When Your Wife, or Partner Tells You: Not Tonight Fred!

Please Fred!!!
Please Fred!!! | Source

Sometimes we want to know if we guys are going to get "our" part of the agreement and be able to take justice in our own hands. This is a direct response to Josh and his fun hubs. We work on a variety of subjects and let's see how are going to end this hub.

Supposedly, you are worried because, lately you have been taking cold showers and not getting enough of those vitamins or proteins. Your dog is mad at you because... you forgot to take him out to answer to that nature's call. Here are some signs that might help you decode your partner's mood.

Source

Reasons, some funny and some not so funny..!


  • She joined HP three months ago and.. caught up with our addiction. Say what?
  • She is on those days...She forgot to tell ya..!
  • She forgot to do her nails this morning. Tomorrow she might forget her pedicure
  • You answered to her with a natural, "Not now! I don't have time for this S***!" when she asked you to check a recipe from your colleague hubbers at HP.
  • Simply forgot your Anniversary. I use a magic marker and go to that freaking calendar in advance!!
  • She saw too many news about date rape pills, or a serial killer not being caught yet.
  • She wanted to go out and buy you a cologne. and you told her, "I'm just fine."
  • When she caught you cheating and... claimed and swore that it wasn't your fault. At least it was the same woman and not a new one!!
  • She just found out your sign doesn't match hers! Duh!
  • Is the third time you do not put down that toilet seat.
  • Your socks are so mismatched that she frowns upon, and 'something' clicks in her mind.
  • You stepped on her 'legally blonde' puppy this morning.

Leave me alone..! You know?
Leave me alone..! You know? | Source
  • The night before you didn't perform well on that Nascar Racing Championship. You got stuck on drive!
  • When she told you, "I'm fine!" And you didn't respond with a big hug, and never read our hubs on relationships!
  • When your dog got a colorful toy from under your bed... and started vibrating!!
  • When you wanted to try something new like on T.V., and she said: no way!
  • When she started feeling insecure about her boobs
  • When she starts telling you that she looks ugly in the mornings
  • When she thinks her cellulite is already showing up right behind her knee.
  • When you woke up and changed her real name...and last name!
  • When she wanted to try a new overnight anti-wrinkling mascara like on Oprah's O.W.N.
  • When she caught you reading us and... she started laughing like a nutty. "Sucker! You can read Lord, and not my gals!!"

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Comments 27 comments

Julie DeNeen profile image

Julie DeNeen 4 years ago from Clinton CT

Hilarious!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Now Dave knows better than to refuse to read a friend's hub when I've so conveniently put it in front of his face! LOL.

So so many funny reasons...and I'm betting you could think of a few more;) LOL


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Who the heck is Fred? I'm okay if she tells Fred not tonight; it's when she says Bill that I have big problems.

Great fun!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

My dear.. You are so funny.... I love this.. thank you for making me laugh.. I needed this..

Debbie


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Joseph,

Awesome hub, hilarious and gave me a much needed laugh! Thanks hub friend! :)


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Lord, that is quite a list you wrote and it sure was funny. Thanks for the laughter as I also needed it today.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks for Reading us Julie De Neen!

RealHouseWife,

I thought of many more, but maybe for a later hub. This was enough to make us laugh. Thanks for commenting and smiling...!

Josh, You made us laugh all these weeks, so it was pay back time. Hope to read more of your hilarious hubs. You must've been born with a wide smile!

Hi Billy, Fred is a fictional character who has been around for the longest. Don't worry you are doing fine in HP and at home as a beloved Husband.

Good evening Deborah,

We love to make you smile, and if we did make you have a good time, then the purpose of this hub was met. Have a wonderful night!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

You are more than welcome Pamela99,

You always come to check on us and we appreciate your kind words. We wrote this hub, just to add more fun to other hubs that were making our day. This is the best medicine!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

Hi there Fred....er....Lord, I have been guilty of a few of those as well as saying not tonight. During the past few weeks it's been a lot of "not tonight" but he understands why. I also get quite irritable these days and it totally surprises him but he is getting to understand the mood as he knows the reason behind it. I hope it will pass soon.

The hub made my day as I was feeling down. Thanks.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Lord, you made me laugh out loud with that dog video! Don't you think that looks like my Gizmo on steroids. LOL!!!! Seriously, though, it's interesting--and what does it mean--when the guy has the excuses? I don't guess I'm the typical woman.... I don't care for excuses in real life! :-)

Excellent hub. Love this one. Gotta share it!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

You know how to push the envelope right to the edge.. ever so carefully. :) This is LOL funny. I think Pinterest has a lot to do with this "issue." The crafts, outfits, funny quotes, nail polish styles, cute cats.. Makes us ladies say "Fred Who?" This was fun.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Cardisa,

We forgive you in your partner's name. Now, he can thank us later if you go back on business. We understand your hesitation and we think you should talk and put aside differences. Thanks Carolee!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Victoria, I will have to write another hub for our guys! Unfortunately, we have our days..ya know? I know my buddies. Usually is the game, extra overtime..and so on. But seriously my male friends are running out of excuses. Now, I didn't think about Gizmo... but sure looks like him..hahaha! So cute! Thanks Vicky! You made us laugh back!


kelleyward 4 years ago

Ha ha Lord, men what would we do without them? They ensure survival of the species. Very funny. Kelley


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Tammy this excuses are so real, seems that we were spying from somwhere on defragmented time. Men are men! Like boys will be boys. Glad you enjoyed it! Hope these things are not happening to you!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

LOL Lord! Men have a lot to compete with when it comes to getting "attention" from their ladies. Sometimes men have to step back and woo a lady, but it does take both parties working together to keep things interesting and the mood going.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Kelley,

Well We both need each other. Men and women should love each other with no excuses. Thanks for stopping by!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

You are right Tammy. Takes two to keep the flame going. adding imagination and fun ideas! Thanks again!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I've been there done that. What a fun hub and so full of truth. HaHa


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Voted up funny! I like the hubpages addiction.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Always exploring, LOL! I certainly understand your silents cry for help (joking) You did tell it like it is. Relationships can lead to misunderstandings. Hope you had the kick out of this one!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Lovedoctor926,

This addiction spreads like fire. You must know by now. Have a great day!


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

giggle...I like this! Love, "•You stepped on her 'legally blonde' puppy this morning"!


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi lord, that's one 'evil laughing dog!

Love the list, I agree with audra 'You stepped on her 'legally blonde' puppy this morning, so funny....

Brillant and voted up


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Morning Audra Leigh,

Well, it is what it is, ya know. Seen women getting upset, all becauzse I pulled their puppy's tail that was wagging. Thanks for stopping by. Your feedback is much appreciated!

Movie Master,

Hi Lesley, Glad you enjoy our writing. We just wrote the male version and some guys thought it was a brutal and fun hub. Thanks for bringing that sweet spirit in your comments Lesley!


kj force profile image

kj force 4 years ago from Florida

lord de cross...at least she didn't use the " headache" excuse...because as you know they pulled all the Excedrin off the shelves and it is only available on e-bay @

$ 139.00 a bottle!!!!and it could be worse..at least she tells you to your face....SHE COULD TEXT you...loved the hub....very funny...


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Yikes! KJ, You are full of surprises. I can imagine your partner having a good laugh! Wow~ Thanks for the info about excedrin. You always pushing our buttoms! lol!

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