Summer's Dream

Wishes

I walk tall, and proud along the golden sand,

and feel the cool waves above my feet,

You are there to see me through,

what has been a life of sadness, a life incomplete.

If only I knew how to look, were to start,

we could make up for all those years apart.

Tears that have been shed, cries out loud,

Dad why did you never love me? mum was too proud.

Mum said you left the day I was born,

she cried and wept her heart was torn.

I understand that you had a life, a family precious to you,

but why did you leave me, I have no clue?

I have tried so hard to understand,

I respect your privacy on one hand,

but on the other I am nameless, scared and have never forgotten you,

I only saw your face in a locket, with a strand of ginger hair,

so glorious and vibrant like I imagined you.

My nosiness only brought me heartache,

and a beating with a stick to make me black and blue.

Was I not beautiful, was I not vulnerable, did I not look like you,

Daddy even then I knew the smell of your touch.

Years have passed and great love I have know,

but my life has been empty, and many times alone.

The wind is blowing my hair on the dunes of life,

salt spray from the ocean so blue, reminds me that no where abounds,

is that loving sight of you.

No open arms to hold me high, no Christmas cards, or presents to hide,

I am a mother and a nana now, but all I ever wanted

was to hear those precious words,

loving daughter I am so proud of you.

The chances are that you have passed on,

and now in god my faith has gone,

I do not have a grave to grieve, daddy why did you ever leave?

Summer dreams are all I have,

sometimes I think I can hear your voice, a hand brushing my hair

and a kind face to share all my fears, all my tears. 

The sunlight kisses my cheeks, and I wish it was your finger tips.

My dad Stan, replaced you, the daddy that I never knew.

One day we will meet in that summers sky,

and the first thing I will ask you is why?

Five score years and four have passed,

I wont waste more time thinking of you, you are in my past.

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Comments 11 comments

sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago

Deep longing there, I may not comprehend it fully but I like the way you ended the poem. I won't waste time thinking of you, you are in the past, sometimes it is really not worth going over and over the past, the past is better felt alone. Beautifully said.


dallaswriter profile image

dallaswriter 5 years ago from North Carolina

Well Bluestar again we find common ground, though mine was a mother who left when I was 2 months old. HOWEVER, God sent another woman into my dads life who loved me so very well. The poem, Comes the Dawn, helped me deal with the loss of the mother who raised me and the absence of the one that gave birth to me. You certainly are one of those precious pieces of pottery that are rare and priceless.... his loss for sure:)


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well I was blessed with two wonderful parents (my two best friends) and although I live in this world now with no family anywhere I had good memories and no regrets - so naturally this poetic remembrance by you makes me feel very sad and desolate - and I just want to reach through this computer screen and give you a great big hug!


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Hi Sharyn, I have to say that having no birth father has left a lot of happiness out of my life, but also thanks to my writing, I am slowly coming to terms with my life. I feel so much more positive than I ever used to, and hopefully one day I can walk away from all of this a much better person than the one I am now. x


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Hi Blue,

I could not begin to understand the loss that you may feel not having your Dad in your life. Thank you for sharing this huge part of you!

Sharyn


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Hello b. my friend how are you keeping? Thank you so much for your lovely comments again. I can always count on you to be so positive and encouraging. You are a special lady. x


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Sometimes it is so hard to give up one's past...small memories can mean a lot...What a truly Beautiful, Heartfelt walk Bluestar.. Who know's why a parent does, what he or she does in the name of LOVE? It's so easy to say, Let it go...and it sounds like you are ready to do that. Stan, was the one who was always there for you. LOL.


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

attemptedhumour, thank you for your lovely comment. Yes my poetic story is very true, and is probably the hardest of my lifes little hiccups to come to terms with. Brain dead surely not? I find if I just sit and write nonsense something will come to me eventually, if you would like too, read my hub Dribble but nothing to do with football. That was written in one of my brain dead moments. Hope that cloud overhead clears very soon and looking forward to you being back on form.x


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland Author

Hey girlfriend, how are you today? Yes I am afraid it is true, the man I call my dad is Stan who was my godfather, such a very special man he was too and I loved him dearly. My birth father I have never me. Thank you so much for your comment, bless you x


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

A sad tale of longing. Things from the heart are always more powerful. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be in your situation, presuming it's true of course. I'll be back in the UK this Nov' for my dads 90th birthday. Your poem is well written. It's 11-15 here in melbourne and i'm brain dead so Cheers


MysteriousOne profile image

MysteriousOne 5 years ago

Good morning,blue...this is a most beautiful and heartfelt write! It truly is sad,if true.Great job,either way!

Kudos to you,blue!

Have a great day!

M.O.

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