Sentiment's Last Breath


I awoke in the silence

Your image vanished

I stared into darkness

Your touch faded

Leaving me panicked...



The sun is rising

Over a dead world


And I fear for the future

And I fear missing you


Burning star rising

Over nothing but ash


And I run toward the light

And I run from the past


Can you feel the warmth?

Do you know my desires?


And I try to convey them

And I try to erase them


The daylight breaks

Over desolate desert


And I witness mirages

And I witness the end


The horizon flickers

Transforming gold into black


And I long for the comfort

And I long for the pain


The sound of a flame

Extinguished within

A morning vision

Deceives me again


And I know what is real

And I know where it lies


The sun’s ascent has halted

The earth isn’t turning


And I feel myself falling

And I feel your heart leave me


I awoke in the silence

Into remnants of day

And I watch as my world

Crumbles softly away



© copyright Ben D.A 2011



Comments 42 comments

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas

Nice work, Ben...lots of imagery in the words and verses. WB


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

That meant a lot to me thanks Cardisa...really :]


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

Ben you are depressed and maybe suffering from a broken heart. I too have been there and if you need a friend to talk to feel free to contact me. You are too talented to let anything stop you from being the great writer that you are. And if that avatar is real, then you are a gorgeous looking guy who needs to realize how great looking he is. You need to start seeing yourself the way others see you...great


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Cardisa, you're too kind. Thank you for being a fan...I need them now more than ever in my life. I find myself having difficulty waking up each day, I feel like my heart is just dying.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

I am back, still loving it. Another double entwined feature that reads both separately and together. I will always be one of your biggest fans.


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

As always BenWritings, from the heart and poignant, I can always find some match to my own situation, you have obviously a great grasp of the realities of life and are able to put that into words in such a way as to make us think! Great read :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Thumbs up, my special young friend!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

arb I have gotten such lovely responses to this one, thank you very much


arb 5 years ago

Sometimes, how well its said overshadows what is said. Sometimes the two are married and something special happens. So it is! Be well my friend; I hope the new job finds you well.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Nellie - your comments just make me blush and smile and feel like I don't deserve such words. You make me feel so great about my writing, and I am so glad that you have been impacted and touched by them. Your support has been just awesome, since day one...

Thank you so much Nellie

(hugs)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I've followed you almost from your first postings, Ben, and I can say whole-heartedly that I've read no poem of yours which didn't ring true, and fetch my mind from any doldrums to which it might have succumbed! Some of them have been outstanding, all are provocative and totally original. Some rise to greatness and a few to profundity. Perhaps this one does it all. I wonder at times whether you have the gift of foresight and are a visionary. Anyway, you're not just one of the green kiddos or jaded somnolents blindly coasting along or tripping along through life. You have the touch of greatness in you.

I realize that your time is limited for following up on all your many posts. Not to worry. Mine's been limited (still is) for even reading & posting. I haven't even been opening my notices of new hubs because of timing, and I didn't think you would be finding any time yourself to write, so I hadn't looked in here, just in case. Now I'm so overjoyed to find so many great new hubs!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Ian glad to see you checked this one out. Thanks a bunch!

I thought this one was pretty unique for me

:]


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Very bleak, even for you, Ben. For some reason, when your poetry takes on more form, it gains power, I love these lines:

"The sun’s ascent has halted

The earth isn’t turning

And I feel myself falling

And I feel your heart leave me"

Couldn't be bettered.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

saddle - your comments are greatly appreciated, and I am so happy to think that my writing is a gift, and that others are excited to see it.

that's awesome, thank you


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

I totally agree with Doug Turner's comment. You are most definitely electric in your visions. You bring a reader to a great high and can also bring us to a low, you evoke such feeling, you warm our hearts and bring us closer to your world.

You are a true artist, many times a reader is brought to tears and laughter, you my friend can do that. You are the gift that a fellow writer opens in haste to find the surprise within. Keep writing.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Doug and Nikki, I'm really sorry for not responding individually to everyone. thanks so much for your comments and support!

christine - that is absolutely awesome to hear, thanks

aylee - I love seeing comments such as that, it makes really think I'm doin something right :]


aylee95 profile image

aylee95 5 years ago from Honolulu, HI.

Love it, as usual~!! Haha.

I like how your poems are so... sad, and, well depressing and REAL. In my opinion it is good to write stuff like this, let the people out there know the world isn't so nice. ^O^ AND You can RHYME!!! I love your rhyming skills.


Christine P Ann profile image

Christine P Ann 5 years ago from Australia

amazingly beautiful writing Ben, i never felt so much from poetry before reading yours.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

sharyn, thanks for the read and comment, and I'm doing well, despite the sleepiness. haha :]

cardisa - thanks as always :D


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

belly bell bel - I'm sorry I just don't have time anymore, and when I do, I'm usually really tired and distracted.

Thank you so much for that comment though :]


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

Hello Ben,

Very good, as usual. I loved it and felt it.

Cardisa


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

It's close to the weekend and Benny's back ~ YAY!

This piece is excellent! Hope you are doing well hun!


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California

Beny Ben Ben, This is one divine masterpiece you construed of emotion. You write from your gut I could read it very loevely!!!

smiles :)

bella

P.S. I miss you havent heard from you my beny....


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Ha ha -- I'm laughing not at your fine words, but at how over-developed your imagination is. That is a fine attribute to possess my friend. Sometimes I feel the same way. I could have a bad day, like everyone else, yet in my writing the world is altered and the sun is exploding in a billion flaming fragments. You seem to be doing some of that here; taking an emotional state and transferring it into glorious poetic imagery. Right on.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

my new favorite! i love the style of this, the slight bit of rhyme. the song. this is a truly powerful piece. very touching. it leaves an impact.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

thank you all very very much!

you keep me writing


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

You are the true definition of angst,in a trully creative form Ben.;)


4elements 5 years ago

It was very well written. I enjoyed the read. It made me think of my own loss. blessings


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Excellent: "The sun's ascent has halted and the earth isn't turning" is the best image of "The End" that I've ever read. You are making great progress in your poetic journey.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Beautiful poem..Thank you for sharing as always.

Sunnie


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago

Emotions that flow out of the heart make for sensational poetry even though it hurts for the person doing it.. poignant, beautifully written !


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Ellie - thank you very much, I am thankful for your support

Qud - thanks for checking out my stuff and for the really nice comments, I really appreciate them. :]


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

I'll just assume that was a joke, "anonymous", cause I'm pretty sure she would never bother reading my work


Anonymous 5 years ago

Though your words ache me a lot, but some comments hurt 'us' even more. Good writing.


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

The words surround you, they haunt you they make you wonder if they ever haunt them. While we sit and ache, ache all alone, do they hear us? Can they hear us wail?

What joy do they find in leaving us deserted on an island, an island where we weaved dreams with them. We were good swimmers but we stayed at bay with them and come a new wave, they swam away with it.

You write beautifully Ben.


SeenButNotHeard profile image

SeenButNotHeard 5 years ago from Michigan

Omg These lines:

"Burning star rising

Over nothing but ash

And I run toward the light

And I run from the past"

Are amazing xD

Also the end.

I clearly have a thing for rhyme, though don't mistake it as me not loving the rest of it as well :)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

cheyenne - thanks a lot lil lady ;]

lizzybeth - if only...thanks :D

phoenix - you flatter my ass straight off. thanks for those great words :]

randy - that was one of your more flattering comments ;] thanks


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

I'm putting this link on my FB. People just have to read this and see your talent.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Gosh Ben there is so much here to like. I like the different images of the sun through the whole piece. And I loved the way you communicated this sense of longing and its futility. Its beautifully depressing, sigh.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

If this isn't your best to date, it must run a very close second ... but then you are such a marvelous writer it's always another one better than ever and yet each a treasure!!! I really really like this!


Elizabeth99 profile image

Elizabeth99 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

Oh dreams...if only they lasted forever. Good job Ben :)


thisismylife9123 profile image

thisismylife9123 5 years ago from Salt lake city, UT

The song was amazing paired with the poem. i can't say that i've ever read anything like this before. you have the potential for greatness. keep writing, ben.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working