Sometimes Our Children Surprise Us

My brother came to be with my son the day after his dad died. My son's heart was on his sleeve and very vulnerable.
My brother came to be with my son the day after his dad died. My son's heart was on his sleeve and very vulnerable. | Source

My son wears his heart on his sleeve. Like mother, like son.

He’ll drop what he’s doing to help a friend in need. He’ll give his last $20 to someone who needs to get to an appointment but has no gas. He’ll take food to a friend who has nothing to eat.

He can make you laugh until your belly hurts and carry on an intelligent conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime.

He’ll blow up in a heartbeat if you piss him off or hurt someone he loves. Expletives explode from his mouth like rapid gunfire when he’s had a bad day. He’s his own yin and yang. He has a temper and a heart.

He also has a very deep mind.

My son, at age 21, on his way to work.
My son, at age 21, on his way to work. | Source

Wisdom resides in that mind

Christopher will be 22 in a few days and he still lives with me. Some of you might think that’s crazy, but I don’t mind. He has a job and works his butt off. Although I’ve been married (and divorced) twice, it’s been pretty much me and him for most of his life. Now that he’s an adult, we’re comfortable in each others company. We communicate on a different level. Frankly, it’s comforting having someone in the house at night. For now, our living arrangement suits us both just fine.

Anyway, back to his mind.

Not too long ago, Christopher came home for lunch and we had the opportunity for the rare verbal exchange. You see, I’m usually in bed by the time he gets home from work, so we don’t often get the opportunity to talk. Even if I’m working on these occasions, I take a break to spend some time with my son, however brief it may be.

I can’t even remember what we were talking about on this particular afternoon, but the conversation turned to black and white. It wasn’t a racial discussion but that of issues. You know – the black and white and gray areas of life.

Or so I thought.

Whatever it was we were talking about, my son piped up with, “It’s not all black and white, Mom.”

“You’re right. There’s always a gray area”, I responded.

I was so floored by the astute wisdom of his retort that I had him write it down so I could share it with you.

This is what came out of my baby’s mouth:

“There is no black and white! There is black or white then there is the middle. Take that path to success!”

It was at that moment that I realized the wisdom of my son’s words and the depths of his mind.

Christopher in early JROTC. Is this when he discovered the "middle"?
Christopher in early JROTC. Is this when he discovered the "middle"? | Source

Let's dissect that statement

Substitute the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘left’ and ‘right’ for black and white. It doesn’t matter which color you assign them.

Now think. Rarely do we find a situation right and wrong – at least not as far as your own person is concerned. Same with yes and no, left and right. Our outlook is one or the other – not both. What’s in between black and white, yes and no, right and wrong is the path we choose to take in life. We don’t give in to one side or the other. We create the road to our destiny. We travel that road knowing it’ll get us to where we want to go because we paved it; not the loud nay-sayers and not the complacent followers.

We each have a vision and we pave the way, not letting anything get in the way. Sure, there will be twists and bends in the road. There’ll be pot holes and debris in the way. But as long as we focus on that middle – our self-designed path – we will succeed.

Another perspective

Now let’s look at it another way. What is black and white? We all learned in science class that black is devoid of light. White is the absence of color. Philosophically, we may conclude that neither black nor white provides a guiding force because they both lack something in order to be viable. With that in mind, creating a middle between the two affords us a guiding force with which to help us achieve our goals. Otherwise, we wander aimlessly in the dark. Both black and white are created by an absence of a key ingredient: light or color.

Blend black and white and you come up with gray. Now it shows on the color spectrum. Gray is not the result of absence, but the blending of two voids that result in viability, much the same as two negatives make a positive in the world of mathematics. So, take that gray and create a concrete path that you can see and focus upon as the path to success.

I read to my son every day since the day he was born. Why does he not share my love of the written word?
I read to my son every day since the day he was born. Why does he not share my love of the written word? | Source
My accounting skills brought home the bacon
My accounting skills brought home the bacon | Source

What we instill in our children has an effect

It’s no secret that children mimic what they see and hear. For that reason alone, parenting is a hard job. It’s been documented that children are emotionally developed by the time they reach the age of five. They are little sponges, absorbing a lifetime of circuitry before they even hit kindergarten. Being a parent is the most important role any human being will ever take on.

How much of us are in our children? Sure, they may have the same eye color, hair color; even adopt many of our mannerisms. My son and I share many traits. We both speak up for ourselves. We both have tempers. We’re both loving people. We love animals, good food, good music, and good conversation. We both talk with our hands. (I can still hear my mother: “Shauna Lynn, if you didn’t have hands you wouldn’t be able to talk!”) We can both be argumentative. (“Shauna Lynn, you’d argue with a signboard if you painted it yourself!”)

We also have differences. I love to read. Christopher couldn’t be bothered. I keep a neat and tidy house. His room’s a pigsty. I’m never late for anything; in fact, I always arrive early. He’s late for everything. I keep a budget. He fails miserably in that aspect. (How is that even possible? I spent over 25 years in the accounting field!)

Yet, he has seen me keep our household afloat all of his life. Even when I had a husband, I was the one who brought home the bacon and fried it up, too. Is that where he’s discovered the middle road between black and white? The road to destiny? The road to dreams? Does he see me now struggling as a freelance writer and applaud me for finding that middle? Is that what has led to his inner thoughts regarding who he wants to be and what it’ll take to get there?

I’d like to think so, but I don’t think I can take the credit.

Look at all the kids whot grow up in shelters or with addicted parents or those who don’t take an active part in their kids’ lives. Those kids either follow suit or go in the opposite direction.

That tells me that our children have minds of their own. A part of who they are meant to be that we have no control over. A part of them that was theirs without – or in spite of – our help. We are each gifted with strength from the day we are conceived. Divine intervention? Perhaps. We parents who take our jobs seriously do the best we can.

What I’ve just discovered is we nurture what is already there. Our precious children are born as Gifts from God who already possess gifts of their own. They have something to offer no matter what part we play in their development. We do our best to give them a good start, but it’s really been pre-destined. We love them, guide them, cry with or because of them, share in their joys, punish them for misdeeds, put our dreams on hold to give them the attention they need…

And then – much to our delight - sometimes our children surprise us! We come to a point when we learn from each other. That makes the parent/child cycle complete and brings us to a new realm to discover.

To Christopher: I love you, my son. I welcome this next phase of our life journey.


How about you? Have your children surprised you? Have you learned something from them? Please share your story in the comments section below.

God Bless you and all the children of the world.

Peace,

Bravewarrior



Shauna L Bowling

Refining, Defining or Rhyming

All Rights Reserved

© 2014 Shauna L Bowling

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Comments 73 comments

rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Thanks for sharing this, Shauna. Sounds like you have a relationship with your son much like I do...except he finally moved out..LOL.


prey profile image

prey 2 years ago from places you should hope we never meet

Happy Birthday Christopher, I love how pure and honest you are. An angelic soul that can make your mom laugh, I saw it on Skype. She is very proud of you and there isn’t a reason in the world she shouldn’t be. You are a pair of royalty in honesty, rare to find nowadays. Never change. But I doubt you would. Hugs, kimberly


RachaelOhalloran profile image

RachaelOhalloran 2 years ago from United States

Hi Shauna,

Write moments like these down! Don't you just love when you get to have those kinds of conversations with your son? I know I do.

My children surprised me all the time when they were growing up and now that all but one are all grown with families of their own, it is interesting to watch them interacting with their own families with the things they say to their children, the reasons they give them for why they can or can't do something or why they should or shouldn't do something. I marvel at their wisdom, I marvel at their parenting.

Somewhere between the time they left my home and married, and the time they had children of their own, they picked up all that wisdom and knowledge to be able to spout out plausible answers to their childrens' questions.

When did that happen? Was I asleep for a few years and missed it? How did they get so much experience without having experienced it?

I can only deduce that all those years of living with us when our family was going through similar experiences, that they soaked it all up like the sponges they are. Whatever wisdom they gained along the way obviously rubbed off from us - that's not too proud of me to say, now is it?! lol.

You have a fine looking son, and at 22 he is a man. Happy Birthday to Christopher!

At the risk of sounding like an older sister or possibly your mother, be prepared for many more "moments" like these because as our children "sponge up" what they learn while out in the world, they bring it home to us and use it like "applied science."

Once innocent conversations become substantial conversations with depth.

The "what do you think, Mom?" questions become "You know what I think, Mom?" And those moments are pure gold.

I love to ask their opinion - whether I actually need it or not. Sometimes I just want to hear how they would handle something - usually to reassure myself they are doing ok.

That's a real nice feeling when I hear the wisdom and knowledge spout out of their mouths, and I'm glad they picked it up with experience - whether it was from their time with us, or from the time they left us to go out on their own.

Rachael


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Rebecca, even tho I sometimes - hell, often - tell my son he needs to move out, I'll regret the day. I don't have a husband to enjoy an empty nest with. I'll just have an empty nest. Guess I'll have to concentrate more on my "middle".


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Kimberly, at first I was defensive of your remark about seeing Christopher on Skype. Then I realized I put him into our conversation. I didn't recognize you as 'prey', but I know who you are and I love you. If that wasn't true, I would not have made it a point to have Christopher connect during our conversation.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Rachael, I chuckled with recognition, love and fear, all thru your comment. I'm telling you, I could have written beaucoup hubs about my son's mis-directions and how he says I don't know what I'm talking about (as if I don't have 35 years life experience over him!). But there comes that time that it all clicks. The hard time spent pay off.

My son was ADHD and suffered from conduct disorder for most of his life. I dealt with it - and for the most part, alone. I fought for him. I was his Army. To hear my son make the remark he did that stopped me in my tracks, tells me we won the battle. Love overcame.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Well, this is a bit longer than 1oo-words, dear Sha but filled with so many memories and treasures and the wisdom that Christopher has taught us all in his perspective.

I have taken this very personally in a situation I am currently dealing with and it has been a wonderful reminder to me...

so, 'Happy Birthday', Christopher...and 'Thank You' as well...you have raised your baby so well, Sha! Love u both, Maria


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

You done a good job raising that baby boy, Sha, although I'm sure you'll say it was more his doing than yours. He is a bright, inquisitive, compassionate and empathetic human being...in other words, a rarity. Beautiful message here my friend.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Maria, I thought of the 100 word stories you and I are working on when I wrote this. There's no way in hell I could have broken the revelation I gained through my son's insight in to 100 words. It's taken him his lifetime to date to gain that wisdom. I may not earn much from this post and I won't win $100 from RD posting it, but I get to share an important message. You can't put a price tag on that.

I will relay your birthday message to Christopher. He knows who you are and how important you are to my life.

I love you dear Maria!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Bill, he was a hard road, I must admit. Battling ADHD, Conduct Disorder, and separation anxiety made my life as a single mom extremely difficult. But I love my son. Only I could help him and me through his struggles. I persevered and let him know he always had a rock - me. And now that he's made it through, sometimes he's my rock. It's nice to no longer have detriments to the normal struggles of life. He's learned. I've learned. We are moving on and enjoying the scenery along the way!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Sha.....My friend, my sister-in-motherhood......This is an exquisite read..and for me, so emotional. My eyes were filled with tears at the beauty of what you have generously shared.

Mother of 4 sons whom I raised alone for the greater majority of their lives.....I cannot express how deeply your story has touched me.

I have so often commented that I believe with all my heart that my sons and I "raised one another." I truly wonder how I became so very blessed, but as wonderful men with their own families now.....I breathe sighs of gratitude and pride. My heart literally sings when I see them in their lives as husbands, Dads and productive members of Society.

It's a long hard tow that we pulled through so willingly because of the unconditional love of a mother .

Did I always know it would come to this happy, comfortable place? Not a chance in Hell....but with hard work, faith HOPE and huge amounts of LOVE.....I never stopped believing for one second.

You can be so proud....as I'm sure you are and Christopher is the end result of you gave and did and learned along the way as his Mother....

I send you both.....hugs and smiles...."Happy Birthday, Christopher."

Up ++++


Trisha Roberts profile image

Trisha Roberts 2 years ago from Rensselaer, New York

Such a beautiful story. You have every right to be proud of your son, he sounds like a very bright fellow with lots of wisdom. :)

You know my son is Autistic as you read a few of my hubs but he did recently say something that caught me off guard. He put 2 words together yesterday. He said "chicken nuggets" and I almost cried lol. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful story. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

What an inspiring writing, dear Shauna. You have every reason to be proud of Christopher and to love him dearly - as he has reason, for you.

You've been a staunch team through what must have been very challenging circumstances. Some of it mightn't have been what one would hope for, but the truth is, doing it together as a team, *(nd at times, I'm sure, from his youthful perspective, perhaps he sometimes reacted more negatively) - through it and having the example of his loving, diligent mother, he learned what it takes to live well and successfully, in the deepest sense. You're wonderful!


Ghost32 2 years ago

Food for thought...on reflection, I'd say there are a lot of my inner attitudes that really are either black or white, but my words and actions that are put out for public consumption contain more shades of gray as a survival tactic.

I don't have much to draw from when it comes to my own offspring, primarily because they've been estranged from me for many decades. But I can look at it from the child's perspective to some degree. My late mother said a few things about me over the years that were remarkable in their own way. Examples:

1. Mom was deeply upset every time I divorced (all 6 times). After my second split from Carolyn (100% amicable), she stated, "If you keep this up, you'll end up growing old alone!" She pecked and she hammered. I got tired of it and asked Carolyn for help. Carolyn wrote Mom, saying in part that she had "...learned a lot from Fred." After which my mother remarked to me, "I don't know WHAT she could have learned from YOU!"

The remark didn't sting all that much; mostly, I had to be careful to keep from falling on the floor laughing.

2. On the other hand, after Pam and I (due to having no phone at the time) missed my Dad's funeral, we visited Mom and I got out my guitar, singing for her the song I'd written for my father titled The Twinkle in His Eye. When I was done, she said she found it remarkable how well I'd understood him (Dad), MUCH better than his brother--who'd done the eulogy at the funeral and missed the mark by a mile.

All in all, your Hub reminds me of the famous passage from Kalil Gibran in The Prophet:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 2 years ago from United States

You certainly have a son to be proud of, and we work to hard to raise them right. I know if feels wonderful to watch him mature, with wisdom. This is an awesome up. UP! UP! UP!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Paula, I can't imagine raising 4 boys on my own. One was a handful! Kudos to you, my friend. But we do what we can, right? A mother's love really does take over and gets us through anything that comes our way.

Thanx for sharing your story. You're amazing!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Trisha, what a breakthrough for your son! You must have been so proud. Did you get him some chicken nuggets?


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Nellieanna, it took love and perseverance, but we made it through unscathed. Looking back, it was a rough journey, but oh so worth it! I'm very proud of the young man he is today. Thank you for your kind words.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Ghost, I love that passage. Thank you for sharing. It's just beautiful and so true!

I'm sorry you weren't able to make your dad's funeral. That must have been very hard for you. I know your mom is resting in peace knowing that you and Pam have each other. It may have taken you a while, but you found the one you were meant to spend the rest of your life with.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Pamela, it's very satisfying seeing who my son is today. I can't take all the credit; he worked pretty hard too, whether he realizes it or not!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Great hub Shauna. Always good to hear a personal story and you can be proud of your son. I have three sons and one daughter and proud of them all in different ways. I have learnt heeps from all of them. They constantly surprise me. Voted up.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

John, it's nice to learn from our children, isn't it? I remember the days when my son was a teenager and constantly told me I didn't know anything that wasn't outdated. Remember the stage when our kids thought they knew everything and we knew nothing? LOL


Suzie HQ profile image

Suzie HQ 2 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

Hi Shauna, what a wonderfully written account of your son and the relationship you both have. As always you have such a gift of portraying the feelings and emotions just right. Thanks so much for sharing this part of your special relationship with Christopher. Lovely to be back to reading your work my friend. Up +++++++


Barbara cook 2 years ago

After raising 10 children, my Mother said , "I didn't raise you---you just grew up". (Took her off the hook)! But she truly did raise us, sometimes quoting maxims and sometimes with the silence of her piercing blue eyes. Much more effective than a loud voice. My Dad would look at me and say "you ought not to have done that". At his expression of dismay, I didn't repeat the offense. Much more effective than a raised hand! They learned parenting as the years went by. They always let us choose our calling saying "whatever you decide to do or be--just be the best you can be". So, we found our middle of the road shade of grey to let us be OUR best. They were proud and fascinated by the 10 different

personalities. Their system seemed to have worked.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Suzie, it is SO good to see you! How are you my friend? You've been missed. Thanx for your sweet comment. I hope you're back for good!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Mom, you have me chuckling. I can just hear Granddaddy saying that to you. I wish a look or an expression of dismay worked when I was raising Christopher. I guess he was just too rebellious - like me. I have a friend who could do the same thing with her children. All it took was a look and they'd stop misbehaving. I guess we all have our own way.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

I love it when a hubber friend shares photos and their life stories. Your pride shines through brilliantly for Christopher. I am very proud of my son Jackie. He's in his second marriage, the first one ended in a divorce. They had two children, Lisa and Jack Jr. He raised them both. He was lucky to meet the true love of his life when the kids were six and eight. She was unable to have children so she wrapped them in her arms and never let go. Her name is Janie and i love her too. My deceased husband had two dealerships and Jackie always worked in the parts dept. He is disabled now after having three back surgeries. Janie works at The Jonesboro hospital in admissions. They are a happy family. I'm happy to report that they are coming today to spend the 4th with me. I like to believe that i instilled a sense of love for others in my son. He would do anything to help anyone in need. We are worlds apart on politics. He is no red dog democrit as he calls me. Ha Thank's again for sharing..


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Ruby, it sounds like you did a fabulous job of raising your son. I'm so happy he found a good woman like Janie. I'm sure your grandchildren are, too. It's wonderful that they're coming to spend the 4th with you. My son will be working tomorrow and will probably miss fireworks. He works for a car dealership and puts in some hellacious hours.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

A great hub Shauna and you are so right to be proud. A wonderful hub on my first day back and lots of love from Wales.

Eddy.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Eddy, it's great to see you back. How are you liking your new home?


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

This was a great hub, Sha. I enjoyed your reflections on your son and your photos. Thank you for taking the time to share thoughts of your family life that we can all connect with.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Flourish, I'm glad you connected. I read this article to my son before I posted it. I wanted him to know how proud I am and how much I appreciate him. I tell him all the time, but somehow, knowing I'm sharing my feelings with the world may help it sink in.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

I am not at all surprised that you and your son live together. It's quite natural these days...at least it is in Orlando :) as long as they are paying their share, such as the case with my daughter, SIL and my two granddaughters...we all share a home and I learn something from my daughters and grandkids every day. And they learn from me...hopefully only the good things! :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Linda, we do what we feel is right as parents. I left home when I was 18. I couldn't wait to get out on my own. It doesn't bother me in the least that my son's in no hurry.


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

What a great boy you have, and clearly a very strong bond. It was interesting to meet your boy and hear a little bit about your life.

It sounds like your son has a lot of insight and wisdom for his age and I would be as proud as you are, if my children turn out as well, when they are grown.

I bet you are a formidable team when you are together and not much can stand in your way. :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Anna, the ironic thing is, we butt heads all the time. And it's because of our individual strengths. Most of our arguments are over him giving so much, he can't make ends meet. I admire his will to give, but sometimes I don't agree with the sacrifices he makes. Perhaps he's a better person than I.


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

You are just older and wiser; because as people go you are a damn fine one. Every word you write on here is open and honest, there is no façade and you only ever speak with decency and courage.

That beautiful. insightful boy of yours had a good role model.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Wow, Anna! No one has ever given me such high praise as you. I'm blessed to know that I have made that kind of a mark on this Earth and that I've been given the chance to pass it on.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

You have done a wonderful job raising your son to be a man of good character. Yes, my child has surprised me with his wisdom and view of life. I believe I have learned a few things from him in return.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Dianna, it sounds like you've done a good job of raising your son. Isn't it awesome when we discover new things about our children?


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Dianna, it sounds like you've done a good job of raising your son. Isn't it awesome when we discover new things about our children?


epigramman profile image

epigramman 2 years ago

I can see Christopher's eyes in yours, my dear Shauna, and he is such a fine looking young man too. Naturally this tribute, if you will, moved and touched me very much as my best friend was my mum (also my dad) and after my dad died from cancer in 1992 (we were a small family of only three) I moved in with my mum and looked after her for 12 years until she died in 2004. It was the best thing I ever did in my wife and I have no regrets. Now I live on my own with no family in this world other than my two cats of course and select friends like you Shauna.

Thank you for showing us what love is all about through the laughter and the tears .....Colin and his cats Tiffy and Gabriel at Canada time 10:13am on this Monday in July


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Epi, what a nice surprise to see you here! I didn't know that about your mom and dad. I'm sure your mom found your presence very comforting. Christopher's an only child too. He lost his dad when he was 15. Fortunately, he has a large extended family, but as for ours - it's just me and him and our 3 cats.


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 2 years ago from Central Virginia

Shauna, what a beautiful hub. You must be so proud of your Christopher. I love that your conversation turned to "black" and "white". We so easily fall into the trap of thinking our way is the only way; that we are right and everyone else is wrong. Our opinions could so easily be different if we were standing in the shoes of someone in different circumstance. Personally, I think the bonus here is that you stopped what you were doing to converse with your son. That element is missing in so many homes today. Christopher, and kids his age are our future care-givers and leaders. They are the most important resource we have. Thank God for mothers like you who have instilled real values in your child but have given hm wings to fly too. Voted up and awesome.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Linda, I try to let Christopher be who he is and to discover who he is to become. I gave him the foundation, but needed him to feel free to discover himself. There comes a time when a parent has to lift the thumb from on top of their kids' heads and give them some freedom. Bad relationships come from hindrance. I didn't want that to happen to us. Kids need to be respected as people with minds, ideals, dreams, and aspirations. I'm not saying let them go when they're 10, but the time to start letting them discover who they are is when they're in their late teens. That's the road I took with Christopher anyway. I think it worked out just fine. Ask me again in 20 years. If he's still living with me, we both missed the mark! ha ha


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 2 years ago from Central Virginia

Uf he;s still living with you in 20 years it will probably include a daughter-i-law and a bunch of grandchildren all there to look after you. And that...is not failure.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hopefully they will have bought me a bigger house if that's the case. If not, expect more frequent meetings at the Witch's Tower!


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

He sounds like a deep thinker and quite perceptive, like his mother. It's so nice to see the way children grow and come into their own. Thanks for sharing this beautiful insight into your son.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Peg, he is a deep thinker. He doesn't often reveal his feelings to me so when we have conversations such as prompted this hub, I'm thrilled.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

What a beautiful hub here, Sha! Thank you for sharing all about your precious Gift from God. Oh, your amazing son sounds just like mine. He has a heart of love for the downtrodden and understands and, yes, a bit of a temper when he is not feeling well.

I have learned much from my children, and even grandchildren at their young ages. I am always surprised when they show me that they had actually listened to something I said. One time, when my son was in his early teens and into skateboarding. One day he came home with a "friend" ... a local musician who was popular with the younger people. All my son said to me was, "Hi mom, this is so and so and he is hungry." It caught me off guard for just a moment, but then I realized he had actually listened to me over the years when I told him that if someone is hungry and you have some food to offer them, then you should ... same as with being thirsty, etc. I said, "Well, I have not fixed supper yet, but he is welcome to whatever we have in the fridge." The young man said thank you and he scarfed down leftover cold tortellini and then left. I never saw him again.

My son is now 26 and I try to have lunch with him once a week, as we both work in the same city ... until last week when he changed jobs. I will miss that once a week lunch date with my son. He is a deep thinker too and great daddy to his three children.

Voted up ++++ and away

God bless you and your wonderful son.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Faith, you certainly have taught your children valuable lessons. You must be so proud to see them put into action.

I know you'll miss your weekly lunches, but you'll always have the memories of those times. New memories are yet to come.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.


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Radcliff 2 years ago from Hudson, FL

Your son has wisdom beyond his years. I saw things in black and white when I was young, but my views have changed dramatically over time. My daughter is only four, but her creativity and thought processes blow me away. Thanks for sharing!


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Liz, I'll bet your daughter is a lot of fun. We can learn so much from our kids. Just don't let them know that during their teen years when they think they know everything and we know nothing! :-)


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mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Shauna. It is wonderful that you show such pride and love for your son. That pride means the world to him.


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago

This was really a heart warming read. I have an only son and gladly he is an intelligent, kind person. It great how eventually the wheel turns and we ask for their advice and opinions. Thank you for sharing and richest blessings to you all.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

I certainly hope so, Mike. Honestly, sometimes I could wring his neck, but I think that's just part of the relationship. I love him with all my heart.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Shelley, Christopher is my only child, also. Aren't we blessed to have such wonderful sons? Thank you for stopping by. It's much appreciated!


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imtii 2 years ago from Dhaka, Bangladesh

A very nice and unique article. I really enjoyed reading it. I am too young to get surprised by my children but i don't remember when I surprised my parents. Giving you a up vote BraveWarrior ! ;D


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for stopping by, Imtii. You're day will come. Our children surprise us all the time - sometimes pleasantly so!


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midget38 2 years ago from Singapore

I like the idea of success being gray! There is no black and white, set formula. On the grey, of shade suitable for oneself.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Michelle, I thought that was very astute of my son. Thought provoking, if nothing else. Thanx for stopping by.


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btrbell 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Hi Shauna! Loved this. I also have a son ( almost 25) he just moved out this year and comes home often. His 21 year old sister and her baby live with me, too. In this economy it makes more sense to live together. I also worry s little about what will happen to me when she leaves. The perils of being a parent!

, My son matches to the beat of a different drummer and it sounds like Christopher does, too! Thank you for sharing this and a belated happy birthday to Christopher.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Randi, I wonder how old Christopher will be when he moves out? LOL For now, I have no problem with him still living at home.

Thanx for checking this out and leaving your comment. It sounds like life is just the way it should be.


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Brite-Ideas 2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Lovely to read about your son. He sounds similar to my 2nd son and they may be around the same age (22) - He's very astute to say 'there's black and white and then the middle' (LOVE THAT) - Have to say, I completely agree with him. Smart boy! - I have 4 sons, and they keep me hopping they sure do surprise me. They are the light in my life, they give me hope and when I'm having a bad day, and walk in this house to a hug from one of my sons, then I know why I'm alive. Beautiful page by the way, really enjoyed it.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Barbara, I feel the same way. When my son hugs me out of the blue or tells me he loves me, well - let's just say that's what life's all about.

I thought his black and white statement was quite astute also. That's what prompted this article.

Thanx for stopping by. It's good to have you here.


CrisSp profile image

CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

I can very much relate except that I have a daughter and like you, I am one proud mama. Way to go Sha and this is a delightful read.

Love from the sky~


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Cris, I believe girls are stronger than boys. For some reason boys are continuously coddled by their mothers. That's been my experience with my brother and I see me doing it with my son. Nevertheless, I'm proud that my son has a mind of his own.

I left home when I was 18. I was a total rebel. I'm proud that my son didn't flee from home as soon as he was legally able to do so. Mind you, my parents are awesome. I just felt the need to be on my own. I hope my son feels that before he bestows grandchildren on me! LOL


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klidstone1970 2 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

Our children are cut from the same cloth. Your pride for your son clearly shines through. You should pat yourself on the back. His maturity and insight is because of you. There is no better compliment than that. You did it, Shauna! Because of you, Christopher is a wonderful young man.


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bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Kim, your words are shining through my soul. Thank you so much. I'm very proud of my son. We've had a hard way to go, but we made it!


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Nell Rose 19 months ago from England

Wonderful hub, I thought I had already left a comment, must have disappeared somewhere in the great ether that is the internet! lol! either way, voted up and shared, nell


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bravewarrior 19 months ago from Central Florida Author

Nell, I'm glad you came back to check. Sometimes our comments disappear and other times they're marked as spam. Nevertheless, I'm happy you enjoyed this.


aesta1 profile image

aesta1 11 months ago from Ontario, Canada

It really is a surprise to us how our children will turn out. They have their own gifts and we better enjoy and celebrate it. You have done this and it is a joy.


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bravewarrior 11 months ago from Central Florida Author

Aesta1, my son disappoints me from time to time, but it's moments like the one I describe in this post that make up for it.

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