This is stunning! You have managed to pen my own feelings better than I ever could. I treasure this hub and I treasure you Nelliana. Thank you for the marvelous videos. "The very thought of you" is one of my all time favorites. I managed to shed a tear or two reading and sharing your surfaced feelings.

You are magical! There is no one like you. Sending you love and a big hug.

vocalcoach~


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS Author

vocalcoach - Thank you, and I mean that with all my heart. I read your profile and appreciate your position, which gives such depth to your awareness and sensitivity. Hugs!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 9 months ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

My goodness, I'm just rediscovered this hub after our exchange of e-mails yesterday evening, and am still so impressed with you range, depth, broadness and clarity of writing.

You are a National Treasure, my dear friend.

Much love and respect to you, you poetic genius.

Ian


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Hard to believe it's been 4 years since this hub was penned, published and received such lovely responses.

Thank you! I'm glad you still appreciate it, m' dear Ian. I value your opinion and our friendship so highly. There is no one else like you!!

My hub activities are quite minimal lately but I will keep connected and may start publishing again. Between a nasty fall and 2 sprained wrists last April and carpal tunnel syndrome before and since that, my overall activities using my hands have been limited, though my fingers have been relatively limber so that I've been able to type through it all, but then there are sometimes repercussions following the typing when the unresolved conditions rebel. But I'm on a major improvement curve. But reality is that when activities are limited and one is on one's own, some of the mundane priorities rule.

Hope things are well with you, dear love. You have my undying love and respect, too.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 9 months ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

I'm so glad we're back on track again.

;-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Absolutely. dear friend, though I didn't feel we were really off-track. :) Sometimes things pause or move slowly, but remain aligned.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 9 months ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

I am so anal retentive!

I always write the seasons with capital letters. Spring, Summer, Autumn (Yes, Autumn) and Winter.

Think about it, spring and fall are verbs, whereas Spring and Fall have the dignity of being Proper Nouns - or should have.

But Word for Windows, whether I use English UK or English US, tells me that none of the seasons are proper nouns. How comes the months and the days are honoured by being capitalised yet the blessed seasons are made to feel so common (as in Common Nouns)?

So, in editing 'The Potter' I had to go through and adjust my errors.

Sob!

Nellieanna, I know you will understand.


Surabhi Kaura profile image

Surabhi Kaura 9 months ago from Toronto, Canada

Oh Nellieanna, you are a star in my eyes – a sparkling one that is simply unique! My, my! Actually I am entranced with your depth and clarity of thoughts. Love you so much. Muahhhh (hugs and kisses).


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

My dear Ian. I'm quite visual. I picture people, things, and words when I think of them, I 'see' them as I think they should be seen or written (I suppose it is); and, yes, the seasons should be capitalized, I think. They are Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. High-handed as Apple's spelling-robots are, at least they agree to that!

I'd forgotten how ornery Word for Windows' autocorrect is. I use Windows occasionally, thankfully very sparingly, though; and I have computers with it. I won't install it on my Mac, though that is an option. But I must use it for a few tasks for which Mac hasn't yet approved my preferred programs, such as one of the Turbo-Tax programs (for estates). I must buy two Turbo-Tax programs each tax year for preparing (1) my personal/ranch business taxes and (2) George’s estate taxes, which are my responsibilities. See, I’m not just a pretty face. Tee hee.

How maddening to have to go through 'The Potter' and adjust all those so-called errors! You have my profound sympathy, my love. Surely one of the headaches of preparing for publishing. Perhaps it's another reason I shy away from formal publishing: unabashed cowardice. (haha- my spelling robot changed it to unwashed cowardice till I caught it and insisted!)

(I’m so pleased that perhaps, through me, you might meet Surabhi who has also commented here.)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Surabhi has commented here too, for which I’m grateful and pleased. I feel so honored to have one of my very most favorite long-time Hub friends AND my most recent one commenting on the same hub!

Surabhi, "Twilight Lawns" (Ian) and I have been Hub friends for quite a long while and have shared much. He spent years of his childhood in India and has deep roots in it and love for it. His profile tells more about it than I can. He's a lovable gifted writer, has fun and the best somewhat wry humor. He's a wonderful friend.

And, Ian, I can't tell you what a special and amazing person she is! Her writing is simply exquisite; her understanding is superb. I feel like I've been treated to a fragrant flower garden when I interact with her. I met her through another favorite beloved Hub friend, Manatita. What a meeting it would be if the four of us could meet and share the sparks. I guess these pages will have to suffice. There are some others who would probably appreciate and fit into our mutuality.


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Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Surabhi, your words warm my heart. What a pleasant glow to take along as I gather my toys and get ready to close the computer and get myself to bed. What is nicer than to be appreciated by those one appreciates? (I speak Muahhhh! - Same to you, my dear!)


Surabhi Kaura profile image

Surabhi Kaura 9 months ago from Toronto, Canada

Nellieanna, my Love.

You are a Darling. You know something, it takes me time to know the person. But as I started conversing with you, I found this beautiful Heart that is full of Love. Sir George was truly the luckiest man on this Earth to have such a Loving partner like you. You’re the sweetest Angel. I knew ab initio that I could instantly connect with you – ha ha. I pray to God that you always remain like this – a sweet melody.

I just replied to Ian’s beautiful comment on one of my hubs and then read his profile on HubPages. It brought such a joy to know him. Thank you, my Sweet, Sweeter and Sweetest Nellieanna for the introduction. I have so much respect for you in my Heart, my Dearest. Oh yes, it would be nice if we could all sit around the bonfire in this chilly season, and chit-chat with hot cocoa in our hands. Stay happy. Keep smiling. You are beautiful!!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dearest Surabhi ~

And YOU! You ‘ring true’ to me, as well. What a pleasure to feel such a real rapport with a person. It’s a precious and rare gift, which I cherish and treasure.

I’m so pleased that you and Ian have naturally and mutual met! I seldom try to ‘fix people up’ but it seems such a ‘natural’! He’s among my most beloved cyber-friends. I feel we know each other well. It’s a pleasure to know him.

A little about me, lest you attribute me with too much sweetness (wink). I’m an Aquarian. I’m not a very ‘mushy’ person, but I value and treasure the sincere, real feelings of love more than I can say. There are some people in my life for whom that feeling simply surges, just thinking of their names or picturing them in my mind. It warms my heart. It gives the greatest possible gift just feeling it. If it’s mutual, it’s doubly wonderful. It is a feeling, not an idea, so it’s not easy to describe in words. It’s possibly easier to describe what it is not. It’s not possessive or demanding. It simply IS - if it is. I know you understand this. My George was able to give and receive this kind of pure love - and I use the word ‘pure’ as being fully what it is, unpolluted with elements of what it is NOT, rather than as a moral or judgmental term, as it’s sometimes used, in contrast with ‘impure’. I would not call its opposite impure in this context. The purity of real love has no ‘other side’, I suspect, though there are foreign elements which it IS not. George and I had the most fulfilling life together for 30 years till his death in 2008. We were married 23 of those years, though our hearts were joined from the start. He’s still close. The glow still abides! His aura was glowing and still is to me.

I also feel a sort of ‘blanket’ of love for all people, even the least lovable ones, and a profound appreciation for those who are lovable. It’s not some magnificent benevolence in me, nor is it that same feeling for an individual I simply love with all my heart and soul. But it’s love in a feeling of benign acceptance, even forgiveness and always wanting and hoping for their best fulfillment of the lives for which they were born, or to which they aspire, on their own terms, not mine. It flows out even if they are presently wandering without vision or on the wrong paths leading away from their own best fulfillment. But in those instances, I don’t feel like I must ‘fix’ or change them, though if an opportunity to influence or help for their good arose, I would take it if I’m able. It’s almost a feeling of trust in the basic goodness of people, even those who are furthest from it.

But for those special people toward whom I feel what we are talking about here, I so cherish and treasure that flow of ‘just plain real love’ that I feel for those special people. My heart is happy in it, it sings its melody. It simply gratifies and fulfills me without needing, demanding or expecting more, unless ‘more’ arises spontaneously. It’s possible to allow the beloved to fly freely or to stay close as they need without causing me panic or fear of loss and lets me feel that same freedom for myself without fear of loss. In fact, if change in circumstances or ‘loss’ did come about, the love would simply abide, undiminished, without repercussions, if only in memory and without demands. Death itself would not and does not alter it. This really is not easy to describe! But it needs to be expressed, I feel, - the different kinds of love, all very much love, but letting the love BE what it IS, whether the closest personal love or the most general for all ‘others’. Knowing, accepting and loving oneself is a basic - pivotal - part of it.

Sometimes other things are confused with love, perhaps, - things like control, power, need, possession, expectation, demands or even duty or responsibility-for. Even the expectation of ‘unconditional love’ can become a ‘tool’ for pressuring the other person to conform or comply which may be or become controlling or even entrapment. Unconditional love IS the essence of the kind of love I recognize as this special love, but it is never a requirement or a pressure if it exists. It just IS and unfolds itself. If pressure or control is needed or exerted, - then it’s not unconditional!

I’ve had an experience or two in this lengthy life in which the other person’s need for love-as-control and/or clutching was so overwhelming on their side that it became smothering or choking to the point that I simply had to back away, or was, indeed, pushed away by it, both for my own sake and for theirs, if you can understand that. Even once when I was fully willing to try to comply, (and did so for many years) the demands so outgrew their own containment while I was still willing to comply, that they erupted destructively, though I’d nurtured my inner being enough to rise up and begin again to flourish, perhaps with a greater wisdom and tolerance than could have been acquired any other way. Such extreme has certainly been rare in my life, because I’m usually aware and very much ‘present’, so am able to ‘see it coming’ and avert that extreme. It is not a good experience, nor one I’d ever want to repeat, nor feel I should. Mostly, thankfully, I have been blessed all these many years with such wonderful, mutually equitable (if one can think of that as a feature of the most real kind of love!) and lasting love that even those other experiences pale and fade away by comparison and contrast. But it’s surely valuable to know the difference first-hand, to be aware as a fox while remaining gentle as a lamb. But I am not a ‘blank sheet’ by any means. I feel sure you understand.

Yes, a bonfire and hot cocoa sound perfect. It’s been unseasonably warm here this February, but I hope for a bit more winter before we move into the warmer seasons. I love to cuddle and stay warm in cold weather, drink warming beverages and eat hot soup. Um hum!

Are you by chance familiar with Abraham Maslow’s works and his theory of the ‘hierarchy of needs’? He sees in it that, as people’s basic needs are filled, we rise into more and more ethereal realms of personal fulfillment, like getting the ‘practical’ stuff taken care of and allowing higher, broader levels of perception to develop; ultimately, culminating in a state he calls ‘self-actualization’, in which the person has become (my concept of) mainly more psychologically healthy, whole and (my word for it) integrated, and so, of course, less grasping, needful, fearful and dependent on ‘props’, including even the sweet support of others, though quite comfortable in mutual situations. To me, it allows the purest kinds of love to flow. Like now.


Surabhi Kaura profile image

Surabhi Kaura 9 months ago from Toronto, Canada

My Dearest Nellieanna,

You have a pure Heart. I feel positive vibes around you. Your aura makes me feel warm and that is something I cherish and treasure.

I bow my head with reverence before you for enabling me to read a chapter of your life. Oh, I am an Aquarian too. Ha ha – High five, darling! Birds of a feather flock together (smile). I cannot thank much for your loftiest and sincerest input. I am truly left speechless after reading it. I feel like we have something common here – I also feel the same when I think about my near and dear ones, and that feeling is inexplicable. My eyes get moist and my Heart sweetly pounds. I agree, we can’t really describe this beautiful feeling. There are times when certain things in life cannot be seen or touched, can only be felt. The moment we feel our feelings, we then realize how precious they are as compared to the materialistic things. I feel you. I feel your Heart and your Soul. I really do.

I am sure Sir George was very lucky to have a wife like you. Let me embrace you here before I start writing further. Do you feel the warmth of my hug, my Darling? I am proud of you and your love towards him. I know it is pure and pious. Our loved ones never die. With each breath that we draw, we feel their presence in us. It’s like this – sometimes a whiff of fresh air would remind us of them and other times, a peculiar star sparkling at night would remind us of them. I was very close to my Grandpa. Very, very much! When he left at the age of 85, I couldn’t sleep and eat properly for months. I would make my pillow wet with tears and silently cry inside during social gatherings. He meant the world to me. Later on, I somehow began to emerge into this lovely world. I realized that this flesh is mortal, yet the Soul is immortal; it never dies. Our Soul remains evergreen when it touches the Hearts of others.

Let’s talk a bit about me. I am 23 years old. I was born in Punjab, India and brought up in Toronto, Canada. I studied law because I was so much influenced by my Grandpa and Dad – two lawyers in my family. I was so much fascinated by this profession and I always wanted to see myself in black suits. Lol. Sounds funny, yea? I was very happy to receive scholarships throughout my law school. It covered my entire education. When I started practicing with Dad, I realized the difference between practical and theoretical aspect of law. There are times when I feel suffocated at courts and in the law firm. I feel so much freedom when I am in my room with my lamp, diary and a pen on the table. To me, that is something which gives me joy. I love writing poems and fictions. I have recently applied for Masters in English Creative Writing. I think one should listen to their Soul’s voice. I am happy that everyone is supportive to me. Fingers-crossed. I just hope that I get selected.

You know, my dear, people in this world don’t need a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient Heart that listens. Thank you for your love. I am touched. I feel fortunate to have you in my life as my buddy. Your words are not just words. They are pearls. How I value each and everything you have said! Your love towards others is commendable, my Sweet. I really admire you.

“Knowing, accepting and loving oneself is a basic - pivotal - part of it” – Nellieanna. Muaaaah! A sweet kiss to you. Yes, you are absolutely right. We can only love others if we love ourselves first. I appreciate your take on things that can be confused with Love, and ‘expectation’ resounds in my mind as one of the major root cause of all the troubles. When there are no expectations, there are no sufferings. A calm mind that simply focuses on positive aspects in life, achieves the yardstick to weigh solutions during impediments. You are so much like me! Yes, Unconditional Love is the Supreme Love – it is beyond compare. I usually discuss about unconditional love with my friends and others. It is the most celestial kind of Love. I wish that the man I’d marry understands this. (blush, blush). After all, it’s a sweet dream of every girl. No, no… no such thing as the groom riding on a horse with her bride on a lovely island. Ha ha ha.

You know, I just love you. Love is a mutual feeling that grows among the persons second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, days by days, months by months, and years by years. However, it not the years that count the most, it’s the moments –the moments that make you live your entire life in one breath. I feel blessed conversing with you here. I am so glad to know that you were/are so much loved by others, and you deserve their love and my LOVE. Yes, some people come in our life as a blessing, while others as a lesson. Nonetheless, both of them are pivotal for our psychological growth.

So you loved my idea of cuddling and sitting around the bonfire in the cold weather! I am so glad to know that, my beautiful. I have just prepared French Vanilla coffee. Wanna have some? (smile).

Yes, I am familiar with Maslow’s theory of ‘Hierarchy of Needs.’ I remember reading it during my Humanities class. His theory still remains valid today for understanding human motivation, management training, and personal development.

Lastly, I find you very intellectual and an extrovert. I am so pleased to know you and I pay my sincerest thanks for coming into my life. Love you so much! My fingers are saying, “Write more… more,” but my Heart is saying, “She knows me already.” (aha!).


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

ago from TEXAS Hub Author

Dear, dear Surabhi ~

Positive vibes are mutual. We each understand the difficulty of describing it perfectly!

It’s equally difficult to perfectly describe George’s and my beautiful relationship, but I sense that you feel closely as to what it was/is. Your experience with loving and missing your own Grandpa shows that you KNOW the kind of feelings involved, as how vital it is to rise up from grief and gloom and live positively as part of our tribute to these beloved ones. We also must accept the inevitability of death. It is as natural to the process of living as the living itself is.

I’m so pleased to read more about you and who you are. Your HP profile is quite brief.

It’s fascinating that your family had major examples of lawyers! My George’s grandfather Linn, his favorite great-Uncle George, with whom he spent much time in his youth, and his father Leo were all in the legal profession. The first two mentioned served as both attorneys and district judges (one in Kansas, one in Indiana). His own dad went into the law at an older age, getting his law degree in Oklahoma and practicing in Texas, after finishing other careers. They all strongly encouraged George to follow suit.

But he’d accompanied his Uncle George to court many times during his stays with him in Kansas and then he rode to classes with his Dad and other law students when he had started his own college in Oklahoma. Between these experiences, he had realized, as much as he loved justice, that the Justice System in reality does not actually produce that real justice as much as it brings about what the proponents can convince the juries, true or not; and that offended his conscience. So he went into Industrial Engineering instead, finishing his Bachelor’s at Texas Tech in Lubbock, which was where his Dad then had set up his own law practice.

George always adored creative writing and was quite good at it and was encouraged by his English teachers throughout school to pursue it, but at the time (the 1940s) prospects for a man to support a family on income from writing, unless highly successful (which happens over years or may never happen) - were quite slim and he intended to make a family, so he chose a profession for which he also had much aptitude which was more viable, practically. He still always enjoyed his creative life as personal pursuits, writing and others, but was successful in positions of excellence and trust, first as a Naval officer in WWII, and over the year in his Engineering profession. Actually that was how I met him. I was the Engineering Department Assistant Supervisor of a building company where George was hired as an Engineering consultant and it crossed our paths which grew from mutual admiration and friendship to deep love and eventually, marriage.

Your experience of feeling ‘suffocated in courts and in the law firm’ and virtually turning from all that to consider other areas of study which give you more satisfaction, is very similar, I think. Also success possibilities for creative pursuit are better now, I think.

I have to smile at your reassurance that “. . .people in this world don’t need a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient Heart that listens. . . “ That is quite true, while we prove that neither attribute is mutually exclusive to the other.

Many times people with good hearts are assumed to be less endowed with high intelligence. I’m sure yours is high and I know mine is, and still, we’re both very feeling people. But it took me quite a number of years to realize fully that my peaceful nature was an added attraction, not due to less intelligence than all the other people in my brilliant natal family.

My brilliant parents were in their 40s when I was born and I was sort of their little ‘nest egg’. I received lots of love, plus opportunity to follow them around quietly observing and learning. They did teach me lots. But I was the baby sister to my brilliant siblings by so many years -14, 12 and 10 years my seniors, with their strong personalities firmly established when I advanced from toddlerhood. I was regarded as just the sweet little curly-headed baby sister, not as a participant in the lively discussions, though I absorbed a lot and I loved to read and do creative things on my own, which were private pursuits needing no permission or approval. I had ample opportunity to be alone and to ‘entertain myself’ and it was productive.

Eventually, in my 40s I tested for Mensa (which my middle sister was in and the others easily could have been). I didn’t really expect to qualify but figured it couldn’t hurt to find out. I tested higher than that sister and qualified for Intel, too. I’d probably planned to tell her if I qualified, but when I did, I didn’t have the heart to hurt or deflate her, so I didn’t tell her. I knew it meant more to her than it did to me. She’d grown up in the eldest sister’s magnificent shadow and her studious brilliance was her source of self confidence all along. So when she finally found out about me from someone else, it devastated her. Still, she kept me categorized as the little kid with the curls. She even asked George to not ‘make an adult’ of me when I was in my 50s. haha.

I have always valued my own true nature and in situations of challenge, it’s what I protect, first and foremost, not allowing bad situations to change me into a bitter or more aggressive type person. Realizing that it is quite possible and normal be both kind and intelligent is the pristine distillate of all that long life experience I've had. Sadly, many highly intelligent people I’ve met seem either to be unaware of it or unwilling to admit & practice it, as if being soft threatens them to lose intellectual status. I don’t care about status. I am what I am and so be it. haha.

As to the character of the man you marry, my dearest Surabhi, the secret is to wait till the right one appears, without anxiety or effort. Effort is the enemy of the natural process of people finding mates who fit well. Other things can and do enter into it at times. And even if one thinks it’s 'the one, it is wise to allow time for any contrary traits to emerge, especially when one is young and so bursting with love, high hopes and natural desire. If it IS the ONE, it will show it is. When it is real and proven lasting, it will be THE shining ‘real dream’; - the groom on the horse with the bride riding with him on the beach of a lovely island is entirely possible . . . . both in its essence and perhaps, even in the real island situation. But it’s never the horse, beach or island that makes it real and lastingly wonderful. It’s the hearts and their full matching and total truth.

YES, please pour me a cup of the French Vanilla coffee. Sounds delicious. I’ll go get a cup of coffee with lovely cream right now. Sounds perfect. And sometimes, writing is so engrossing I forget to eat!

Yes, you’re right that much words are unnecessary when people do recognize each other; - but, alas, people who love & wield words are apt to use them too. In the choice of a life-partner, ‘leaving no stones uncovered’ to know him is a very good idea. So words can help.

I’m in for a treat of a 4-day visit from a greatly beloved relative starting next Saturday. So this week I’ll be making preparations and may be less active online. I’m so looking forward to the visit!


Surabhi Kaura profile image

Surabhi Kaura 9 months ago from Toronto, Canada

Oh Nellieanaa,

You have no idea how relaxed I am feeling after reading your comment.

I know, my Dear, I haven’t written much on my HubPages profile, as I feel that there is a right time for everything. Perhaps when I’ll achieve my ultimate ambition and become more mature, then I’ll have a professional introduction (he he). There’s a quote by one of the famous Economists, “Never be too honest. Straight trees are chopped first.” Hence, I tend to stay vigilant, especially on the social media. I mean, it’s quite common for a girl of my age to think this way. As I read your Heart, I discovered instantly about your humbleness, and so I thought of being an open book before you. You are truly very sweet and it is crystal-clear when I read your heart-warming words. They speak in volumes to me. Please come out of the cyber world, because I really want to hug you :)

Thank you for telling me about Sir George. Whoa! A Naval Officer in WWII and plus an Engineer? That is indeed very commendable. I salute him. It’s such a pleasure to know that he also hailed from a legal background. Well, it was totally different with me. I scored good grades in law school and was awarded many scholarships that covered my entire education. I was a recipient of ‘Queen Elizabeth II – Aiming for the Top Scholarship.’ Though I belong to a family with a sound financial status, but I always believed in handling my tuition expenses on my own. I believe in standing on my own feet. As my Grandpa used to say, “Live your life on your principles, sweat and tears, because others’ shoulders are only needed for coffins to bear.” A bit poetic, eh? So the theoretical world of law was quite welcoming to me and I was equally fascinated by it. However, as I started going to the courts and the law firm, I realized that I am not made for this. The practical world was not my cup of tea at all. Fortunately, my loving Dad is fully supportive and he motivates me to pursue my dreams – my vision. I want to be a Professor one day and would love to indoctrinate others in the field on education, mainly Creative Writing.

My, my! So was it love at first sight? (wink, wink). Such a sweet love story! I would also prefer having such a lovely rendezvous that eventually draws a path to marriage. Well, I haven’t found my Mr. Right yet. One day… one day maybe. Ah, yes, you are intelligent and peaceful too, but it’s the ‘blanket of your love’ that attracts me the most. I feel so much at home with you. That’s the best part of this mutual feeling that we reciprocate.

Lastly, I am left astounded after reading the bond between you and your sister. It’s the little sacrifices that count the most – that we do for our loved ones. How I admire your spirit! Aww, so my sweet curly-baby girl, I am sure you loved my French Vanilla. By the way, I was watching a funny video on children yesterday on YouTube, and a sudden thought ensued in my mind to search you. Surprise, surprise! I found you! You are really cute and sweet. I saw one your Halloween videos. It was such a delight to see you. Ha ha. I am with your sister on this – never become an adult. Always remain childlike! You are beautiful and wonderful the way you are. That was something which made me to instantly connect with you. My fingers stand witnessed, as well as my Heart – you are special.

Thank you for your advice about marriage, my Love. You are so right. As youngsters, our emotions tend to fluctuate at times and oftentimes, we flow with its frequency. Shh. Don’t tell this to anyone, my Sweet, but I recently met with one of such emotions. It was not good, but it taught me lesson in its silent way and I flew away with my wings. I thought to reflect on my decisions, because our decisions eventually result into our actions. At the end of the day, a true ornament of a woman is her Character and Dignity. Yes, one should just wait for the right time. Everything is preordained by the God Almighty. I was hurt for a while though, but I have accepted the fact that having a ‘crush’ on someone is normal and biological at this tender age, yet we must control our feelings if it is one sided. There are certain boundaries that we simply cannot cross. Yes, a good Heart matters the most rather than THE shining ‘real dream’ (aha!). You’re absolutely right. High five! I will worship my would-be husband, provided all goes well. I think that I will make a good wife when the right time will come. I will take vows to fulfill my duties and responsibilities with Love. A mutual Love is the Supreme Love.

Have an awesome treat, my darling. I am also going to visit India on March 1st for a month. It would be nice to meet my relatives and friends. It’s always a pleasure to catch up with our near and dear ones. Remember, it’s the moments that count the most (smile). My Grandma belongs to an old school of thought – Arrange marriages. Oh goodness! She will be talking about many bachelors for me. Lord save me! Ha ha. She is sweetheart though and knows that it would eventually be my decision to decide eventually. But then again, everything is preordained. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Whatever is happening, is happening for a reason, and whatever will happen, will also happen for a reason only – Bhagwad Gita teaches us. Sweet wisdom! Umm… I don’t want to lose in touch with you. I am being a bit selfish here, but what can I do? I love you and I can’t help it. So here is my e-mail – surabhikaura@yahoo.com. We can talk when you are back. We’ll catch up soon, my Love. Take care and enjoy!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dearest wise young Surabhi!

Being a relaxing influence is a wonderful feeling! Thank you. It’s a lovely compliment!

How pleased I am that you’re getting to visit India. You mustn’t be concerned about all this that is ‘left behind’ when you touch down on Indian soil. But if you’d like to email me, my main one is nellieanna@nellieanna.com which might be a better way to correspond, anyway.

Being a bit of an Obsessive-Compulsive, I may need to try to abbreviate my communications somewhat. I’m sure you relate to the easy flow of written words which are almost like thinking in that form. Mine can cause me to forget the time, eating, sleeping and especially tending to less enjoyable things which still demand to be done, and so, contribute to more sleep neglect, trying to claim all 24 hours of a day. haha. So if I do manage to abbreviate more for moderation and health's sakes, you’ll understand! By the way, I keep copies of most of what I write, including what I rule to be 'too much' and don't sent but which might contribute to writing my memoirs or might be helpful to my posthumous biographer. Teehee.

I’ve mapped out my preparation schedule for the visit for each day of this week. I am now online while I eat my fruit and wait for the washer or dryer to finish. Tuesday (when I started this reply) was rainy and cold so not the best for grocery shopping to be sure I have Michael’s favorite food on hand. So it has been laundry Tuesday. He’s insisted that I need not and must not exert myself. Of course, it's impossible not to prepare for an expected houseguest. Now it’s Wednesday and another set of chores in progress.

Michael is one of my 2 precious step-sons, so it’s family, besides, so I’ll clean moderately but not polish so he won’t feel I’ve ignored his cancern for my welfare. In any case, I work slowly, needing to take frequent brief rests between physical efforts. I'm happy to be able to do everything on my own as I do. This man (he’s in his 60s) is one of those for whom I feel love pour forward like for a son and he regards me as his spiritual mother so it’s a mutual blessing. His sibling relationship is not good and his parents are both deceased. He was on Hubpages for awhile and writes very well, but our email correspondence is quite brief, especially on his end, though he shows his love constantly in many ways. He's my spiritual son.

I fully understand about the preferred brevity of your HP profile. I LOVE your grandpa’s advice! My dad would have liked him! He always tried to teach me to ask lots of questions to learn about the other person and did not encourage me to open up and be so easy to assess myself by providing ‘just anyone’ with information they could use to suit their own purposes, since not everyone’s purposes are always honorable. It was foreign to my nature to push or probe, preferring to let people volunteer their information. But back then I didn’t divulge much about myself, either.

A fact is that I came into HP with NO - zero - zip - nada intention of participation. It was simply to be supportive of a writer friend I’d met on more random, ordinary social media. He’d published the first of a trilogy of suspense novels, but this other group was unresponsive toward any mention of his literary world. Of course, I’ve always written as I write, and continued to since beginning online in 1997 in the first chat groups, which was a “Comic Chat” format, in which one chose a cartoon character to ‘be’ and it interacted with the others in a comic-strip scenario. Characters would appear to laugh if one typed LOL or to roll on the floor laughing if one typed ROFL! It was great good fun ad enormously challenging, to keep up with who the characters were and what they were saying in the comic strip, to respond and make one’s own comments. It moved very quickly.

But when text chat was introduced, most of the members flocked to it, because it was so much easier to do and to follow the flow! But then the was opened to the whole internet and it became an instant chaotic mess as people barraged into the familiar chat groups and mine was mostly for senior citizens who simply were not prepared to deal with it. I learned much about handling difficult situations and people online and successfully did so, but many of the others chose to ‘hide’ and communicate among themselves but in the chatroom without even seeing what the attackers were saying and doing so that others who popped in to participate or join saw only the chaos and fled. Eventually MSN (my IP) eliminated chat and introduced ‘communities’ and then replaced them with ‘groups’ in which their control could be imposed. I didn’t join any of those because I’m not in favor with the sort of high-handed control they employed, so I found other social media, It was in such a group that Merlin Fraser came aboard with his writing interest. He noticed my writing style and forays into more serious subjects which were a bit atypical than the usual trite stuff being exchanged. Then when he joined Hubpages, he invited me to look into it and explained the way members support or ‘follow’ each other and encourage or sometimes provide valuable critiques of the written work. It sounded good, but I tend to shy from ‘special interest groups’ which can result in a competitive or ‘one-upmanship’ atmosphere which is not my thing.

In fact, I’m not much of a ‘joiner’ in general, and the name ‘hubpages’ was suspect. haha. But I joined primarily being committed to simply support Merlin’s efforts while keeping a VERY low profile myself, with NO intention EVER to share any of my large collection of thousands of then all-handwritten poetry which I’d never ‘published’ and almost never had shared any of it with closest friends. So I just appeared on Hubpages, writing and saying almost nothing, even as a profile. Immediately Merlin evidently asked some of his followers to check me out and offer the hand of camaraderie, though I’d published not a word and my profile consisted only of a link to my large personal, do-it-myself webpage, where I shared as much online as needed and had intended it mostly as self-expression and possibly for close online friends!

Immediately, I had my first follower/ fan, Da Greek, (Dimitris Mita), a native of Cyprus, then living in England, but now back in Cyprus. He has become a published author and has been a great supporter, especially of my poetry, ever since! He’s also expressed disdain for my prose, especially my first HP prose. haha All he could say in his initial fan statement nearly 6 years ago, was that I was beautiful, since there was literally nothing I’d yet written and posted to mention. haha. But over the years, he became my most ardent poetry supporter.

But back then, his followers began to encourage me, too and I began to ‘get’ the message’ of the way HP works. I admit it was a little different 6 years ago, but to me and for me, it’s remained the same because I didn’t and still don’t write here for income, which involves a lot more conformity and a different dedication than ‘just writing’, which is what I do. One of my early hubs on the value of helping each other won me some kind of honorable mention. http://hubpages.com/community/Following-Other-Hubb... - (my only other accolade from the HP staff was being asked to help judge the poetry section of a literary contest they sponsored a few years back. Any other honors have come from fellow-members.)

This experience fostered my concern for fellow Hubbers who are either new or struggling to get established, and I mention them to some of my Hub friends, to give them a ‘foot in the door’. so to speak. It’s been gratifying.

Well - this has rambled on far too long! I send you hugs and xoxoxos and best wishes for your upcoming trip! I’ll love to hear about it and see pictures, etc. This is a hub I wrote about a real dream involving India, by the way: http://hubpages.com/literature/Deep-In-The-Forest - I know, I know - it has no relationship to reality, other than being inspired by an actual dream! It was fun.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

By the way, I've just been reading the comments made at the time on that hub about the dream in the forest of India and many of them surpass the actual hub itself and they all enhance it! Several of the commenters were or are Hub friends who are from and in India, as well.


Surabhi Kaura profile image

Surabhi Kaura 9 months ago from Toronto, Canada

Awww, My Sweet curly-baby girl,

How did I forget to reply you? How did I! So sorry.

I came to you with Love and you gave me your Heart. I came to you with joy and you gave me an evergreen bouquet of happiness. I came to you for peace and you wrapped me with your blanket of Love.

Yes, you are a healer to my Soul. I mean, your words touch my Heart so sweetly that I feel like I am flying in a celestial sky – a sky that is sublimely adorned with cotton-white clouds and with melodious hymns of bulbul. Darling, have you become my muse? Ha ha. I feel that I am sounding a bit poetic as I am typing. Wait when I reach to India (wink). I will have a surprise for you on HubPages.

I have dropped you a line on the email provided. Yaayyy!

To me, writing is like an infinite Ocean that flows perpetually despite the rocks. Sometimes, I battle with my thoughts as to what to write, but the inner voice of our Soul is so profound, that it triumphs the odds nevertheless. I love your take on writing. It’s appreciable. Hats off! Yes, health is above all. As the wise men have said, “Health is our true wealth. So let’s enjoy the life like an ice-cream before it melts.” He he he. You do the right thing, my Dear. Always give priority to health. Rest can be tackled down eventually.

Oooh la la! Someone is preparing a schedule, eh! Let me sneak peek too. Lol. I am kidding. Yep, chores of everyday continue. By the way, do you like Indian food? I wish you were here in Toronto so that I could take you to some classy Indian restaurants. It would have been such a pleasure! Not to worry. I’ll see you in my dreams, my Beautiful.

I am glad to know about Michael and his care towards you. You are a loving Soul. Who wouldn’t love you? Look, I can’t even control my fingers to put a ‘period’… I feel like continuing this cycle of correspondence. It’s so heart-warming. O Magician, what magic have you done? (aha!).

I am glad that you liked my Pita ji (Grandpa’s) advice. I am sure he would have liked your Dad had he been alive today. How I love your Dad’s sweet wisdom! Much, much Deference and Love to your Dad. Now I see the secret behind your wisdom. You have received it in inheritance (smile).

Ha ha! The “Comic Chat” just brought chuckles and I couldn’t control but to hold my belly. Oh boy! LOL. Yes, yes it’s fun! Oh, I used to use MSN, but not anymore. I have moved into ‘gmail’ for professional correspondence, and I use ‘yahoo’ to stay in touch with my close friends, relatives and professors. So glad to know your encounter with HubPages! I can vividly remember mines. My friends used to say to create a blog since I am good in expressing my thoughts into words. It was their suggestion. So one sunny day, I just googled, did a thorough research, and was pulled here with Love. Perhaps it was God’s will. My very first friend here was Daniel, but he is no more on HubPages. Hope that all is well with him. So yeah, I started here in 2010 with articles and poetries.

Hmm. Merlin seems like a sweet person! God bless his noble Soul. Yes, I agree with your fan’s statement. You are not just beautiful. In fact, you are a doctrine of what Beauty is all about. I love your sweet simplicity.

My Darling, I would love to check out the hubs that you have mentioned. Yea, even I don’t write for income. I write to simply breathe in the poetic world. It gives me so much joy to see others’ masterpieces!

Awwwwwwww!!! I send you lots of (((HUGS))) and kisses. Muaaaaaaaah!! Thank you for your good wishes. You are such a Sweetheart! I would love to send you the pictures, my Love. I will check the links soon. So sorry, my Darling. My eyes are blinking and are saying, “Shhhh… go to bed before you get dark circles under your eyes.” He he he. I must listen to them. How I love that we both are childlike! Let’s always keep this playground filled with Love. I will check your hub(s) soon. In fact, I wish to read many of your poems. Soon... soon! Lots and lots of Love, my Sweet curly-baby girl! I will miss you when I go to India.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 9 months ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Surabhi ~ I'm busy with my beloved company. It's low-key, lovely visiting, with fun eating and relaxing.

He's had a back ache, so one of my local buddies who is a professional massage therapist, gave him a treatment Sunday afternoon. We went out for Mexican food at Michael's favorite place that evening; but otherwise, we've just been mostly staying in and enjoying catching up. It's such a pleasure to have him here.

I just haven't been on computer for more than minutes these past three days. He's leaving tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon. I'll be taking him to the airport, so we’ll be cramming in the last hours of the visit till then in the morning.

I appreciate your sweet message. It gives me lots of smiles and chuckes. I am youthful but certainly not still a curly headed baby girl. hehe

I couldn't let you get away on your trip without a reply, though I'll reply more fully at a later time. Hope you’ll have a chance to read this before you leave and that we can stay in touch at least a little while you're away. In any case, I will enjoy hearing about your trip when you return. I’ll be busy working on my taxes and other neglected stuff in the interim.

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