Seeds of Doubt- Poem

Source

My story is not so different from millions of other woman, out there. I was in a mentally abusive marriage, for fifteen years. I was lucky, it only got physical one time. We got married when I was seventeen. I may have loved my ex-husband at some point, but the bad years quickly out-numbered the good. We both changed, and grew very bitter. I would like to say it was all his fault, but I can't. My bitterness, and depression made it hard for people to be around me, let alone love me.


I wrote this poem right after I finally had enough courage to kick him out. The main reason I held on as long as I did, was becasue I was so terrified that it would ruin my children's life. I visualized them needing years of therapy, and I was sure that they would never ever forgive me. The thing is, I was wrong.


Months after the inital shock wore off, I was having a conversation with my girls. Out of the blue, my oldest daughter asked me why I did not leave her dad sooner. I was speechless. I told her that I was raised in a household that always worked out the problems, so I tried to fix things. She told me that some things are just not worth fixing. I could not believe such wise words came out of a fourteen-year-old mouth. I could not help, but to agree.




The seeds of doubt are planted deep

Watered by every tear you weep

It takes baby steps to begin again

With one foot, in front of the other, and a pasted on grin

Can’t look back

The train has already left the track

Nobody must know that you have been derailed

There is only one option, you must not fail

Six confused eyes look up at you

You feel their fear, anger, and resentment too

Wiped away are the innocent smiles

replaced with confusion and denial

This pushes you over the edge

You scream and reach for the ledge

Alas, it is too little, too late

You’re falling toward the arms of fate

Your voice grows melancholy as you whisper goodbye

To all the lost dreams that were trapped inside

As you spiral through the air

You reach for a thought, which is no longer there

You wipe your face of all the tears and sweat

And suddenly land in an invisible net

You search for the familiar pain and fear

And realize for the first time, your mind is clear

In their place is a joyous song

You hear a voice whisper “this was my plan all along

Trust in me and I will set you free

Everything is going to be okay, open your eyes and you will see”

You slowly open up your eyes and look above

And see six eyes staring down with nothing but love.

More by this Author


Comments 12 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

I know this, Lisa....you are as strong as you need to be.


Lisawilliamsj profile image

Lisawilliamsj 2 years ago Author

Thank you, Bill. I know I am. I also know that I made the best decision for my whole family. Some days it is harder than others, though! lol... I have a new "friend" and he has been taking the family to church...and you know how I have always felt about church...not the biggest advocate to say the least, but I have been trying to open my mind...and I am finding myself more and more intrigued...Thank you for taking the time to always stop by and comment, Bill. It means allot to me :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

wow enduring.. I can sense the pursuit of dread.. ?? fiction right?


DJ Anderson 2 years ago

Lisa, it is so good to see your pretty face and read your meaningful poem.

You are stronger than you know, and wiser than you think.

A word of unsolicited advice....never turn down an opportunity to view

the world in a different way. Take with you what you need emotionally,

and pick up a few seeds for the growth of future insight. Remember that

the thrill is in the ride, not the destination.

I send you love,

DJ.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is so beautiful and full of renewed hope and strength. I am happy for you, a new friend, a new beginning. Who could ask for more? Good luck my friend.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

Trust in me and I will set you free

Everything is going to be okay, open your eyes and you will see”

You slowly open up your eyes and look above

And see six eyes staring down with nothing but love

Wonderful poem Lisa and thanks for sharing.

Eddy.


Lisawilliamsj profile image

Lisawilliamsj 2 years ago Author

wish it was Fiction, Frank ;) My poetry tends to be about little moments in my life...The good news is I do not live in these moments, I write them out, and then let go...Thanks for stopping by!


Lisawilliamsj profile image

Lisawilliamsj 2 years ago Author

Thank you so much DJ! YOur advice is always appreciated, and I do beleive I will take it to heart. ;)


Lisawilliamsj profile image

Lisawilliamsj 2 years ago Author

Thank you so much, Ruby!


Lisawilliamsj profile image

Lisawilliamsj 2 years ago Author

Eddy, Thank you so much!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 2 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Beautiful. I love how it's all tied together with the six eyes again at the end.


Lisawilliamsj profile image

Lisawilliamsj 2 years ago Author

Thank you so much, Victoria!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working