Hello, my name is Sonia. I live with a very interesting group of people. Even though we no longer live together under one roof, we tend to invade each other's personal space on a regular basis. I've kept this journal of cartoons that tells about our family life from my perspective.
This is my family. My dad (who's always telling me to get good grades), my mom (who get's annoyed at my sounds), my brother, Vernon (who thinks he knows everything), my sister, Sarah (the goddess), and my brother, Matthew (he's afraid of everything, especially spiders and me).
Dad's School Incentive
My dad has always told me, "Do well in school Sonia. You don't want to end up working at MacDonald's do you?" With this last progress report, MacDonald's is looking pretty good. Dad decided to try and light a fire under me with the promise of money, since he knew how attached I was to the green stuff. He offered $300 if I could bring in a 3.0 by semester's end. I got so close. I had a 2.8 a few weeks before the end of the semester, then life took over and I ended up with a 1.17, no money, and dad ended up in therapy.
The Milk Incident
We don't need a dog or a cat in this family, we need a cow! Matthew drinks a gallon all by himself. Don't bother with a glass, just take the top off the jug, stick a straw in it and give it to him. It wouldn't be so bad except if you're unfortunate enough to get up after him, you won't have any milk for your cereal. I heard him in the kitchen the other morning and I knew what he was doing. I begged and begged from my room for him not to drink all the milk. It did no good. He just freaked, yelled back at me, and drank it anyway!
Adults Are Always Right
Have you ever noticed how adults can't handle being proven wrong by a kid? They must be right at all costs. They don't think anything about using blackmail to get you to admit they're right. You risk being grounded and never seeing the light of day again if you decide to question an adult's statement, opinion, belief, or action, rather than just agreeing with it. And as much as I love her, my mom's still an adult.
Royalty Dos And Don'ts
Sarah is a royal. No, really, she is. Her name means princess and that's good enough for her, nevermind the whole bloodline requirement thing. I'm always on the carpet with HRH for mishandling her royal supplies such as shampoo, makeup, etc. And I'm still trying to get my curtsy down. I always thought the baby of the family was the one everyone worshiped and adored--silly me!
Older Brother Misconceptions
Ahhhh...the older brother, the hero, the one to look up to... The lies they tell you when you are young and gullible. I can think of some better, more accurate terms like troublemaker, bully, and all-around menace. "You're not the boss of me!" became my battle cry with Vernon. It's a wonder I'm not a nervous wreck behind all of the stupid stuff he used to do. He's the only one who's logged at least as much, if not more, mirror time than Sarah!
What Did You Just Say To Me?
My mom is 'old school', with southern roots when it comes to respect. She says that there is no such thing as 'time-out' in the Bible, and God made those little round padded bottoms for a reason. My mom's pretty easy going but start mouthing off or talking back, and you're going to bring out a whole 'nother side of mom you're gonna wish you hadn't. And she's not afraid of us calling CPS either. In fact, my mom says she will go to the phone and call them herself and turn herself in. I believe her.
I Don't Know You...
Everyone wants to belong and be accepted, right? Not if it's this group! I seriously want to become invisible when they are around. Get me out of high school!!!
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