Silent tears, creative writing in rhyming fashion

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Mom and Dad have difficulty accepting how little Jimmy chose this path.

Little Jimmy stood behind the neatly painted white picket fence. His sad eye's begging for recognition from anyone who might look his way

His home alive with music, telephone conversations, and laughter, yet he remains unseen another day

He feels like a black widow spider who waits in a hidden web ready to pounce, ready to bite anyone, maybe then he'll be noticed. He knows this action is dreadfully mean,

but he's desperate for someone to ask about his most inner dream

Sometimes he misbehaves on purpose to see if mommie or daddy will punish him, but they never stop to listen or ask him why?

They are just too busy with social engagements to even try

Jim grows up and leaves home, eager to find someone who will listen to his unforgotten inner dreams

Instead, he fills his day's with danger and criminal schemes

He winds up doing time in prison, standing behind bars in a 6 by 8 room with a drab brick wall

He remembers standing behind a white picket fence and wishing so badly for someone to hear his wishful call

Mom and dad have difficulty accepting how little Jimmy chose this harmful path,

but deep inside they feel the bite of little Jimmy's inward wrath.





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Comments 40 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 23 months ago from Queensland Australia

Looks like I am first to read this sad and somewhat dark poetic story Ruby. Sadly this seems to be a common theme..parents who are too busy to give their child attention, then they wonder what went wrong. Well done. Voted up.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hi John. I guess it is somewhat sad, my muse crawled out from under the window seal and she loves dark. lol..I tend to write dark when it's raining and drab outside. Thank you for the well done and up vote.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 23 months ago from Olympia, WA

You are a good storyteller. I like the simile of the black widow spider. Well done, Ruby.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 23 months ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

I've just seen a trailer on TV about children who kill. There are children who commite crime to shock, some actually become killers due to different needs or psychopathic urges. Apparently, the number of children who kill are increasing every year. What a sad reflection on our society. Neglect is child abuse, abuse comes in many guises. You did an excellent job with this piece of creative writing, well done. Up, interesting and awesome.


annart profile image

annart 23 months ago from SW England

Great story in so few words.

It's amazing how being ignored as a child can create so many problems. I can never understand how parents can treat their children that way, too absorbed in themselves.

You've wrapped up all the emotions in the spider's web and distributed your words in powerful verse. Wonderful!

Ann


itsmesudiksha profile image

itsmesudiksha 23 months ago from Nepal

your words are amazing. LOVED IT!!


DDE profile image

DDE 23 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

A beautifully written story and with such valuable thought


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 23 months ago from Wales

A wonderful story Ruby, clever and sadly all too often very true.

Great read !!!

Eddy.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 23 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Ruby - You always surprise me when you lower the dark veil. This is both creative and rhyming just like your title promised!


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 23 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

My first comment to you in 2015 and I must say what truth you managed to speak about in your poem. Well done to share these reminders that many people have chosen a hard path to follow on this planet.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Bill. I must admit that you taught me what a simile is, and I'm thrilled that you liked it. Thank you...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Jo, and thank you so much for adding your info on this sad fact. I saw this in action at Walmart, it was like the mother was deaf when her child needed direction. So happy you enjoyed...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Ann. Your comment brought a smile, thank you. I agree. Some people should avoid parenthood. They just arrested a woman and her husband for the murder of their baby, they starved the child. This happened in Evansville, In. just fifty miles from my home.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello itsmesudiksha. Nice to meet you. Thank you so much...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello DDE. It's always a pleasure seeing you on my hubs. Thank you..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Eddy. This piece tells the story of many children, sad but true. Thank you...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Mike. I'm afraid seeing neglect up close tends to make my veil completely cover my face in disgust, then of course I must write about it to get it off my chest. lol. Thrilled that you thought it was creative. Thank you so much....


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Nadine. You surely are correct. Many take the wrong turn in a road and never think about finding a better road to travel in this life journey. Thank you for a most compelling comment...


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 23 months ago from Shelton

a lost sheep caught up in the wicked world of darkness and despair.. poor guy.. attention is important, but less and less are given these days... dark little story... I loved it :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 23 months ago from Central Florida

Ruby, this is what can happen when parents don't take an active part in their children's lives. It's so sad.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Frank. I'm glad you liked my dark little story. Thank you...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Shauna. I agree. I think it's partly due to both parents having to work to make ends meet, it's not like it was when I had my son, I stayed home and the thought of working outside the home wasn't thought of. It is sad that a mother has to work, but still, I know women who do work and still take good care of their children. There are no excuses for neglect. Thank's so much..


Venkatachari M profile image

Venkatachari M 23 months ago from Hyderabad, India

Wow! It's so well written in a poetic rhythm. The story is factual in most cases. Lack of love and attention makes them adapt to such unhealthy and antisocial habits. They do not see that they ruining their own future. Parents should prevent such things by taking proper care of children from beginning.

Thank you for sharing such awesome creativity. Voted up and awesome.


radhikasree profile image

radhikasree 23 months ago from Mumbai,India

Your rhyming sense is superb in this story of the poor kid Jimmy. Voted up, beautiful and useful.

Sharing in Hubpages.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello VenKatachari. Thank you so much for coming by to read and comment.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello radhikasree. Thank you for a vote up. I appreciate you...


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 23 months ago from England

So true this story, I actually thought of someone when I read this, why can't parents see or help their children? voted up and shared, nell


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Nell. Reminds me of the old cliché, ' Children should be seen not heard. ' Thank's for sharing and coming by...


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 23 months ago from london

Life lessons here for sure. What do we do? Peace, my Sister.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello manatita. I guess parents should not be surprised when a child goes down a dark path when they neglected him when he was growing up. This is just a piece that popped in my head after hearing about so much abuse. I think neglect is more painful than physical abuse. Thank you. Peace my friend...


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 23 months ago from South Africa

Ruby, this is a brilliant piece of creative writing in rhyming fashion. I think you have a special talent for this kind of writing. Great story in rhyming fashion! Bravo!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Martie, thank you so much. I'm so glad you think it's a great story. I love to rhyme and tell a story that sends a message. Hugs..


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 23 months ago from Victoria, Australia

A great reminder of the responsibility of parents to care for their children's spiritual needs as well as their physical needs. I love the way you have expressed it.


B. Leekley profile image

B. Leekley 23 months ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

I think this could be the seed of a novel.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Blossom. So glad you enjoyed. Thank you so much...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 23 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hi B. Leekley. I love your comment. Thank you so much..


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 22 months ago

That was everything except funny Ruby. It has such meaning to cause chagrin for Mom and Dad and whether they should have listened more to little Jimmy. I voted it up, shared and Tweeted it.

Kevin


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 22 months ago from Minnesota

This narrative poem really pained me. I could feel Jimmy's sadness and pain of being neglected. Too many children suffer this way. Beautifully written my friend. Hit many buttons.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 22 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Kevin. I'm glad you liked this piece. It's a sad reality that some children are neglected. Thank you..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 22 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Linda. This happens to children from poor families but as my piece showed it happens in well to do families too. Thank you for hitting many buttons. Good to see you..

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