Sentences under Construction

Do you think these sentences throw a curve?


PARAPROSDOKIANS

Tell me a Paraprosdokians.

Para - what? Can you repeat it? What’s the word again? Okay, just spell it.

Did I missed this on high school or am I just absent when we had this lesson?


Paraprosdokians has been around since the 20th century. And today, it's been flying everywhere!

So what is this cannot-be-pronounced, cannot-be-spelled Paraprosdokians anyway? It's a figure of speech in which the first part of a phrase seems normal and the second part is surprisingly unexpected. This is frequently used for humorous effect by comedians because of its double meaning.

Here are the following Paraprosokians which you might enjoy, but use with caution dear readers!

Have a weird laugh!

  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
  • “You have three days to finish this project”... ”Well, I’ll take Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

  • I’d love to agree with you. But then again, then we’d both be wrong.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Where there's a will, there are relatives.
  • I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" written on it...so I said "Implants?"
  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  • Why finish your work today, if you can do it tomorrow?
  • War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
  • Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  • If you tried your best and failed miserably, the lesson is, never try.
  • I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
  • We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

  • My friend said only onions can make you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face.
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Trying is the first step...towards failure.
  • My neighbor banged on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that: 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
  • I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid. Then I was petrified.
  • Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
  • Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
  • I like to follow my dreams; it keeps me in bed till almost noon.
  • The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back just in case.
  • Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
  • I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over.
  • Enjoy an inexpensive stay in this beautiful hotel – while it is still part of the continental land mass.
  • Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  • I seem to always miss my husband. But my aim is improving.
  • There are two words in a person’s life which will open a lot of doors for them... PUSH and PULL.
  • Laughter is the best medicine… since you don’t have health insurance.
  • A Friend In Need is usually something you don’t need.
  • You should be on Mt. Rushmore… who else has so many stones in their head?

  • "I'm only human nature."
  • "First and for all.”
  • "All of a suddenly..."
  • "That's what I'm talking about it!"
  • "Thanks and advanced!"
  • "Forget it about it! What are friends are for?"
  • "It's as brand as new!"
  • "Keep that bear in mind."
  • "When it rains, it's four."
  • "Every cloud has a silver lightning."
  • "Grab the bull by the balls!"
  • "Don’t just do something! Stand there!"
  • "My answers have been prayered!"
  • "You're barking at the wrong dog."
  • "That's the way the cookie jars."
  • "Let’s give them a big hand of applause!"
  • "Well well well, look do we have here."
  • "Hi I'm Bhoy. What’s yours?"
  • "The sky is the langit."
  • "Hello? For a while...please hang yourself...My boss is out of town. Would you like to wait?"
  • "And where do you think you are off to running to?"
  • "Why won't you cut me some slacks?"
  • "How dare you are!"
  • "What’s your next class before this?"
  • "The idea crossed at the back of my mind."
  • "Are you joking my leg?"
  • "It's a blessing in the sky."
  • "I always go there sometimes."


© 2012 Mycee. All Rights Reserved.

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Comments 42 comments

Jase Parker 4 years ago

I love this. Made me smile. So funny.


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

Some of these are really good! Nice Hub Spy!

Voted UP.


endless sea profile image

endless sea 4 years ago from Lucknow(U.P.) India

lol!! loved it I have read them before on several places but never knew they were called Para....ummm whatever.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. this one so familiar while playing soccer if I kick the wrong place I say "hey you should be there to take my pass, that's where I was aiming and that's the proper position" really funny I literally laughed on some


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Wonderful hub Spy! You had me laughing from beginning to end and I'm still smiling as I write this.


unknown spy 4 years ago

Cool write..never heard of the word though..thank you for sharing..this is the type of humor that exists in my world..a few of my originals......

" Aged spots are really mature freckles.."and " I didn't recognize her bare..ly"..


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi M. thanks for this great hub, i really needed a good laugh today. Enjoyed reading everyone ! (Favorite one)You're never too old to learn something stupid . I had to stop telling people you couldn't get and stupider, because they thought it was a challenge .


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

this is my favorite article of the day. it is on my FB wall


Healthy Pursuits profile image

Healthy Pursuits 4 years ago from Oregon

Thanks for a good laugh! One that I heard and enjoyed recently is a quote from Samuel Johnson: "Remarriage is the triumph of optimism over experience."


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Jase . . Endless Sea . . Curiad . . Billybuc . . Kashmir . . Mhatter . . Healthy Pursuit . . and to "unknown spy, the twin i've never met :)

Thank you for reading.. and Im really glad you like these Para - whatever :))

made me laugh the first time i've read this especially the filpino para's.

xoxo.m.


Lot Rillera profile image

Lot Rillera 4 years ago from Philippines

it made me laugh spy, can't stop myself from smiling. printed this out and have it read by my husband to have a good laugh ! hahahaha ! you did it again ! nice hubs to LOL.....


Civil War Bob profile image

Civil War Bob 4 years ago from Glenside, Pennsylvania

Good hub, Spy...voted up, funny, interesting. The Paraprosdokians are coming...all the way from Greece, I think!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hello lOt anf CivilWarBob! thanks for the votesd and read :) glad this hub made you laugh!

Yes, these Para---came all the way to Greece til here in the Phils!! :)


liveandlaugh profile image

liveandlaugh 4 years ago from Canada

I love when a comedian uses these! I'm glad some of the best are in one place and I know what to call them, even though I'll never be able to pronounce it.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

thank you liveandlaugh! i love your screen name..that's what life is all about..


Richawriter profile image

Richawriter 4 years ago from On Top of the World

haha, good one!

I loved the first list and I absolutely fell in love with the second list! You know why? Because I have a few Philipino friends over here in Thailand and I recognise some of those paraprosdokians from them or things similar. Absolutely lovable.

Thanks for coming over to Richawriter's hubs and thanks for the laugh!

Going to add you and read more of your stuff.

Peace!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thanks Richa! Hahaha, yeah they used to say that for fun and for a laugh. It's soo funny.

Thanks again richawriter!


snowdrops profile image

snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

Nice one Spy!! Made me LOL! :-P


Starmom41 4 years ago

some totally good stuff there!!!


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

LOL! Thanks for the giggles - these were hilarious! :)


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Melchi, Starmom, Snow.. Thank you for stopping by!


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

Interesting


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thank you Rahul :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

I just have one word: FUNNY! Thanx unknown. I'm beginning to see many different sides of you. Nice!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thank you bravewarrior! :) Glad you read this one, esp the Filipino Paras..they're so funny.


bluesea 4 years ago

nice one spy


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thanks again bluesea!


mandarmk9 profile image

mandarmk9 4 years ago from Ratlam, India

Excellent hub.

Some of the para... whatever u call 'em were fabulous.

(Particularly this one - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research)

Thankfully, I never mentioned I do research.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hahaha. You really made me smile Mandarmk9!(at last i put 9 not 0) hehehe


mandarmk9 profile image

mandarmk9 4 years ago from Ratlam, India

Yes, thanks for that.........


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hello Mandarmk9.. thanks for stopping by.


fjohn profile image

fjohn 4 years ago from india

I was thinking about your words you written in profile.

"I am good but not an angel, I do sin but I'm not a devil. I'm just a small girl in this big world trying to find someone to love."

I would like to say that, when you love yourself, others also will love you, and after that you can give real love to the unloved.

if possible kindly read my article " How to become a person people want to follow".


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

thank you fjohn..i never saw your article on your profile though.. it's only a profile message..i like that line..


snowdrops profile image

snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

Loved reading this. Makes me laugh all over again ")


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thanks Snow!


CloudExplorer profile image

CloudExplorer 4 years ago from New York City

I cannot believe this article was a complete 5 years ago, and it hasn't gotten at least 1,000,000 comment on it, yikes whats up with that Spy LOL.

Oh well that's enough for my sense of humor, wow! you went all out on this one here, and I am blown away by your ability to extract some very common and familiar cool terminology and phrases that may be somewhat mind boggling at times for others, and on both sides of the fence for naturally born American or English speaking folks, and that of Filipino Paraprosdokians, smooth hub here, it was too funny!

That super long weird looking word I just learn about by you Spy, not sure where you found it, but it truly is cool LOL.

Bravo on doing such an awesome job here thumbs up and getting shared no doubt!


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

hmmmmm....so THAT'S what those are called? I always just thought they were called 'smart ass remarks'...lol..

interesting...however did you come up with this? Whatever you're smoking - you ought to share..LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

My favorite is borrowing money from pessimists...next time I loan money out I'm going to inform the person I'm a total optimist!


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

Myz - Loved these! I especially loved the Filipino offerings. You do have a great sense of humor that I haven't seen before. Great job!


CloudExplorer profile image

CloudExplorer 4 years ago from New York City

I meant to say 5 months ago, yikes what was I thinking before I typed up that one Spy, man I need another hubpages vacation LOL. Awesome hub once again!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi Mike. Thanks for this comment. Hehehe yeah, its been 5 months no one noticed it hahaha!! but its really funny, especially the filipino para, right. hahaha. your comment is soo cool!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hahahah I love it Realhousewife!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hahaha thank you Rich! I know you would! :)

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