I have watched and missed many sunrises, many sunsets. The moon rolls over the night passing quietly into the next day, as have many of my thoughts. There is a part of me that wants to share with you the things I have seen. The people I have met and the experiences that would not have been possible without them. The camera shows what it is capable of seeing. There is so much more to this life then what we can see. An expression of trust from a stranger. The scent of clean forest as I ride through it. The sound of a spring thousands of feet below. The effort, sweat, smiles, laughter, pure joy of climbing down to it. The rushing water echoes through the canyon, flowing over a waterfall that reaches and seems to beg what took me so long? How is it I have taken so much time to find this place?
It isn't smooth granite or bathing and swimming in pools of spring water. The blue sky and cotton clouds. Miles of teetering masterpieces etched out through time. Red and white rock spines jutting out from the landscape like sails on an ancient beast. All of these things. The people along the way.
We all search in one way or another for our happiness and meaning. Without which our soul sits empty. I can not fill another's void. You can not begin to pour into your glass what is needed until you can accept that it is empty in the first place. We have many distractions from true life. Getting lost in those temporary ideas of fulfillment. We trick ourselves into believing we are filling our own glass from another when in fact the other vessel has no more in it then our own. Many people have asked me how I was able to take the time to make this trip. I had no time. I have no time. None of us really do. We take for granted the autonomy of breathing and the misguided notion that the sun will rise for us another day. The sun may rise. The wind may kiss you gently in the morning. We may see another day. We also may never wake. You may have one last breath. One last sight. One last smell. One last lovely touch. Every second of every day is a blessing. A gift no one really deserves. What will your last breath, sight, smell, touch, be? None of us know. Cherish each and every moment. Cherish those close to you and look forward to experiencing those you have yet to meet. Some of you reading this may have been informed of your life span. 5 months...a week...,who are they to say. I thought I could set my own timeline and was eminently mistaken. I can not help you is the answer.
Where are your thoughts now? How does the sun feel on your face? Has the flower smelled sweeter? Have you noticed yourself smiling when looking up to the clouds as the cartoon characters of your mind float by? Or have you wallowed in your informed defeat? I have wallowed and witnessed my world turn grey, dark with doubt and no hope. I have seen the trees whither and die and the soil dry and crack beneath my knees. I have looked up and had the reflection of a motionless bleak sky slip into my eyes and draw away the color from the world around me. I have lied on the ground, motionless, emotionless, emptied out, no pain, no happiness, no sadness, a void shadow.
Some take a step forward after being pulled from their world of circumstance. I had to leap. Too many stagnant nights, eyes red and wet with memories. You may not understand my journey. It would be unfair of me to expect you to. Understand your own. Take your step, leap, plunge into yourself. Live this life we have been given. Walk through this world and accept the gifts of experience. Be a good soul.
Happiness and contentment will find you. You...I, can not make it, only have a mind open to the possibilities all around us. Look at the world around you for just a moment; take it in. Do not speak, listen. Do not judge, just listen. Listen to your heart, the thoughts flowing through as the breeze welcomes you. Listen to your soul as it is warmed by the sun. I have had to listen to my fears, my mortality, my weaknesses, my pain. I have listened intently and with vigor looking for the reason in it. It's only purpose was to bring me here, this place that allows me to say, "I forgive you" and let go of the world that I no longer have an interest in. Pettiness and wasted energy. I have no time for these things. My Love for those close to me, my Love for my sons, my Love for life, these are my world. This is the experience and life I choose.
Step back from yourself, listen and choose your life. Fill your glass. Be a good soul. Smile because you can't help it
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After my divorce I lost all hope in right and wrong. None of the principles I was brought up on mattered and no one could convince me this life was worth sticking around for.
Don't be me. Follow your emotions and live them. Do not squander the finite time we have in these bodies.