Sarah Palin for President 2012 : A United Opposition

Photo by 'Basharepublican @ Flickr Creative Commons
Photo by 'Basharepublican @ Flickr Creative Commons

Sarah Palin for President 2012 : A United Opposition

The rumours of Sarah Palin quest for the nomination as 2012 Presidential candidate for the Republican Party has aroused enormous controversy across America. None more so than among two distinct minority groups who, for the first time, have set aside their historical differences to form a coalition in protest against Palin and her extreme political views.

The 'Radical Moose Front of America' and the National Bear Association have united in opposition to form the Moose-Bear Alliance.

Harvey Antlerhead, a Shiras Moose from Western Montana and leader of the new coalition explains;

"We think it is absolutely appalling that this known serial killer is reaching for the highest echelons of office. Too many people consider 'Todays moose is tomorrows hat-rack' and Palin is only perpetuating these outmoded beliefs. We have suffered persecution and ethnic-cleansing on an unparalleled scale and this woman epitomises the worst excesses."

They have also received celebrity endorsements from many Hollywood actors and actress ranging from Walt Disney to MGM and from Main Street to Sesame Street. In fact none other than the famous Bullwinkle who is quoted as saying;

" Gee!! I gotta beef up my security, I got some stalkers after me"

"Hokey Smokey!!!" added his friend Rocky

marshmallow @ Flickr
marshmallow @ Flickr

Barney Clawfinger, a brown bear who actually hails from Palin's home state of Alaska, is head of the National Bear Association. He echoes Antlerhead's opinions;

"Palin should be in The Hague, sitting alongside Karadzic. We should not be fooled by her quaint family values and cosy fireside living room scenes. That cover on her sofa is my cousin Eugene"

The Association have been particularly strident in campaigning for new rights and freedoms, Clawfinger continues;

"It's bad enough that they took away our fishing permits but even today we run the risk of a bullet if we go near the rivers.

Some of our members have resorted to desperate measures and are eating fast food from the trash at McDonalds in nearby towns.

Not only is this dangerous but it is adding to the obesity problem among our young who are increasingly living on discarded french fries and burger buns. And you'd never guess how many calories there are in a McFlurry"

Antlerhead agrees wholeheartedly with Clawfinger and adds;

"This is by no means a new phenomenon as we have been suffering the most ever since they stopped shooting at the Indians."

"That's why we are supporting the Democrats in the coming elections, at least they understands the issues of minorities. I'm sure plenty of Barack Obama's ancestors have been chased through the woods by gun-totin rednecks."

Photo by Dick Tay 2000 @ Flickr Creative Commons
Photo by Dick Tay 2000 @ Flickr Creative Commons

Worringly for the sake of civil order and the rule of law some elements in the more militant movements have taken things a step further.

A breakaway faction of the NBA attacked a Republican fundraising picnic in Yellowstone Park last week. Luckily the attackers were distracted by the selections of cold meat and pots of honey roasted peanut butter meaning injuries were few. Unfortunately however, a determined Depute Marshall suffered a severe loss of face.

This incident has caused panic in many states such as Wyoming as it is believed that a healthy grizzly can smell a Republican from five miles away.

In a video release into the media the leader of the attackers announced:

"WOOOOARRRRGHHHH!!!!"

But when news of Sarah Palin rumours broke, a riot erupted in Central Idaho and over 50 moose stampeded through the streets of Bellevue. Luckily again injuries were light and no one was badly hurt, particularly as people sought refuge in shops and houses as the moose couldn't get their heads through the doorways.

In an attempt to defuse anger at these incidents, Antlerhead states

"We disassociate ourselves entirely from these irresponsible and violent actions by wild animals"

but continued,....

"However they indicate the strength of feeling against Palin's nomination amongst the common herd."

"But we advocate strong measures to safeguard our wildlife and further our cause. Therefore we will be canvassing the Democrat Party and Barack Obama himself to gather support for our demands. Our main requests are";

  • An end to all hunting in the USA even including squirrels and small rodents
  • Ted Nugent to be banished
  • Bullet-proof vests and Kevlar helmets for moose and bears as protection against illegal hunting in the most violent regions
  • Full voting rights at all levels of election from President down to Forest Ranger, in fact, especially Forest Rangers
  • Widened doors to allow moose representation on Congressional committees
  • Local quotas on municipal employment with a ban on bear costumes in the arts and commerce to provide equal opportunities for our furry brothers
  • All moose heads to be removed from hunting lodges, bars and even private households

Sarah Palin was unavailable for comment, but a Republican campaign spokesman stated;

"This is getting ridiculous and if Obama agrees to meet these guys then he'll be pandering to yet another dangerous minority group. Where will it all go from there? Will we have bison demanding reparations from the massacres of the 19th century? Renegade beavers cutting off our water supplies? And skunks creating God knows what mayhem in the political atmosphere in Washington."

He concluded by promising, "The only concession we'll offer to the moose and the bear population is a five minute head-start before we break out the ammo"

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Comments 14 comments

Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 5 years ago from Scotland Author

She's more popular than ever, glad she's bringing everyone together :-) Enjoy the fun, who said politics was boring?

Thanks for reading sir slave


sir slave profile image

sir slave 5 years ago from Trinity county CA.

Democrats and lefties like me are cheering sarah or michelle on for the nomination!(for obvious reasons) it will be great fun no matter who wins the nomination!


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland Author

Hi Vinnie, sorry for the subterfuge. Don't want to mislead anybody. :-)

But just gotta be on the side of the Moose and the Bear you know.


vinnielee2010 profile image

vinnielee2010 6 years ago from Apollo PA

Well Your post is OK I was expecting somethig serious and got this LOL

Sarah is just another issue the Pollies of america throw at us to get us fighting while they RAPE us rotten

For us to think that any one person can help or hurt us is retarded

So, Shin keep on keeping on


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland Author

A sad loss ltfawkes.

Thansk for reading and commenting


ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 6 years ago from NE Ohio

Very funny, Shinkicker. Especially like Cousin Eugene. Thanks.

L.T.


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland Author

All politics is getting ridiculous I think.

Thanks for reading cheaptrick


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 6 years ago from the bridge of sighs

Hi SK!Holy Crap what a Funny hub!I read this at least four times and just realised You were one of my commenter-es!I like the way you bring out the ridiculous"Nature"of the political scene here in America.Thanks

Dean


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland Author

Vote for Micky Dee, the people's choice

Hi Tracy thanks for reading. Minorities need protecting :-)

Hello John, cheers for the comment, hope you're feeling better :-)


lightning john profile image

lightning john 6 years ago from Florida

The thought of Palin in any government position is enough to make any person ill and extremely nauseated.


tracykarl99 profile image

tracykarl99 6 years ago from San Francisco

This is priceless! I agree with Barney - but, I will wager that Palin wields less of a threat to the Dems than she does to the Moose and Bear Community. As you've demonstrated here, she is a joke, (she must know this). Thanks for a great hub!!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Great stuff! I tap-danced on the buttons. Well folks "lying season" is coming up. Sure it's lying season every season but there ain't nothing like it for elections!

Vote for Micky Dee! Micky is for lower taxes, LESS government, a moose in every pot!

Micky is a Washington outsider!

Our forefathers would turn over in their graves!

We need to get back to the constitution!

It's time to send those "good ole boys" in Washington a message!

Vote for Micky Dee- the candidate that sincerely pretends to care!

Great hub (only if you vote for me though)


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland Author

Bullwinkle for 2012!!!

Cheers for reading Rob


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 6 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

I'm with the bears and the moose on this one.

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